Thirty-Eight
T HIRTY - E IGHT
ESTRELLA
The shimmering lights of the cove waters glistened off the crystals that filled the chamber. Bioluminescence illuminated what should have been a dark, dreary place—so separated from the light of the surface. The crystals shone from within, a low, pulsating light that was in tune with the rhythm of my heart in a way that erased any doubt.
In another life, in other circumstances, this would have been my home.
The thought was sobering, taking away a little of the overwhelming joy the prospect of uniting with Caldris gave me. What would a life in a place like this have been like? The beauty here couldn’t drown out the horror outside of these caverns.
But Tartarus lacked one thing in particular that I wouldn’t have given up for anything.
My mate.
I made my way down the embankment to approach Medusa where she waited with a group of three other Gorgon women. I tried not to allow myself to be bothered by my own nudity, drawing comfort from where Belladonna had perched herself across my shoulders comfortably. Her weight felt like it belonged there, like she had always been a part of my body when she was as new to me as the cove that surrounded me.
Medusa had changed out of the armor she’d worn previously, donning a simple white gown that draped over her shoulders and cut low in the front. A strap wound around her waist, the fabric woven into a braid that held the loosely flowing skirt tight at the smallest part of her body. The other Gorgons wore similar gowns, their arms covered in bioluminescent shimmers that clung to their sepia skin.
They looked so much like Medusa that I felt the stall of my heart in my chest, somehow knowing that these women were family to her… family to me by extension.
There’d been a life here that I’d never been a part of. A family unit that I’d been deprived of.
Time I could never get back.
The cove was stunning, with a waterfall at the back corner of the room. The water plunged into a pool below, the sound of rushing water filling the small space. Somehow, it wasn’t as loud as I thought it should have been, offering a simple kind of peace to the humming of my mind and the thoughts that constantly plagued me.
“Step into the waters, Estrella,” Medusa said, nodding her head over to the cove itself. I stepped past the three Gorgon women watching me, both simultaneously wishing I knew their names and needing nothing more than to continue on. Whatever this tradition was, whatever else was needed to prepare me, I wanted to be with Caldris once again.
I wanted to feel his heart beat in time with mine, and I wanted to feel complete for the first time in my life. Coming here, to this place so filled with the things I’d missed out on in my life on the other side of the Veil, reminded me of everything I’d lost.
I wanted to think of everything I could have now. The love that waited for me.
My toes touched the warm, balmy waters of the cove first. The water spread along my skin, coating me in warmth that was all-consuming. I felt it sink inside of me, warming me through the barrier of my skin. Belladonna shifted on my shoulders as I stepped deeper, drawn into the water until I lowered to my shoulders.
“You must pass beneath the falls,” one of the Gorgon women said with a gentle smile. “Cleanse yourself of everything that came before this day and the handfasting that awaits you. You must go to one another as you are, not as the world would have you be.”
I moved deeper into the cove as Belladonna lifted from my shoulders, twisting through the water at her leisure. My hands moved just beneath the surface as the water grew too deep for me to stand, my feet kicking as I moved slowly to the falls. I paused just before passing beneath it, drawing in deep breaths of air.
The moment I swam beneath the fall, the pressure of it beat against the top of my head. Pain blossomed there, any breath I’d attempted to store being stolen from my lungs as it pushed me beneath the surface. I hurried to kick myself forward, seeking an out in desperation. I swam until my feet could brush the silt below me, pushing myself to stand and breaking through the surface as I flung my hair back and water splashed out of my face.
It dripped down me, leaving me to stare at my bare skin that was covered in the same sparkle the Gorgon women had donned. I raised my hands above the surface, splaying my fingers and watching the turquoise and purple lights glisten as I moved. Medusa stepped into the shallow waters, uncaring for the way the water drenched her dress. She bent low, holding out a hand that Belladonna approached without hesitation. The purple snake nuzzled into Medusa’s hand, the moment of affection beautiful in the uniqueness of it.
Here, the snakes and the serpents were not feared, but existed happily alongside the Gorgons. In Mistfell, they’d been killed if they were discovered in the gardens. Long before I’d understood why , I’d snuck them into my pocket when I discovered them, setting them free in the forest later after I’d finished harvesting.
Even then, I hadn’t been able to suffer their deaths when all they wanted was food just the same as me.
“By our customs, the day of your handfasting should come with a gift from each of your families. Something you can carry with you always and one day give to a child of your own,” Medusa said as Belladonna sank her teeth into her wrist. I watched the fangs penetrate Medusa’s skin, sinking deep into the vein there and drinking. “I have nothing of my mother to offer you, and even if I did, I wouldn’t. She condemned me when the Goddess turned me into this, and she does not get to be a part of my legacy.”
“Your legacy is this place,” I said, shrugging off the tightness in my chest to gesture to the home she’d carved out for herself in Tartarus. “Your sanctuary will live on forever.”
“ You will always be my true legacy, Estrella,” she said as Belladonna pulled her fangs free from her wrist finally. “My daughter of chaos.”
I swallowed as the bright violet snake slithered toward me, glancing back and forth between her and Medusa. “I don’t need a gift. My mate is all I need, and I wouldn’t have a gift from Khaos anyway.”
