Chapter 18 Nora #2
Now it was Nora’s turn to stand and stare as River began to move with a grace worthy of a boy-band—spinning, swaying, and ending his performance by falling to his knees and howling out the final “you” of the song about three octaves lower than Mariah, but with no less passion.
The kids were immediately on their feet cheering, and Nora joined them, laughing in surprise and delight as River took a very dramatic bow.
On the radio, Sinatra started singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” and Nora turned the dial down a bit again.
“You were dancing,” John-John exclaimed, scrambling off the bench to run to River. “And singing, just like Aunt Nora.”
“Well, not just like her,” River said, waggling his eyebrows at Nora.
His silliness was so unexpected that she couldn’t help laughing out loud.
“How are the horses?” Pixie asked. “Are they warm enough?”
“They’re just fine in the barn,” River told her. “They’re having an indoor day today. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll have better weather.”
“We made snowflakes,” John-John burst out. “And Aunt Nora made a cake. But we’re waiting for you before we have our breakfast.”
“I thought something smelled good in here,” River said, tousling the boy’s hair. “Okay if I run and shower before we eat?”
“Absolutely,” she told him. “I’ll just start the eggs.”
“I could get used to this,” he said.
His tone was teasing, but his eyes were filled with such warmth and longing that she had to look away.
This only seems like it could work now, when we’re snowed in, away from the rest of the world.
She knew that as soon as his mom came home, or his brother, or they went out in public as a couple, reality would come crashing back down on them.
She honestly wondered if she would even care at this point. She was starting to think that a life with River would be worth the scandal.
But she couldn’t risk the possibility that River wouldn’t be able to handle the judgement. If they tried to become a family and he walked away, the kids might never recover.
They all enjoyed their breakfast, and when it was finished, they hung the paper snowflakes all over the house as the kittens followed after them.
“I still have to wrap presents for my family,” River announced when that was done.
The kids volunteered to help, of course. Nora fed the kittens again while the three of them wrapped up colorful flannels, pretty mugs, and paperbacks, and festooned them with ribbons and stickers.
After lunch, the snow had slowed, so they all bundled up.
“We’re going to make a snow bear,” John-John said, helpless with happiness. “We’re going to make a snow bear.”
The snow was perfect for it, and they wound up making a whole family of snow bears, two big ones and two little ones, that they could see out the living room window.
By the time they got back in, they all had rosy cheeks and a good appetite for supper.
While River headed out to take care of the horses again, Nora cut up some fruit, heated the leftover soup, and cut thick slices of homemade bread that they all enjoyed once he got back.
“Thank you for soup and bread,” Pixie said softly.
“Thank you for snow bears,” John-John added.
“Thank you for a warm spot on a cold day,” Nora said.
“Thank you for Nora and Pixie and John-John,” River put in, his voice a little husky.
Nora felt that familiar warmth spread in her chest. When they all opened their eyes, she could see the children felt it too—the same sense of belonging and gratitude.
Let it wash over you, she reminded herself. But don’t get stuck on it. It’s not yours to keep.
After she put the kids to bed that night, River was waiting in the hallway for her.
“I was hoping you might join me for tea again tonight,” he said. “I won’t keep you up too late. I promise.”
Even in the dim hallway, she could feel the intensity of his gaze. Suddenly, she couldn’t help noticing the spicy forest scent that must be his aftershave without so much of that wood smoke from his cabin, and feeling the heat that seemed to radiate from him.
She nodded, and he let her lead the way down the stairs.
She wondered if he was thinking the plows would come through tomorrow. And he had maybe rethought the idea of bringing her and the kids to his parents’ place with his brother there.
She could hardly blame him. How was he supposed to sacrifice his relationship with Edward for a woman he hardly knew and the kids she was raising?
The kitchen was warmly lit and cozy, and she felt relieved as she entered the familiar space. She could handle this. The kids would be perfectly happy here at his place, admiring the tree and baking cookies. And it would probably be easier on all of them.
River gestured to the table, where just one mug of hot tea awaited.
She took her usual seat, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart as he lowered himself into the chair opposite hers, his eyes still on her in that way that sent a shiver down her spine.
He gazed at her for a moment, as if he were taking her measure.
“I’ve thought about you every day since the night we met,” he told her at last.
She blinked at him for a moment, trying to get her head around what he was saying. This wasn’t the conversation she expected to have.
“Does that really surprise you?” he asked her. “I mean, I know I went off to serve, and my brother took you out, won you over. You had plenty to think about besides me. But you were the girl I held in my heart while I was away, even when I told myself I’d moved on.”
“We only met once,” she heard herself say, even though she knew that part didn’t matter.
Even though she’d tried to convince herself of it so many times as his brother took her out, even though she tried to be sensible and tell herself that funny little feelings like the one she’d had about River didn’t mean anything.
“I feel like I’ve always known you,” he said, taking her hand and ignoring her words, like he knew she didn’t mean them. “I feel like we were meant to be together.”
Her breath caught in her throat, and she looked down at their hands. His looked so big and felt so warm, wrapped around hers.
“I know it seems like a strange thing to count as a blessing, but this only happened because he left you,” River went on. “I never would have found myself at your door otherwise. I never would have brought you and the kids back here, and fallen hard for all three of you.”
She sucked in a breath, feeling like the walls she had put up around her heart were caving in.
“All my life,” he said softly. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do—like I have a purpose, a reason for being here.”
Her heart pounded as he gazed into her eyes, and she felt seen all the way to her bones. River and the kids were the only ones to ever really make her feel that way.
“I know it will be awkward with my family,” he went on. “And that’s my fault. I should have told you how I felt back then. I should have fought for you. It would have saved us both a lot of heartache, and Edward too.”
She wanted to argue. She knew she should. But she just listened.
“And I know you’ve made a lifetime commitment to those children up there,” he told her, a fierce expression appearing on his handsome face. “If you let me, I will raise them as my own, and do anything to protect them and help them grow up safe and happy.”
“River.” His name came out as a breathless sob.
“Please don’t cry,” he said, squeezing her hand between both of his. “I don’t want to put any pressure on you. I don’t want to do anything but make your life easier and better.”
She nodded, pressing her lips together to stop her tears. He was saying everything she could want to hear, painting a picture of what their future could look like, together as a family.
Why can’t I say yes, when it’s what I want more than anything?
“Don’t answer me now,” he said gently. “I want you to sleep on it.”
Her gaze flicked up to his and he smiled at her, a sad smile, before lifting her hand to his lips and placing a chaste kiss on her knuckles.
“I’m going to make it an early night,” he told her. “You enjoy your tea and have a good think.”
She didn’t dare to look up at him as he stood and headed upstairs.
And once he was gone, she sat at the table until the tea went cold, but she still couldn’t say what was holding her back.