6. Wolf
6
WOLF
W olf pulled up in front of the little house on Oberlin Avenue that was unexpectedly his now. As he took in the snow-covered cottage that should have been home to his lost friend, fresh waves of emotion began to crash in his chest.
Until now, none of this had felt real.
But looking at the place Barry and Lynne had chosen as a home for their small family, he felt the tragedy more fully than ever, and he had to fight the instinct to turn around and take the baby to a hotel or something.
The realization must have hit Samantha too. She was silent as they got out of the car. She only roused her sleepy sister and the two of them slipped out and went around to the back to start getting bags out of the car.
He’d tried to convince Samantha to let him take them home first, but she had insisted that he would need a hand at least until he’d taken a look at the house, and made sure he had a crib set up and a safe place to change a diaper.
He was more grateful than she could know. Wolf usually liked to manage every situation, but he was walking into this one blind. What if he got inside and the heater wasn’t working? What if there wasn’t a crib after all?
And I’ve never changed a diaper or made a bottle before.
He bent to unstrap the sleeping baby from his seat.
My sleeping baby…
By the time he straightened with the warm, sleepy bundle against his chest, snow was falling again. The flakes shimmered in the solar lanterns that lit the curving path up to the porch.
Someone had left a light on inside, giving the front windows a cozy glow.
This is what Barry and Lynne scrimped and saved for—what they dreamed of long enough to make it a reality for Ezra.
How many times had they imagined walking in the door of their very own home for the first time?
It hurt to just walk into their dream, like he had stolen it from them. He should have been walking up these wooden steps to have dinner with them, like he and Barry had planned, to bring Ezra a birthday present one day, to watch the game with his old friend.
He pulled the key Otto had given him from his pocket and tried it on the front door. It was a heavy walnut door with an old brass lock, but when he wiggled the key just right the knob turned easily.
He stepped inside to find that the glow was from a single nightlight in the hallway. Otherwise, the house was dark and silent.
He passed the living room. There was a stack of boxes in one corner, and furniture had been set up in the proper places, but it was still wrapped in the moving company’s plastic. The hollow emptiness of the house only made him feel the absence of the people who should have been here.
The dining room and kitchen were pretty much the same—just boxes and a plastic-wrapped table and chairs. There was just enough moonlight reflecting on the snow outside to fill the house with a ghostly half-light, so Wolf didn’t bother fumbling for switches.
Past the kitchen was a den with a fireplace and windows overlooking a deep backyard. Wolf moved instinctively to the windows and gazed out over the snow-covered trees and lawn. This, at least, looked right to him—beautiful and desolate, just like any other nighttime in a Pennsylvania winter.
Ezra had woken a bit when Wolf got him out of the car seat, but he settled down again as they started moving. Now, he gazed at the window with Wolf, his eyes solemn, lower lip stuck out slightly.
“Your mom and dad wanted you to grow up here,” Wolf told him softly. “They wanted you to eat dinner at that dining room table and play out in the backyard with your friends. This is what they dreamed about for you.”
Ezra’s eyes were still on the window. And even though he was way too little to understand, he seemed to appreciate Wolf’s reverent tone. Wolf wasn’t sure how long they stood by the window like that, looking out over what should have been.
When Ezra finally made an unhappy sound, Wolf suddenly remembered that Samantha and Amelia were still there and the baby had needs he hadn’t met yet, so he turned and headed back through the house.
While he and Ezra were zoning out in the den, Samantha and Amelia must have quietly unpacked the car and started turning lights on. With a little light and movement, the house immediately felt less ghostly and more like a home.
“Ezra’s room is almost ready for him,” Amelia said happily as she jogged back down the stairs in front of her sister. “Do you want to see it?”
“Let’s get his diaper changed and feed him before we do that,” Samantha suggested. “Then maybe we can try to get him to sleep when we take him up.”
“Okay,” Wolf said.
He felt almost weak with relief just to have company.
“We put a soft towel on the counter, just for now,” Samantha told him. “There’s a changing table with a nice thick pad in his room upstairs, but you’ll probably want to get another pad and set up a space for changing him down here too, when you get a chance.”
Wolf headed over to the kitchen peninsula, where sure enough, a makeshift changing station had already been set up with a towel, a fresh diaper, and a pack of baby wipes.
Ezra was not pleased when Wolf laid him on his back on the counter to undo his little suit. But Amelia sang to him as Samantha walked Wolf through the process of cleaning up the little fellow and getting a fresh diaper on him.
