19
ADAM
I hardly recognized the man staring back at me from the mirror above my sink.
The dark patches that'd been beneath my eyes for the better part of three years were steadily fading away. Life had been breathed into the hollow stare I had come to expect to see every morning.
And those were just the changes on the outside. Inside of me, things had shifted. The deep-rooted hate that consumed me for so long was finally making room for something else. Or possibly someone else.
It wasn't lost on me that since Maddie had come into my life, the nightmares had stopped. No more razor-sharp claws slowly digging away at my sanity. No more sleepless nights filled with nothing but bad dreams of the woman I couldn't save.
The dreams were still there. They just verged on the edge of fantasies and featured an entirely different woman. One with whiskey eyes that I wanted to get lost in.
Still regarding my reflection, I pulled my brows together. Hand brushing over my chest, I realized that for the first time since the accident Angie could enter my thoughts without a bout of self-loathing following on her heels.
Over the past few days, I'd done a lot of thinking. Mostly about what Griffin had said and specifically what he thought Angie would want. And he was right. Wallowing in what was, was no way to live.
I didn't know where I was going to go from here. And certain wounds ran so deep, I wasn't sure they'd ever heal. But I wanted to try. Small steps. And I was going to start with Maddie.
I hadn't lied the previous night; I wanted to be nice to her. I wanted to be her friend. And, yeah, maybe I wanted to taste her lips and find out what sounds she made when her buttons were pushed just right.
But more than that, I just wanted some of the good in her to rub off on me.
Bending over, I splashed my face with cold water and felt my mouth stretch into a grin. When I'd decided to move to Clearwater Bay, my dad had taken me aside and told me that he believed I would find the peace I was craving here.
If he only knew how right he'd been.
The generic ringtone of my phone sounded from my bedside table. I chuckled when I saw an incoming video call from my mother. Flopping down on the bed, I swiped the green button. Mom's confused face immediately filled the screen.
"Adam…I wasn't expecting you to answer so quickly." Her brows pulled together, eyes blinking rapidly.
"I was close to the phone."
She leaned closer to the little camera, searching for who knew what before she pulled it away from her softly lined face. "You look different." From her tone, I couldn't tell whether she thought it was a good thing or not.
Nodding, I admitted, "I've been sleeping better."
She smiled then. It was big, bright, and beautiful. "That's good. Your father will be so happy to hear that." A little sigh escaped her lips. "He worries about you. We all do."
"I know, Mom. And I appreciate it."
My mother fell silent, eyes shining with unshed tears.
My heart did that funny thing again. And for all the changes that'd taken place, seeing my mom cry still was something I didn't have the strength for.
Because if I saw those thick tears roll down her cheeks, I'd wonder how many of them she'd shed over me.
I cleared my throat. "You doing good?"
"Oh, yes." Her lips curved upward again. "Your dad and I have been going to Bingo nights at the community center." Laughing, she shook her head. "A sure sign that we are getting old now."
"Nah, not old, just wise." I winked and my mom howled with laughter. The sound, so joyous, bubbled straight from the happiest depths of her, and it was impossible not to grin.
With a few swipes of her fingers, she wiped away her happy tears. A second later, she looked about as serious as a heart attack. "I've missed you. "
I knew exactly what she meant because I'd missed me too.
There was a time, not too long ago, where I thought I'd never be able to be like this with anyone again.
Swallowing down the emotion lodged in my throat, I stared at my mom's face.
"I…I'm not…" For whatever reason, the right words wouldn't come.
"There's a long way to go still," I finally admitted.
My mother's smile never wavered. "Of course there is. You've been to hell, and finding your way back was never going to be quick or easy."
Deep inside me, something else shifted. The sure click of it finding its place, lifting another small rock off my shoulders. I opened my mouth to tell my mom how right my dad had been, but before I could utter a word, two sharp knocks sounded from the front door.
My heart jumped inside my chest.
There was only one person who would be standing outside my door this early in the morning. "Someone just knocked. Can I call you back later?"
She blinked rapidly. "You have company?"
"Yeah."
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my grin from spreading when her mouth opened and closed a few times. Two more knocks sounded. I pushed off the bed. "I gotta go now." And then before I could stop it and possibly because she needed to hear it, I reminded her, "Love you."
Her eyes were shining once more when she repeated the words back to me with a wobbly goodbye at the end. Phone still clutched in my hand, I bolted down the stairs. Fingers curled around the handle, I took a few steadying breaths before I pulled it open.
