Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
It took twenty minutes to get to Reid’s loft. It felt like it had been forever instead of a few weeks since I’d last been there.
I followed him inside. He set down his keys on the portable island in the center of the kitchen before turning to me.
Curious as to what he was about to do, my eyes never left his as he slid his jacket off me and hung it up on a hook on the wall behind me next to the door.
I locked down my disappointment when his expression became schooled and he folded his arms across his chest.
“Are you seriously guarding yourself from me?” I asked as I stepped toward him. “Why get nervous now? We both knew what bringing me here meant.”
“Maybe we’re not ready.”
I smiled and walked farther into his loft toward the living-room area. “Maybe you’re right.” I ran my hand along the top of the couch as I walked behind it. “You know, you never told me the whole reason why you never bring women here.” I sat in his armchair and crossed one leg over the other.
“I don’t bring people into my space who are temporary.”
“Yet you brought me here, touched me, all while planning to pawn me off on Bram the next day,” I said, not bothering to hide my annoyance. “And when I didn’t go along with your little plan? You were going to tell me to stay away.”
“But I didn’t.”
“No, I was a little too unconscious to warn away, wasn’t I?”
He cursed as he walked a little farther into the apartment.
“I wasn’t pawning you off onto Bram. I was trying to find a solution where my best friend could love you and not destroy himself saving you.
” He laced his fingers behind his head and took in a calming breath before letting his hands return to his sides.
“I’m sorry I was an asshole and I couldn’t be optimistic like Wyatt when Roe brought you around.
I saw you. I knew who you were, who your father really was, and I saw my best friend looking at you like he’s never looked at anyone else.
I’m sorry I treated you like a threat. I’m sorry that I didn’t want to want you.
I’m too fucking jaded to just fall for a girl without a care.
I’ve been through too much and you should understand that better than anyone. ”
I did understand. Which was why I wasn’t mad. But he needed this, needed to explain, needed to apologize so he could let go of his guilt and we could move on.
“But you wore me down, didn’t you? That’s what that morning was,” he said, gesturing to his bed.
“That was me caving. For only a moment. I knew it was a bad idea. That I needed to be strong, but you were touching me and I was touching you and I couldn’t put a stop to it.
I didn’t want to even though I was saying the opposite.
” He ran his hands down his face as he tilted his head back.
“I’m sorry I made that a bad experience for you. I enjoyed every fucking second.”
I’d known, but I still stayed quiet as he got it all out.
He took a seat on the edge of the couch with his elbows resting on his knees.
“I’m sorry for how I handled you and Bram and how you found out, but he ended up being the lifeline you needed—we all needed—if this was going to work in a way where we still got everything in the end.
I’m sorry if that makes me a selfish bastard, but I want what is best for everyone.
Just like Roe said, there is more than one way to do something, and Bram was the better way.
So yeah, I was pissed when you didn’t take that lifeline.
” He exhaled heavily as if preparing himself for what he had to say next.
“When I found out that you went home after the barbecue, it was like I was on autopilot. I barely remember getting on my bike or driving to your house. What I do remember is trying to convince myself that you needed to stay away. It was what was best for us. As I rode over the Kendry Bridge, my resolve started cracking and I thought instead I would try to convince you to get Bram’s help.
I’d explain why it wasn’t just important for you, but for Roe.
And if guilting you with Roe, who you looked just as gone for as he was for you, didn’t work, then I’d ask you to stay away.
All the anger and the things I planned to say fucking disappeared when I climbed up your balcony and found you on the floor, beaten, bleeding.
Seeing you hurt…” He closed his eyes as he shook his head slowly and then opened his eyes again.
“Everything stopped mattering. All my hang-ups.
My worries of things turning to shit. Nothing else mattered but you.
And I did what Roe and Wyatt had no problem doing.
I was done fighting it, and whatever happened after I scooped you up off that floor, so be it.
“Yes, I still brought you to Bram’s. Just because I was all in didn’t mean I wasn’t going to go about it smartly and still try to get everything we wanted in the end.
I didn’t pawn you off. I didn’t leave you.
