Chapter 29 Joe
I’d been hard at work the last week. Not just with my family but with my overall Christmas plans. I’d had this…idea in my head. A plan to show Jason that he didn’t have to spend Christmas alone, ever again. Inviting him to spend the night with my family was only step one in my master plan.
All week, I’d been spreading the word.
Talking to every person on Jason’s list that we’d helped, and asking them to assist me. It would take a village to pull together the kind of party I wanted to throw for Jason. I figured…there was no better way to spend Christmas than with family. A Home Alone style reunion.
And Belleville was his.
Talking to people had never been my strength. It was difficult. I stumbled over my words. Got things wrong, and had to fix it. But somehow, I managed. Struggling through my weaknesses because Jason was worth being uncomfortable.
Mary had been the biggest help.
When I’d told her my plan, she’d been downright ecstatic. Baxter and his husband, Paxton, had been a big help, too. Pulling together, grudgingly on Paxton’s end, their network to spread the word.
And by the time Christmas morning rolled around, everything had fallen into place.
I woke up in Jason’s arms. Surrounded by my favorite people in the world. Content and warm and—
Oh shit.
I needed to get ready.
He didn’t want to let go of me. When I tried to get out of bed, he grumbled, squeezing me tight. So I succumbed to a few more minutes of cuddling, plans be damned. Eventually, Jason let me free. I climbed off the mattress, dodging bodies and heading into the kitchen to help Mom.
Breakfast would come first.
Then presents.
Then…
The surprise.
Jason had no idea what was in store for him.
The thought made me giddy.
Mom instructed me as to what she wanted me to do. As I whisked up Christmas pancakes, we murmured quietly back and forth. Not once had she shown disdain for my house, or made me feel small. In fact…the longer she stayed, the more I realized how unfair to her I’d been.
Demonizing her.
Because, at the end of the day, I had the kind of mom who baked cookies. The kind of mom who read my report cards. The kind of mom who loved me when I failed. The kind of mom who flew across the country so I wouldn’t have to be alone.
“I love you,” I told her, still whisking. My cheeks were hot.
“I love you, too.” She looked surprised when I glanced up, but her smile was kind. “What brought that on?”
“I was just…I dunno. I’m just glad you’re here.”
Mom melted.
She reached up to pat my cheek, eyes crinkling at the corners. “You’re my baby, of course I’m here.”
“Not all moms are like that,” I said. “Not all moms do what you do.”
“No,” she agreed. “And that’s a damn shame.”
My eyes burned a little. I nodded. She gave my cheek another pat before releasing it. “For the record,” she added. “I’m proud of you.”
“For my house?” My brow furrowed.
I’d worked so damn hard on it. Wanted nothing more than to prove to her that there was a reason she could be proud of me. To prove that I was capable.
“For your capability to love,” Mom said. “Your big heart. Your softness. I used to worry a lot about you. Lonely as you seemed.” I’d seemed…lonely? “Stressing yourself out, trying to impress me when you never needed to.”
“W-what?”
“I may be hard on you sometimes, but I will never cease to be impressed by all that you’ve accomplished,” Mom said.
I couldn’t believe this.
That all along she’d been…she’d been thinking about me this way.
It struck me then, the reason I’d been able to offer Jason love that was unconditional. The reason I’d known it existed. My mom had been the one to teach me that. And I…suddenly I could see with clarity how silly, how immature I’d been.
How wrong.
To think she’d come here and judge me.
Mom was here because she loved me.
It wasn’t a test.
It had never been a test.
I’d misjudged her the same way I’d misjudged Jason.
“You don’t worry about me anymore?” I asked, my thoughts whirring from the realization.
“Of course I do.” Mom gave me a look. “But…less now. You spread your wings. It was hard to see you go, but I’m glad you did.
I’m glad you finally proved to yourself that you could.
” She cracked another egg into the giant bowl she was prepping for scrambled eggs.
“Of all my kids, you’re the most independent. ”
“I...am?”
That was news to me.
My heart fluttered.
“There’s nothing you can’t do,” Mom said. “Just look at this…this place. This home you’ve made for yourself. The friends you’ve found. The world you’ve made your own. This—party you’ve planned is a perfect example. When you get an idea in your head there’s nothing you can’t do.”
Mom and I worked together to finish up breakfast before the others woke up. And the whole time, her words were spinning around inside my head. Settling a part of me that’d been ruffled my whole life.
Jason was groggy as hell when I woke him up with a plate of pancakes and a glass of orange juice. We ate on our air mattress, quiet. Listening to everyone else chatter. I didn’t spill my juice. Which was genuinely a miracle.
