Chapter Nineteen
Nineteen
I’m about to tell Darby I’m heading out, unable to watch Mav’s night with Peyton unfold in front of me. Until I notice the song playing through the speakers right about the time Bellamy nudges Nola, signaling for him to change it.
“See You Again” by Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth.
My eyes immediately find Mav, who’s sitting on the couch, playing Madden with Nate, while Peyton and Berkley chat beside them. Pushing thoughts of Maverick and Peyton from my mind, I focus solely on him.
I notice the stiffness in his back at the sound of the melody.
He fights to keep the smile on his face, not wanting anyone else around him to notice, but the second he loses, he pauses the game and stands.
Telling them he’s going to run to the bathroom, he looks around the room, maybe for his twin.
I’m sure he’s the only one who knows how he feels.
The song changes to a new upbeat one, but I notice the way Maverick lets his mask slip right before he starts up the stairs toward his room.
“I’ll be back,” I say to Darby, who’s currently FaceTiming her girlfriend.
Maverick’s always so perceptive of my needs, and for once, I want to be that person for him.
I take the steps one at a time, chancing a look back at the small get-together, and the only person watching me is Bellamy. She nods at me, likely also concerned about Maverick in this moment. She knows him better than most, too. And something is off with him today.
I knock gently on his bedroom door. There’s a muffled rustling sound before his footsteps make their way, and he opens the door, his expression surprised when he realizes it’s me.
“Shay?” He says my name like it's a question.
I rush out, “I just wanted to check on you.”
He puts on one hell of a fake smile. “Oh, I’m fine.”
“Maverick…” I challenge, my eyebrows pinching.
“Don’t be worried about me, Little Moore. I’m all good, babe,” he says, giving me another megawatt smile of his.
“Don’t do that, not with me,” I whisper.
His smile falters. “What?”
“Don’t hide from me. I know you’ve perfected that poker face, but I could tell that song took you into a bad headspace. Hell, I could tell you were already in one with how aggressive you were during your team scrimmage tonight. You don’t always have to be the strong one, Mav.”
He stares at me for a few seconds before he opens his door and moves to sit on his bed. I take it as my invitation and follow him into his room, taking a seat beside him.
Maverick looks down at his hands, twisting them in his lap before he looks up at me, his eyes more haunted than he’s ever let me see. “Today is Jules’s birthday.”
My insides twist at his revelation, all the pieces falling into place.
“How old would she have been?” I ask. I know she was close in age to them, but I don’t know how close.
“Twenty-one. She was basically our Irish twin.”
“I can only imagine how close you three were.” I reach over, taking his hand in mine.
That makes him smile slightly. “We were so close.” He pauses, staring in front of where we sit, almost like memories are playing out in front of us.
“She was a little hellion, but we weren’t the type of brothers who didn’t want her around. Honestly, it was the opposite. She often ditched us to hang out with Hudson.”
I grin, picturing a young girl giving her brothers a run for their money along all two-hundred acres of property their family owns.
“I bet she was beautiful,” I say.
“She was… Took after her brothers, of course,” he teases and reaches over to his nightstand, grabbing a picture frame.
He turns the frame in my direction, and I immediately recognize her as the young girl in the pictures inside their barn at the ranch.
But here, she’s probably thirteen or fourteen.
The image is of the three of them sitting on what looks like Gigi’s front porch with a pitcher of sweet tea on the table and watermelon on their plates.
“You know what’s crazy?” he asks me as I study the picture, loving the sweet smile on Maverick’s face.
“What?”
“Even though that song fills me with an uncontrollable amount of sadness. For once, I found myself wanting to hear it, wanting to sit here and listen and just let myself be sad. That’s why I came up here.
” He pauses again, shaking his head at whatever thought is running through it.
“We should be out celebrating and buying her drinks today, but instead, I have to go visit her at a tombstone.”
My heart aches for all the pain I know he’s feeling.
“Let’s listen to it then,” I whisper.
“Okay,” he says quickly, almost like he’s relieved I suggested it.
“Want me to play it?”
“Please,” Mav whispers.
I pull up my Spotify and search for the song. Maverick lies back on his bed, and I join him as I press play.
As “See You Again” plays between us, pure sadness radiates off him, and I feel it seep into my soul. I’d give anything to take this hurt away from him.
The kind, fun-loving guy I adore knows a pain most people are blessed never to know.
He reaches for my hand as the chorus plays. I squeeze his back, letting him know I’m here. We lie there in silence, listening to the song until the end.
Maverick shifts his body, turning on his side, and I follow suit.
The tears in his eyes nearly break me. I bite my tongue, forcing my own emotions down, knowing he’ll feel the need to console me, and this is about him.
Reaching over, I push his hair out of his face.
“I was supposed to be with them that day,” he whispers, and we’re so close now I can smell his cinnamon gum.
“Who?” I ask, trying to follow.
“Jules and Hudson. She invited me to go riding four-wheelers, but I fell asleep after my morning chores.” His voice breaks, and it nearly kills me. “I should’ve been there. I’ll always live with the unknown.”
I stay silent, not sure of what to say, and Maverick continues.
“The unknown of what if I was there, would I have made her slow down? Would it have been me instead of her?”
That thought alone makes the tears I’ve been holding back spring to my eyes.
“All I know in my heart is Jules wouldn’t want you to live like that, always torturing yourself about the what-ifs. Just like if something happened to you, you’d never want your loved ones feeling that way.”
He gently runs his thumb over my hand in between us. “I know you’re right. Just…some days, I let the darkness of that time in my life creep in, and today, it was like a tornado picking me up and throwing me back down.”
I can only imagine the emotional turmoil of losing someone tragically the way he did. Joey’s accident and just the thought alone sent me into a tailspin.
“And that’s okay too. You’re allowed to feel those heavy emotions, which is exactly why I followed you up here. Because you know good and well, you’d do the same thing if the roles were reversed.”
He smiles knowingly at the last part, and I keep going, wanting to make sure he understands. “You don’t have to hide your sadness for the sake of others all the time, Maverick.”
“Thank you, Little Moore. I needed to hear that.” He pulls me into a hug right here on his bed. If the moment wasn’t so sad, my mind would easily be imagining other things.
It feels so good to be in his arms.
He keeps holding me for a minute, but I lean back so I can see his face. “No need to thank me. I want to be there for you, like you have been for me, so many times.”
Maverick’s eyes shift to my mouth, and I realize then that I want him to kiss me more than I want my next breath. But then I remember who he went to after the scrimmage, and who he’s been with every time I’ve seen him lately.
A knock at the door startles us.
“Well, well, well. Maybe shut your door next time before you two decide to make googly eyes at each other,” a teasing Bellamy says from the doorway.
“I’ll remember that next time you and my brother are having a private moment, Amy,” Maverick says as both of us sit up like two teenagers caught by their parents.
“Whatever, Rick. Just making sure y’all are good. Plus, Willow just showed up with the new karaoke machine, so everyone’s going to be looking for you two.”
I know, after the moment we just had, I can’t stomach going back downstairs and seeing him with Peyton for the rest of the night.
Standing up, I excuse myself. “That sounds so fun, but I’m going to have to let y’all sing your hearts out tonight. Coach gave us the night off, so I know tomorrow morning is going to be rough. I need some rest beforehand.”
Maverick grabs my hand before I follow Bellamy down the hall. “Thank you for that...” There’s a look in his eyes that makes me wonder if he has more he wants to add, but I’m scared to ask, worried it may be something I don’t want to hear.
“Always,” I whisper, then head for the stairs.