“Normally, you would give him a bath after a big day,” she told him as he picked Ezra back up. “But he’s probably too hungry and sleepy for that tonight.”
As if on cue, Ezra’s little face crumpled, and he began to cry like his heart was broken.
“Yes, you’re hungry, aren’t you?” Wolf murmured, willing himself not to think about why else the tiny baby might be sad.
He watched Sam prepare a bottle as Amelia jotted down instructions in one of her school notebooks, and then ripped out the page, setting it on the counter under the container of wipes.
“Okay,” Sam said, after testing the temperature on the inside of her wrist. “Here you go.”
Wolf cradled the little one in the crook of his elbow, like the dads on TV, and took the bottle. Ezra latched right onto it and his crying cut off, but his little chest still hitched with indignant sobs here and there.
Though he was small, the baby took his bottle like he was in a battle with it, his whole body focused on moving the formula into his little belly as quickly as possible. All the while, his denim blue eyes were fixed right on Wolf’s, his expression serious.
Wolf let waves of emotion wash over him at the sudden intimacy. He found himself trying his best to gaze calmly into the little one’s eyes, and tell him without words that he would protect him for the rest of his life.
He didn’t realize that the other two people in the kitchen had gone silent until the bottle was empty.
“You’ll want to help him burp now,” Sam said quietly. “You can lift him up on your shoulder and pat gently between his shoulder blades.”
Wolf placed the bottle on the counter and then carefully lifted Ezra to his shoulder.
The baby let out an enormous burp before Wolf even touched his back.
“Great balls of fire,” Wolf said.
Amelia immediately began giggling, and Wolf couldn’t help but chuckle too.
“You feel much better now, don’t you, Ezra?” Samantha asked the baby.
Ezra burbled in answer.
“Oh dear,” Samantha said. “Grab me the wipes, Amelia?”
“What happened?” Wolf asked.
“He spit up a little,” Sam said. “Next time you can slow him down by stopping in the middle of the bottle to burp him.”
Wolf honestly couldn’t imagine stopping the boy in the middle. He had seemed so ravenous.
And he didn’t seem especially torn up about vomiting either. He wiggled a little on Wolf’s shoulder, but otherwise submitted calmly to being cleaned up.
“You’ll definitely need a bath tomorrow,” Samantha told him.
Ezra kicked his legs and squeaked at her.
“So, bedtime now?” Wolf asked. That seemed impossible, since the boy was jumping on his shoulder and seemed to have found a second wind.
“Yes,” Samantha said. “You’ve got to get him on a normal schedule, and this is a good time for him to get to bed.”
“Okay, then,” Wolf said.
“Come on,” Amelia said excitedly. “We’ll show you his room.”
They all headed upstairs. Wolf was glad they had turned the lights on so that he wasn’t coming up here for the first time with the baby in his arms in the dark. At the top of the steps, there was a small hall area with four doors leading off it.
“That’s the bathroom,” Amelia said, pointing forward. “That’s the big bedroom, that’s the baby’s room, and on the other side is another bedroom.”
“It’s bigger than it looks,” Wolf said appreciatively.
“The biggest bedroom is directly over the den,” Samantha said. “The whole thing must be an addition. It’s really nice.”
Wolf winced again at the thought of his friends buying this house, not realizing they would never get to spend a single night here.
“Come on,” Amelia said. “You’ve got to see Ezra’s room.”
The baby’s room was a nice size, with windows overlooking a big, snowy tree that sheltered the side of the house. A crib, a changing table with dresser drawers, and a rocking chair were already set up, as well as a small table with a lamp on it. A stack of boxes in the corner hopefully contained lots of things Ezra would need. The bags from their purchases tonight were next to the boxes.
“We took the plastic off everything in here,” Samantha said softly. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all,” Wolf said. “Thank you.”
“If you want, I can put his new clothes in the wash while you try and get him to bed,” she offered. “It’s important to wash them before you put them on him. Babies have very sensitive skin.”
“You don’t have to do that,” he said, turning to her.
But she was already grabbing the bag of clothing and heading down the stairs.
“She’s always like this,” Amelia said knowingly. “She likes meeting new people, and she likes helping. You’re making her really happy, just so you know.”
Wolf shook his head in disbelief.
“I know,” Amelia said. “Hey, can I open that box that says books ?”
“Be my guest,” Wolf told her.
Ezra was still up on his chest, looking over his shoulder. His little fist had captured a bit of Wolf’s shirt and he was waving his arm a little.