A Christmas miracle.
One of many.
We opened presents, working from oldest to youngest. Jason was super embarrassed but adorable when he realized he was third in line after my parents. His whole face was red. Nobody commented though. I kissed his shoulder as he unwrapped the present I’d gotten him—the first in his pile.
A sweater, just like the ones he always wore.
This one was blue.
“It’s the same color as your eyes,” I told him, pleased with myself.
“It matches your cabinets,” Mom said, amused. I blinked, confused as Jason held up the fabric, smiling at it.
“No it doesn’t,” I replied.
“Yes it does,” George piped in. “Practically a perfect match.”
“Does it?” I turned to Lacey, looking for support.
“Yep.”
“Oh.” Now it was my turn to blush as I looked at Jason for help. He just kissed my cheek. “Did you know that?”
“That you painted your cabinets the same color as my eyes? I mean…” he shrugged. The whole room erupted into laughter. I didn’t mind being the center of it. Not when Jason looked so pleased.
“I didn’t bring gifts,” he admitted to me as we moved down the line. “Just the wine. I…”
“Your presence is the gift,” I told him.
“No, but—”
“Jason,” I said quietly. “The only thing we want from you is this.” I tangled his hand with mine, heart thumping when the look he gave me was equal parts baffled and sappy.
“Just this,” he echoed, squeezing my hand.
“Yep.”
Someone bought me a dildo. The gift was unmarked. The moment I opened the package, I choked and shut the lid before Mavis could see.
“Y’all are going to Hell,” I told the whole room. The few that’d seen the gift cackled.
“What?” Mom asked. Her eyes were twinkling though. And I had the sneaking suspicion—in the most horrible, embarrassing way possible—that she knew all about it. Jason wouldn’t stop laughing. Choking on it. Burying his face in my shoulder as he snorted over and over. Wheezing.
The rest of our gifts were nice things.
A new planer for me, so I could do more wood working.
A parka for Jason that matched the one I always wore, that Mom had given me.
Christmas pajamas—matching—for the both of us.
Mugs with gay cardinals on them, ’cause Mom knew how much I liked them.
I was buzzing with anticipation the whole time, eyes on the clock, just…waiting.
Waiting for it to happen.
For my surprise to come together.
To give Jason the best Christmas he’d ever had.
Around three things began to wind down. It was time. Everyone was privy to my secret, and not a single person spilled the beans. Not as Jason and I dressed in our matchy coats. Not as we said our goodbyes, and I headed out the door with him.
“You’re coming home with me?” he’d asked.
“Yep.”
He hadn’t argued, even if he was confused. I think he was just relieved to not be alone. Which again, made my heart hurt so fucking bad.
He climbed into the driver’s side after opening my door for me like a total gentleman. My cheeks were hot as I hopped inside. The doors shut. The heater kicked on.
And suddenly, just like that, we were alone.
Jason noticed, too.
He turned to look at me, heat and affection burning in his gaze as his lips curled up.
“This has been the best Christmas I’ve ever had,” he admitted quietly. “Thank you.”
He had no idea what was coming next.
And yet…already he was saying it was the best.
“I should be the one thanking you,” I told him. I’d never been good at words, but I tried now. Because Jason needed to hear this.
“For what?” His brow furrowed.
“For everything, Jason. For showing me what Belleville could be. For being here for me. For being my friend. For changing my perspective.”
“Oh.” He flushed, ducking his head. “I don’t…I mean. I don’t think I deserve credit for all that.”
“I do.” I buckled up, then reached for his hand. Held it between mine. It was cold. Clammy. Like he was nervous.
“I’ve been…” Jason exhaled. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
Wanting to talk to me?
About what?
Jason closed his eyes, head falling against the seat rest. He gathered strength. I frowned, confused. “I…you know how I said there was stuff I was keeping from you?”
“Yes.”
“Well…” When Jason looked at me, there was no fear in his eyes. Not the way there’d used to be. Somehow, somewhere he’d stopped being scared of me. “I think I’m ready to tell you. All of it.”
Across town, my surprise was waiting for him.
And yet, I didn’t hesitate to nod. Everyone but him could wait.
“There’s no easy way to say this,” Jason started. His lip wobbled. “But I—”
“You’re Santa.” I put him out of his misery.
“I—what?” Jason’s eyebrows shot up. His jaw fell open, shock warring across his features. “What? How did you—”
“I went to your mom’s house. She gave me her son, the benefactor’s, number. I called. You picked up.”
“Oh,” he breathed out. “That’s why you asked me about the piano.”
“Yes.”