Chapter Thirty-Two #2
I throw my arms around Raven’s neck and tug her close.
“You made your dream come true,” I sob. “Oh, Raven, darling, I absolutely love this for you.” I stand up quickly and begin pacing the room, one hand on my hip, the other pushing back my swoopy bangs.
I need a haircut. “Oh my god, I’ve got to start planning a baby shower.
Do you know your due date? Oh, let me phone Jonny.
He loves babies. He has eleven nieces and nephews.
Did you know Sasha had his twins?” I stop pacing and turn to her.
“Oh my god, I’m going to be an aunt. Is it Jonas’?
I bet it’s Jonas’, isn’t it? As many times as I caught you two, I wouldn't believe it’s anyone else’s.
No, but Maverick is a bit of a primal beast, right?
I mean the way he watches you like he wants to devour you…
It’s all so very hot. I feel pregnant every time I leave a room you’re both in. ”
Raven begins snickering on the sofa, watching me. We don’t know whose baby it is yet. We’ll have the paternity test done when they’re born, but I’m pretty sure you’re right. I think it’s Jonas’. We had this really great weekend in Seattle…
I sit back down and grab her boobs again, weighing them in my palms. “These are enormous. How far along are you? Do they hurt? Do they feel as heavy as they look?”
“S…sev-seventeen w-w-weeks. And… yes. To all of your qu-ques…tions,” she replies, letting me continue to lift and separate her breasts.
“Well, well, well, what’s going on here?” Jonas says lazily, and I drop my hands to see not only Jonas but also Parker and Maverick. Maksim must either be with the capos or upstairs still asleep. But he had a look about him last night, and he smelled of whiskey.
“Well, I was congratulating her first and foremost. Secondly, have you seen the size of these things? Like melons at the county fair.” I shove my hands into Raven’s curls. “My god, and your hair… not extensions, I presume?”
My gorgeous friend shakes her head side to side, beaming at me, letting me touch all over her.
“Alright… I think that’s enough groping my wife,” Maverick murmurs, sitting beside Raven and pulling her into his lap, hands settling on her stomach. She smiles down at him, and he beams up at her.
I roll my eyes at them. “Uggghhh, you’re fucking disgusting and happy. I love you so much. That little jelly bean is going to be just a lovely little terror. Three daddies? My god.” I stand and kiss Raven on the temple with her silver hair. “I adore you, you know this, don’t you?”
Raven nods.
“Good. I am going to nap and then finish packing for our flight tomorrow night. And then I’ll look into my calendar, and we can begin planning your baby shower.
Or would you rather a sprinkle, seeing as I’m going to lavish you with everything you need.
” I hold my hand out to Parker, who grabs it intentionally and pulls me to his chest. He tips my chin up so I can meet his eyes, frowning when I'm sure he knows I've been sobbing.
He plants a chaste kiss on my lips, and he tugs me out to the hallway.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Not nothin’, hellcat. You cried.”
I wait until we’re a little farther from the office and taking the grand staircase to our quarters. “It was nothing.”
“Sabrina—”
“Raven is pregnant and I’m not, and I became a blubbering mess. You know me, always slightly dramatic and ridiculous.” I frown and blink back more tears.
Parker grabs my elbow just as we reach the landing. “Can you stop for just one second?”
“I don’t want to,” I reply, because I don't want to think about that odd feeling that sprang about when I was told I am not pregnant. Just to see that my best friend is pregnant and I'm not jealous. I’m really not. I just always thought we would be those friends that got pregnant at the same time, and I’m not even ready to be a mum.
Am I? I’ve always known I wanted children.
Oh, cockwombles, I’m spiraling again. Fuck, I’m exhausted. “I just need a nap, okay?”
“Bri—”
“Leave it,” I implore. “Please.”
He does… by going in the other direction and leaving me to go upstairs alone. Great. Now I feel even more terrible. Upon entering the room, I kick off my slippers, practically tear off my leisure tights, and peel off my cable-knit sweater, diving into the bed and burrowing beneath the heavy duvet.
I wake up to a sexy little pregnant brunette pushing my hair out of my face.
“You… okay?”
I turn to face her completely and pull my shoulder up to my chin in a shrug.
“I don’t think I feel anything at the moment.
Is that odd? I haven't felt this hollow in days. Before that, it was months. And before that, that's all I felt. Angry, hollow, and… angry.” I shake my head. “At first I was angry at Kane. Then myself. I asked myself so many times, ‘Why me? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?’ you know the answer to that, don’t you?”
Raven nods and makes the sign for ‘Nothing.’
“Precisely. Which just made me angry all over again. Parker survived, and my husband is back, and I'm… I should be elated. And I am. But I should also be getting fucked within an inch of my life, and all I am is exhausted. I want… nothing. I’m sure Frenchie would say I’m depressed or what have you, but…
but I just woke up and I’m ready to sleep again.
I think it’s because I know once I step foot into the mansion, I'll relive all of it. The moment I saw Parker die. The minute I killed someone. The second it all clicked together that my husband was taken and the sounds of Aleksi performing CPR on Parker, and I don’t think I’m ready for that.
“I know Niko told me they cleaned it all up, but it’s more the memory—not the blood—that is the stain.
As fractured as that memory may be,” I ramble on, telling her everything I told Damon.
And Raven lets me. She lays beside me, allowing me to prattle on as I slowly inch my hand to her stomach.
I’m about to place my hand over her stomach under the blankets, but I stop myself because there is a little black ink stain on my heart, rife with envy that shouldn’t be there.