Chapter Eight #2
“Your cousin sucks, by the way. Hey, Rodney? Stanley? Walter?” Hana shakes her head. “The doggo isn’t reacting to any of them. We’ll figure out your name eventually. Don’t worry.”
“He might not be staying,” I remind her.
And as for Grace… “I knew the timing was weird. Her turning up like that. Never should have offered to let her stay. At least if she’d been at a motel, I would have had some distance and time to think about the things she was asking and maybe piece it together. ”
Hana winces. “Not really sure you should drag yourself for not being paranoid enough.”
“I completely forgot the stuff about cadaver dogs was on the table. There was a bunch of bills and stuff and…yeah.”
“So people know we’re searching,” says Hana. “There’s no reason it necessarily changes anything.”
“I feel like such an idiot.”
“Let me know when she moves on from the self-pitying stage,” says Muriel. “I always find that boring.”
Hana smiles. “Calling yourself an idiot seems harsh.”
“Idiot adjacent?” I ask.
“Yeah. I’ll let you have that one.”
“Thanks. You’re probably right about it not changing anything,” I say after some thought. “My reputation was already shitty. Maybe it won’t make much of a difference.”
Muriel makes a humming noise. “I guess we’ll see.”
“Time for a change of topic. Are you still thinking of going to Noah’s housewarming drinks tomorrow night?” asks Hana. “For what it’s worth, I think you should.”
“Hold on,” inserts Muriel. “Why didn’t I hear anything about this? I was going to invite you back to bingo.”
“Bingo was great,” I say.
“No. Go to Noah’s.” Muriel takes off her glasses to give them a clean. “I did another deep dive of his online life. Just for fun.”
I raise my brows. “Your definition of fun worries me sometimes.”
“The point is, apart from some questionable life choices in his early twenties, the man seems like one of the good ones. I approve of him.”
No point repeating that we’re just friends. They’re already aware. More than.
“I like him too,” says Hana. “What do you think, Willard? Roger? August? He’s wagging his tail. I think August is a winner. You’re so cute, Auggie. The cutest dog on the whole backseat of the car with his head currently resting on my leg.”
I laugh. “That’s pretty specific.”
“I want him to feel seen. To be perceived. How do you feel about Auggie?”
“Hmm. It’s the month when I found him. Or he found me,” I say with a smile. “I think it works. Auggie it is.”
“And you’re going to the party?”
“Sure,” I say with almost no doubt. “Why not?”
Music and chatter are flowing out of the front door of the small brick bungalow next door the next evening.
I’ve never been in any of the neighboring houses before.
What a momentous occasion. Back in the days of yore you would turn up to parties with a six-pack of beer along with your hopes and dreams. But a bottle of wine and a dose of reality seems more adult.
Noah asked me to attend. Everything is going to be fine.
Hiding away has been my norm for so long that there are bound to be nerves.
But I can definitely do this. As in go out and get a life.
I wear a pair of blue jeans, and a new black square-neck knit tank with sandals. It took me forever to get my cat’s-eye liner right. Thank fuck for online tutorials.
No idea how many people it takes to run a restaurant. But there are four sitting in the room, including Noah. He told me it would basically just be people from work because those are the only people besides me that he’s met in town so far.
The house has an open-plan kitchen/dining/living space.
A couple of packing boxes sit in a corner.
There are a couple of tan sofas, a wooden coffee table, and a glass four-seater dining table with a record player sitting on top.
No art or photos on the wall. Not yet. His residence is a work in progress.
Just the sight of him makes the ball of anxiety in my belly ease.
There’ll be no need for a fire this winter.
His gaze warms me just fine. Which is not the thought of a friend, but I am doing my best here.
He’s wearing black jeans with a black tee and boots.
I have to force myself not to swoon. I really need to stop dreaming about this man being naked. For both our sakes.
“Hey,” he says, getting to his feet. “You made it.”
“Yeah.”
He smiles, and I am not imagining how he stands closer than necessary. His back is to the room, blocking me from view, like he’s giving me a minute to adjust or something. And I appreciate it, but I am okay.
“What happened with the dog?” he asks. “I haven’t heard how things went at the vet.”
“Auggie is at home asleep on the couch. He doesn’t have a chip, so we’re waiting to hear if anyone is missing him. But for now he’s staying with me.”
“Is that so?” His smile really is all things fair and good in this world. I hand him the bottle of wine and he asks, “Can I get you a glass of that?”
“Sure.”
“Let me introduce you quickly.”
When he steps aside, three sets of eyes are watching us with interest. A beautiful Black woman with her braids in a low bun is sitting beside a young white man with piercings.
And on a low wooden stool is a woman with olive skin and a shaved head wearing an amazing vintage-style dress. Talk about serving cunt.
“This is Ivy, Logan, and Jade,” he says. “And this is Sidney.”