I stayed, and yeah, I made it seem like I was doing it for Roe and Wyatt.
I didn’t think it was the right time, nor did I think you would believe me if I told you I was there for you.
Not after how much of an asshole I had been up to that point.
And you made it crystal fucking clear how much of a mistake that was.
I had done such a good job at being an asshole that you even knew why I had shown up at your house.
Even Roe knew why I went there, and when he got me alone, he tore into me just as thoroughly as you did. ”
When he didn’t add anymore, I stood and walked over to him. He leaned back so he could stare up at me. I put my knee up on the couch next to his hip. Then brought up my other knee and straddled his lap. His hands immediately went to my hips as I hooked my arms around the back of his neck.
“You’re sorry?” I asked.
His whiskey eyes were unblinking. “For everything.”
“I forgive you,” I said. “So what now? Do you want me to keep torturing you by merely existing around you? Take off my clothes and tell you to fuck me, only for you to walk away? Or do we move on? You’re mine and I’m yours.
And when I take off my clothes and tell you to fuck me, you do as you’re told. ”
The corner of his mouth lifted before he leaned close and kissed me.
I guessed that was my answer.
I kissed him back as I snaked my fingers up the back of his neck into his soft brown hair. His hands went to my butt and pulled me closer, grinding me against a part of him that was growing harder by the second.
He slipped his tongue into my mouth and slid it along mine, tasting me, luring me into him. He broke away only to trail his lips and tongue down my jaw and neck. With one hand, he pulled my hair back, and his other pulled the strap of my cami down my arm so he could kiss along my shoulder.
His fingers brushed my other shoulder and slid that strap down next.
He leaned back, eyes on my chest, as he kept pulling on both straps until the top of my cami fell off my breasts.
The cool air and his gaze made my nipples harden.
Hands pressing between my shoulders, he brought his warm mouth over one of my nipples and sucked, then tugged the hard peak between his teeth.
I arched back, gasping at the slight sting.
His hands at my back kept me from falling.
I felt his tongue lap over me as if to soothe the hurt.
Then he dragged that tongue along my skin, leaving a wet trail.
He stopped to place an open-mouthed kiss between my breasts before continuing to lick me the rest of the way to my other nipple.
My fingers in his hair fisted and my breathing picked up as he gave it the same attention as he had the other.
He released my breast and I stared down at him, finding him staring back. Feeling and seeing through his eyes what he wanted. Our mouths came together again, this time more frantic. Needy. Consuming.
I broke away for air. “Reid, please,” I begged breathlessly before he captured my mouth again.
He moved his hand under my butt and stood with me in his arms. He didn’t break our kiss as he walked over to his bed beneath the large frosted-glass window. Slowly, he lowered me to my feet.
I reached for the bottom of his shirt and started lifting.
We had to break apart for a moment as he helped me get it the rest of the way off.
I raised my arms so Reid could pull off my cami.
His knuckles brushed against my stomach before he undid the button of my jeans.
As he slid them and my underwear down, he knelt, helping me out of my shoes, socks, and each pant leg.
As he stood and he took in my naked body, I tried to ask, “Can…?” I bit my bottom lip, feeling a little embarrassed.
He used his thumb to pull my lip free. “What?”
I stared down as I ran my finger over a familiar-looking butterfly tattoo by his ribs. “Can we do something I’ve never done before?”
His brows rose for only a second before he schooled his face. “What do you want to do?”
I turned around and crawled onto the bed on all fours. I glanced back at him. “Can we do it like this?”
He didn’t blink for the longest time as he stared at all of me.
“Reid?”
That seemed to dispel his trance, and he walked up to the edge of the bed. His hands went right to my butt, one smoothing over each cheek. “Are you sure you’re comfortable in this position?”
I was sure it would start to get uncomfortable after a while, but my ribs felt a lot better. “Yes.”
Eyes glued to my pussy, his thumbs spread me open.
With a gasp, I fisted his charcoal comforter. “Reid!”
He chuckled. “What did you expect would happen? You’re naked and just got on all fours in front of me.”
Before I could respond, his fingers found my clit, and I lost my train of thought.