Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ERIN
“ H e’s changed,” Liza tells me with a mouthful of muffin, once Luke's left to return to work. “Not even finishing his lunch and heading back out to work. Who even is he?”
“Forget Luke. Come on, I wanna see.” I hold out my hand impatiently, and she smiles at me before delving into her purse and presenting me with her sonogram picture.
“Ahhh, look at it.” I stare at the grainy image and smile to myself. “Was everything okay?”
“Perfect, and the dates match exactly to the night I called Koben.” The smile drops from her face as she takes a seat.
“You have to tell him now, it won’t be long, and you’ll be starting to show.” I get her reason for wanting to keep this a secret, but it’s gone on for long enough. Koben’s gonna need time to get his head around this himself.
“I know and I will, I just want to tell my parents first.” She blows out a breath and helps herself to another muffin.
“I know you're scared, but at least you have this. How can they be mad when you show them their little grandbaby?” I hand her back the picture, and despite her trying to play it cool, I see the little glisten in her eye as she looks at it.
“Yeah, well, I don’t think they are gonna be jumping for joy. I’m gonna get the lecture of my fucking life.”
“It’ll all be worth it when he or she gets here.” I try to keep her positive.
“When I’m up to my elbows in dirty nappies and have saggy tits? Can’t wait.” Liza rolls her eyes, determined not to show me an ounce of excitement.
“I for one think this is gonna change your life for the better; you're gonna be an awesome mom,” I assure her, taking the basket of muffins away before she consumes every single one of them.
“And what makes you think that?” She laughs at me.
“Because you're an awesome best friend,” I inform her, wondering if I should divulge the fact me and Luke are a thing now to her. I’ve hated keeping it a secret for so long, and I could really use someone to talk to about everything.
Sometimes I feel so happy, my heart feels like it could burst, and I’ve got no one to share it with besides Luke, who I still think feels some guilt about the way things are between us.
I understand why, despite what Matthew did to me, he was still Luke’s brother.
He must still love him even if he’s angry.
So I do my best to tone things down a little.
“Do you think Luke would be interested in taking your awesome best friend out for a drink sometime?” She heads over to the window and looks out across the yard to where he’s up on the roof.
“Liza, you're pregnant,” I remind her, trying not to laugh because I think she could be serious.
“Pregnant, not celibate. Do you have any idea what these hormones do to a woman? I would give that man the ride of his li?—”
“Stop.” I cut her off before she says anymore. I don’t like the image it’s putting in my head. “Luke is like a brother to me.” I shrug defensively when I notice the way she’s looking at me.
“Yeah, well, I’ve got to take what I can get while I still have my figure.” She looks down to her waist and sucks in.
“I think you should be focusing more on what you're going to tell Koben.” I bring her back to reality and drag her away from the window. Luke’s taken off his shirt, and it’s far too much of a distraction.
“I don’t know what to tell him. When I think about it all, my head just becomes a scrambled mess. What the hell am I gonna do if my parents decide they don’t want me living at home?”
“They won’t, but if they did, you could stay here. Everything is going to be just fine. You never know, Koben might want you to move into his place.” I stare at her when she bursts out laughing.
“Don’t be ridiculous. The guy can’t stand me; we were even insulting each other during the sex we had.” I look at my best friend and shake my head cause I have no answers for her. At this point, I don’t even know if I’ve got hope.
“I’ve never seen you do that before.” Luke looks at me oddly as he takes a seat on the couch beside me and continues watching me paint my toenails.
“I’ve never had anyone to make my toes look pretty for before, but now...” I lean over and kiss him.
“Now you're gonna make me obsessed with your feet as well as every other part of your body.” He grabs the foot I’m done with and pulls it onto his lap, then rubs his thumbs into my sole before I can get mad at him for making them smudge.
“That feels incredible,” I tell him, abandoning the work I’ve got left to do on my left foot so I can lie back and relax. I spot car headlights outside, and I quickly sit back up, pulling my foot free and putting a respectable distance between us.
I hate that we can’t be ourselves around anyone else, and the sad smile he gives me as he gets up to answer the door tells me he feels the same.
“Howdy, folks.” The door swings open before Luke manages to reach it, and when Koben steps inside, he’s wearing a clean, pressed shirt and jeans that aren’t worn or ripped.
“You look smart. Where are you heading?” I laugh as he takes his hat off and holds it to his chest like he’s about to sing the national anthem.
“ We are heading out of town to that new bar that opened last month,” he tells me, making his way over to me, taking my hand, and forcing me to stand up.
“ We? ” I check. I heard him right.
“You got it. I’m taking you out, girl,” he tells me assertively, and I feel my stomach drop.
“Oh…I–”
“I’m not taking no for an answer, sweetheart. You’ve been stuck between these four walls for far too long, and it’s my duty as Matthew's best friend to ensure that you don’t turn into one of those crazy fuckin widows.”
“That's not gonna happen,” Luke intervenes, but Koben ignores him and starts dragging me toward my room.
