Chapter 4 #2
Reid ignored him and kicked the door open the rest of the way.
“You need to see this,” Reid said as he walked us into what looked like an office.
There was an L-shaped desk in the far corner of the room with a nice-looking leather office chair.
Taking up the entire right wall was a large wood carving of the Haven’s Rebels logo surrounded by black-and-white pictures of Bram with different members of the club over the years, either on their bikes or just standing as a group, all wearing their cuts.
Reid stopped in the middle of the office and faced the left side of the room, where there was an upholstered, rolled-arm, brown leather love seat, and hanging above it on the wall…
My breath hitched as I took in the large charcoal-and-graphite motorcycle I had drawn for last year’s final.
It was my something beautiful yet terrifying.
This piece, along with my peers’ artwork, had been displayed at Stewart’s Gallery to be voted on by the public.
My piece had won and I had been allowed to use the gallery to sell it.
I remember asking Ms. Clark how much I should price it at.
Because it had been the first drawing I had ever attempted to sell, I had expected her to tell me to keep the price low.
She hadn’t. Instead, she had asked me what I’d be willing to pay for it, then told me to add more for my time and talent that went into creating it.
A small part of me felt pretentious pricing it at four thousand dollars, but Ms. Clark had said she would have priced it higher.
It had sold in the first twenty-four hours.
“You drew it and he bought it,” Reid said, and then sat me on the sofa.
I grunted a little and hugged my ribs. Roe and Wyatt came farther into the office, staring at my drawing on the wall behind me, while Reid went over to the desk. He snatched up a brass double picture frame that folded like a book and held it out to me.
I took it. On one side of the frame was a photo of a newborn baby cradled in Bram’s recognizably tattooed arm.
On the other side of the frame was a photo of me when I was a cheerleader for a short time during freshman year.
The photo looked like it had been taken from the stands, but zoomed in on me while I was cheering at a football game.
I glanced at the newborn baby again, and as I stared, I realized it was me.
Reid knelt in front of me. “He has your birth date tattooed over his heart.”
“That’s enough, Reid,” Bram’s voice said.
We all looked toward the door.
Bram was standing there staring at me, not holding the tray of soup anymore. “Can you three give us a minute?” he said to the guys.
Bram shut the door as soon as they walked out of the room.
He went over to his leather chair at his desk, rolled it over, and took a seat in front of me.
Resting his elbows on his knees, he leaned forward.
He glanced at me, then the floor, and sighed heavily while scratching his beard. He looked at a loss.
I sniffled. “Are you holding me in this picture?”
He glanced at the frame before taking it from my hands so he could stare at the baby picture.
“A few days before you were born, I ran into your mother. Up until that point, you weren’t real.
You were just a discussion we’d had seven months prior.
” He grimaced. “That sounded terrible, I’m sorry.
” He sighed again. “Your mother and I didn’t love each other.
We met at a bar and we had…” He trailed off as if trying to think of the right way to continue.
“Sex,” I offered.
His brow scrunched up as if he were very uncomfortable.
“We had a fling for a few months. I didn’t have time for more.
There was so much shit going on with the club, which I will explain one day.
But just understand that we were mixed up in some bad stuff and the last president of the club… well, he hurt a lot of people.”
Wyatt had already explained it to me. I nodded so Bram would continue.
“Your mother didn’t want more than what we had, either, which worked.
The last time we decided to hang out, I had decided to cook us dinner.
As soon as she walked into my kitchen, she covered her mouth and ran for the bathroom.
I could hear her puking in there and when she came out, I said something shitty like, ‘You’re not pregnant, are you?
’ She got this deer-caught-in-headlights look and I knew.
I don’t think she would have even told me if she hadn’t thrown up that night, but the moment she saw that I knew, she spilled everything and looked almost relieved to do so.
She admitted that she was pregnant and that she was certain that the baby was mine.
She talked about her fertile period and only being with me at that time.
Only. I found out about Noah Kendry then.
I felt bad for him. I had been sleeping with his girlfriend and knocked her up.
” Bram shook his head sullenly. “Before I could even ask what her plans were with you, something shifted in her. It was like she was soft one moment and hard the next. She told me she didn’t want to have a baby with me.
She loved Noah and it would be better for her to raise you with him, because he could give you two a good life.
I barely had any time to wrap my head around everything, but I knew she was right.
My life was dangerous, uncertain, and I couldn’t have a baby in the middle of all that.
Your mother didn’t stick around once I agreed to what she wanted, and about seven months flew by after that.
So much was happening with the club that I barely had time to think about your mother or her being pregnant—or maybe I didn’t want to think about it.