Noah hasn’t told them about me. This much is made obvious quickly.
But he stands at my side with a determined smile.
The dawning recognition on Jade’s face is distinctly horrified while Logan’s is blessedly oblivious.
And as for Ivy, she knows who I am but keeps a careful smile on her face.
Which I appreciate. I wonder how far I would have to move to get away from this.
From being known. Though the idea of running does kind of piss me off.
The thing is, with the documentary coming out on a major streaming service, nowhere might be far enough now.
“You’re the neighbor?” says Jade, voice heavy with disbelief.
“Which is not a problem.” Noah rests his hand on the small of my back.
Logan’s gaze jumps around the room. “What’s going on?”
No one says anything for a minute. Then Ivy says in an even tone, “She used to date a guy who killed a girl. You were probably too young to pay attention. What was it…nine or ten years ago?”
I nod. “About that.”
“Wow,” says Logan with wide eyes.
Ivy’s smile is determined. “All of the smokers are out back. Come and join us, Sidney.”
“Thanks,” I say.
“I remember,” says Logan like genius is dawning on him. “A bunch of women went missing. Mom cut her hair and stopped jogging alone or listening to music when she was out.”
This is awkward. But it’s also to be expected. As long as I stay in this city, being recognized and having conversations like this are going to happen. I’m determined to keep living my life and making my peace with it. Noah wants me here and that’s what matters.
“It was terrifying.” Jade’s gaze is flat and unfriendly. “I knew one of the women who went missing. We were friends.”
I open my mouth to say I am sorry. The most useless three words in existence. But alas, I’m too slow.
“Sid had nothing to do with it,” says Noah. “Why don’t we talk about something else?”
“Of course she had something to do with it. A hair from her head was found on a murder victim.”
“You’re right,” I say before Noah can intercede on my behalf again.
Confrontation sucks. But there’s no avoiding this.
“I was dating the person who hurt those women. When I was nineteen, I had awful fucking taste in men. Just the absolute worst. I couldn’t see through his bullshit and lies.
I’m sorry about your friend. But I didn’t know what he was doing and I wasn’t involved in the murder or kidnapping of any of those women. ”
Jade shakes her head. “And we’re just supposed to take your word for that? At the very least he was able to hide for longer amongst us because of people like you.”
“She made a shit choice,” says Ivy. “But that monster was a smart good-looking boy from a seemingly nice family. You can’t tell me if it hadn’t been her, it wouldn’t have been someone else.”
Jade is not happy.
This is the point where I would normally back down. Shut my mouth and hide. But running from this hasn’t gotten me anywhere. And it doesn’t help anyone. “I am sorry you’re hurting, Jade. I really am. But I am not the person who hurt you.”
The woman just sits there and seethes.
Keeping my mouth shut might have been wiser. I think I just set a new land speed record for trashing a party’s vibe. “Maybe I should um…”
“No,” says Noah, determinedly.
“They’re making a documentary about it, aren’t they?” asks Logan, seemingly oblivious to the angst in the room. “A big group of the people involved are booked for dinner Wednesday.”
Ivy nods.
“This is my house.” Noah’s jaw is set. “She’s my guest too, Jade. You don’t have to like her. I like her enough for both of us. But we need to drop this and talk about something else.”
My heart swells to twice its normal size. This cannot be healthy. But I don’t think I’ve been this excited about someone saying they like me since I was sixteen. It’s all I can do to keep a stupid smile off my face. And this is so not the time or place for it.
“Fuck you, Noah,” says Jade, grabbing her jacket and heading for the door.
The thing is…you can’t tell someone how to grieve. How to feel about something so difficult. There are few things worse than losing someone and there’s no closure for family and friends of the missing. In her position I might have reacted exactly the same. I honestly don’t know.
Ivy blows out a breath but says nothing.
“Should I try and talk to her?” asks Noah.
“No.” Ivy shakes her head. “Leave it with me.”
“That was awkward as fuck.” Logan raises his hand. “Can I say something? I don’t understand wings.”
“As in chicken wings?” asks Ivy with her brows drawn tight. “Are you serious? They’re delicious. What’s there to understand?”
I cock my head. “Yeah. Me neither.”
“It’s just skin and bone,” says Logan. “There’s no meat, right?”
“No,” I say. “Never made sense to me.”
Ivy blinks at us. “Delicious skin that’s been marinated before being cooked to a golden crisp. How can you fail to appreciate that?”
“They’re just good.” Noah frowns down at me. You would think I insulted his firstborn or something. “Wings are good.”
“Okay,” I say.
“You’re saying that just to appease me, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Can I have that glass of wine?” I ask. “And please make it a large.”
His gaze skips to the door, reminded of the recent trials and tribulations. No sign of Jade and I highly doubt she’s coming back. Then he gives me the fakest smile in all of time and space and says, “You got it.”