18. Eighteen
EIGHTEEN
“So, what kind of drink are you making?” Stella followed me to the kitchen. “Amma only has moonshine, and I doubt she’d want to share. Or that I’d even want that paint thinner in my body.”
“I don’t know how she drinks that stuff.” I shook my head. “And no, I didn’t mean that kind of drink. What are the odds that Amma has evaporated milk?”
“For what?”
“Hot chocolate. I have a recipe.”
“And it uses evaporated milk?”
“No, but I can make it work. Whatever actual milk was here went bad a few days ago.”
She walked to the cabinet with the food, pulling out a can. “High, I guess. Thank God for her always overbuying at the store.”
I took the can and grabbed a pot.
“I thought you didn’t cook. ”
“I don’t, but whenever I would think too hard about the past, I would experiment with hot chocolate.”
“Why?”
“It’s your favorite. It made me feel connected to you.”
Her lips went slack before curving into a full smile. “That’s really sweet, actually.”
“Not with the context, but I’m happy it’s coming in handy now.” I stirred the pot and waited for the milk to warm. I added cocoa powder and sugar before tasting it myself to be sure it was close to what I usually made. “It’s not perfect.”
“Oh, come on. I still want it. This can’t be worse than Reed’s.”
I laughed. “If it is, you have permission to dump me.”
She took the mug with a smile. “I’ll deal with bad hot chocolate for you.” She lifted it and took a sip, and her eyes went wide.
“What’s the verdict?”
“Holy shit ,” she said. “This is the best I’ve ever had.”
“Is it? It’s better with regular milk.”
“I’m coming off from two years of nearly no sugar and powdered hot chocolate.” She shrugged before her smile returned. “Seems like you’re the best I’ve had in multiple ways.”
“You’re shameless.”
“And you’re blushing.”
I rubbed my warm cheek. “Before we get too off track, we should finish our conversation.”
She blew out a breath. “I know. I’m just stalling a little.” She took another long drink before gesturing to the living room.
I took a second to put the bed back into the couch so we could sit comfortably.
Stella wasted no time once she sat. “Nick shouldn’t have done what he did. I stand by it, but I don’t get why you went along with it for so long.”
“Sometimes friendship means suffering.”
She blinked and shook her head. “What? No, it doesn’t.”
“We all have to sacrifice things to be around others. Hasn’t there been something Winnie has asked of you that hurts?”
“No. Winnie knows I’m my own person. Even when I was being an idiot with Reed, she told me her opinions, but she never forced my hand like Nick did yours. The only time that could be justified is if there was some sort of abuse involved, but that’s not what happened with you and me.”
“There’s really nothing?”
“No. Why do you think that it’s okay for friends to dictate how we live our lives?”
“I either be what they want, or they leave.” I shrugged, trying to ignore the pain in my chest as I thought about my past. “It’s life for me.”
“First of all, anyone who leaves you has something wrong with them . It’s never your fault. And second of all, we choose our friends. If they hurt you, then something is wrong. ”
“But I owe Nick for saving my ass as a kid.”
“Friendships don’t come with IOUs, not healthy ones, at least.”
“So, you don’t feel like you owe Winnie for anything?”
“No. I’m grateful for a lot of the things she’s done, but at the end of the day, I just like being around her.”
“I can’t imagine a friendship like that. There’s no disagreements?”
“There are, but there’s never a thing that we’ve been unable to figure out. Love doesn’t have to hurt.”
“I don’t think I know how to love someone without hurting.”
“Okay, what about this, then? Us? Does it hurt?”
“The guilt does.”
“Take that out since we’re working on it right now. Have I , not Nick, asked you to do anything that hurts?”
“No.”
“There’s one example right there, then.”
“I want to believe you, it’s just ... this has been my life for too long. Nothing comes without a cost.”
“That’s because I haven’t been around. I’ll change it.”
“Nick is going to be mad.”
“And?”
“I’ve never seen him like that, Stella. At least not with me. I’m sure you’ve fought, but this was another level. It’s not the man you know.”
She pressed her lips together. “He could have matured.”
“And if he didn’t? ”
“Then I’m seeing my brother for the man that he is. We all see people’s true colors eventually.”
“I don’t want you to fight with your brother for me.”
“And I didn’t want him to fight with you for me. Don’t you see the common denominator? He was unreasonable then. And if he is now, then whatever happens is on him.”
I huffed out a laugh. “You’ll really stand up to him?”
“He deserves it for what he did seven years ago.”
Stella made all of my worries sound so manageable. I’d never been around anyone who could do that. “I should have told you what he did.”
“I’m guessing you were afraid of the consequences if you did.”
“Very.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I still am. But ... I’m sorry it took seven years for us to talk about it.”
“I was mad. You were living in fear. It doesn’t help that we’re both stubborn. We just had to wait for a snowstorm to give us a second chance.”
“I still can’t believe you’re even giving me one.”
“I can. Remember my high school crush? No one wanted me anyway, but I wanted you.”
I winced. “That’s not ... entirely true.”
“ What? ”
“We caught a couple of guys talking about you once. One wanted to ask you out and see how quickly you’d sleep with him.”
Stella’s face twisted. “Really? Like some sort of bet to see if the ugly girl would put out?”
“Stella, you were beautiful, even if some people didn’t see it. You were nice to everyone, always smiling. Other than that fucker, you had options, but you were around us all the time.”
“Well, shitty guys have always been a part of my life, so that trend probably would have continued.”
“I’m not going to be one of them.”
Her smile was soft, and no cell in my body could find a way to regret this choice.
I was able to sneak in one kiss before the home phone rang again, which pulled Stella away. It was her parents checking in, eager to hear that we were both okay after being secluded for so long. Stella and I told them about our adventures and then grabbed another muffin for a snack.
“Is that blueberry?”
“Unfortunately, I’m tired of the chocolate ones.” She took a bite and then grimaced. “Correction: I’m tired of all of them. Even the soup.”
“I hope all soup isn’t off the menu,” I replied. “Because the first thing I’m asking for is that chicken and gnocchi soup.”
She laughed. “I don’t know how you can even think about soup after we’ve only eaten that and muffins.”
“Then we can have something else—as long as you made it. I’ll eat your cooking every damn day if I can, Stella.”
“I’m still out of practice. What if I burn things?”
“Then I’ll eat that too.”