“Your father would never allow you to be married without his knowledge or permission, Estrella. Surely you know that,” she said, reaching up a hand to the snakes in her hair. They parted, allowing her to reach into the strands beneath them and pluck a single, golden thread from her head. She held it out before me, distracting me as I watched it shimmer in the lights of the cove.
My hands hung at my sides as I stared at the thread, attempting to trace where it went. What it touched and what it might change if I pulled on it.
Belladonna brushed against my hand, giving me a moment to look at her before she bared her fangs and sank them into my wrist. My knees buckled beneath me, dragging me deeper into the water as her body wound around my arm and cold filled my body. It was such a contrast to the warmth of the water surrounding me, filling me with stone and attempting to drag me beneath the surface.
I would drown. I would turn to the very rock at my feet and drown in this place, condemned by my mother’s “gift.”
Just when I thought I could not take any more, Belladonna released me. I got my feet beneath me, pushing to the surface once again and emerging from it as the snake swam around me. Medusa had closed the distance between us, standing just in front of me as I sputtered for breath.
She touched a finger to the space above my breast, dragging a long, black talon across my skin slowly as I gasped and stared down at the blood that welled in response to her touch. She slid a finger into the parted flesh, never taking her gaze off mine as I wheezed in pain. Belladonna pressed her body against my back as she bit into my other wrist, making everything inside of me still.
I couldn’t move as Medusa’s serpentine green eyes held mine rooted to the spot. She hummed, the sound a quiet song, as something emerged from the cavity in my chest, wrapping around her finger and turning to stone the moment it touched her. The snake Mab had wrapped around my heart hardened and turned to ash, falling into the water below us as Medusa raised that small, short piece of thread and pressed it into my wound.
“Let your father’s gift be a reminder,” she said, reaching up to cup my cheek as the wound healed over, glowing with golden light from within. “That no matter what the Fates may weave, you command the threads themselves.”
Belladonna released me with an affectionate brush, following after Medusa as she turned to walk out of the cove. I followed after her, breathing through the odd freedom in my heart. There was no vice pressing down on it, only the distinct feeling that I could conquer anything.
That fate itself was in tune with my wants and needs.
I followed after her, emerging from the water and stepping onto the sands at the edge of the cove. I stumbled over jagged grains, turning my attention to where the tan sand turned to pebbles, hardening beneath me once more. “Soft, Estrella,” Medusa said, the words a gentle reminder. “You are soft and gentle, and you want the things around you to remain so. You are not cursed like I am, but gifted with another means to protect yourself.”
I breathed, the very threat of turning Caldris to stone enough of a reprimand. I couldn’t afford to let my magic slip, to lose control of this power for even a moment. The rock at my feet lifted, raising me higher as I focused on the sound of Medusa’s breathing. She breathed out, and I followed suit, feeling the rock sink back down at my feet. The grains of sand returned, correcting my slip up with ease.
“You are the master of your magic, my love. Do not ever doubt that or let it control you,” Medusa explained, using her grip on my hand to guide me toward the three other women. One held up a deep blue dress that matched the colors of the home the Gorgons had created here. It was the blue of deep water, of the night sky on a cold winter’s day. She slid the fabric over my head, letting it settle at my breast as one of the other women tore my braid free and splayed my damp hair over my shoulder. She ran her fingers through it as the last woman stepped up beside me, yanking at the laces across my back and pulling the dress tight. It was fitted through the breast, without straps or anything to cover my shoulders. It left the entirety of my Fae Marks visible and remained fitted through my hips before flaring out to the floor.
As soon as the dress was tightened, they worked as a team to braid my hair anew and brush the blue lights of the water onto my cheekbones. There wasn’t any of the pomp and circumstance I thought I would have experienced had I ever married in the human realm. No formalities beyond the gifts given to me by those who had created me.
A simple dress. A braid for my hair. There was no kohl to line my eyes or intricate makeup to cover my face. I felt nude without it on a day like this somehow, as if Caldris would see the real me beneath the surface.
It didn’t matter that he already had more times than I could count, only that this would be different.
In this, I would be his wife. He would see inside of me as well as outside, claiming the last parts of me as his.
“How do you feel?” Medusa asked, her face soft as she nodded to one of the Gorgons. The woman left my side, moving to an opening in the cave we occupied. It was narrow, as if it led to a hallway or tunnel, and she disappeared from view as Medusa settled Belladonna around my shoulders. She draped there comfortably, twining her tail around one of my arms as her head rested over my heart.
My heart that was free to love and do as I choose finally.
“Nervous,” I said, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip.
“There is no need to be nervous about love, Estrella. You only need to fear all that comes after,” she said, the ominous words making my brow furrow. “To that end, I have one more gift that may help.”
She nodded behind me, making me turn slowly to find Caldris walking toward me. His steps faltered as his gaze swept over my body, moving from head to toe and back again in a way that made me fidget. Those stormy blue eyes glazed over with heat, burning a hole into me as he finally settled on my face once again.
I drowned in the depths of them, the breath sweeping out of my lungs as he strode closer to me. Medusa left my side, approaching him and placing a hand over his heart.
He faltered, his stare dropping from mine and leaving me bereft.
Medusa drew back, her fingernails lengthening as she tipped her head to the side.
And plunged her fist into Caldris’s chest.