As I suspected, Maddie was standing on my porch with her dog tucked under her arm. When he saw me, his tail furiously swished back and forth. My gaze flicked to the woman holding him. Was she just as happy to see me?
"Morning," she greeted sweetly. "I brought Sheldon." My eyes zeroed in on her mouth when she rolled her bottom lip over her teeth. I wanted to suck on it until the taste of her was burned onto my tongue.
Gripping the door tighter, I shifted from one foot to the other and forced my gaze to hers. The way she was staring at me, like she was seeing me and not the scars I wore, had the hair on my arms and neck standing up.
"It's still okay, right?" she asked, her voice quiet and unsure.
Clearly, whenever she was around, I was incapable of logical thinking. I blinked and then blinked again. "What?"
She licked her lips and I almost offered to do it for her. "Sheldon."
"Right, of course," I stammered, feeling like a bigger fool than I looked. I jerked my head in the excited dog's direction. "He come with special instructions?"
Her long blonde ponytail swayed side to side with the shake of her head. "Nope, just a warning." Maddie's mouth lifted into a mischievous smile. "If you love your shoes, keep him far, far away from them."
"Got it. "
I lifted my hands to take the dog from her, but she pulled him just out of my reach. "You sure you want to do this? It's okay if you changed your mind."
"Maddie." I leveled her with a stare. "I offered, didn't I?"
It was my own fault she was second-guessing me. The little bastard and I hadn't started on the best foot, but if it weren't for him, I would never have needed to talk to Maddie.
Her gaze flicked between me and Sheldon before she reluctantly handed him over. There was no avoiding touching her during the transfer and as it always did, the parts of my skin that touched hers felt alive.
"My cell is on there as well as the studio's number." She thrust a small piece of paper toward me. "Please call me if anything goes wrong."
With the dog secured under one arm, I stepped forward and placed my hand on her shoulder. "Relax. Everything is going to be fine."
Those big eyes of hers flicked to where I was touching her before ever so slowly trekking up along my arm, over my shoulder, and finally settling on mine.
They roamed over my face for a few breath-stealing seconds.
"Okay." The word might've left her lips in a whisper, but it didn't hold an ounce of hesitancy.
Lifting my hand from her shoulder, I took the card with her contact details from her. I was still studying her neat scrawl when she spoke again. "I appreciate you doing this. If there's anything I can do to return the favor, just ask. "
Oh, I could think of a few things, but I doubted they were the kind of favor she was referring to. "I wouldn't say no to cinnamon rolls."
The way her beautiful face lit up right then nearly did me in. "You liked them?"
"A little more than like," I confessed. "They were gone before sunset."
She nibbled on her lip again. "Getting you rolls is the least I can do. So consider it done." With a soft smile, she said goodbye and turned on her heel. She didn't make it very far before she stopped, and a curse fell from her lips.
She shook her head as she slowly turned to face me again. With a sigh that almost sounded defeated, she put one foot in front of the other until she was standing before me again.
The look of dread on her face was enough to give me pause. "You okay?"
Her lip disappeared between her teeth; eyes focused on me. "I forgot what day it is," she almost whispered. I was about to remind her it was Tuesday when she spoke. "Every Tuesday and Thursday we have dance aerobics."
Since my brain function was severely slowed whenever Maddie was around, it took me a few seconds to catch up. "You're going to be late."
Worry pulled her brows together. "Yeah. Are you still okay with watching him?"
"No."
Her eyes went big. "Oh…okay then? "
Flattening my lips into a thin line, I tried to keep myself from grinning. "Maddie, I'm kidding. It's fine. What difference is a few hours going to make?"
"I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage."
She could take whatever the hell she wanted if it meant I got to spend a couple of minutes with her. "You're not," I assured.
Closing the distance between us, she bent over and nuzzled Sheldon, who was still happily tucked away under my arm. The subtle scent of strawberries tickled my nose, and not closing my eyes and breathing it in was almost impossible.
When she peered up at me, my heart stuttered. "Thank you, Adam."
I couldn't speak. I was too damn afraid if I opened my mouth, I'd beg her to say my name like that again. Like it was something wonderful. Instead, I nodded and stared after her like a fool until she disappeared from view.
I wasn't sure what this woman was doing to me and oddly enough, I didn't entirely hate it.