10. Ten
TEN
“Do I really need to move?” Stella sounded like she was being tortured. “We’re close enough as it is.”
“We’re not sharing heat here. Move closer.”
“But—”
“Now.”
“Since when are you so bossy?” She still didn’t move.
“Come on. I said it didn’t mean anything.” And that was a lie. I’d be dreaming about this for the rest of my damn life. She’d be walking down the aisle, happy to be getting married to someone else, and this moment would play back in my mind.
“Cuddling isn’t something that means nothing to me. Even if we don’t talk anymore, I tend to ... take it too far in my sleep.”
“Take it too far?”
“I cling. A lot. And I’d rather freeze to death than do that with you. ”
I closed my eyes. She could never take it too far with me. Only I could with her.
“Don’t worry. I won’t ever bring it up again. What happens in this living room stays here.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
It had to.
She shivered again. “Still no.”
“I don’t care about your pride. I’m not having you freeze to death in front of a fire.”
“I’m not going to freeze to death. I’ll just be miserable.”
“I don’t want that either.”
Her only answer was silence. I took a chance, and I grabbed her by the waist, dragging her to me. She squeaked, her entire body tense as she finally got close enough to share my heat.
I threw the pile of warm, fuzzy blankets over us both.
“Fuck you for being warm.”
“I’ll try to be colder next time.”
She breathed against my arm. My eyes closed as I took in every second of this feeling.
It had been seven years and three days since I’d had her this close. And yes, I’d kept track of each day, regret only piling on over time.
“Tell me again that this means nothing.” Her voice was soft. I wondered if she’d gone down the rabbit hole I did .
I should have told her exactly what she wanted to hear.
But no words came out.
“Only you would fall asleep while holding me,” she said darkly. “I guess I got my answer.”
I stared at every strand of her hair and wished I was asleep. Her body’s proximity and soft voice made me feel the things I swore I would never act on again.
But when she was this close, it was hard to remember the reasons why I swore not to.
Stella sighed, and her arm came around where mine was. “At least when you’re asleep you won’t let go.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from saying that I’d never let go. I wouldn’t have the first time if Nick hadn’t made me.
Even now, he was going to murder me, but when Stella was here in my arms, I found that I didn’t care all that much.
Fortunately, I woke up first.
Or maybe it was very unfortunate.
Stella had only gotten closer, her legs now wound around mine. She had an iron grip on my arm, and her chest was pressed against me.
The plan was to move away. I stayed like a fool.
But then her breathing stuttered, and she jerked away. “ Fuck,” she cursed. She turned to me, her cheeks dark red. “Of course you’re awake.”
“I said I wouldn’t mention it.”
“Then don’t.”
She was gone before I could say anything else, and I counted my lucky stars that she hadn’t noticed that I was hard as hell.
My body never forgot how much it wanted her. I’d called this purely a survival-based, warmth-sharing session. Stella feeling my boner would raise some questions that I didn’t know how to answer.
After I got up, I checked on the fire, stoking it back to life. Once the furnace was closed, I wandered into the kitchen, getting what I needed to make sure we had food and drink.
The fridge had held in a lot of its coolness, but I grabbed eggs and milk quickly, not wanting it to lose more than it needed to. I also grabbed Amma’s cast-iron pan before making a second trip to get things to make coffee with.
“Are you a coffee drinker now?” I asked as I set down the final items in the living room.
“Is there a copious amounts of cream and sugar?”
“We can make something work.”
“Then yes. How are you making it? I don’t think a coffee machine will work without power.”
“Hot water and a French press. This stove is for more than keeping the house warm. ”
“Since when does Amma have a French press?”
“I got it for her a while ago.”
Stella watched silently as I worked. The water warmed and then I poured it over the coffee grounds. I checked the clock on the wall and gave it three minutes to brew. Once it was done, I handed her a mug. “Here.”
Her cheeks turned pink. “Thanks. What is all of the rest for?”
“I’m making eggs. Or attempting to.”
“I’ll make them,” she offered. “You’ll destroy the cast-iron pan if you don’t use it right. Hand it over.”
I got out of the way as she took over the warm pan, cracking the eggs into the skillet. She mixed milk and butter into it, creating a fluffy scramble for us both.
