Chapter 12
Chapter
Twelve
RUBY
GREEN LIGHT
Ilay in the bed holding Amari’s hand under the covers like we were teenage lovers. When I closed my eyes, I inhaled his freshness and listened to our syncopated breathing. After about five minutes, I opened my eyes and whispered into the darkness.
“Are you awake?”
Amari squeezed my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine.
“I am.”
“Do you want to get married again?”
The question came to me as I wondered what his relationship must have been like with his ex-wife.
I felt his body shift toward me.“I wouldn’t mind.”
“What did you learn about yourself in your marriage?”
“Therapy taught me that I was an avoider and was as much at fault as Lise.”
“What were you avoiding?”
“I saw the cracks when Lise and I talked at each other more than to each other, but I was too stubborn to call it quits. I tried to hold on to the image that we were a power couple since we were great at stacking paper to get the home, cars, and businesses that showcased our success.”
“When did you realize y’all weren’t compatible?”
“I always knew.”
I jerked my head Amari’s way. “And you still married her?”
“She was familiar and I thought faithful. The closer we got to our wedding date, the more I realized how callous Lise was. She was more obsessed with the wedding than establishing a solid foundation for our marriage. I almost backed out but didn’t want her to be embarrassed.
I did everything in my power to make it work. ”
“But it didn’t. Are you scared?”
“Of what?” he asked.
“That things will go wrong again.”
I heard Amari suck in his breath, then exhale. “I’m not.”
“Why?”
“Because everything happens the way it’s supposed to. Life isn’t one accident after another. Closed doors close for a reason, and open doors do the same. I’ve also learned from my mistakes, so I won’t repeat them.”
I smiled as Amari’s wise words filled my spirit.
“I like that.”
“Good. What about you? Do you want to jump the broom again?”
“No.”
“No?”
“I have my toys.”
Amari laughed and reached for my waist.
“Ms. Starks, toys may satisfy your body for a moment, but they can’t fulfill your emotional needs. They can’t talk to you or hold you close when you need a hug. They can’t kiss your delicious cheeks or lips.”
Before I could fully process Amari’s words, he leaned over and gave me a chaste kiss on my cheek. I sucked in my breath as the warmth of his lips on my skin contrasted with the chilliness of the room.
“You’re a special man. If I had someone like you, I might not need toys.”
To my surprise, Amari kissed my cheek again and moved his hand to my stomach before squeezing it.
“And you’re a special woman. I know you were a great mother to LaRue. Don’t close your heart and mind to the possibilities of bringing more lives into this world. One rotten guy shouldn’t have the power to kill such goodness.”
When Amari didn’t move his hand, I placed mine over his and said a silent prayer for the man I’d been praying for so many nights in this room.
Thank you, God, for sending this angel my way. Give him as much goodness as he is giving me. He deserves joy too.
“Ruby?”
“Yes?”
“You deserve a soft life.”
“What does that mean?”
Amari’s hand lowered to my waist as he pulled me to him. When his breath teased my ear, I wanted to moan but remained quiet, believing that what he was going to say would have my stomach turning inside out.
“It means, Ruby Starks, that you deserve to have as many babies as you want and sit at home with them, playing and nurturing them to your heart’s delight.
You should never have to worry about where your next paycheck is coming from or if the man who enters your sweet heat every night is going to be faithful.
You should wake up every day without a care in the world. All you have to do is be yourself.”
Every word that Amari spoke washed over me like a cleansing rain.
“I’d like that, but that’s not real.”
“It could be with the right man.”
Although I knew what Amari’s answer would be, I still asked my question.
“And who might that right man be?”
“Me.”
Although I wanted to fall into the fantasy that Amari talked about, the realist in me wasn’t going to.
The world I lived in didn’t include soft lives.
This wasn’t a Hallmark movie. Gorgeous men disguised as savior handymen didn’t drop on doorsteps during snowstorms. Neither did protectors nor sugar daddies.
Because of that, I needed to guard my heart.
I backed away from Amari and pulled the covers over my chest before turning my back toward him.
“I’m tired. Let’s rest.”
“Okay, Ruby. I’ll see you in the morning.”
In the same way I withdrew from him, I felt Amari withdraw from me with his subdued tone and slow movement to the other side of the bed.
