Chapter 22 Stay Close to People Who Feel Like Campfires
As proud as I am of myself for doing that presentation in front of everyone, it might not have been my best idea after all. Because I don’t get a single chance to see Sierra for the rest of the school day.
I don’t know if she’s avoiding me or if it’s because of our different schedules or, well, maybe it’s both. The point is: She’s nowhere to be seen, and I’m freaking the fuck out.
I slam my locker shut, a groan escaping me as I rest my head against it. “It’s really over, isn’t it?” I ask.
“Deep breaths, Ellie,” Noah reminds me, leaning against the locker next to mine.
“Even if Sierra doesn’t want to be with you—and that’s just an if—that doesn’t mean it’s all over.
You grew so much this past summer, and that is something no one is ever going to be able to take away from you, okay?
” My brother looks me right in the eyes.
“Whether you get a girlfriend out of this or not, I’m proud of you. ”
I nod to myself, repeating his words in my head as I breathe in and out, in and out. “Thanks for staying here with me, Noah,” I tell him, giving him a smile that is at least partly genuine. “I think it’s time for us to go home, though.”
But my brother is now looking at something behind me. “Um, maybe think again, actually,” he says, and when I turn around, I understand exactly what he means.
Because pushing through the crowded corridor is Sierra Levine, as determined as ever.
Her face might be completely blank and unreadable, but her steps are what give her away.
Each one is taken with full confidence, in that same exact way she does when she’s on the volleyball court.
When she knows exactly what she needs to do.
And this time, those steps…they lead her right to me.
If only I knew what that meant: Is she determined to kiss me or to kill me?
I can barely function by the time Sierra is standing in front of me, and my dysfunction only gets worse when she says, “We need to talk.” Then she grabs me by my wrist and drags me to the nearest empty classroom, ignoring the whistles coming from behind us.
She simply locks the door, shutting out all the noise.
For a moment it’s completely silent.
“I can’t believe you!” she exclaims then, starting to pace around the room. “You can’t just go up there and give that speech only to disappear!”
I barely dare to move. “I had class,” I try, careful.
Sierra stops walking. “Not the point, Ellie. What I’m trying to say is that you can’t just…
confess all that and expect me to be able to focus on math afterward!
Seriously, this was the longest day of my life, and it’s not even four p.m.!
” She shakes her head at the mere thought.
“Do you realize how hard it is to sit still and pay attention to what teachers are saying when all I want to do is run to you? To tell you that yes, of course I feel the same way?”
My breath catches in my throat at that. “Wait. You like me?” I ask, just to make sure I’m not completely delusional.
Sierra looks at me like I’m going to be the one to end her, not the other way around. “We really need to work on your confidence, but yes, I like you, Ellie. A whole lot,” she confirms.
It’s like a light spreads through my entire body instantly, filling every little hollow corner with warmth. As my heart beats its favorite rhythm in my chest, I smile my most genuine smile, not caring that Sierra can probably see every single one of my teeth right now.
“Awesome,” I say. “I, um, yeah. If you didn’t get the message yet, I definitely don’t want what happened at camp to stay there.”
The corners of her mouth lift into a smile. “I sure hope you don’t, because I’ve been frustrated while waiting to do this all day,” she says, and the next moment, her lips are on mine.
Finally.
We fall back into the rhythm we found at camp immediately, her hands on my waist and my arms around her neck.
We’re two flames of a crackling campfire, meeting in the middle until sparks fly all around us.
Or maybe we’re more like two waves, colliding with each other until you don’t know where one ends and the other begins.
Whatever we are, Sierra and I fit together perfectly. Everything about the kiss is soft and slow, and I lose myself in her touch so completely that I forget we’re still on school grounds.
That is, until the bell rings. Loudly.
I break the kiss, taking some time to breathe as heat rises to my cheeks even quicker than it did before.
After the bell stops ringing, silence fills the classroom as the two of us just breathe together.
Once she’s no longer out of breath, Sierra says softly, “You didn’t have to lay your whole soul open for everyone to see during that presentation, you know.
Like, you didn’t feel pressured by me to come out or something… right?”
I shake my head, taking her hand in mine and squeezing it.
“I wanted to, don’t worry. And I actually did leave some things out of the presentation,” I say.
“I’m a demiromantic lesbian, so I only get romantically attracted to people after developing a strong emotional connection with them.
I think that’s part of the reason why I never realized I liked girls.
I didn’t let anyone into my life, so I was never really able to get crushes or—”
“First of all, you’re rambling,” Sierra interrupts, grinning as she takes a step closer to me. “And secondly, when did you realize all this?”
I press my lips together before saying, “I might’ve stayed up all night last night to research sexualities. The websites Maya sent me were especially helpful.”
Sierra shakes her head and laughs. The sound fills my heart with warmth.
“So yeah,” I continue. “This is all very new to me, but it feels right. It feels like…like me.” I take her hand back in mine, and she squeezes it, just like I did to hers only moments ago, but because it’s her doing so, my body basically stops working for a good three seconds.
Focus, Eleanore.
I clear my throat. “You’re distracting me.
What I’m trying to say is—I did leave some stuff out of that presentation, like how I’m still trying to work through years of trauma.
How all of this actually terrifies me and I don’t know if I’m doing any of it right but that I want to try.
Because during those two weeks at camp, you didn’t only teach me how to love and accept myself.
Somewhere along the way, I learned to fall in love, too. And I did. With you.”
She tugs a strand of hair behind my ear. “I guess we make the perfect team, then, Eleanore Young, because I feel the exact same way.”