Chapter 26
Ellie
Ilook at Camden as I work up the nerve to tell him my biggest secret.
But he deserves to know. I can’t stand the thought of him thinking that last night was his fault when it wasn’t. Especially after he opened up to me about his fear of getting married.
He was brave enough to be vulnerable and honest with me—to tell me something he’s never told anyone. And now I need to give him that same honesty.
“You were perfect last night, Camden. You did everything right. It’s just…” My heart races as I take a breath. “I’m a virgin.”
Camden’s brow lifts. My body tenses as I wait for him to say more. Is he weirded out? Does he think I’m a freak?
I quiet the thoughts in my brain and tell myself not to spiral. What I just told him is kind of a big deal. He probably needs a minute to process it.
He blinks at me. “You’re a virgin?”
I nod.
“So you’ve never had sex?”
I shake my head. “I mean, I’ve tried to. It just hasn’t worked out.”
“What do you mean?”
I play with the hem of my shorts. “I dated a guy a year ago. We tried to have sex a couple of times, but I couldn’t.”
Camden’s frown deepens. “When you say you couldn’t, what do you mean by that?”
My stomach is in knots as I pull up the memory. My cheeks are instantly hot. God, this is embarrassing. But Camden was honest with me, even though I could tell it made him uncomfortable. I need to do the same for him.
I tuck my hair behind my ear. “Well, you know how most women are kind of…tight…the first time they have sex?”
Camden nods.
“Damien couldn’t really get it in. We tried for a while, but it hurt too much. So I just gave up and told him it wasn’t going to happen. We tried a couple more times after that, but it was the same thing.”
I leave out the part where Damien lost his temper and then kicked me out of his apartment.
And the part where he texted me for months, demanding that I give him money for rent and utilities, even though I paid my fair share when I lived with him and didn’t owe him anymore.
Camden doesn’t need to know what a trainwreck my one failed relationship was.
Camden’s eyebrows knit together, like he’s ultra-focused. “So wait, did he do anything to warm you up? Did you use his hands or his mouth? Did he use lube?”
I shake my head.
Camden bites down, and the side of his jaw bulges. “Lazy motherfucker,” he mutters.
A second later, his expression shifts from angry to regretful.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean you,” he says quickly. “I meant your ex. It sounds like he basically just tried to stick it in with no warm-up or foreplay. He shouldn’t have done that. That’s lazy as fuck.”
“Oh.” I didn’t even think about that.
“Did he at least ask you to touch yourself first to help you get relaxed?”
I shake my head. My face is on fire. “I, um, I’ve never done that either.”
His brow shoots up. “You’ve never masturbated?”
I cross my arms and shake my head. “I’ve never really known how to do it.”
“I mean, there’s not much to it. You just use your hands and do what feels good.”
I stare at him.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “I just…I’m sure it’s different for women. I mean, I know it’s different.”
I cover my hands over my face and groan. “I’m such a freak.”
“Ellie, you’re not a freak.”
“I am.” I throw up my hands. “I’ve never had sex. I’ve never masturbated.”
“How come you’ve never tried touching yourself?” Camden asks, his tone gentle.
“I’ve tried a few times. I just feel so awkward. I’m lying there in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to turn myself on, but it feels so…unnatural.”
The corner of his mouth hooks up in a gentle half-smile. “You’re not supposed to lie there and look at the ceiling. You’re supposed to think of something sexy. Or watch something hot, like porn. Or read something smutty. Have you tried those things?”
I shake my head, feeling even more foolish. Why didn’t I think of that?
“You never talked about this with your friends? They never told you to do those things?” Camden asks.
“I’ve never had close friendships where I felt comfortable telling them something so personal.” I hesitate for a second. “I spent most of my life sick at home or in hospitals. Or working to pay off my debt. I didn’t have all that much time to make close friends.”
Camden nods like he understands.
“And now I feel so behind everyone else.” I close my eyes and shake my head.
“Actually, I feel like I’m going backwards.
I’m married, but I’ve never even had sex.
” I gnaw at my bottom lip, feeling anxious.
I look at Camden. “When I get married for real someday, I don’t want to be a virgin.
I don’t want to struggle to feel comfortable with myself sexually in the bedroom with my husband.
I want to be totally confident with him.
I just wish I could figure out a way to… ”
I look at Camden, who’s gazing at me intently.
An idea pops into my head. A wild, off-the-wall, totally insane idea.
But it’s also perfect.
I stare at Camden, working up the last of my nerve to say this to him.
“Maybe you could teach me.”
He blinks at me. “Teach you what?”
I swallow hard. “How to do all those things in the bedroom that I’m too scared to learn on my own.”
His brow hits his hairline, and his eyes go wide. “Wait, are you serious?”
I nod. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, like he’s certain he heard me wrong.
He pins me with a wild gaze. “You want me to teach you how to masturbate and have sex?”
“Yes.”
He lets out a shaky breath and laughs like he’s in disbelief. “Ellie, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
He laughs again. “Seriously?”
I just look at him.
“Ellie, we’re friends. Best friends. Best friends don’t teach each other how to masturbate or have sex.”
“Best friends also don’t get married for health insurance, but we broke that rule.”
The corner of his mouth quirks up as he lets out a surprised chuckle. “Okay, fair point. But Ellie, why me? You’re a beautiful woman. You could go out right now and find ten guys who would be happy to hook up with you and do whatever you want in bed.”
A second later, he makes a face, like he can’t stand the thought of that.
“I would never feel comfortable doing this with a stranger,” I say.
I grab his arm, determined to convince him.
“Camden, this is the perfect setup, don’t you see?
You’ve got all this experience in the bedroom.
I have zero. You can teach me everything I’ve ever wanted to know about sex, and it won’t be weird because we’re best friends. ”
He quirks an eyebrow at me.
“Okay, it might be a little weird,” I say. “But it’ll be a million times better with you than with any other guy. I know you’ll be patient with me. You won’t make fun of me or get mad at me or make me feel bad. We’re totally comfortable with each other. I feel safe with you.”
His gaze on me focuses as his chest heaves with a breath. “You’re sure this is what you want?”
“Positive.”
He nods once. “Okay.”
I bite back a smile. Holy crap. He actually agreed. We’re actually doing this.
“We’ll wait until we’re back in Denver,” he says.
“Okay,” I say quietly.
He gives me a small smile and stands up, then starts to pack.
My phone buzzes with a text from the group chat I have with the girls, asking me to come out and have drinks with them at the winery before everyone flies back home tonight.
“Wanna go have some wine with everyone? I think we both could use a drink,” I say to Camden.
He flashes an easy smile. “Sure.”
The rest of the afternoon, as we sip wine and visit with everyone, I sneak glances at him.
When his gaze catches mine, he winks at me. I bite back a smile, feeling giddy and nervous all at once.
My best friend and fake husband is about to teach me all I ever wanted to know about sex.