18
MADDIE
I couldn't recall another time in my life where going to work had a smile spreading across my face. Even when I'd been in New York, furiously chasing my dreams, I hadn't experienced the zing of excitement that coursed through my veins as I pushed through the doors of Soulbeat.
Taking in the mirrored walls and wide-open space felt a hell of a lot like coming home. Something behind my breastbone shifted, clicked into place and a lightness touched my soul.
"Maddie. Hi." Lucetta came rushing forward and threw her arms around my shoulders when she reached me. "Thank you so much for doing this," she breathed.
I hugged her back with everything I had in me. In her mind, I might've been doing her a favor, but it was the other way around. Dancing was such a core part of my DNA, and she'd given me an opportunity to surround myself with people like me.
"It's me who should be thanking you," I told her honestly.
She pulled back and gave me the biggest encouraging smile before leading me over to her office. My eyes went a little wide at the scattered papers covering the table. I wasn't OCD at all, but this was a mess, even for me.
As if reading my mind, Lucetta gently patted me on the shoulder. "I'll show you where all these go in a minute, but I need you to look at this first." Handing over one of the pages, she continued, "It's a list of all the classes; their days and times as well as the students in each."
"Okay." My eyes furiously tracked over the page. I had no idea Lucetta's little studio was so busy. There were easily between five to six hours' worth of classes every other day during the week along with the two exercise classes on Tuesday and Thursday nights.
My stomach twisted violently, nerves suddenly pushing bile into my throat. Lucetta had been doing this for years. There was no way I could come even close to reaching her standards. The absolute last thing I wanted was to cause her dancers to move backward.
"Hey." I blinked and her hands were on my shoulders, gently guiding me to face her.
"You've got this, Maddie. I believe in you.
" I swallowed down the big fat lump in my throat because besides her and Frankie no one else had said them to me.
"You have a gift. It's not something anyone can teach. It's an intricate part of who you are."
Closing my eyes, I blew out a slow breath before opening them again. "I've got this," I whispered Lucetta's words .
She squeezed my shoulders and smiled. "Come on, let me take you through everything. I have about two hours before I need to leave."
I used up every minute of the time she had left. Asking question upon question until I felt at least somewhat comfortable. By the time the first class gathered at noon, I was still nervous but excited too.
It helped that our town wasn't the biggest and since I'd lived here almost all my life, people knew me. A few of the moms even told me how thrilled they were I was helping out.
And with that kind of encouragement, it wasn't hard to dive into the first class and then the second and the third. Before I knew it, time had literally flown by and the day was done.
Slumping into the chair behind Lucetta's desk—which was probably my desk now—I released a satisfied breath. It'd been way too long since I'd spent so many hours on my feet. I'd forgotten how draining it was. No doubt, I was tired to the bone, but I was also so incredibly happy.
I threw my head and grinned at the ceiling like an idiot. Lucetta was right, this was who I was. It was woven into the very essence of my being. Without dancing, I was an incomplete version of myself.
"That big smile can only mean your first day was good."
At the sudden sound of Jennah's voice, my entire body jerked, and I almost fell off my chair. "Holy shit! You can't do that!" I wheezed out, clutching my chest .
One side of her mouth tipped up. "Sorry." Leaning against the doorframe of the office, she scanned the studio over her shoulder before returning her gaze to me. "You were always different when you were here," she mused. "Almost weightless. Free."
I cocked my head and studied her long and hard. We never spoke about these kinds of things. The closest we'd ever come to talking about what this world meant to me was when she begged me to stop doing it for my own sake.
After the day I'd had, the last thing I wanted to do was get into it with my sister.
I bit my tongue and chose my words carefully.
"I guess I am." I toyed with the messy bun on top of my head.
Aiming my gaze at a spot on her shoulder, I gave her a piece of my truth, "Expressing myself this way has always been easier.
I dance whether I'm happy, angry, or sad.
Sometimes it's safer than saying things we can never take back.
" My eyes met hers and I laughed. "It's also a lot cheaper than therapy. "
She laughed too, but it wasn't a happy sound. "Maybe you could teach me a few moves."
My brows pulled together along with the band tightening around my heart. "Jennah, are you okay?"
The smile tugging on her lips was laced with so much sadness, I wanted to go wrap my arms around her. But that wasn't how things were between us. I realized then how much I hated it. She was my sister. I shouldn't have been hesitant to go to her .
I pushed off my chair at the same time as she spoke. "Do you have plans tonight?"
Not sure entirely what I was expecting but it wasn't that. "None that I am aware of." My eyes narrowed. "Why?"
Jennah's fingers curled tighter around the strap of her purse hanging over her shoulder.
"Tommy's with Mom and Dad so I thought we could go for dinner at Oven and Vine.
Get a head start on Mom's birthday plans?
" Our mother was turning fifty in a few weeks, and my sister and I had been talking about throwing her a big party to celebrate.
"Sure. I'll meet you there in a bit. I just need to take a quick shower and get changed."
***
Thirty minutes later, we were seated in one of the booths next to the large windows that overlooked Main street.
Jennah had a glass of white wine in front of her while I'd opted for a soda.
The silence that'd been stretching between us wasn't comfortable at all, and I had zero clues on how to fix it.
Across from me, my sister picked up her wine and took two huge gulps. Since she wasn't a big drinker, my eyes widened with confusion. "Thirsty?"
She swiped the inside of her hand over her mouth. The intensity burning behind her eyes when she leveled me with a stare had uneasiness prickling over my skin. "Why aren't we close, Maddie? "
Good thing I didn't have anything in my mouth because it would've come right back out again. Sure, I'd been wondering the same thing, but never had I even imagined that she had too.
Leaning forward, I poised my folded arms on the table and pulled my shoulders up. "I don't know, Jennah. It's probably my fault. I always kind of envied you for being the golden child."
