Chapter 10
Chapter
Ten
RUBY
BENEATH THE SHEETS
What had I gotten myself into? I thought I was being slick when I walked into my shower with a bra and panty set on, but the only thing I did was look like an amateur seductress around a man who had an honorary doctorate in the art of seduction.
When Amari asked me what kind of man I liked, I didn’t have a good answer for him.
Larenz had been my first and last lover, but all he taught me was how to play games in a relationship and commit to a man who wasn’t devoted to me.
I got pregnant on my wedding night and barely had sex after then.
If Amari knew how inexperienced I was, he’d probably laugh or run away.
Because of that, I didn’t mind flirting but wouldn’t show him how much of a novice I was in the bedroom.
That was my plan, and I was sticking to it.
After his shower, Amari sat on my couch with wide legs and bare feet looking like an African king on his throne. He briefly checked me out when I entered my bedroom. Instead of meeting his eyes, I scurried toward my closet, clutching the large body towel that covered me tightly.
What am I doing?
The question came to me as I recalled how intimate Amari and I were in my bathroom. He was a fine, naked man who had me wanting to figure out what I had to do to make him scream my name in the darkness.
We’d moved beyond professionalism and even common rules of relationship building between a single man and woman. It was obvious he was no longer here to repair anything in my house. What were we going to do for the rest of the night? Play board games?
I peeled off my wet underwear and placed it in a plastic bag in my laundry bin.
I finished toweling myself off and thumbed through my nighttime options.
I picked up skimpy negligees and several matching T-shirts and short sets.
My eyes finally settled on my most conservative nightgown.
I pulled out the long, silky number from my drawer and held it up.
It was perfect—long, black, and old school with wide, short sleeves that covered my shoulders.
Since I preferred to let my vagina breathe at night, I didn’t put any panties on.
I reentered the room with oversized sweatpants and an extra-large white crewneck tee for Amari to wear.
“Whose are these?” Amari held them up and examined them before raising an eyebrow.
“My big brother’s. He visits me about twice a year and leaves some clothes here. I found these sweatpants that still had the tag on them. Consider them my Christmas gift to you.”
“Thank you.”
Without shame, Amari rose and removed his towel. I examined my nail bed as he slipped on the pants and T-shirt. He glanced out the window as if he hadn’t just flashed me again.
“This storm isn’t letting up, so you might as well get some rest.”
“I’m sure you’ve had a long day, too, so feel free to sleep on the other side of my bed.” I spoke the words as casually as I could since I did not expect Amari to do anything with me other than sleep.
He eyed my shiny satin comforter, then looked back at me.
“You sure about that?”
I took a big breath, then exhaled.
“Yes. I may be rusty around sexy men, but I know how to be kind. I’m not nervous about sharing a bed. Although we’ve been somewhat intimate, I know you wouldn’t harm me. Please join me so we can both stay warm.” I rubbed my hands together and blew into them as the fire flickered.
“Where are those extra blankets?”
“Right . . . I’ll get them.” I walked back to my closet and returned with several homemade blankets that had been in my family for years.
“These are old, but they’re thick and will keep us warm.” I unfolded the thickest one and stretched each corner before patting the bed.
“Join me, Amari.”
As a nurturer, it wasn’t in me to be rude to a guest. I also welcomed any body heat offered since the fire didn’t offer as much warmth as I preferred.
Amari scratched his head and slowly moved to the opposite side of the bed, where he stood at the head. I pulled back the blanket and exposed the sheets beneath.
“Do you have an extra toothbrush?”
I smacked my head with my hand. I’d brushed my teeth but forgot to ask Amari if he’d like to do the same.
“Of course. Let me get that for you.” I came back with a travel-size gel toothpaste and a wrapped toothbrush from my last dental visit.
Amari excused himself, brushed his teeth, and returned.
“I’m good now.” He flashed his pearly whites and patted the sheets.
I slid underneath the sheets, with Amari mirroring my motion. When we were comfortable, he propped his hand on his pillow and looked at me.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
I chuckled, then nodded.
“There’s nothing wrong with women being liberated. We can sleep together without sleeping together, right?”
Amari snapped his fingers.
“That’s where Aspen has gotten that newfound fire for social justice. Are you teaching Black feminism to first graders despite the school system banning it?”
Although Amari appeared shocked, I knew he was teasing me.
