37. Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Simeon
I ’m going to have sex. Like real honest-to-goodness penetrative sex. Because blow jobs and hand jobs definitely counted…but they weren’t the same. I rolled over to snag the lube. I turned back to find Ryan lowering the blankets. In the dim light, his erect cock definitely stood out. He let me touch his scars. He trusts me.
As I trusted him. I handed him the condom and then fingered the lube bottle. Was I supposed to do something with this? Now I regretted all the times I’d considered exploring myself but hadn’t. What had I been thinking? Oh, that since I was never going to have sex, that it just didn’t matter. I wasn’t repulsed…just resigned that it was pointless.
Ryan grinned. “Do you want me to prep you?”
I glanced down at his decent sized erection. “Y-yes.”
“Cool. I love this part. Okay, lie in the middle of the bed. On your back.”
I kind of liked bossy Ryan. I needed him to take control of this situation. And I might’ve also had a long conversation with Ravi a couple of weeks ago, in his capacity as a medical professional, about how to handle things with Ryan if we ever got this far. Ravi had given me a few tips. Then reminded me that my partner had a pretty good head on his shoulders and likely understood his own limitations. Still, as a nurse, he’d given me a list of things to watch out for. And none of them appeared to be an issue at the moment.
Lying on my back, I spread my legs. I’d never felt so exposed but, as I gazed into Ryan’s dark eyes, never felt so cherished.
He donned the condom. “Easier than trying to do it with lubed fingers. Because we’re using a lot.”
That he understood meant everything. Clearly my inexperience showed. Instead of ridiculing me, though, he was making me feel like waiting for the right person had been the right choice.
He coated his finger with lube, then positioned himself between my thighs. He gently lifted my balls, then rubbed his hand around my rim.
Okay, kind of chilly.
Then he slowly worked one finger inside.
My body, clearly confused, felt odd. Like this wasn’t how things were supposed to be.
He wiggled his finger with a grin.
I smiled.
“Yeah, you’ll get used to it. I promise you, it’s going to feel so fucking good.”
“I b-believe you.” And I did. He was that kind of man. The one who would take care of me. Would ensure my bliss was as intense as his.
He added a second finger and slowly sank deeper.
I drew in a deep breath as I adjusted.
“You’re amazing. I don’t think I say that enough. I’m in awe of you.” He scissored his fingers, gently coaxing me to relax.
Still weird, but I was getting used to it.
Then he sank his fingers even deeper—almost like he was questing for something. Searching for a way to increase our connection. Prostate.
I wouldn’t have thought that possible right up until the moment he hit that sensitive spot inside me. My already intensely interested cock jerked and a drop of precum dripped onto my belly. My eyes widened.
He grinned. “I promise you that we can have all kinds of fun with that.”
“R-really?”
That unrepentant grin continued. “You bet. Just wait until I introduce you to butt plugs.” He winked.
Which, a few minutes ago, might’ve freaked me out. Now I was intrigued.
Slowly, he withdrew his fingers.
I missed the contact.
He slathered more lube on his cock. He appeared to consider, with pulling his lower lip through his teeth.
“W-what? Is s-something wrong?” I’d tell him to stop if that was what he needed. This had to be up to him. Just as, he’d said, I could call a halt at any time.
“I was thinking maybe I should lie down.”
I started to rise.
“But I think this’ll be okay.” He met my gaze. “We’ll play it by ear?”
“Of c-course.” Again, I almost pointed out we didn’t have to do this. That nothing was riding on actual intercourse. That my love for him wasn’t dependent on any particular act. That if I only got to hold him for the rest of my life, that would be pretty okay by me.
“Pull your knees up and out of the way.”
I did as he suggested.
He positioned himself between my thighs and guided himself to me. “This might hurt.”
“I’m okay.” I assumed it wouldn’t hurt as much as the time I’d sliced myself with the knife…so I figured we were good.
Slowly, he nudged himself into me.
I breathed.
He continued.
A strange fullness filled me. A stretch that turned into a burn. I could handle it, but I also struggled with it.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. My head’s in. That’s the worse of it.”
“O-oh. That’s not so b-bad.”
He laughed. “Only you would put it like that.”
His words weren’t meant cruelly, so I laughed.
Centimeter by centimeter, he pressed farther and farther inside me.
To my relief, I acclimated. I welcomed him. My body adjusted and the intimacy of the connection brought tears to my eyes.
