31. Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-One
Simeon
I glanced nervously at Marnie.
After a moment, she held out her hand.
Although I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, I took the proffered comfort.
Ryan had wanted me in the room during the interview.
Jake’s producer had suggested it would dilute the focus of the interview to have me present, and asked if Ryan could possibly do it just one-on-one. And of course, Ryan wanted to do the best job possible, so he’d said yes.
I’d just been so stunned that Ryan had asked me that I hadn’t had the ability to form a coherent argument one way or the other.
In the end, we’d trusted the professionals. I had to believe Jake would take care of Ryan. I knew, without an iota of a doubt, that I’d be here for Ryan when he came out. Whether I’d be enough was an entirely different question.
“Jake’s the best, Simeon.” Marnie gazed at me with those stunning green eyes. “And if it’s not working, he’ll call it off.”
“Ryan’s f-father found out.”
She squeezed my hand. “Ouch. My dad didn’t find out until after I’d done the interview. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission?”
“D-did that work?”
She blinked a couple of times. “He said he was proud of me. And that he understood why I’d done what I’d done. I pretended I did it for myself, but I was also protecting someone else.” She smiled a little shyly. “Easier to step out of my comfort zone when someone else’s safety and well-being is on the line.”
I believed her. I never would have chosen to be in a news bureau. Not in a million years. But for Ryan? I’d do just about anything for him. I’d even worn a button-down shirt and a nice pair of slacks in case he wanted to go out for dinner. I could smile now because he’d worn a Henley and jeans. A Henley in sky blue. That matched his eyes. I hadn’t said that, though. He’d been too nervous. So I’d driven us, with eighties hair bands singing their…screechy tunes.
Ryan claimed I could pick the tunes on the ride home. Would he really want my Taylor Swift? I guess I was about to find out…
“How are you holding up?”
I met Marnie’s gaze. “F-fine.”
“It’s a lot, you know. Jake tries to tell me it’s okay. That he’s fine with…everything. But he knows what I went through and that eats at him. I mean, he didn’t know me back then, of course. I was just a child. But he’s still angry at the man who…” She winced. “Just like he’s angry at the man who hurt his niece.”
Another rabbit hole I’d gone down. Ryan had shared Marnie’s interview with the press from several years back. That had led to us doing some research about her and Jake’s niece. My gut churned every time I thought about what they’d gone through. About how there were monsters in the world.
Ryan had faced his own monsters. Only they’d been soldiers doing what they were told to do. He felt that made them less culpable than if they’d been outright perpetrators. Then he’d recounted some of the stories he’d heard. About the war crimes. And I’d sat back in horror and listened to some of the most gruesome stories. Stuff that hadn’t made the news.
And I understood his desire for vengeance on behalf of those who’d died or been maimed.
War made no sense. But when one side chose to be the aggressor, social niceties kind of went out the window.
The door to the studio opened.
Marnie gave my hand one last squeeze.
I rose.
Ryan stepped out.
He looked…beautiful. As he always did. He also looked…wrecked. As he sometimes did when he thought I wasn’t looking.
I held open my arms.
He fell into them.
Marnie patted his biceps and then moved toward Jake. They headed down the hall a bit.
Ryan shook.
I grasped him tight.
“I did it.”
“Y-yeah, you did. I’m so p-proud of you.”
He let out a watery laugh. “You didn’t see.” While staying in my embrace, he pulled back so our gazes met.
“I d-didn’t have to. You’re h-here. That’s brave. The r-rest is just icing on the cake.” God, was that the right thing to say? It sounded so lame.
“Can we go? Jake said he didn’t need me anymore.”
“Of c-course. Do you want to go for l-lunch?” We were barely at noon. The parade, if we decided to go, wasn’t until after six.
“There’s a pub. Across the street. Do you think we could go there?”
“Of c-course.” Great. Lame. I just didn’t know what to say.
He pulled back, wiped his cheeks, then grasped my hand.
Jake stepped toward us with Marnie by his side. “You okay?”
