Chapter Nineteen
WHAT DID HE THINK ABOUT HOLLY MOORE?
As he held her close, moving in time to the music, her flowery vanilla scent filled his senses. She fit so perfectly in his arms, as if this was exactly where she belonged.
Her head rested below his chin, her soft curls brushing against him as they moved together, and he wished he could freeze time and keep her here with him forever.
He wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer to her question. Would she even believe that he thought she was amazing, beautiful, gentle yet possessed of incredible strength?
Or that he thought about her entirely too often for his peace of mind?
Just now as she told him about Troy and his wife wanting Lydia to spend Christmas Eve with them, her voice had wavered and he’d felt the sharp stab of her hurt like it was his own.
His heart ached for her, knowing how fiercely she protected her daughter, how ferociously she fought for her, and how much she didn’t want to let go, even a little.
He tightened his hold, letting his hand glide soothingly along her back, wishing he could take away her pain and make her believe everything would be okay.
“I think you’re an incredible mom, Holly,” he murmured, his voice low and meant only for her. “Lydia knows how much you love her. A few hours won’t change that.”
He felt her lean into him a little more, as if drawing strength from his words.
If he could, he would try to shield her from every heartache, every struggle. For now, all he could do was hold her and hope she felt how much he cared, how deeply he wanted to be there for both her and Lydia.
It wasn’t his job, he reminded himself.
“You’re right,” she answered. “I know you’re right. It’s just that for the past two years—longer, even—I’ve done virtually everything for her alone. Even when we were together, Ryan wasn’t exactly an involved father. Not like he seems to be with Hudson.”
Ah. He had suspected that might be part of her frustration with her ex.
“I was the one taking Lydia to Boise for her specialist appointments, who handled all the early-intervention therapies and attended all the advocacy training. Since she entered the school system, I have done all the school individualized education plans, the consultations with her teacher and aides, the school runs. I arrange my schedule to take her to speech therapy, to occupational therapy, to recreation therapy, to play groups. I stay up with her when she’s sick.
I make sure she’s eating a healthy diet.
I sit and practice letters and math with her, even on nights when I’m exhausted from working a long day. ”
“You’re a wonderful mother, Holly. Everyone would agree.”
“Now her father, the same one who walked out on her, wants to swoop in and steal all the fun moments with her. Sledding with her, dancing at a wedding, Christmas morning.”
He could feel the frustration seething beneath her skin.
“It’s not fair,” he agreed.
“ Fair is a word you have to throw out of your vocabulary when you have a child with special needs. Life will never be fair. It’s only a patchwork of moments—some heavy with struggle, others bright with joy—and the strength you find to keep stitching them together.”
She stopped as the music changed to another slow song, one about second chances and new beginnings.
“I’m sorry. I’m getting carried away, as usual. Let’s not talk about Troy or Lydia or Christmas Eve. Let’s just dance for a few moments.”
Sensing that was the only way he could help her for now, he pulled her closer.
As the song came to an end, Holly lifted her head from his shoulder and gazed up at him, her eyes glistening with a vulnerability that hit him square in the chest.
In that moment, Ryan recognized the truth. He was falling in love with her.
It was a quiet but undeniable realization, one that made his pulse quicken and his heart ache at the same time.
She was everything he hadn’t known he was searching for. Strong, compassionate and resilient in ways that humbled him.
How could he offer her anything? He wasn’t the kind of man she needed.
What a mess. How would he possibly be able to extricate her and her adorable daughter from his heart when this magical, unforgettable holiday season was over and the cold, hard reality of January cycled back around?
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“For the dance? It was my pleasure,” he said, with complete sincerity.
“For everything. Standing by me today. Helping me at the store this week. All of it. Your sister was exactly right. You’re a hero, Ryan.”
While her words touched him, he also felt a twinge of unease. He really hoped she didn’t fall for him. She deserved stability, someone who could stand beside her without hesitation or compromise.
He couldn’t be that man and he would hate for her to end up with a broken heart.
AN HOUR BEFORE the wedding reception was due to end, Holly decided Lydia had reached her limit. She was increasingly cranky and had rubbed her eyes at least three times in the past five minutes, a sure indication that she was tired.