Although I willed my body to sleep, I couldn’t rest. Everything about the night replayed in my mind like a movie on repeat: Amari’s kindness, wisdom, humanity, and, of course, his sexiness.
Was he serious about this soft life? Larenz was a slick talker, too, promising me all kinds of luxuries that never manifested.
I hated the trauma that always tried to choke my blessings. When was I going to be free from its evil clutches?
My body was tired of those toys where I had to do all the work to get my nut. I had a hot and ready, able-bodied man inches from me, and I was going to do what? Sleep? Forget that.
I turned back toward a sleeping Amari. The peacefulness on his face made me want to kiss him everywhere. He was so beautiful as he rested.
I scooted closer and gently placed my hand on his cheek. I kissed his forehead, his cheek, the tip of his nose, his chin, and finally his lips. As my lips pressed deeper into his, his eyes fluttered open. I released my mouth as we stared at each other.
“What is it, Ruby? Are you alright?”
Concern flashed across Amari’s face as his eyes landed on mine. His hand circled my waist.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
“What are you doing?”
“Showing you that I want to know more about that soft life of yours. What would that look like for us? What would I have to do?”
Amari smiled and placed his hand behind my neck.
“You could sit back and be your pretty self and welcome me home naked and oiled up every day. All you’d have to do is be ready for me to cater to your every need and fantasy.”
I reached for Amari’s semi-erect penis through his joggers.
“What if my fantasies are too freaky?”
Amari licked his thick lips.
“Then I’d have to step my level of freakiness up.”
“Could we still use my toys? I invested a small fortune in them, and I’d hate to throw money away.”
“Yes. We could invite those little minions into our lovemaking sessions if that’s what you’re into. I’m secure enough in my manhood because once I start digging in your guts, I’ll always be the big dawg.” He tapped his chest lightly with his fist.
Both of us chuckled.
“Lie on your back.” I pushed his left shoulder back so he’d be looking toward the ceiling.
“Why?”
“I need to see something.”
“Like what?”
My hand hovered above his crotch and rubbed the soft cotton on his joggers until his penis got rock hard. I spent several seconds cupping his testicles and squeezing them slightly until he bit his lip.
“Ruby, . . . what are you doing?”
“Has it been so long that you don’t know what this is?” I whispered my question directly into Amari’s ear.
“I mean, why? What does this mean?”
“Shh . . .” I kissed Amari’s lips to shut him up.
When we connected, he extended his lips, giving me a taste of his natural goodness.
“Are you sure, because once we cross that line . . .”
“Don’t overthink. You’ve reminded me that we only live once. I want to explore our . . . friendship.”
“You sure about that?”
“You were talking all big and bad a while ago. Are you getting cold feet, Mr. Snowden?” I elongated the word Snow in his name.
Before I could tease him more, Amari rose and tossed me on my back, raising my arms above my head and pinning them down on the bed. He kissed and sucked my neck so deeply, I moaned.
“Woman, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page about this, because once I turn your faucet on, I might become addicted to all that wet-wet.”
“You never know how addictive I am unless you take a dip.”
Amari released my hands and stood on the edge of the bed. I turned my head to take him in as he lowered his sweatpants. Although I’d already seen his erection, something about having touched it made my mouth water.
“Do you have protection? I didn’t come over expecting to have sex with . . . a client.” He quickly stroked himself as he bit his lip.
I gestured for him to come closer. When he did, I reached for him and stroked the length of him several times.
Amari threw his head back as his eyes rolled back in his head.
“Ruby . . .”
“You can pull out.”
Amari shook his head and held my hand steady.
“I don’t play that, baby girl. My swimmers are strong. A single leak could get you knocked up. I’m not trying to complicate your life more than it is.”
“I’m a big girl. I can handle whatever happens.”
When Amari leaned over and peered into my eyes, I worried for a moment. Was he going to deny me?
“Okay.” He spoke the word with such precision, I was startled. “Take off your nightgown.”
I sat up with my legs hanging off the side of my bed and then stood with my body flushed to him.
A chill ran down my spine as I realized that without the satiny fabric of my nightgown, I would no longer have a barrier to separate me from Amari.
Much like the emotional walls that were crumbling, everything about me would be exposed.