Ryan nodded. “Yeah. Better than I thought. I’m going to talk to Justin next week. I thought I might need to talk to him today…but I sort of feel okay…?” He laughed. A little grating. “We’ll see what my father has to say.”
“He might surprise you.” Marnie caught my gaze before looking at Ryan. “My father came around. We have a stronger relationship.”
Another bitter laugh. “I’m not holding out much hope.”
Jake nodded. “He got wind of this. I don’t know how because we’ve kept it under wraps.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “He’s got connections you and I can’t even begin to fathom. Has he been causing problems?”
“Nothing we can’t handle.” Jake grinned. “We have a crack legal department. They haven’t been impressed with his huffing and puffing.”
“So he’s not going to blow CNC’s offices down?”
Jake barked out a laugh. “Oh, hell no. Don’t you worry about that, okay? But I’ll loop you in if things get out of hand. This story’s going to air on Sunday’s national news broadcast.”
“Oh.” Ryan squeezed my hand.
“You didn’t realize?” Jake cocked his head. “I thought I made that clear.”
Ryan waved him off with the hand not clutching mine. “I’m sure you did. Anyway, this was my chance to thank all the medical staff who helped me. I should do a better job tracking them down.”
“If any of them step forward, I’ll certainly let you know.” Jake held out his hand.
As Ryan was gripping my right hand with his left, he was able to shake the man’s hand. “Thank you.”
Marnie smiled warmly. “You’ve got my number if you need to talk. I can say that I’ve literally been where you are now. I was lucky that my interview aired quickly, but you’ll have time to prepare yourself.”
“Is there such a thing?” Ryan’s laugh was a little broken.
“There’s healing.” Marnie smiled. “And that means everything.”
I believed her. Perhaps because I needed to—for Ryan’s sake.
“We’re heading out. Library Square Pub.”
Jake grinned. “Been there quite a few times.”
“Would you like to come?” Ryan gazed between Marnie and Jake.
Marnie shook her head with a bit of regret. “Olivia’s watching Nate for me, and I need to get home.”
My mind whirled. “D-do you need a ride?”
She grinned. “I drove in with Jake, but I’m heading home alone. He’s going to take the West Coast Express after work.”
Vancouver’s commuter train ran from Mission City to Vancouver in the morning and back out in the evening.
“Ah.”
“But thank you for the offer. You guys head to the pub.” Hesitantly, she pressed a hand to Ryan’s biceps.
After a moment, he relaxed into the touch.
Unsurprisingly, she’d read the room. “You’ll be okay. I promise.”
She probably didn’t have the right to make that promise. That being said, for her to wind up where she’d started from was remarkable. If she could overcome so damn many obstacles, Ryan beating his demons into submission was possible.
“I’ll be in touch. Sorry, I have to get to the editing suite.” Jake pressed a kiss to Marnie’s temple, then headed off.
Marnie pointed back the way we’d come. “Walk me to the elevator?”
Our studio escort, who’d been completely discreet until now, stepped forward.
I offered her a smile.
She returned it.
We walked Marnie to the elevator.
Ryan, to my utter shock, hugged her.
She pressed her hand to his cheek. Then, without another word, she was gone.
Moments later, our escort ushered us out onto Hamilton Street. I inhaled deeply. Snow still covered every surface with cleared paths down to the cement.
I wasn’t a city boy. I might’ve grown up in a suburb of Vancouver, but I hadn’t crossed the Fraser River often. Since I’d moved to Mission City and my grandparents’ home in the country? I could probably count the number of times on one hand. In nineteen years, that was…vaguely disturbing. Except I had everything I needed in Mission City. Why come to this concrete jungle?
Ryan snagged my hand, and we walked toward West Georgia. We’d parked in the library parkade, so our car was close. He’d said the pub was at Library Square, so I assumed the place was also close. We crossed Hamilton Street at the light, and the sign for the pub came into view.
Oh, cute.
We stepped through the doorway, and a blast of warm air hit us. The snow wasn’t melting outside because the temperature had yet to rise above freezing. We’d had several days of brilliant sunshine—but no warmth.