I don’t know. It had been a twenty-minute discussion with a decision made.
It was a done deal. We went our separate ways.
That’s what I mean about it not feeling real, I guess.
” There was guilt in his eyes as he spoke.
“But then I ran into your very pregnant mother. Seeing her belly made it real. I know that sounds stupid, but it did and I was hit with the weight of my decision. I was going to have a kid, and you weren’t going to know me.
I wasn’t going to know you. I lost it. I regretted agreeing to give you up.
I wanted you. I wanted to be part of your life.
I forgot all my reasons for why it was better if I wasn’t your dad.
The day before you were born, I called your mother and told her I was second-guessing everything.
She yelled at me, telling me never to call her again before hanging up.
“That night, I broke down over some beers with my friend, and he helped me remember the reasons why it wasn’t safe for you if I was part of your life.
The next morning, I called your mother again.
She didn’t answer. I didn’t know at the time that she was in the hospital delivering you.
I left a voicemail saying that I would still give you up, but under one condition: I wanted to see you just once after you were born.
She called me back hours later and informed me of your birth.
She agreed to letting me see you after I assured her that I would stay away after that.
She kept saying that I would ruin your life if I didn’t, because her new husband would abandon both you and her if he ever found out.
She reiterated that Noah could give you a good life—give you things I never could—and that it was safer to have a father like Noah instead of me.
Even though I wished it wasn’t true, I assured her again that I understood.
I snuck into the hospital an hour later after your mother sent your dad out for something.
I got to hold you for five minutes and she let me take this picture.
” Bram ran his thumb over the baby picture adoringly.
“It was the best and hardest moment of my life. You were so fucking perfect and beautiful. If the devil had walked in right then and told me he would make all the shit I was neck-deep in go away so I could keep you, I would have traded everything. I don’t know how I found the strength to hand you back to your mother knowing I’d never get to hold you again, but I did. ”
His eyes met mine. “There has not been a day that has gone by in the past eighteen years where I did not think of you. I gave you up because I thought I was protecting you and giving you a better life. It was not something I wanted to do. It was not self-serving. I did it for you. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? ”
I felt frozen, unable to respond.
“You may not have known I was your father, but for me, you never stopped being my kid. And you won’t stop being my kid tomorrow or the next day or if your mother decides to brave my door.”
My tears that had slowed as I listened to him started to fall quickly again.
“I am so sorry your mother ended up being a piece of shit. I’m so sorry I didn’t know what was happening to you. I’m so sorry I didn’t stop it. A parent isn’t supposed to hurt their child. She was supposed to love you and I’m so sorry she didn’t.”
He closed the picture frame and wheeled over to his desk. After setting the frame back where Reid had grabbed it from, he opened a drawer and pulled out a black bandanna. “I don’t have any tissues in here.” He wheeled back over and held out the bandanna to me. “You can use this. It’s clean.”
I took it, but hesitated.
“Don’t worry about getting it dirty. It can be washed and I have a bunch of them,” he assured me.
I wiped my cheeks and under my nose. Silence filled the room. Bram was staring a hole in the ground, as if lost in thought, while I sat there trying to process everything he had just told me. I didn’t know what to say about any of it.
I was spared when the doorbell rang loudly through the house. My heart rate instantly spiked.
“It’s all right, Charlotte,” Bram said reassuringly, making me realize I’d let my fear show. Bram stood and headed for the door. “I’ll be right back.”
Right after he stepped out, Roe and Wyatt came in. Roe took Bram’s seat and put a hand on my knee. “You’re shaking. Are you cold?”
Wyatt took a seat next to me on the couch.
I stared past him toward the door, waiting for the worst. “Who was at the door?”
“Hey.” Roe was gentle as he spoke and grabbed my hand. “It was just Bobby. He’s here to check on you.”
There was a loud thump as if something heavy had bumped into a wall in the hallway.
I needed to run. I needed to get out of here.
There wasn’t much room between Roe and me.
I jumped to my feet and pain shot through me.
I whimpered as I nearly doubled over. I caught myself with a hand on Roe’s shoulder.
Both of them reacted quickly. The desk chair went rolling back as Roe stood and his arms went around me. Wyatt’s hands went to my hips before he fully got to his feet. They seemed worried I’d fall.
Roe pulled me close as he stroked the back of my head. “It’s okay, Lottie. You’re safe.”
“Why don’t we get her back to bed?” Wyatt suggested. One of his hands went to my lower back. “Want to watch a movie, beautiful? It might help get your mind off things for a bit so you can relax.”
I nodded. Roe scooped me up and we made our way back to the guest room.