“I don’t want to,” Lydia whined when Holly suggested they should start heading home. “I want to stay with my cousins.”
“It’s been a wonderful day, hasn’t it?” Holly said gently. “It’s always hard to see a fun day end.”
Her chin started to wobble but to Holly’s relief, Ryan stepped in. “Let’s go find your coat and we can say goodbye to your cousins on the way. Maybe I can give you a piggyback ride to the car again.”
He reached for her hand and Lydia slipped from Holly’s lap.
As she watched them head to the coatroom off the reception hall, Holly sighed, already feeling the ache of impending heartbreak.
She was falling hard for Ryan and she feared Lydia was, too.
Somewhere along the way, Holly had given up trying to resist him, even though she knew nothing about the two of them together made sense.
She headed over to say goodbye to the newly married pair, who were currently giving their feet a rest, enjoying a drink at one of the tables and speaking with friends.
When Holly approached and said she would be leaving, Kristine jumped up and hugged her. If she wasn’t mistaken, the bride was nearly as overstimulated as Lydia right now. Kristine seemed on the verge of tears, though perhaps that was merely the day catching up with her.
“Thank you for everything today. The flowers, letting Lydia be in the wedding party. Everything. You made a beautiful day even better.”
Holly returned her friend’s hug, grateful all over again that their relationship seemed as strong as ever, despite the divorce.
“You are most welcome. Everything was lovely and I was honored to be a part of it. Congratulations again. I know you’re going to live happily ever after.”
“I’ll reach out when we’re back from Hawaii. Meantime, Merry Christmas, Holly.”
“Mele Kalikimaka.”
After saying a quick goodbye to Susan and Norm Moore, with more hugs all around, she joined Lydia and Ryan in the foyer.
“All set?” he asked.
She nodded, not sorry that she could now put this particular wedding in her personal rearview mirror.
They walked together outside into the December night to an unexpected discovery.
“It snowed, Mommy,” Lydia exclaimed.
At least four inches of new snow had fallen in the past few hours while they had been inside the reception venue.
“I’ll say,” she answered with surprise as a snowplow drove past, yellow lights flashing.
Her feet in her heels were already cold and she still had to walk next door to the church, where her SUV was parked.
Ryan obviously realized the same thing.
“Why don’t you hand over your keys and the two of you can go back inside and wait where it’s warm. I’ll bring your car over. That way we all don’t have to wade through the snow.”
She should argue with him but she could see Lydia was beginning to hit a wall. Being wet and cold would only make things worse.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Positive. Keys.”
She fished in her clutch and found her fob, thinking how nice it was to have someone else to lean on, even if it was only temporarily.
“Will you be able to find my vehicle?”
“It’s hard to recognize any of the cars under the snow but I can always click the key fob and see which one responds,” he answered.
“Thank you.”
He flashed her a quick smile then took off around the building toward the parking lot while she and Lydia went back inside. She was already grateful for the warmth and light that enveloped them again as she brushed snow off Lydia’s coat and had her stomp her feet on the mat.
“I like Ry. He’s nice and he’s funny.”
Holly could not disagree.
“He says I dance like a ballerina,” Lydia declared, twirling so her skirt belled out around her.
They could still hear the music from inside so she grabbed her daughter’s hands and the two of them danced a few steps together while snow fluttered down outside the windows.
A short time later, she saw headlights approach the entrance and recognized her vehicle. The two of them hurried out and she quickly put Lydia in her booster seat, double-checking the safety belts.
After she closed the door, Ryan opened the passenger door for her. “The roads are icy and your seat is set for me now. Why don’t I drive you home?”
She frowned as she hurried around the vehicle to that side. “What about your truck? It’s still at the church.”
“I can catch a ride back to Haven Point tomorrow to pick it up.”
She was a native Idahoan who had learned to drive in snowy conditions but it still wasn’t her favorite thing. She was always grateful when she didn’t have to.
“Thank you, if you’re sure. I can drop you off at Kim’s house and also give you a ride back here tomorrow if you want.”
“We’ll see.”
Her car was already warm and comfortable, the heater blasting, as Ryan headed toward Shelter Springs.
Lydia fell asleep in her booster seat almost before they left the parking lot.
“And... she’s out,” Ryan said with a quick glance in the rearview mirror.