A woman approached us. “Two?”
“Yes.” Ryan pointed to the far booth at the back.
She grinned. “Of course.”
We followed her and then settled as she placed the menus on the table.
“Drinks?”
“W-water please.”
“Me as well.” Ryan unwound the scarf from his neck.
I unzipped my coat and removed it. My tendency to run hot sometimes was embarrassing, and I didn’t want to be sweaty on what was, in essence, our first date.
Wait. Is this a date?
Ryan snagged the menu, then gazed at me. “What?”
“Is this a d-date?”
He chuckled. “Well, it’s my treat. I have enough to cover it, even if Daddy’s cut off the credit card. This might be my last chance to pay for a while, though, so be warned.”
“I c-can pay.” Not only did I make decent money, but I had a pile of it saved. Not paying rent for seventeen years had its advantages. I’d tried. At first, Nanny and Bops pointed out I was family and wasn’t working. Then, when I was working, they pointed out I was just starting out. Then the excuse was that I was launching my business. Eventually they pointed out they were only really able to stay in their home because I was on the premises and doing all the work. In the end, I recognized my offers were hurting them. They wanted me to see their home as mine as well—which I did. To them, one didn’t pay rent on the home one lived in.
About a decade ago, I’d stopped offering.
They’d both been much happier. Or perhaps that was just my perception.
“I know you can pay.” Ryan scrunched his nose. “I didn’t make any money in the army. I wasn’t there to take their precious resources. My dad, to his annoyance, footed the bill for that as well.”
The server paused by us. “Two glasses of water. Have you had a chance to look at the menu? Oh, I’m Lyssa, by the way.” She offered a broad smile that lit her lovely dark-brown eyes. Her hair was in a ponytail and she vibrated…happiness.
Ryan eyed me.
I gestured for him to go first.
He ordered a burger with onion rings.
I ordered the same thing.
She departed with another smile.
Ryan winced. “Okay, was it me or was that an extra dose of happy?”
I grinned. “Happy is as happy d-does.”
He guffawed. “You make me smile.” He reached for my hand. “Thank you for that. Truly. I mean it.”
I blinked. “T-that’s what friends are for.”
“Am I your friend?”
After a moment, I cocked my head. Why is he asking this? Oh crap…am I assuming too much?
He squeezed my hand. “I was kind of thinking we might be…more than friends?”
Definite question mark at the end of that sentence.
“M-more?”
Goddamnit. For once could I not stutter on an important word?
“Yeah.” He stroked my thumb with his. “I…” He cleared his throat. “Okay, so I kind of had a revelation when I met with Justin yesterday.” He’d moved up his appointment by a day to prepare for today’s interview.
“O-okay.” I was always willing to listen, but part of me wondered if I was qualified to hear this.
“So, see, I thought I had a broken cock.”
The water I’d been swallowing totally went down the wrong way. I yanked my hand from his, grabbed a napkin, and started coughing into it.
“Oh shit.” His eyes widened. “Oops. Sorry.” Except he didn’t look all that contrite.
I narrowed my watery eyes.
“Are you okay?” Lyssa appeared out of nowhere. “I forgot to ask you how you wanted your burgers done. I’m still new here, and I forget the little things.” She eyed me. “Let me grab you some more napkins.”
Before I could say anything, she was hustling over to the bar.
Ryan held his hand over his mouth. He was enjoying my misery way too much. This was also the first time he’d truly smiled today…so if the amusement was at my expense, then I’d take my lumps and move on.
Lyssa arrived back with a pile of napkins about an inch high. She met my gaze.
I managed to nod.
“I’ll take my burger medium.” Ryan tipped his head at me.
I did some weird hand gesture that, fortunately, Lyssa seemed to understand as assent. Concurrence. Whatever.
By the time she was gone, Ryan was full-out laughing.
I wiped my eyes, swallowed, then smiled as well. Perhaps also shaking my head ruefully. “Y-you were saying?” I purposefully pushed my glass well out of the way.