“Good work,” I said.
“You haven’t tasted it yet.”
“You made it, so I know it’s good.”
She smiled under the praise, making me wonder if her idiot of an ex ever said anything like this to her at all. How could he have had a woman like her and messed it up? How did he not see her for what she was?
Stella sat across from me and took a bite of her eggs. “Fuck,” she nearly moaned. “It’s been too long since I had good eggs.”
“Let me guess, Reed didn’t eat egg yolks.”
“You’d be right. Cholesterol, I think. He didn’t have a problem but thought he could in the future.” She shuddered. “I went months without eggs, and even sugar. ”
“How did you survive that?”
“I snuck some in when things got desperate.”
I could see Stella with contraband stuffed into her purse. “That reminds me of the time you snuck in brownies in high school.”
“Oh, when Nick lied to me and didn’t tell me they were pot brownies? I could have gotten arrested for that.”
“I doubt?—”
“Could you see me in prison? Be honest, Alden.”
“I would have bailed you out.”
She rolled her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. “There you go again, covering for Nick even in the hypothetical. He needs to own up for his own shit and bail me out himself.”
I didn’t have anything to say to her. She’d struck a little too close to home, and the memory of me telling her that we wouldn’t work to cover for his discomfort played behind my eyes.
Luckily, her eyes were now on the stove.
“Will you teach me how to keep the fire going?”
“Why?”
“It’s something I should know. Besides, I can’t let you do all the work.”
“I’m happy to do all the work.”
“Then I’m not the kind of woman to let a guy do everything for her. And if you die because you’re outside splitting logs, then I’ll need to survive somehow.”
“I’m not going to die because I’m splitting some logs.”
“Oh, then how will you die? ”
My eyes moved to her. I had a feeling she would be the death of me.
And it would be the greatest end I could ask for.
“Nothing,” I said. “I’m immortal.”
She rolled her eyes. It almost felt like we were kids again, getting along. “I still want to know how to take care of the fire. I need something to do with all of this time.”
“Keeping a fire going isn’t going to take all day.”
“Don’t remind me. The boredom is already eating me alive.” Her eyes went to the window, gazing over the white scenery. Everything was brighter than I’d ever seen. The sun wasn’t yet out and more flurries dumped from the sky. Hollywood would have a hard time crafting a winter wonderland as perfect as this one.
I let out a sigh when I looked at it.
“That’s gonna be a nightmare for everyone,” I said lowly. After years of working in parks, I had yet to see a storm like this, but even the smaller ones over the years had been a logistical nightmare.
She turned to me. “Do you remember when we got three inches of snow back when we were all in school? You, Nick, and I went out to the park, and Mom thought we were missing?”
“You guys got the lecture of your life.” I cracked a smile. “But it was fun. Watching Nick eat shit always is.”
“There are good hills here. And Amma has sleds in the shed.”
“It’s a little cold. ”
“We have a fire.”
I didn’t know how to answer her. I wanted to go, but I knew that the walls I’d built around us were cracking.
But then she sighed at my silence. “Never mind.”
I turned to find her curled into herself, looking as sad as she had when I first saw her again.
All of my control went out the window. I was not going to be the one who made her feel like this. Fuck no.
“We’ll go. If you were inviting me, that is.”
“Who else is around?” she asked. “And if I go alone, it’s no fun.”
“So, let’s do it. The sleds are in the shed?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.” I got up and threw her my jacket.
“I’m not?—”
“If we’re doing this, you’re staying warm. And my jacket is the best option you have.”
Her nose crinkled. “But?—”
“Wear my jacket, Stella.”
She rolled her eyes as she put it on. “I’m only doing this because it’s cold. You’re getting this back when all of this is over.”
“Sure, whatever makes you feel better.” I didn’t know if I could take it back. It would smell like her, and I would be stuck with the memory of this time we had together.
“I only hope that this time it’s you who falls on your ass,” she said as she put on gloves.
“That’s a rude thing to say. And besides, you’re not allowed to make fun of me. What happens in the snow, stays in the snow, remember?”
Her lips curled into a smile. “That only counts in the living room. And you embarrassing yourself? No way in hell I’m forgetting that.”