Thirty-Nine
T HIRTY - N INE
NILA
I slinked through the halls in the dark cover of night. All was silent as I made my way through the narrow corridors, a momentary reprieve offered to all who called Tar Mesa home as Mab slept. It was as if the palace itself breathed a sigh of relief, as if the very stone walls that surrounded me relaxed along with the residents who were trapped in this Godsforsaken place.
Even Mab’s guards who usually patrolled the halls while she slept were conspicuously absent. They too undoubtedly took advantage of the opportunity to rest without fear that she would kill them in a mad fit while they slept.
I’d only told one person of my plans for my night, instead choosing to take this part of my journey on my own. Countless others had attempted it before me, and few had made it past the guards Mab surrounded herself with. My only hope in this was that she was less protected than ever, her own who were usually loyal to her even coming to fear her in such a way that they could no longer defend her.
Their risk of being murdered was as high as any of ours, and that tended to put things into perspective for those whose loyalty could be purchased with the promise of survival.
The knife I had tucked away into one of the drawers in Estrella’s sitting room burned a hole in my pocket. I didn’t dare to reach in to grasp the hilt for fear of burning myself upon the iron of the blade, particularly when I turned to the staircase that would take me to the upper floor of Tar Mesa. On this top level, only Mab resided and no others were permitted entrance apart from the guard who waited outside and her lady-in-waiting. Any others who were summoned here had come to fear this place, and I couldn’t help but think of the day that Mab had brought Estrella here. I rounded the corner at the top of the staircase, keeping my head low as I carried a tray with a teapot and cup and small bites of food placed upon it.
I hoped her guard would pay little attention to the servant bringing Mab her midnight tea. Even if she had already succumbed to sleep earlier than normal this evening, Aligan, her lady-in-waiting, would always make sure that her tea was there for her should she wake and desire it. The consequences of not providing that service were too dire.
While Aligan slept off the harsh reality of the herbs I’d put into her own tea, tucking her into the kitchen closet so that no one would find her before I’d done what I’d set out to do, I would bring Mab her tea and stab her through the heart before she could ever wake.
I kept my head down as I approached the carved metal of the doors to her bedroom. Mab’s pet snakes slithered through the gaps, making the door look alive in the darkness. I kept my head down with my hood raised high around the edges of my face, hoping the guard couldn’t see past the faint hint of glamour I’d managed to summon. Any hint of Rheaghan’s magic had left me when he died, but it mattered little now.
I wouldn’t need it for much longer anyway.
“Nila,” the guard said, my name on his voice making everything in me tighten. It was the worst possible outcome of this quest, the one guard on duty being the one who would recognize me. He’d been kind to me where all Mab’s other loyal members had been cruel, and I knew without a doubt he was the only one who’d taken time to know my name, let alone recognize the lines of my face through my glamour.
“Dravenor,” I said, meeting his stare finally. I released my hold on the glamour, letting it slip away and preserving my energy. The presence of the iron had already made it weak enough, giving me little hope of victory unless I managed to sneak into Mab’s rooms undetected.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed, grasping me by the forearm and pulling me away from the doorway and the prying eyes of Mab’s snakes who may or may not alert her to my deception now that he’d spoken my name out loud.
The alcove he took me to was secluded enough, tucking us out of view from the prying eyes as he pressed me into the wall and leaned into my space.
“I’m ending this for all of us,” I said, jerking my arm out of his hold. I set the tray upon the table next to a vase in the alcove beside us, my deception no longer necessary.
“What makes you think you’ll be successful when so many others have tried and failed? She’ll kill you before you can even get close,” he said, scoffing as he ran his hand through his hair. “Don’t waste your life on this misguided attempt that will only get you killed. Do you want your painting to hang in this hallway?” he asked, gesturing an arm out to the portraits of some of those who had tried to kill Mab through deception and tricks. They decorated her halls now, their likeness a morbid reminder of what happened to those who dared.
Few bothered anymore, her reign of terror so complete that there was no form of bravery that could account for an action such as this. Only recklessness and a disregard for one’s life could bring someone to this moment. “And what kind of life is it that I’ll have if I don’t do this? Eternal fucking servitude?” I snapped, shaking my head with a bitter laugh.
“At least you’ll be alive,” Dravenor hissed, his anger tangible in the air. “Rheaghan was a good male. Deserved far better than he got, and he would want better for you than to die at Mab’s hands.”
I wanted to kill him for daring to speak his name. For offering me the reminder of all that I’d lost, and all that we hadn’t hidden as well as we’d thought.
“Don’t tell me what he would want. He never got to have what he wanted while he was alive because of that fucking bitch of a Queen, and I’ll be damned if she gets to continue controlling my life now that he’s gone,” I argued, glaring into Dravenor’s face. I was determined to keep him distracted, to allow for the backup to this endeavor to slide into place while I kept him occupied. I hated that of all the guards I needed to use in this, it had been him who would bear the consequences.
If we didn’t succeed, Mab would kill him, too.
But that was a sacrifice I was willing to make for the rest of Alfheimr and the lives we would save if we were successful.
“Many here find a way to go on without their mates for a time. Some find companionship that fills some of the hole left behind by the mates they never got the opportunity to meet. Your bond was never completed. You could have centuries before you’re lost to the madness and you want to throw that all away?”
I raised a hand, placing it on his chest gently. I didn’t miss the flare of his eyes at the intimate touch, even if his armor did separate us from having skin-to-skin contact. It was a strict reminder of what I’d already learned in my time in the Shadow Court.
Kindness never came free in this place.
It always came with the weight of expectation and a pulsating reality that lingered just behind the kind words and gentle assurances.
