Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ERIN
“ L uke, have you seen my—oh, you're here?” I’m shocked when I step out of my room and see Liza standing in the kitchen.
“Did you tell Luke I was pregnant?” she yells at me.
“Ummm, yes.” I grit my teeth and hope she’ll forgive me. I sure as hell need my best friend right now. “How did yo?—”
“One of his horses took off, and I caught it. He gave me a whole lecture about how I should be more careful in my condition.” A vein I’ve never seen before pops up in her forehead, showing me how mad she is.
“Well, he’s right, what were you thinking?” I scold her, avoiding the coffee machine and pouring myself a glass of water instead.
“This pregnant thing takes some getting used to.” She shakes her head.
“You really should be taking better care of yourself. Are you taking prenatal vitamins?” I check. I did a little research before Luke finished work last night, and there’s so many things I need to be wary of.
“Are you?” she asks judgmentally.
“No, but I will be. I should have got some while we were out of town yesterday.” I cuss myself for not thinking as I sit down at the table.
“How do you manage with this constant sick feeling? It’s horrendous, and I swear it’s in my head because it wasn’t there a few days ago.”
“You get used to it.” She flaps her hand like it’s no big deal and sits down beside me.
“Did ya tell him?” She quickly moves us on to the reason she’s here.
“I thought we agreed that we’d keep this a secret,” I remind her. I didn’t get much sleep last night, and it’s far too early in the morning for this conversation.
“I’ve been thinking. Your situation is different to mine. You and Luke are together. Kinda…” She shrugs. “But at least you know that you like him.”
“Liza, I don’t even know if the baby is his. And we’re still so brand new. This is supposed to be the exciting part of a relationship, not the part where he’s holding my hair back for me while I puke.”
“You see, that's also the thing…Even if the baby isn’t his, it’s still a part of him. It could be his little niece or nephew.” She shrugs.
“I get what you're doing, Liza, and I appreciate it. But I need to take some time to figure out how I approach this.”
“Tough, ain’t it?” She picks up an apple from the fruit bowl and sinks her teeth into it.
I have so much I should tell her; she knows nothing about Matthew's abuse. If she did, it might help her understand how I’m moving on so quickly, but I’m too drained to go into it all. I just want to go back to bed and hide under my covers.
“Mornin'.” I look up when I hear Luke’s voice, and he’s looking all sheepish and guilty as he steps up toward Liza.
“Liza, about what happened out there. No one else heard, and I want to explain the reason why–”
“My best friend has such a big mouth.” Liza finishes his sentence, looking back to me with that unimpressed look she had before.
“He was here when Mary found the test. We went through the process of elimination together,” I explain, hoping she’ll understand.
“I promise your secret’s safe with me.” Luke draws a zip over his lips.
“Yeah, well, it better be,” She warns him with a scowl.
“Good talk.” He winks at her before heading back out.
“Luke, have you seen my blue dress, the one with the little butt?—”
“Butterflies.” He answers far too quickly, and when he notices the snigger Liza makes at me, I see a little panic in his eyes.
“I…I just remember it cause it’s the dress you were wearing the day Matty went missing.
You looked pret—I mean, it’s a pretty dress, and no, I haven’t seen it.
Why would I have?” His voice goes all defensive, and I can see how hard Liza is trying not to burst out laughing.
“I got work to do, I just wanted to say sorry. I’ll leave you ladies to it.
” Luke looks as if he wants to swallow his own damn fist as he charges back out the door, and when I look at my best friend, we both unleash at the same time.
“He’s not doing a very good job of hiding how in love with you he is.” Liza giggles.
“Yeah, well, I guess I’ll have to enjoy it while it lasts.” I know Luke’s a good guy, but is he good enough to take on another man's child? A man he now knows is a monster.
“What do you want that dress for anyway?” Liza asks, quickly changing the subject when she notices me getting sad again.
“It’s Mary’s birthday; we’re heading over there for dinner tonight. It’s a dress she bought me, so I was gonna wear it.”
