Chapter 12
Twelve
Peyton’s call with The Howler editor ended up taking just a few minutes, so we hung out in my room for a little bit after.
I wanted to be present and in the moment as she walked around my room, checking out my accolades, but I couldn’t shake the information Nola told me earlier.
I laughed when she jokingly commented on my pictures and awards, but I didn’t feel it the way I usually would have.
And Peyton’s been making me feel a lot lately because, for once, my attention has been solely on her when we’re together, which is a first for any other girl since I laid my eyes on Shay Moore three years ago.
But not tonight. No, tonight, visions of Shay’s sad face the day after my big win a few months back kept flashing through my mind.
So, around midnight, when Peyton was ready to head out, I took the opportunity to walk her home because I knew it wasn’t fair for my full attention not to be on her.
I looked for signs of Shay on our way out of The Wolves Den, but didn’t see her near any of her friends.
On my way back, I decided to take a chance and stop by the women’s basketball house.
Me
You awake?
Shay
Yep, what’s up?
Me
Come let me in.
Shay
You’re here…at my house?
Me
Yes, now let me in.
A sleepy Shay answers the door, and my stomach twists with so many feelings as confusion mars her expression.
“Is everything okay?” Shay asks, concern lacing her voice as her eyes trace me frantically.
“Yes, but I need to talk to you,” I say matter-of-factly.
Her eyebrows pinch, and her stare meets mine.
“In private,” I insist, nodding to her room. A room I’ve only been in one other time, when I helped Darby carry a blacked-out Shay to her bed after a karaoke night last year.
One step into her room, and she’s turning toward me, eagerly asking, “What’s going on, Mav?”
I don’t hesitate. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” she asks, eyebrows pinched.
“About what happened with Jordan the weekend we were all in St. Louis.”
Confusion transforms to anger, then hurt, all in a few seconds. “Who… Who told you?”
“Not you,” I huff out, shaking my head, still not understanding how someone so close to me can keep something like this.
Her eyes narrow. “Well, it’s not like you tell me everything either, Maverick.”
For a brief second, I wonder if she saw me and Peyton together tonight.
If she did, do I care?
“Fair, but all summer, you could’ve opened up to me.”
She throws her hands in the air and moves to sit on the edge of her bed. “There wasn’t anything to open up about. Nothing happened.”
“So, one of your closest friends saw him leave the party with another girl, and nothing else happened,” I press, because I refuse to let her so easily believe whatever narrative he’s spun.
“Why are you so worried about this?”
“Because, Shay.” I shake my head, beyond frustrated.
“Because it’s bullshit that he’d even make you question yourself or your relationship.”
She swallows audibly. “I appreciate that, but I chose to believe him.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t. Have you ever thought that?
” I regret the words as I say them. I know they come from a place of hatred toward Jordan, because he has the one thing I’ve always wanted and doesn’t appreciate it.
Whether he’s telling the truth or not, I’ve seen his lack of attention for her, and he doesn’t deserve Shay Moore.
Shay releases an exasperated huff, letting her head drop. When I move in front of her, for the first time since we’ve been friends, I see tears welling in her eyes. It rips me apart from the inside out, because I know this badass woman doesn’t shed a tear easily.
In an instant, I’m sitting beside her on the bed, pulling her into a hug. “What’s wrong, Little Moore?”
She immediately accepts my hug, holding on to my shirt and burying her face in my chest. “I don’t know, Mav. I just don’t know anything anymore. I’m sorry. I’m just feeling overwhelmed today.”
“Shit, I’m the one who should be sorry, Shay. I can go…give you some space.” Not truly wanting to, but willing to do whatever she needs, I attempt to stand, but she clings to me.
“No, don’t go. It’s not you. I was feeling this way before,” she whispers.
I want to press her for more. I want to know if she genuinely believes Jordan, or if there’s something else going on, but in this moment, that isn’t what she needs. So instead, I pick up the remote and say, “You know what we used to do in our family when someone needed to decompress mentally?”
That gains me a teary-eyed smirk that melts my fucking heart as she shakes her head.
I smile and rub my thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away the tears. “We watch Fast and the Furious, of course.” I pick up the remote and select Netflix.
“Who came up with this idea?” She lets out a small laugh.
“We watched it as a family when our parents were still married, but then it became Jules’s favorite, which turned into it being our sibling comfort movie. Pretty sure Jules just had a crush on Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.”
“First off, who didn’t have a crush on them? Oh my goodness, it just hit me; that’s where the name of your horse came from.” Now she has a genuine smile on her face.
“Yep, mine, Cash’s, and Jules. And well, now Bellamy’s, too, were all named after the movie.
The intro starts, and a mixture of melancholy and heartache floods my veins. I close my eyes for a split second to soak it in.
Shay’s hand reaches out for my forearm. “You okay?”
I nod. “Can you keep a secret?”
“For you, of course.”
“Cash falls asleep to this movie every night, but I haven’t personally watched it since Jules was alive.”
“Oh, Mav… Let’s not watch it then. We can find something else.”
“No, something in the moment earlier made me feel like it was the perfect time.”
She smiles softly at me. “Thanks for sharing this with me. I know talking about her isn’t easy. I can’t even imagine.”
“If there’s anyone I’d want to share things about her with, it’d be you.”
She swallows thickly and surprises me when she says, “Can you hold me for a little while?”
I hesitate for a second, not because I don’t want to, but because I’ve waited for and wanted this type of simple intimacy with her for so long; it almost feels surreal.
Nodding, I move up her bed and pull her against me.
Trying to keep my mind off how perfect she feels, I tell her something to make sure she understands about tonight.
“I’m sorry I got upset with you. There are several reasons behind that, but the main one is that I’d never want you not to know your worth.
