Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
I told Roe I wanted some time alone to speak with Bram as soon as I got home. He kissed me, told me he understood, and drove off.
I waited for Bram in the living room. After an hour, I called JJ and told him what had happened with Mother.
I also told him that I wanted to know everything my father had willed to me, and whatever was left, I didn’t want Mother to have access to it any longer.
That included wanting her out of my house.
He said that he would take care of it and would be sending me some paperwork to sign.
I was glad to get everything started over the phone instead of having to wait to meet with him face-to-face.
Once I hung up, I went back to waiting for Bram. After a few hours, I texted him, asking when he would be home.
I got a short and to-the-point reply: Later tonight.
I wanted to talk to him now. I needed to.
Vivian eventually came home. I asked if she knew where Bram was.
She gave me a small smile. “He’s on a ride. He does that every once in a while when he needs to think.”
All I could do was nod and go to my room. No matter what I did, I couldn’t relax. I got into bed and out again. Then began pacing.
There was a knock on my door and I rushed to it, thinking it was Bram. I ripped it open to Reid standing on the other side and felt so frustrated I wanted to cry. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.
He looked me up and down. I was still in my uniform. Even wearing the blazer. The only things I had taken off were my shoes.
“My mom said you might need company,” he said. “Mac’s at work. So you got me.”
My disappointment must have shown. “I’m not upset you’re here instead of Mac. I was hoping you were Bram.”
I was going to go crazy waiting. I needed a distraction. I’d felt better when I was busy on the phone with JJ.
“Why were you hoping I was Bram?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Can you take me somewhere, please? Anywhere? I don’t care. I can’t wait around, feeling what I’m feeling, or I will start crying.”
“I can do that, but you have to ride on the back of my bike.”
Even though I had ridden on the back of Bram’s bike before, it still made me uneasy. “You know I’m afraid of riding on a motorcycle.”
“Bram is an MC president and your boyfriend rides a motorcycle. Don’t you think it’s time to overcome that fear?” he asked.
The boyfriend he referred to was obviously Roe. Reid and I hadn’t discussed our relationship even though I’d publicly declared him mine and referred to him as my boyfriend. Maybe I’d gotten ahead of myself again.
I’d have to figure it out later. “Why can’t you take me wherever in my car?”
“You want out of here, it’s on my bike,” he said, unbudging. “Besides, you’ve ridden on Bram’s bike before. Was it so bad?”
At first, it’d been terrifying. After a while, though, it hadn’t been so bad.
“Fine.” I went over to the bedside table to grab my phone and wristlet.
As I walked toward him, he didn’t move from the doorway. He eyed my pleated skirt. “You need to change.”
“Why?”
“Once we get going fast, that skirt will go flying up and everything you’ve got under there will be out for everyone to see. I’m not okay with that.”
“I’m wearing underwear,” I said.
“Still not okay with it.”
I shucked off my blazer and tossed it on the bed. Staring at him challengingly, I unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the floor around my feet.
Reid glanced over his shoulder for only a second before stepping into my room and closing the door behind him.
“A gentleman would have stayed on the other side of the door,” I said as I unbuttoned my black shirt.
He shoved his hands into his pockets as he leaned against the door. “I’m not a gentleman.”
No, he isn’t.
His whiskey eyes ate up every inch of me as I slid off my shirt and stood there in nothing but my turquoise bra and matching underwear. His face may have been schooled, but there was desire in those eyes. I liked seeing that. I may have enjoyed it a little too much.
“Keep looking at me like that and we won’t be going anywhere,” he said.
Trying not to smile, I went over to my closet.
I grabbed a pair of ripped light blue jeans, a black cami, socks, and a pair of white tennis shoes.
I tried to ignore his gaze as I put on the jeans and the pulsating tension that increased between us when I took off my bra before putting on my spaghetti-strap cami.
It wasn’t as bad to sit on the bed to bend and put my socks and shoes on today, which was such a relief.
Once I was changed, I grabbed my phone and wristlet again. Reid opened the door and gestured for me to walk ahead of him. He let Vivian know that he was taking me out. She told us to have fun and be careful.