Wordlessly, he brushed the tears away.
He truly understood.
“I’m seated. You okay?”
“G-great.” I nodded.
“Now I’m going to move.”
“O-okay.”
And he did—sliding nearly out, then pushing back in. Again, and again, and again. Maintaining a steady rhythm that had me panting.
He was working hard to go slow and smooth, hold himself up, keep things easy for me.
In the back of my mind, I worried about him. But he truly seemed okay. No wincing. No jagged breathing.
I pressed my hand to his brow, wiping away a sheen of sweat.
He grinned. “I need you to jerk yourself. I would, but I’m a little busy.” He said that on a hard thrust.
Like yeah. Of course . I took myself in hand and did exactly what he suggested. I tugged. I twisted. I ran my hand over the slit and my index finger rubbed the precum. If possible, I got even harder.
“Same time. Get yourself off, sweetheart.”
Oh. That made sense. I jerked each time he thrust. Slowly, inexorably, I moved toward the climax I chased. The one I needed so very badly. Then, suddenly, a feeling overwhelmed me. “I’m c-coming.”
“Thank fuck.” He continued to thrust.
My cock jerked and cum erupted over my hand.
Ryan thrust a couple more times as I nursed myself through what was, quite possibly, the best orgasm ever. He held himself still, blinked, then stared right into my eyes.
I held that gaze as I tried to decipher his message. Clearly he was climaxing. Emptying himself into the condom that was inside me. We had full-on sex. A man came inside my body.
So yay, for checking another thing off my bucket list. Except…this was so much more than that. I’d waited so many years, avoiding this moment, knowing I wasn’t ready. I just hadn’t realized I’d been waiting for him. For this one, special, caring, gentle man.
But I was so freaking glad I had.
“Uh…” His arms shook.
“What d-do you need?”
“To pull out and to lie down.”
“Of c-course.”
He pulled out.
I held in the yip. Wow, I was sensitive down there now. Then I helped ease him to his side. I turned so I faced him. Once he was settled with his head on the pillow, I again wiped his brow. “N-now I’m going to ask if you’re o-okay.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. “Yeah, I’m really superbly amazingly okay.”
“You s-seem relieved.”
“Well.” He cleared his throat. “You weren’t sure you’d ever have sex?”
I nodded—appreciative he understood.
“Well…I was never sure I’d have sex again.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “Or that I’d be able to have it without being in pain.”
I grasped that hand. “Are you in p-pain?”
He shook his head. “A twinge.”
I frowned.
After a moment, he pressed his hand to my furrowed brow. “I’m fine, Simeon. Just being honest. Like, for now, let’s stick to once a day.”
I laughed. “That s-sounds like a lot.”
He joined me in the laughter. “Maybe? I have no idea.”
“S-so we do what feels right for us.”
“Right. Will you kiss me?”
“With p-pleasure.” Careful not to touch anything that might be sensitive, I leaned in for a kiss. The twinge comment worried me, but he was capable of making his own decisions. Of figuring out what he could and couldn’t do.
Our lips touched in what felt like the most important and most poignant kiss we’d ever shared.
When we pulled back, I gazed into his eyes. “I love y-you.” I grinned. I’d said love without stuttering.
“I love you too. This is…” He cleared his throat. “A forever thing, right? Like I don’t have to set up another app on my phone?”
I frowned. “I don’t think you c-can put apps on your flip phone.”
“Right. Boxing Day, I’m going to brave the crowds and get myself a real phone.”
“Or y-you can just open your present from me.” I ducked my head.
He put his index finger under my chin and guided my gaze back to his. “You bought me a smart phone?”
“Well…” I winced. “If you’re g-going to live up here, you really need one. I figured w-we could leave it in your car attached to a charger. F-for emergencies only.”
“Or I could reacquaint myself with the technology so I can practice that game. I really do want to beat Kyleigh.” He winced. “That sounded bad.”
I laughed. “If she’s anything like Angus, s-she’ll probably be thrilled. Those kids like a g-good competition.”
“I guess I have my marching orders.” He stroked my cheek. “Shower then more sleep? Sleep and then shower?”
“Shower then we m-make waffles and pancakes for Nanny and Bops for a change. It’s a Christmas t-tradition. I might be c-crap at it, but they always pretend I’m the best c-cook ever.”
Ryan smiled, kissed me, then pulled back. “Shower together?”
I smiled. “I w-wouldn’t have it any other way.”