Her brows furrowed, deep lines marring her forehead. "Golden child?"
I sighed heavily and turned my attention to the cars driving by. I'd had these thoughts for years. Finding the right words shouldn't have been so difficult. I was just so terrified of accidentally hurting her.
"Will you talk to me, please?" Jennah begged.
My gaze found hers again. One look into the eyes that looked so much like my own and I knew she deserved the absolute truth. "Do you still remember when Mom and Dad found out that I'd been going to dance classes instead of soccer practice?"
She winced. "Yes."
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard at the memory. Drawing in a deep breath, I opened them again. "Well, later when Dad demanded I never set foot in Soulbeat again, he asked why I couldn't be more like you."
Something that looked a hell of a lot like understanding fell over Jennah's face.
It gave me strength to go on. "All I ever wanted was for us to be best friends but that stupid incredibly hurt part inside of me envied you.
Jennah, I was so jealous of your ability to be the perfect child. The one who wasn't a disappointment."
My sister reached across the table so fast, I startled.
Her fingers curled around my wrist and squeezed tight.
"Oh, Maddie." She searched my eyes. "I'm not making excuses for anyone, but somewhere over the years, I've come to think that our parents really didn't know any better. Hell, they still don't."
She stared at her hand wrapped around my arm. "When I fell pregnant with Tommy, Dad took me to Mathilda's Diner for burgers and milkshakes." Slowly, her focus shifted back to me. "I'd stupidly thought it was to assure me that everything would be all right. That we'd get through it together."
A mirthless laugh escaped her lips. "Yeah, I was so wrong. Dad laid into me about how irresponsible I was to throw my future away like that. He did some comparing too, and even though I am two years older than you, I'd never felt more inferior than I had that day."
She leaned forward; eyes boring into mine. "You know what else?" Biting my lip, I shook my head. "The only reason why it's so easy for me to fall in line with their plans is because I'm not half as brave as you are."
"That's not true," I insisted fiercely. "You're raising a kid all by yourself. That's pretty freaking brave, if you ask me."
At the mention of my nephew, a genuine smile touched her lips. "That was forced bravery. I really didn't have any other choice. "
The waitress appeared. A tender look on her face as her gaze flicked between Jennah and me. She pulled her notepad out. "Are we ready to order?"
Meeting my sister's gaze, I grinned. "We sure are."
***
Funny how one dinner with my sister could change so much. We weren't suddenly best friends, but I understood her better and vice versa. I was already smiling when I walked around to the back of the house; it only grew wider when I spotted Adam standing at the edge of his yard.
In the dim light of the moon, I could only see enough to know he was facing the ocean.
Keeping on my side of the fence, I wandered to where he was standing.
Although most of the big blue was hidden under the darkness of night, the sound of the waves gently lapping against the shore filtered through the air.
"That has to be my favorite sound," I confessed quietly.
A deep, "Mhm," rumbled through his chest and had me shivering on the spot. Adam was quiet for so long after that, I couldn't help but feel like I'd intruded on his moment of peace. I was about to go inside and leave him alone with his thoughts when he spoke.
"You feeling better today?"
Turning to face him, I was surprised to find him already looking at me. Soft light spilled from his house and cast shadows over his face. He looked dark and mysterious and painfully beautiful.
"Yes, thank you."
That rich, gritty voice was soft and low when he spoke again. "That's good." The little butterflies in my stomach fluttered about furiously and when he stepped closer my heart joined in too.
He casually draped those thick arms over the fence, his gaze zeroing in on me. In the darkness, I couldn't see the look in his eyes, but I felt the heat of his stare all the same. "I'm curious," he murmured.
"About what?" Goodness, I sounded all kinds of breathy.
"It's been a while since your dog has flown the coop."
Somehow, I'd imagined him saying something else entirely.
But that could've been a byproduct of my endless fantasies about the man.
Laughing quietly, I shook my head. "Well, yeah.
A certain someone—I'm not naming names or anything—complained profusely about my dog and the door I used to leave open for him.
So now I close it and poor Sheldon has no fresh air," I said very dramatically.
A deep chuckle rumbled through Adam's chest and rolled over my skin, instantly presenting me with my new favorite sound. I had the urge to close my eyes and beg him to let me hear it on a loop.
"Whoever said such a thing must be the biggest asshole in the world." I could still hear the smile in his voice and as much as I wanted to tease him, something inside of me wouldn't let me.
"Or maybe he's just misunderstood."
Adam didn't utter a word for such a long time; I was certain I'd overstepped. I opened my mouth to apologize but he spoke first. "You know you could always leave Sheldon with me during the day."
It was my turn to be silent. From the moment I'd met this man, he made no secret of the fact that my dog was the bane of his existence. Now he was offering to dogsit? Also, did he not have a normal job like the rest of us? "You don't have somewhere to be during the day?"
It might've been my imagination, but he looked slightly uncomfortable. "I…uh…no, I don't. Watching him won't be a problem."
That was a vague answer if I ever heard one. Unfortunately for my curious little self, he didn't need to explain his comings and goings. "Careful," I told him. "I might think you're actually nice."
His comeback was swift. "Maybe I just wanna be nice to you ?" The way he said it made my skin tighten in the best way possible. Goosebumps chased up my arms and down my spine. My nerve endings felt like live wires feeding electricity into my veins.
This was dangerous.
He was dangerous.
Like a thunderstorm slowly rolling in, ready to cause havoc wherever it touched .
But instead of running and shielding myself, I wanted to step straight into the middle of it. Wanted to feel the full force of it wrapped around me.
"Think about it," he said. "The offer stands." With that, he pushed off the fence. I bit my lip as I watched that big body amble toward the house.
I was in so much trouble.