He was no less a monster than the others. He just hid it better and used emotional manipulation rather than violence.
The door to Mab’s bedroom creaked as Imelda pulled it open, slipping inside quickly but as quietly as she could manage. Dravenor too heard the sound, his head snapping to the side to lean back and look down the hall. I hoped Imelda was already inside Mab’s quarters, tucked out of sight and out of mind as I did the only thing I could think to do in order to distract Dravenor from the second intruder looking to kill his Queen.
I lunged forward, grasping him by the collar of his tunic where it peeked out from beneath his armor. Tugging him back to me, I waited until he’d turned to face me, his mouth parted to ask me a question he never got to voice.
I pulled him down until his mouth crashed against mine, his reaction immediate. The moment his lips pressed into mine, he shoved his tongue into my parted lips and deepened the kiss, his distraction fully immersed when his hands dropped from the stone of the wall to my lower back. He guided me where he wanted me, shoving the tray of tea to the floor and lifting me so that I sat on the edge of the table with the vase pressed into the small of my back.
He tasted of ale as I let him take what he wanted, shoving the fabric of my dress down from my shoulder to get bare skin. As his mouth dropped there, I reached into the pocket of my gown and wrapped my fingers around the hilt of the dagger I’d brought with me.
Any hesitation I might have had was erased as he nipped at the flesh of my collarbone with sharp teeth, marking me in a way that should have belonged to only one male.
I moved slowly, not alerting him to anything that was wrong as a fake moan slid free from my mouth. Tugging at the hem of his shirt, I motioned to raise it above his head. He let me unlatch his armor as he raised his arms for me to slide it over his head, the leatherlike fabric parting on the side. I shoved it out of the way, using my free hand to tear it over his head and toss it to the side. He hadn’t even lowered his arms before I slid my knife free from my pocket, immediately thrusting it forward into the center of his chest.
He froze as I shoved it forward, the motion too slow as it penetrated his rib cage. The crack vibrated through my hand as the blade finally sank into the fleshy meat of his heart, his body freezing immediately as the iron worked its magic and pulled everything from him.
This was not an injury he would survive, and he lowered his forehead to mine to stare at me in shock. I groaned, disgust rolling through me at the contact now that I didn’t have to keep up any appearances. I shoved him forward, watching as he fell to his back on the stone floor before me. The knife still protruded from his chest, his eyes going blank as I jumped down from the table, adjusted my dress, and strode past him to help Imelda in the Queen’s bedroom.
I shoved the door open, ignoring the snakes that slithered along the surface. The gilded bedframe against the back wall shouldn’t have come as a surprise, a symbol of complete and utter opulence. Imelda stood beside the bed, her fingers touching the crown. Her arms shook, her face twisted into a pained expression. I watched in horror as her fingers that were so like Estrella’s turned to stone against the crown, but still she fought to remove the crown from Mab’s head.
She shook her head, her mismatched obsidian and white eyes turning to meet my gaze. The panic on her face was all that I needed to stride forward, taking the dagger Imelda had placed upon the nightstand. I turned it in my hand, prepared to plunge it down into Mab’s heart.
I made the motion, raising the dagger over my head to gain the momentum to make this wound much more quickly than I had Dravenor’s. There was no time to spare with the Queen of Air and Darkness, no guarantee that she would die as quickly as he had.
Mab’s eyes flew open as she thrust out a hand, launching Imelda and I back as she sat up with a shrill scream. I crashed into the door, the snakes slithering down to touch my shoulders. I’d thought Mab would kill us both immediately for our insolence, but instead she pressed a hand tightly to her chest, her face pained as her lungs heaved with the exertion of breathing.
“ No ,” she rasped, her nails clawing at her own skin. “That’s not possible.”
Imelda recovered first, grabbing my hand and slipping us both out the door and into the hallway. Mab hadn’t seemed to see us at all, so lost in whatever had happened to make her so distracted the only thing to save us from her vengeance.
“Dravenor!” she screamed, but the guard would not answer her. She didn’t seem to care, instead continuing on as if he was there to do her bidding as Imelda guided me toward the stairwell. We paused there to listen for a moment that we probably shouldn’t have risked, curiosity getting the best of us. “Bring me Caldris! I want to see his fucking heart for myself when I rip it from his chest.”
There was a moment of silence while Mab waited for a response, and Imelda took my hand in hers and dragged me down the first set of stairs until we disappeared from view. We heard the door creak open as she poked into the hallway, furious energy reaching us as we moved quietly. Half to listen, half to hide from her notice as we fled the site of the murder I’d committed. My hands were covered in Dravenor’s blood, but I couldn’t make myself regret his death.
Not when we’d come so close to killing Mab and still had our lives intact. Not when we knew something had happened to infuriate her so.
Imelda pulled me into an alcove that was tucked into the stairwell, pressing a finger to her lips as we listened in the silence of the night. Mab’s voice was a hushed whisper from this far away, accompanied only by her footsteps as she paced back and forth in the hall outside her rooms.
“Impossible. Only I can remove you from still beating hearts, my loves,” Mab said.
Imelda’s face spread into a wide smile as she pressed a hand to her mouth to silence her laughter, pulling me down the rest of the stairs. I didn’t dare to speak until we’d returned to the sanctuary of the kitchen, surrounded by Fae who wanted to know if we’d been successful.
While we hadn’t, the room was quiet as Imelda relayed the story of all we’d heard.
“What does it mean?” one of them asked as Imelda and I exchanged a knowing smile.
“It means Estrella and Caldris are both free from Mab’s influence,” Imelda said, her teeth gleaming brightly in the dark with the joy we both felt.
I added the truth of the meaning, the underlying message that we needed to cling to. “It means we have hope.”