Chapter 4
Chapter Four
A hand caressing the good side of my face gently woke me. I opened my eyes to see stormy blue ones. Roe was sitting on the edge of the bed next to me.
“Hi.” His voice was soft.
The sun was fully up and peeking brightly from behind the blinds.
“You left,” I blurted pathetically, and lifted my unbandaged hand to touch his cheek.
I caught the guilty way his forehead creased before he leaned down to set it gently on mine. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you,” he whispered.
I understood why he hadn’t been able to stay and didn’t mean to make him feel guilty. It had just sucked not seeing him or Wyatt when I woke up. There was some relief at seeing Reid. That was, until I’d realized he wasn’t there because he wanted to be, which made me feel even worse.
Roe gently pressed his lips to the uninjured side of my mouth. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise.” He moved his mouth up to kiss me again on my good cheek.
I slid my fingers into his soft black hair on the back of his head, holding him to me.
The bed dipped on my other side and Wyatt’s voice interrupted our moment. “It’s not like we had much choice. Bram looked like he was about to murder us if we didn’t leave.”
Roe leaned back and we both glanced toward Wyatt. He had made himself comfortable by lying in the bed next to me on top of the covers. He had his arms folded behind his head.
He gave me a small smile. “How you feeling, joint thief?”
I didn’t know how to answer.
“That bad, huh?” Wyatt said.
“I’ve been hurt worse than this,” I whispered.
Wyatt’s small smile was wiped away. “That breaks my heart.”
Someone cleared their throat and everyone turned toward the sound. Bram was standing by the door, frowning at Roe and Wyatt. “If she’s in pain, her medicine is on the table there next to the bed.” His eyes flicked to me. “Are you hungry?”
I didn’t feel hungry.
“You should try to eat,” Roe said. “I’m pretty sure you haven’t had anything in over a day.”
“I don’t even know what day it is or the time.” Not having a phone was really starting to bother me.
“It’s Sunday afternoon,” Wyatt said.
So everything had happened yesterday. It felt like days had passed. “I’m not hungry.”
“Why don’t you try anyway?” Bram insisted.
I really wasn’t in the mood to eat. “It hurts to swallow.”
“Then how about some soup?” Bram suggested, and I could tell he wasn’t going to let it go.
Roe grabbed my hand and gave it a little squeeze. “Please try.”
His pleading was beginning to be a problem.
I glanced at Bram and nodded.
He pushed on the door until it hit the doorstop and looked from Roe to Wyatt. “This door stays open.”
Bram left after that.
Wyatt sighed. “All those protective dad instincts must be hitting him hard.”
Roe shook his head as if baffled. “I don’t know what he thinks would happen in here if the door was closed.”
Wyatt gave him an incredulous look. “You know exactly what he thinks would happen.”
“Not when she’s hurt,” Roe said.
“Maybe Noble told him about the time he walked in on you two and that’s why he’s not leaving anything up to chance,” Wyatt said with a grin.
Roe frowned at him.
“I wish he didn’t walk in that morning,” I mumbled.
That melted the frown off Roe’s face.
“It was probably for the best Noble interrupted you when he did,” Wyatt said.
Roe and I both looked at him quizzically.
“Reid and I would have barged in a few minutes later because we were going to the diner. Imagine what position you would have been in then.”
Roe’s mouth dropped open slightly. “I have terrible friends.”
Wyatt attempted to shrug even though his arms were behind his head. “You know how Reid is. He wouldn’t have listened for moaning, and you didn’t lock the door. He would have just walked in.”
“And you? You wouldn’t try to stop him?” Roe argued.
The corner of Wyatt’s mouth twitched. “And miss an opportunity to see Reid flustered?”
Roe looked ready to hit his best friend. “And to see Lottie naked as well.”
Wyatt grinned. “I got to see her when Noble interrupted. I think the universe was going to be on my side regardless of who walked in on you two that morning.”
“You’re lucky Lottie’s between us right now,” Roe grumbled.
Wyatt rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. “Look at that. The universe is on my side today, too.”
I almost smiled at the two of them, but when the split in my lip started to tug and sting, I ended up wincing.
Roe reached for the bottle of pills on the bedside table. “Why don’t you take these?”
I nodded. As I tried to sit up, they both quickly reached for me to help.
