Chapter 11
Chapter
Eleven
AMARI
VIRTUE
God knew I tried to be as patient with Ruby as I could, but her wall had me wanting to beat the oversized pillows behind me and scream to the top of my lungs.
She was ripe and ready to be plucked by the right man, yet she was still closed off, even after seeing me naked and after I was gentle with her.
I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose my child, but I was right here, ready to worship her in every way.
Why couldn’t she see that I wanted to dive into her world and be on her short list of confidantes?
Were my expectations off when I felt an instant attraction to her? Could she feel it too?
“Men are complicated, and I have my toys.” She spoke the words so low I barely heard her.
I didn’t peg Ruby to be the dildo and vibrator type of woman, so I was intrigued.
“What kind of toys?”
“My friend, Lena, owns an online adult bookstore. Since I didn’t think I’d ever get married or have a man in my life, I purchased a few items to keep me warm at night.”
What? When I didn’t speak, Ruby rested her hand over mine.
“Why are you so quiet?”
Ruby’s question made me explore what was going through my head.
Was I so patriarchal that I thought a woman could only get pleasure with a live man?
No woman I’d ever known needed anything other than my mouth, fingers, or dick to satisfy them.
If Ruby and I got together, I didn’t want to compete with silicone to make her cum.
“It’s just that . . .” I tried to form the right words. “I’ve never had to compete with toys before.”
“Who says there’d be competition? I’ve seen you naked, and I have no doubt that pound for pound, you’d come in first place every time.”
Ruby’s words made my ego swell bigger than the Pacific Ocean. She may not have been around a man in quite a while, but she was a master at pumping a brother up.
“Do you need a release? Is there something I can do to fulfill your needs since I’m here?”
Ruby withdrew her hand from mine and lowered her body under the covers.
“I don’t know about a release, but I have a confession.”
Uh-oh.
I forced my face to remain neutral as she shared her truth.
“I don’t know how to please a man.”
My eyes widened as they darted to any number of objects across the room before landing on Ruby’s soft lips.
“Why do you say that?” I softened my voice and asked the question as if I were talking to Aspen.
Ruby’s vulnerability was endearing. Although I wasn’t a therapist, I knew with every fiber of my being that my words and actions could break her if I wasn’t gentle. This was her time to share with someone she thought was safe. I refused to betray her trust.
“I’ve only been with one man, and he didn’t want me. What if no other man wants me either?”
Tears filled Ruby’s eyes.
For the first time since I joined her under the covers, I reached for her and held her tight. She collapsed in my arms and cried, releasing what I imagined were years of pain from disappointment and hopes and dreams that didn’t manifest as she expected them to.
I patted her hair as her body continued to shake.
“You’re safe, sweetheart. Let it out. No matter what happened in the past, you are more than enough and worthy of love in all its forms. Trust me. You are more precious than you know. Any man with sense would see that.”
She raised her head with red, puffy eyes.
“Do you think so?”
I nodded.
“I do. As my pastor, Caleb Stallings, says, ‘You’re closer to your breakthrough than you think.’” I wiped her eyes with the pad of my fingers.
“Thank you for being so kind. You’re showing me that good men exist.”
I rubbed Ruby’s back as she placed her arms around me.
“This is a mutually beneficial arrangement. I needed to experience your goodness too.”
“But I’m not doing anything.”
I kissed the top of Ruby’s head.
“You’re being open and receptive to my words.
You’re sharing your truth, although it’s painful.
You’re trusting me with your story.” I lifted her eyes to mine and waited a couple of seconds before I shared my last thoughts.
“And I think you’re willing to let me dust off your heart so you can be cared for the right way.
Please give me a chance to be what you need in this season of your life.
I’ve never been one to beg, but I go for what I want with everything in me. ”
Ruby closed the distance between us and surprised me by kissing my lips.
“I’ve never felt so safe in my life. I want what you have to offer, Amari. You’re like a balm that was dropped on my doorstep like a surprise gift I didn’t know I needed. I want you to unwrap what’s beneath me and show me how to live again. Or at least start to.”
My heart swelled at Ruby’s verbal surrender. In her eyes, I saw my future. What did living fully mean to her? Marriage? More children? If she wanted either of those, I’d do everything in my power to grant her wishes and give her the good life she deserved.
“Am I asking too much of you?” Ruby asked the question as if she sought permission to be honest with me.
“I’ve been praying for restoration in my life, especially in my romantic relationships.
I don’t think it’s any accident that you want someone who walks with you on your road to a happier life.
What drew me to my profession was a need to mend brokenness.
Most people might say I fix weak things, but I see what that thing was created to be from its inception.
It is my job to let others see what I knew it was all along. ”
Ruby smiled and squeezed me so hard, I wondered where her strength came from.
“Thank you for hearing from a power higher than either one of us. I know you were sent by the Creator. No one has looked beneath my surface and given me grace like you.”
“I just want to be obedient and sow into your good ground.”