“Come on, I’ll help you pick out something else.” She drags me up and leads us toward my room. “So, what bomb will you drop on the Edwards first? The fact you're sleeping with their other son or the fact you're carrying their grandchild?” she asks as she flicks through my wardrobe.
“I think I should probably drop the one about the gun before we get into any of that.” Mary or Bryce hasn’t called this morning, so I assume it’s up to me and Luke to explain what Sheriff Nelson told us last night.
“What about the gun?” Liza looks as concerned as I was last night.
“Nelson showed up here late looking for Matthew’s gun; apparently, it’s the same model as the one the killer used to shoot him,” I explain.
“So what’s Nelson saying? That the killer used Matthew’s own gun to shoot him? That’s ridiculous.” She shakes her head and gets back to looking through my bleak wardrobe.
“Especially since I know that gun was here the whole time. But when we looked in the cabinet, it was gone. I promised to keep Mary and Byrce updated, so I’ll mention it to them tonight,” I assure her, starting to doubt if I did actually see the gun. Maybe Matthew did take it with him, after all.
“Did Nelson say anything else while he was here?” I can see how freaked out this is making her, and I keep trying to forget that the person who did this could have been here in this house that day.
“No, I don’t think they have much to go on; it’s taken two months for them to get this far.” I feel that sinking feeling in my stomach again.
“Can you remember anyone else being here that day?” she questions me.
“Just you and me, Mary…Maisie Carson…Oh, and the whole freakin’ town,” I answer back sarcastically. If I think about it for too long, I get scared,” I admit, taking the pink button-up dress she’s pulled out my wardrobe from her hands and hold it up against me in the mirror.
“You know, I’m real proud of how you're dealing with all this.” Liza takes me by surprise, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her head on my shoulder. “I think it’s best that you try not to think about it at all.”
I smile gratefully at her in our reflection. It’s rare for her to show this kind of affection; I put it down to those pregnancy hormones.
I sit on the bed staring at all three of the pregnancy tests that I did yesterday.
One wasn’t enough to convince me. I’d sent Liza back to the pharmacy two more times before I was prepared to accept that there hadn’t been a mistake.
All of them show a very clear positive, and I go back through the messages on my phone, trying to remember the exact date of my last period.
Usually me and Liza will message each other complaining, and when I see the last message from me to her was almost three months ago, I get that feeling of dread again.
I booked an appointment for a sonogram for tomorrow; it should answer the question if this baby is Matthew’s or Luke’s, and I’m terrified of the answer.
“You ready, baby?” I hear Luke coming and start to panic, quickly gathering up the tests and looking for a safe place to hide them.
I go for my usual spot, the loose floorboard at the back of the wardrobe, and manage to tuck them away just before Luke opens the door.
“What ya doin’ down there?” he asks, offering me his hand to pull me back up.
“Looking for some shoes to match this dress,” I think fast, pulling out a pair of heels that used to be Liza’s.
She often gave me clothes she was done with; she must have noticed that I never had anything new and would have assumed it was because we were struggling financially.
When, in reality, it was more about Matthew’s control.
He was very strict about what I should wear; he hated me in anything bright.
I was only allowed to wear the butterfly dress because it was a gift from his mother, and he said she’d expect to see me in it.
“Erin, you know you don’t have to hide shit from me.” Luke looks hurt.
“I know that.” I smile as I slide into the heels.
“You can keep your birth control pills in the bathroom like every other woman does now.” I release the breath I’m holding and laugh.
“Old habits, huh?” I laugh at myself as I reach down and take a fresh packet out, placing the floorboard back in place.
“We’ll fix you.” He kisses me, and I hate myself for lying to him.
“I hope you're hungry. Mom would have been cooking all day for this,” he warns. “I’m gonna have to figure a way to keep my hands off you.” He takes my hand and twirls me around so he can get a good look at the dress I’m wearing.
“I’m sure we can make up for it later.” I toss the good-for-nothing pills that I should never have relied on at the bed and let him drag me out the door.