As we approached his bike parked in the driveway, I took multiple calming breaths.
He grabbed his helmet and put it on my head. His fingers tucked my hair behind my ears and fastened the clasp beneath my chin. “It’s going to be fine.”
I nodded. He straddled his bike and held out a hand for me to take. I slid my shaky hand into his as I stiffly climbed on behind him. Right away, I wrapped my arms around him tightly as he turned the bike on and it roared to life.
Riding through the neighborhood was easier to handle than the main road.
As we passed other, slower vehicles, I didn’t realize I was squeezing him tightly until he put a hand on one of my thighs, which were pressed against him.
He rubbed back and forth with his thumb as if to say, It’s okay. I got you.
Just when I started to relax slightly, he pulled up to a small seafood restaurant. Reid parked and climbed off the bike. “Do you like lobster?”
I nodded.
“I’ll be right back,” he said and went inside, leaving me sitting on the back of his bike.
People walked by, coming and going from the establishment. I received a few looks, more out of curiosity than anything. It wasn’t long before Reid returned with a brown paper bag in hand. He put it in one of the bike’s saddlebags and we got back on the road.
We didn’t ride for long. I couldn’t help but be confused as he took us to the Kendry Bridge and parked on the side of the road by its south entrance.
He retrieved the food bag, took my hand, and led us onto the west-side pedestrian walkway that went across the bridge.
We walked to the halfway point and stopped.
He let go of my hand and dug into the bag.
I grabbed the bridge’s railing so I could look down at the water about sixty to seventy feet below us. Right now, the creek was shallow and peaceful, but when it rained, the water would rise and rush by rapidly and roaringly.
“Why did we come here?” I asked him.
“To watch the sunset,” he said simply, but it didn’t feel completely true.
He pulled a can of soda and something wrapped up in parchment out of the bag and held them out to me.
Then he retrieved another set of the same items for himself before setting the bag on the ground by his feet.
I watched as he set his soda on the railing and unwrapped his food, revealing saucy lobster meat on a long roll.
“It’s a lobster roll.” He gestured to the food in my hand before taking a bite.
I also set my drink on the railing before unwrapping my roll and taking a bite. It was good. We ate in silence for a bit as we watched the sun go down.
“Want to talk about why you needed Bram so badly?” he asked when we were done with our rolls.
I shook my head and took a sip of my soda. It was a very sugary drink. “I want to talk about you.”
“What about me?”
I shrugged. “What’s your favorite color?”
“Never thought about it.”
“Food?”
“It changes all the time.”
“Favorite song?”
“Depends on the genre.”
I huffed a laugh while shaking my head and shifted my questions in a more serious direction. “What do you plan to do when we leave here?” Roe had mentioned that Reid was undecided. I wondered if that was still the case.
He pondered for a moment. “I’ll probably find another job at a bar and maybe take some classes at a community college.”
“What do you want to go to school for?”
“Business,” he answered. “I’ve watched Bram and Noble with their businesses and I can see myself doing that. I figured with an education, I could do a better job.”
The streetlamps on the bridge flicked on. Reid took all my trash and placed it with his in the bag.
“Do you come here often?” I asked him.
He shook his head as he leaned on the railing with his forearms resting on top.
I frowned. “Besides the sunset-watching, what made you choose this place?”
“Because you chose this place,” he said.
Everything in me went still. Even my heart skipped a beat.
He stared down at the water below. “Roe said you had been drawing the Kendry Bridge over and over in the sketchbook I got you.”
I relaxed, trying to look unfazed as I also leaned on the bridge’s railing and gave him a teasing smile. “I thought Roe got me the sketchbook.”
“You know I got it for you,” he grumbled. “Wyatt helped me. He knew what brands you like to use and told me what to buy.”
That was all the texting Wyatt had done that day as I’d rested next to him.
Reid exhaled heavily as he stared out at the view.
“There was a time I thought about ending it all. I stole a bottle of sleep-aid pills from the pharmacy and kept them hidden under my bed. I’d pull them out whenever I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, which happened more than I like to think about.