“The next generation of kids needs to be prepared for the chaos of life. I want the little boys and girls in my class to value people from all groups. I haven’t done my job as their teacher if they don’t use their bright minds to challenge what they are taught too.”
Amari leaned on his arm and stared at me.
“You, Ms. Ruby Starks, are a fascinating educator, undeniably a master teacher who has so much to offer the world and the young people in it.”
“Thank you.”
I sat up with my king-sized pillow comfortably propped against the headboard. Amari did the same.
“So . . . are we just going to sit and talk?” I tilted my head toward Amari before a slick smile covered his face.
He lifted the covers and gestured to my body.
“What else would you like to do?”
I blushed every shade a Black woman could at Amari’s suggestive comment.
“You’re kind of fresh, aren’t you, Mr. Snowden?”
He chuckled and patted the comforter.
“I’ve been called worse.”
I stared at Amari when he said that. Who in their right mind would say anything awful about such a wonderful person?
“Seriously, Ruby, I’m down to talk about whatever you want.”
I nodded, appreciative that Amari didn’t make me feel uncomfortable or self-conscious, even as the fresh smell of his body filled my nostrils.
“Ask me a question then.”
Amari furrowed his brows and tapped his chin with his fingers before meeting my eyes again.
“When was the last time someone treated you with care?”
I sucked in my breath, shocked by such an intense, loaded question. I racked my brain for the answer, wondering how truthful I should be with a man whose body heat mingled with mine. Although I’d seen Amari naked, moving with him to the next level of emotional nudity frightened me.
“My parents and brother love me hard. I have several friends who check on me occasionally. I have good colleagues and teach the sweetest students in the world. I’m a blessed woman.”
Almost before I could get the words out of my mouth, I sensed Amari’s displeasure at my answer. He shook his head and tsked.
“No, ma’am. I’m talking deeper. Who’s there for you when the hurt of your past raises its ugly head?” He reached for my hand, which I gave him readily. “Go there with me, Ruby.”
I clutched the cover of my bedspread with my free hand, suddenly remembering how this blanket was the same one I snuggled up in after Larenz left me to grieve LaRue alone.
If this blanket could talk, it would share stories of trauma, abandonment, and betrayal.
Amari was diving into the sea of hurt I hated to discuss.
“No one.” I whispered the words as Amari squeezed my hand.
Instead of responding, he held my gaze. I wanted to look away but couldn’t, as his concern for my well-being shined like the summer sun on his face.
“You deserve good things, Ruby, the best of things. Never doubt that.”
“Are you referring to a man caring for me?”
“Yes.”
I pulled my hand from Amari and clutched my blanket tightly.
“I have male friends too.”
“Hmm . . .”
Instead of asking for clarification, I waited for Amari to elaborate. Something told me he wasn’t a man who liked leaving conversations or situations open.
“Do you have the kind of male friends that make you scream their name so loud the shingles on your raggedy roof will finally fall off?”
I jerked my head and stared at Amari with my mouth open.
“I know you didn’t . . .” I placed my hand over my chest in the most dramatic way I could muster.
He mirrored my movement.
“I know I did.”
The tone of his voice matched mine as he mocked me like he hadn’t just gone from zero to one hundred in whatever kind of relationship we were building.
“I like sex,” I felt the need to say since Amari tapped into a space I had never been fully comfortable talking about, even with those closest to me.
“Are you sure your cooch doesn’t have cobwebs?”
My eyes almost popped out of my head at Amari’s crudeness.
“What?”
“Tell me more about what turns you on. A brother needs tips if he decides to shoot his shot.”
This time, I did more than blush. Amari was bold and confident with his words. In that moment, I realized that he was my type of man in every way. What was I going to do with that? Surely, I couldn’t pounce on him simply because we shared a bed during a crisis. Or could I?
Amari cleared his throat, pulling me from the thoughts in my head.
“When was the last time you made love to a real man?”
“Amari, . . . this conversation isn’t appropriate.”
“Says who? Who’s dictating what’s appropriate and inappropriate in your life?
I get that you’re grieving, but how long are you going to close yourself off to the world?
Don’t you want to be free so a man who has been hoping and praying for his good thing could finally tap into the joy that he’s been missing? ”
I absorbed Amari’s words, quickly trying to process whether he was being literal or was speaking about a general scenario. In the darkness and stillness of my bedroom, was he really shooting his shot and testing me to see if I was ready for love?