You should be treated like the absolute perfection you are. ”
Shay places a gentle kiss on my clothed chest. “It’s okay.
I know you care, and thank you for the reminder.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget.” She pauses, and I want to tell her exactly how it shouldn’t be easy to forget, and if she were mine, I’d make sure she knew how incomparably special she was every day.
But I bite my tongue, knowing I’ve already said enough tonight.
Shay glances up at me and observes me for a beat, almost like she can hear my thoughts. “And I appreciate you so much for caring for me and for Joey. I don’t know if I’ve told you that enough. You are a good egg, Maverick ‘Beauty’ Leblanc.”
Unable to help myself, I bring my free hand up to touch my chest, right over my heart, where it feels like Shay permanently made her mark, for the second time on my body.
Thirty minutes later, I feel her relaxing and her breathing slowing down, so I whisper in her ear, “Get some rest. I’ll leave soon and lock up on my way out.”
She moves slightly and mumbles, “Thank you, Mav.”
I lie here watching her, a million thoughts running through my mind as I twirl a piece of her long blonde hair around my finger.
Shay Moore may be a badass ball handler on the basketball court, who can shoot the lights out, but she’s also a kind soul with an angelic face.
I knew it the moment I saw her freshman year and, unfortunately, I live daily with the regret of not taking that chance and losing it to a man who doesn’t measure up.
Now I have someone new in my life, someone I think is pretty amazing too, and while she doesn’t make me feel this way just yet, I find myself wondering if that’s because I haven’t allowed it.
Another pressing question is: what if I don’t shoot my shot with Peyton and live to regret that, too?
I push those thoughts to the side and whisper what’s always on the tip of my tongue before tucking her in.
“If only I could rewind time, I would’ve never given him the chance with you. Because I’ve been paying for my regrets for the past three years watching you loving him.”
Three years ago
Mav
Fuck me. Coach’s daughter is even sexier tonight. I didn’t think it was possible after I witnessed her lifting in the weight room with her team the other week. The day she figured out the weirdo texting her was actually me.
Is she walking over to me? I wonder as I glance around the living room of my cousin’s house.
I reach into my pocket and grab a piece of Big Red chewing gum in preparation as she and her friend make their way across the party.
“We finally officially meet, Leblanc,” Shay says, extending her hand out to mine. And her voice sounds like the perfect mixture of sweet and confident.
My palm immediately feels sweaty, but I force myself not to look like a goob and return her handshake.
You have game, bro, what are you doing?
Speak words.
“What do you mean? We’re already besties,” I say, tilting my head toward her friend who’s at her side, and shrug. “Sorry, she may not have told you because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m Maverick Leblanc, Shay’s new best friend.”
Shay lets out a pfft sound, but her friend laughs.
“Nice to meet you, Maverick. I’m Symone.
No hurt feelings here. She’s been my best friend since we were twelve, so I fully support her having a new…
” she pauses, looking me up and down as she uses quotation marks to say, “friend, who looks like you.”
I laugh at her insinuation. “I see why you guys have been friends for so long, then. Thank you for understanding.”
“What do you think your coach would say about your intentions with his daughter?” Symone presses, a mischievous smile on her face.
A bundle of nerves forms in the pit of my stomach at that question. Even though I know it’s meant to be playful, I’m sure her father wouldn’t approve of the thoughts I’ve been having about her.
“He never flat out said she was off limits…” Just that if we were to date her, we needed to pull our heads out of our asses and be serious about it.
Symone crosses her arms over her chest, challenging my statement.
“I feel confident that he’d want to have a dependable guy like me in her life. I mean, hell, Mama Moore already thinks of me as a son.”
“Easy there, Casanova. You’re getting ahead of yourself a bit.” Shay smirks, shaking her head, but I don’t miss the blush to her cheeks.
More girls approach, calling their names, and I’m starting to realize her friend is on the cheerleading squad, based on the posse they have with them. A mix of basketball girls and cheerleaders.
“Alright, we better go mingle. Need to meet as many friends as we can, ya know,” Shay teases, her friend’s attention already on the other girls.
I point to my chest. “I’m the only new friend you need, babe.”
Shay playfully rolls her eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind, Leblanc.”
An hour later, I’m sitting on the couch, surrounded by a few of my teammates and some upper-class girls. Apparently, it’s true what they say about being a college athlete getting you a lot of attention.
Commotion stirs at the door as the men’s basketball team walks in, causing Shay to glance in this direction right when one of the girls plops down on my lap.
I hate the disappointed look that crosses her face.
Kindly, I move the girl off my lap, but I don’t get up. I sit there, I even flirt, but the whole time, I’m wondering all the questions about Shay Moore I want to know.
What’s her favorite movie?
What makes her happy?
Who’s her favorite basketball player?
Does she miss her family?
And slowly, my concern about what her dad would think about me asking his daughter out dissipates. I need to go find her.
Unfortunately for me, when I get up to sneak away and search for Shay, I find her, but she isn’t with her friend anymore.
She’s with a guy I’m pretty sure is on the men’s basketball team.
She’s smiling at him just like she smiled at me earlier, and he’s practically melting into the ground with every word she says.
She waves at me when she sees me walk by, but her attention shifts right back to him.
Fuck, why does that hurt? I just met this girl.
I hear him ask, “Who was that?”
And I wait for her response, but what do I expect? It’s not like she owes me anything. We’ve been texting for a bit, but we literally just met. She may not even be feeling this intense pull toward me that I’m feeling toward her.
“One of my friends,” she answers, causing my heart to squeeze with remorse.
And as happy as I am to be her friend, I had no idea how far into the friendzone I was going to be pushed after that night and how gut-wrenching it was going to be to continue to watch her fall in love with someone else.
Someone who wasn’t me.
And in my opinion, someone who didn’t appreciate the gift he got to call his.