Roe dropped the bottle on the bed and pulled me up from under my arms while Wyatt pushed between my shoulder blades.
Once I was sitting, Wyatt propped up all the pillows behind me.
I didn’t have to endure the pain of using my core.
For a moment, all I could do was stare at them as I processed what they had just done.
At how quickly they’d jumped to help. They cared for me.
I knew they did. I supposed it was because I was feeling so raw that it was more impactful right then.
I recognized what Bram and Reid had done for me as well, even though things were awkward or tense with them.
I was grateful. I really was. I should have been happy.
For so long, it had been all I’d wanted.
To be treated with kindness and to have someone in my life who cared for me.
But why was I feeling disappointed? Why did it feel like it was too late?
I felt like I was straddling a line. Half of my soul was already gone and done with this life. It was waiting for the rest of me to follow.
Roe had found the pill bottle he had dropped. “How many do I give you?”
I couldn’t open my mouth to answer. Tears were welling up in my eyes. I was using what little strength I had to keep them from falling.
Don’t cry.
You can’t cry.
“Lottie?” Roe set the bottle back on the bed without taking his eyes off me.
Wyatt sat up. “Did we hurt you?”
I shook my head before tilting it back to look at the ceiling.
“Hey,” Roe said softly as he cupped both sides of my face. Gently, he made me look at him. “It’s okay.”
I couldn’t hold the tears back then. They fell from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks, one after the other. “No, it’s not, Roe. It’s not,” I cried. “It’s not okay.”
Roe scooted up the bed and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me. “I know it’s not okay. I meant it’s all right to cry.”
That wasn’t okay, either, but there was no going back now.
I’m not okay.
I wept into his shoulders, soaking his shirt with my tears. “It’s never going to be okay,” I cried, hurting my throat. To breathe in, to sob, hurt, and I couldn’t stop.
“Yes, it is,” Roe said with such certainty that I wished I could believe him. Even if I could, I wasn’t a terrible enough person to let him prove it to me.
I’m not okay.
“I can’t do it anymore!” I wailed against him. “I just can’t.”
“You won’t.” Roe leaned back. He grabbed the sides of my face to make me look at him again.
“It will be okay.” I shook my head, but Roe refused to back down.
“I swear that it will be. You are in the safest place you can be. They can’t get you.
Not anymore. They’d have to get through me and Wyatt.
Even Reid, who’s butthurt and sulking in the living room because you yelled at him. ”
“It’s his own fault for being an idiot,” Wyatt grumbled next to us.
Body shaking from silent sobs, I closed my eyes. “I won’t drag you three down with me.”
“Look at me,” Roe ordered.
Reluctantly, I did as he said.
His eyes bored into mine as his thumbs brushed away the tear tracks going down my cheeks.
“Then there’s Bram, Lottie. He’s your father.
I know that doesn’t mean anything to you.
At least, not right now. But believe me when I say that Bram is probably one of the scariest men I know.
He’s the president of the Haven’s Rebels.
You don’t become that by being weak or stupid or without fighting.
No one is getting through him to get to you. ”
I yanked my face from his hands. Staring down at the blankets, I watched my tears dot the fabric. “He gave me up before. He can do it again.”
With that, Roe went quiet. The only sounds in the room were my sniffles and jumpy inhales and exhales as I continued to cry.
Someone other than the three of us cursed, drawing our attention toward the door. Reid stormed over. “I can’t listen to this anymore.” He glanced at Roe. “Get up.”
Roe frowned as he slowly stood from the bed. “What are you doing?”
“Just fucking trust me and get out of the way,” Reid snapped.
Roe’s frown turned into a glare, but he still moved to the side.
Reid grabbed the blankets and tossed them off me. I stiffened when his arms went under my legs and around my back.
“What are you doing?” I said in a panic as he lifted me.
He didn’t respond and started walking away with me toward the door. Roe and Wyatt were quick to follow.
Bram was leaning against the hall wall just outside the room, holding a wooden tray with a bowl of soup on it. He wore a faraway, somber expression. I had a feeling he had been standing there listening for a while. Just like Reid had been, apparently.
The moment Reid went to pass with me in his arms, Bram snapped out of where his thoughts had taken him and straightened. Reid walked down the hall until we reached a door that was slightly ajar.
“Reid,” Bram said as if to stop him.