Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
KENNETH
When I get a call Monday morning from Tollide wanting me to have a chat with him at the hospital, I don’t hesitate to go see him.
Friday was a bit of a disaster between the AC issues we had, which are thankfully fixed. And with the sexual chemistry/almost kiss situation with Royce, I feel like I was in some type of alternate universe.
I almost kissed Royce Bellport.
They almost kissed me.
And if it hadn't been for Gil coming into the room, it probably would have happened.
It wouldn't be an almost.
I still don't know if I'm happy about it.
The interruption was good. We don't need any of this to be happening right now.
At the same time, after years of pining for someone, it's kind of hard to almost get there and then lose out.
But it's okay.
I have other things to focus on right now. I've got a player who wants to speak with me, and I'm not going to pass up the opportunity.
At the hospital, several of the nurses wave to me. I'm not celebrity status like the Bellports, but I have checked on Tollide a few times while he's been sleeping.
Speaking with his brother has also been on my agenda, though the man is still undecided on what he wants to do about the job offer we gave him.
In Tollide's room, I find him propped up with the remote in his hand as he flips through channels. He grins when he sees me.
“Hey, Kenny,” he says, voice solid, despite the broken appearance of his body.
“Hey, T, long time no see. How's it hanging?”
I drop into the chair beside him, the one that's noticeably empty since his brother isn't here.
Tollide rolls his head to the side to look at me. “Well, it's hanging here and there, as you can see.”
He tilts his head slightly towards the machines propping his body up.
“Yeah, I see you got yourself in a bit of a pickle here. How are you feeling though?” I change my tone from teasing to honest.
I want a real update from him, not just superficial things that the nurses are telling me or his brother is hinting at.
“Doing okay,” he says.
The words ring as true. He’s not that great of a liar. Somehow, he always manages to sneeze right after. Since there’s no need to say “bless you,” I’m going with the notion he’s being honest.
I just don't understand how he could possibly feel that way so soon. When I had my injury, I spent months in a depression. It was a funk that latched onto me. I didn't know who I was without baseball.
Thankfully, I realized there was an alternate route, and I built my life up even better than it could have been had I kept playing professionally. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made to get to where I am. And even selling the team comes with benefits.
“I’m glad you're doing well,” I tell him. “What did you want to talk about?”
I lean forward, elbows moving to my knees as I give him my undivided attention.
He clears his throat, setting the remote down beside him. Some infomercial about pots and pans plays on the tv. Neither of us pays it any mind.
“I want to talk to you about what happens after,” he says. “I don't know what my life is like without baseball. It's been my guidepost for as long as I can remember. Leaving it behind isn't an option. So I need to know what my actual options are.”
I smile. It's big and full of joy. There's no hiding how happy his words make me.
“You can do whatever you want, man. I will find a spot for you; or rather, Royce and I will. They have been fully on board with bringing you into a different position on the team. You name it, and it's your spot.”
“Anything?” he asks.
“Anything,” I agree. “You want to be out there with water bottles, spraying the guys down? We’ll get you some bottles of water.
You want to be a trainer? Sure, here’s a clipboard and whistle.
Want to be one of the communications folks and help with PR?
I’ll get you a press pass in an hour. I don't care.
I'm happy to have you be a part of the Blue Jays in any capacity.”
“Even if it's going to take a long time? The doctors say that because I'm an athlete, my body will probably heal a bit quicker, but it's still a long road.”
“I know it. I've been through something similar, but not to this extent. When I was recovering, everyone kept telling me that I was in the best shape of my life before it happened so my body would know what to do. And while it did, it was still an arduous journey. It still took longer than I wanted.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep! Yours will too. But one day you'll wake up, and you'll be able to walk just fine. You'll be a little achy when it rains or when it's really cold out, which never happens here.”
He snorts at my joke.
“The point is, you'll be at a new sort of normal, and the past will be a great memory. But it's just that—the past.”
“You make it sound so easy,” he tells me.
“Oh, hell. Don't believe that bullshit. It's not easy at all. What it is, is reality. The good news is you have an entire support team to help you. I'm here. Royce is here. The team is here. Those guys, they love you. They will be thrilled that you want to come help out.”
A single tear moves down his cheek. “I love those guys too.”
“Good because now you get to be a pain in their ass in a different way.”
He gives a cracked laugh, and I chuckle right along with him.
“Tell me the joke,” a deep voice interrupts, drawing our attention to the doorway. “I leave for a couple of seconds and you two are already happy-go-lucky over here.”
“Grizzly,” I greet, standing and moving over to the familiar man.
I pull him into a big hug and step back to look him over.
“You look good. It's been a while. How long?”
He looks up and over my left shoulder. “About seventeen months, give or take. It was at that party.”
“Yeah, a party,” I say, as if that would make it crystal clear.
I clap his shoulder, then step back and move into the seat by Tollide's bed again. The young man is beaming over at Grizzly.