“Go put on something pretty, you deserve to have some fun. I’m sure Luke here will appreciate some time to himself.” He winks at Luke as if he’s doing him some kinda favour, and when I look over to him and wait for him to argue, he shrugs his shoulders and says nothing.
“Are you waiting for permission or somethin’?” Koben laughs as he stares between us suspiciously.
“Erin don’t need my permission to do anything; she’s her own person. She makes her own decisions,” Luke answers him, taking his seat on the couch and picking up his beer.
“You heard him, honey.” Koben turns all his attention to me, and knowing how stubborn the man is, I sigh with defeat and head to my room to change.
This is awkward, really fucking awkward. I’m sitting in a bar opposite my dead husband's best friend. The same best friend who's clueless to the fact that three months ago, he knocked up mine.
“Bet it feels good to be outta the house,” he tells me over the sound of the woman wailing out some sad country song.
“Sure.” I look around, wondering if there's anyone here we know. Me being seen out alone with Matthew's best friend would sure set tongues wagging around Fork River, even if this is completely innocent.
“I know things are tough right now, and you’re feeling like your future’s been lost, but you're too young to give up,” he tells me, surprising me with how deep he’s getting.
Koben has never taken life too seriously; despite what Liza thinks, they are actually quite well-suited. Just not when it comes to parenthood.
“Life goes on, Erin. People heal, and as his best friend, I know Matty would have wanted nothing but the best for you.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand.
“Thanks,” I tell him gratefully, noticing how he keeps hold of it. He even swaps the hand he’s drinking his beer with to keep it there, and when a few more seconds pass, I wonder if he’s gonna let it go at all.
“It’s kind of you to think of me, but I’m doing okay,” I assure him, trying to slide my hand out from under his without being rude.
I should be grateful for how thoughtful he’s being, and I guess he’s probably feeling lonely himself without his best friend.
Him and Matthew were always heading out drinking together.
I used to enjoy the freedom of those nights, but it always came with consequences.
Drunk Matthew was far crueler than sober Matthew was.
I still have the scars on my knees from where he broke a whiskey bottle and made me kneel on the broken glass. All for his own entertainment.
“I think Matthew would want you to move on.” Koben reaches out for my other hand and stares at me so intensely, I feel my eye sockets start to sting.
“It’s still early days.” I smile and look around us in case anyone is watching.
“True, but I just wanted you to know that when the time comes and you're ready, I really think Matthew would like the person you get with to be me.”
I feel my mouth drop open and my cheeks burn red.
“You…? Oh, erm…Koben.” I’m speechless, and he’s looking back at me like he’s expecting me to say something. “I’m flattered that you would make that kinda offer, but you really don’t have to–”
“I don’t feel obliged, Erin, I’m just following my heart.
I’ve got feelin’s for you. I guess I always have, but you were my best friend's girl.” For the first time since I’ve known him, he looks vulnerable, and it makes this whole encounter even harder to deal with.
I’m cussing Liza in my head right now; if she’d have told him that he’s gonna be a dad, I’m sure he’d be concerning himself with fixing that situation instead of creating the awkward one with me.
“Like I said, it’s early days and…”
“Hey, I don’t wanna rush you into anything, I just thought ya ought to know how I feel.
I’m done with horsing around and playing the fool.
This past year, seeing you and Matty together, it’s made me realize that I’m ready to settle down.
I want a family of my own, and I have to say it, you’re perfect. ”
“There are plenty of perfect girls in Fork River.” I pull one of my hands free so I can reach for my wine. My mouth suddenly got very dry.
“Well, darlin’, they’re gonna be disappointed, ‘cause I got my sights set on one, and one only. Erin, I can’t help thinking that after all that's happened, this is God's plan.” He smiles at me, but I have no words.
“I…I think we should head back. I’m feeling kinda tired.” I see the disappointment on his face as he frees my hand, pulls away, and instantly, I feel guilty for how I’m handling this. I can only imagine how much courage it took him to have this conversation, and now I’ve hurt his pride.
“Sure, we can do that.” He finishes off his beer and stands up, offering me his arm, and I politely take it and let him lead me back out to his trunk.
We make the journey home in complete silence, and when we pull up at the ranch and I see Luke sitting out on the porch smoking a cigarette, I can see by the way he’s tapping his foot against the floorboards that he’s tense.
“Kid’s overstayed his welcome a little, don't you think?”Koben speaks up.
“Luke's not a kid; he’s been really good to me, and he keeps this place running.”
“Jake and Issac could keep this place running with their eyes closed,” Koben tells me, resting his arms on the wheel and leaning forward, “And you know I’m always ready to help ya out.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I go to get out of the truck, and his hand shifts across the console to grab mine.
“You’ll think about what I said, won’t you? I can be patient, Erin,” he assures me.
“I’ll think about it.” I smile at him before opening the door and sliding out, and after tooting the horn and raising his hand to Luke, he skids the wheels of his truck as he turns around and pulls away.