He glanced over his shoulder. The booth next to us was still empty, a hockey game from somewhere was playing on the television behind the bar, and the music was pretty loud.
“I’ll t-tell you if I see Lyssa coming this way.”
“Yeah. I figured the kitchen would take time to prepare the food, and we’d have privacy.” Unrepentantly, he grinned. “Do you think she heard me?”
“N-no idea.” My breathing had finally returned to normal. “B-broken…” I was capable of saying the word. I just wasn’t going to.
“Cock.” He waggled his eyebrows.
How can he joke about this? This sounds serious. Well…roll with it. “Yeah.”
“So. I never thought I had a particularly high sex drive. TMI, I know, but I need to be honest—and not just because Justin says so.”
I nodded.
“I had sex a few times. Random hookups. I just figured…you know…that’s what guys do. I didn’t want to be the loser in the basement who never got any action.”
Ouch . Of course, in a real sense, I was the loser in the basement who never got any action. I understood, though, that I wasn’t who he meant.
“Then Ukraine and all that, and when I come back, I have zero interest in sex. Okay, fine. Eventually, though, as I’m healing, I’m thinking…like I should jerk off or something, right? Just to make sure it works.”
I wanted to point out he’d been recovering from life-altering injuries…but now didn’t seem the time.
“And I couldn’t do it. So then I figured something was wrong with my head and that’s why my cock was broken.”
Still, I wasn’t certain if I liked the way he said broken cock . Vulgar words never bothered me—I worked on construction crews, for crying out loud. But when someone spoke derisively of themselves? That hurt my soul.
“Then I’m kissing you, and…” He reached for my hand.
I offered it gladly.
“And, like, I got hard.”
I was there. I noticed. I did as well.
“So I asked Justin about it.” He laughed. “No, I told him on Tuesday I didn’t think it was broken anymore. When I went back yesterday, he insisted we talk about it after I’d prepped for my interview.”
“And?”
Ryan’s expression turned thoughtful, with one eye sort of squinting. “He asked me if I’d ever considered that I might be demisexual.”
I blinked. Then wracked my brain for that term. I’d done a bit of internet research a while back, but hadn’t found anything that might help me out of my predicament of being too damn shy and embarrassed about my stutter. So I’d powered down the laptop and read a book instead. “D-demisexual?”
“Yeah. Like, that I have to have an emotional connection with someone before I can move into the physical with them. That yeah, sure, I could have sex with random hookups but that was only after a hell of a lot of effort.”
“O-okay.” Just act cool and let him explain it. Don’t panic.
“But like, with you, I have a connection. I mean, I hope you feel it too—”
“I d-do.”
“Right. So Justin explained that if I was successful at making an emotional connection with someone, and the physical attraction followed, that I might be demi.”
That sounded deceptively easy.
“W-what does that mean?”
“I…” He waved the hand not clutching mine. “I thought that something was wrong with me. I didn’t look at attractive people and think I want to bang that. ”
I frowned. I didn’t feel that way either. I liked people, but I didn’t see them in a sexual way. Perhaps because I was just so grateful they wanted to be my friends? Then I considered. I found Maddox attractive. But he was taken. Everett was handsome—but he wasn’t the right guy for me. We didn’t fit. Quinton was super cute, and very flirty, but he hadn’t ever indicated he wanted more. And even if he had, I wasn’t certain he was the one.
But Ryan?
Yeah…he was my one.
How do I tell him? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? Wait. What if he’s trying to tell me he does feel the same way? I’m so confused.
“What I’m trying to do, in my awkward way, is to thank you.”
I frowned. I was so confused.
“For bringing me home that night. For sharing a bed. For kissing me.”
“Two burgers with onion rings.” At least this time, Lyssa spoke from several feet away instead of coming up and scaring us. She placed the plates before us. “Ketchup?”
We shook our heads.
“Anything else I can get you?”
We shook our heads again.
She leaned in. “You two are just the cutest.” With that, she took off.
Ryan met my gaze. “Big tip.”
Yeah, I’d say so.