“Hey, G. Good to see you made it to the cafeteria and back in one piece. You know, sometimes people don’t.”
Grizzly makes a disgruntled noise as he moves to the side of the bed, hands leaning on the bar. I know he's not putting his full weight on it because Grizzly is a big guy. Bigger than me even.
If he puts his weight on the bed, it would make a creaking noise, possibly even break.
Ironically enough, though, he's a sweetheart beneath all that muscle. Like the softest and sweetest of sweethearts.
Just goes to show you can't judge a book by its cover.
Same with Royce
… and I'm back to thinking about them.
I'd managed to put them out of my mind for a few minutes. Seems right that they would come back around.
“What are you doing here, Grizzly? I know why I'm here,” I say, trying to shift my thoughts back to the present moment.
Grizzly points to the bed. “Well, obviously he's my client, so I'm here to talk to him about his options.”
“His options?” I sit up straight. “But he called me here because he wants to talk about his options. He's going to come work for the Blue Jays.”
Tollide's head moves from side to side as if he's watching a ping-pong tournament, his grin growing by the second.
Grizzly scoffs. “Well, duh, he's going to work for you guys, but we have to make sure the contract's solid. That's what I do as an agent, you know.”
Tollide takes in my curious expression and decides to explain.
“Grizzly has been with me from the beginning, and since I'm no longer going to be able to play, I asked if he would kind of step into a different position with me.
I know all the people he handles are athletes, but maybe there's other stuff he can handle.”
“Other stuff?” I question.
“Well, yeah, like if I go on to be a newscaster for sports, then I'll still have contracts and stuff to handle. He'll be able to help me, and he'll still get a cut. It's a win-win for us all.”
I nod as the reality of it all settles over me.
“That's actually pretty smart, Tollide. I'm glad that you're making all these moves. Your brother seemed to think that he was going to have to uproot his life to step in for you. I tried to explain to the guy that it probably wasn't all that necessary, but he seemed adamant.”
Grizzly nods, laughing under his breath as Tollide answers, "Yeah, he is a bit of a sore thumb right now.
He's currently packing all his things to be able to move here because he's convinced that I'm not capable of taking care of myself or hiring someone to help take care of me. I would much rather pay a nurse to help me go to the bathroom than have my brother do it, but trying to tell North that is a lost cause.”
“I definitely got those vibes from him.”
Grizzly agrees with us. "Yeah, North has never been one to be patient. Even when I was working to recruit this guy, he was all in my business asking questions. He'd been looking up legal advice for athletes on Google, and he had a whole interrogation prepared.”
We share a laugh at the picture he paints.
“At least you've got someone who's willing to bend and help you,” I say. “It's good to have that support, and along with the rest of the team, you likely won't have a single dull moment in your recovery process.”
Tollide uses his good hand to reach up and swipe his forehead.
“Phew,” he says. “Good to know. I really thought this was going to be a depressing moment for me."
The joke makes Grizzly snort, and he promptly covers his mouth with his hand.
"Don't make me laugh about things like that, it's not funny." He grumbles as Tollide and I crack up.
A nurse comes in and freezes when she sees us all there. "Well then, this is quite a sight. Several handsome men all in one room."
Tollide clears his throat. "They're both gay," he says.
The nurse snaps her fingers. “Shoot. And you are a long way away from healthy, but I know you're just as handsome underneath all that bruising.”
She comes over and pats his cheek gently.
He beams up at her. “I sure am, ma'am, but I got to focus on getting better. Maybe I'll come back around and see you after that, huh?"
He winks.
She laughs, checking his vitals before she leaves again.
"You're really just going to tell people our business like that?" I say. "What if I wanted to get with her? I could be bi, you don't know."
Tollide snorts much in the way Grizzly did. "Everyone knows all of your business, Kenny. You don't date women. You're seen with them, but you don't date them."
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, well, my parents want the image. I do what I can when I can, but I'm not doing that."
I don't have to say what that is for them to understand.
I mean, marrying a woman and popping out all those children just to make my parents happy.
I've done a lot of things in my life that I'm not proud of, but trapping a woman in a marriage that's loveless and meant to be for social standing is not a line I'm willing to cross.
Grizzly shrugs. “I don't really mind if people know. It's not a big deal. It's not like I'm going to start dating anyone right now anyway. My life is too busy with work. All these players keep me going.”
The way he says it, though, makes me hesitate.
Grizzly has always been very busy. He does have a lengthy list of clients, and he does often travel to scout out new players.
But there's sadness in his tone.
Almost as if he wishes he could have someone.
I wonder if he's got a crush on someone too, like I do. Maybe there's some sort of unrequited love in his life. Or maybe he's just lonely.
That's a good enough reason for someone to complain about not having a partner or to pretend like they don't have time.
Whatever the reason, I hope that he finds what he's looking for. Hell, I hope I find what I'm looking for.
I scoff at my own thinking.
I know exactly what I want. Exactly who I want.
I just can't have them.