I’d sit there staring at that bottle in my hands fighting with myself for my fucking life.
I had to grab onto reasons. Mac, Roe, Wyatt.
They needed me. They’d miss me. I’d hurt them by doing this. ”
It reminded me of my conversation with Roe when he’d asked me what I had meant about needing reasons.
Reid glanced at me. “After Roe told me that you had been drawing nothing but this bridge, I came over and looked through your sketchbook for myself. Sorry to snoop, but after everything you had been through, I wanted to make sure…” He trailed off.
“Seeing those drawings gave me a bad feeling just as much as it did for Roe and Wyatt.”
“I haven’t drawn this bridge in over a week,” I said.
“I know.”
“Why didn’t you ask about it before?”
“You seemed like you were getting better. Roe and Wyatt thought it would be best to just keep watch, which they didn’t get to do because you asked for space for five days.”
“Five days and I texted you three every day. Why bring it up now?” I asked.
“Because the day your mother’s boyfriend attacked you and Noble came up to me saying we needed to get to Bram’s without telling me what happened, I thought I might puke.
And today, my mom called saying you needed someone.
It worried me. It didn’t help seeing how upset you looked when you opened your door earlier.
I know things have been improving, but I need some peace of mind.
I’m not as patient as my best friends. I can’t just stand by and keep watch when I know what it’s like to be on the other side of it.
I need to know—” He gestured to the whole bridge. “Is this your bottle of pills?”
I stared out at the water, which had turned black as night took over.
“Leading up to that day you saved me, I would have sworn I was risking death just to hang out with you three. Part of me was terrified by that, but another part felt like it was worth it. It was better to die after having a handful of moments of freedom and happiness than to live and continue suffering. When I came home after the club’s barbecue, she was there and she caught me.
I thought it was over. She was going to kill me this time, and I was ready to die.
I was ready for the pain to end. I didn’t fight.
Even when Clay’s hands were around my neck, I just lay there slipping away, at peace with it.
“Then I opened my eyes and there you were. I was so disappointed.” I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye with a small smile briefly before looking back out at the water.
“Everything went so fast after that. You got me out. You brought me to Bram’s.
Meanwhile, I was still grappling with still being alive.
You all were insisting on taking me to a hospital, which was a stupid idea, because she would have had you all arrested for what she’d had Clay do to me and I would have been taken back home.
I told you all no and you wouldn’t listen, so I was going to leave before I dragged you all down with me.
If Roe hadn’t stopped me, I would have walked out that door.
It didn’t matter how much pain I was in, I was going to come here, even if I had to drag my broken body all the way.
I probably would have come to this spot, climbed onto the railing, and not hesitated to jump.
” I looked at him. “So yes, this was my bottle of pills.
But Roe stopped me from leaving. He threatened to follow me wherever I go.
It frustrated the hell out of me, but it made me fight myself for my fucking life.
“I drew this bridge over and over because it was how I appeased the hopeless part of me that still wanted to come here. It bought me more time so I could find my reasons for staying, because back then, l didn’t trust that Bram would protect me and there was still this impending doom that my mother would drag me back. ”
“Then he protected you from Clay,” he said.
I nodded. “I didn’t need to draw a bridge again after that and still haven’t. I’m good. It’s strange saying that without it being a lie, but I really am. Or at least, better than I’ve ever been,” I assured. “I’m more than likely going to need a fuck-ton of therapy later on.”
He huffed a humorless laugh. “I should probably get some, too. One of these days.”
I turned around and faced the road. “The food was good, but you’ll need to do better on our next date.”
“Oh, really?” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he stared at me.
“Where to now?” I asked.
He reached down and picked up our food bag.
“I’m taking you to my place.” It wasn’t a suggestion or question.
It was an answer. He took my hand again and we walked back to his bike.
After stuffing our trash into one of the saddlebags, he pulled out his leather jacket and put it on my shoulders.
“It will get cold during the ride now that the sun is down.”
I slid my arms through the sleeves. I was drowning in it, but it smelled like him.
Once I got the helmet on, we got on his bike and headed to his place.