“You’re still pretty awake, aren’t you?” Wolf asked him.
He lowered the baby down so he could look at him.
“ Ahh, ” Ezra squeaked, looking like he had a lot to report back about.
“We had a big day,” Wolf told him. “Let’s make it a little cozier in here for you.”
He bent to turn the lamp on and then flipped the switch on the wall to turn off the overhead light. Instantly, the room took on a different feel, the golden circle on the ceiling and the soft glow from the little lamp making it more peaceful.
“That’s better, isn’t it?” Wolf asked the baby.
He lowered himself into the rocking chair, wondering if the baby would get sleepy in his arms and be easier to put down. For now, something about leaving him alone in the crib and walking away just felt wrong.
Ezra relaxed against Wolf’s chest as soon as they began rocking. It felt like the little one was made of warm honey, melting into Wolf’s crevices, and making him feel sleepy himself.
In no time at all, Ezra was dozing, nuzzling his little face closer in as he drifted deeper.
“I guess I really should put you in your crib,” Wolf said to himself.
He rose as slowly and carefully as he could, and then lowered the baby down. But no sooner was he off Wolf’s warm chest than Ezra began to fuss.
“You’re okay,” Wolf told him. “It’s time to get a good night’s sleep now.”
But within seconds, Ezra was full out wailing, and Wolf instinctively pulled him back to his chest.
“It’s okay,” he told him, automatically beginning to pace and move. “You’re okay.”
“I can help,” Amelia offered. “Maybe he won’t mind his crib if I’m reading to him.”
Samantha appeared in the doorway, a worried look on her face.
“He doesn’t want to go down?” she asked.
“Nope,” Wolf told her. “But Amelia has kindly offered to read to him.”
“That’s such a nice idea,” Samantha told her sister. “But babies as little as Ezra don’t usually love stories the way toddlers and little kids do.”
“I could still try,” Amelia said, holding up a copy of Goodnight, Moon .
Wolf nodded at the sight of the familiar book, remembering how his own mother used to read it to him when he was small.
“It can’t hurt,” he told Amelia. “He’s calmer now. Why don’t you give it a shot?”
He moved back to the crib, gently swaying as the baby began to get quiet again.
“You’re going to have a story now,” he told Ezra in a calm, happy voice as he lay him down for another try. “What a lucky baby you are.”
But as soon as his little back hit the mattress, Ezra began to wail again.
Wolf reached for him, but Samantha caught his arm and shook her head silently. Amelia darted close to the crib and began to murmur the words of the classic bedtime story.
Wolf was pretty sure that Ezra was only going to wail even louder. But Amelia didn’t let his crying stop her. She kept right on reading.
After a minute that strained Wolf’s willpower, Ezra’s cries got softer and then stopped altogether as he listened to the hypnotic cadence of the story in Amelia’s low, calm tone.
She stood right at the crib, up on her tiptoes so she could lean over the top as she read. Ezra’s eyes were on her face, his expression rapt as he watched her. He looked like he was trying his best to understand what she was telling him, like he was pretty sure it was important.
Smart boy , Wolf thought proudly to himself.
By the time the story was almost done, Ezra’s eyes were closing.
After Amelia read the last sentence, they all watched him for a moment.
“Great job,” Samantha whispered to her sister. “We should go now, and let Mr. Cassidy get settled in.”
“I think I’d better read it one more time to be sure,” Amelia said, her eyes still on the baby, whose tiny hands were twitching slightly in his sleep.
“That’s nice,” Wolf told Amelia. “Thank you.”
“I’ll just show you one or two more things then,” Samantha said.
He followed her downstairs, wondering what it was going to be like when these two left.
“Hopefully, there’s a baby monitor in those boxes,” she told him when they reached the kitchen again. “For tonight, just sleep with your door and his open, so you can hear him when he cries at night.”
“How often should that be?” Wolf asked. He was a light sleeper, but he was wondering if he should set a couple of alarms, just in case.
“He might sleep all the way through,” Samantha said thoughtfully. “But at his age, he also might wake up a couple of times. When he does, check his diaper, and if he seems hungry, feed him. Mostly for now you just want him to feel safe and comfortable. The pediatrician can tell you if he’s eating too much or too little at his first appointment.”
“Thank you,” Wolf told her, gazing down at her solemn hazel eyes. “I really don’t know what I would have done tonight without you.”
“You would have figured all this out,” she told him with a smile. “Amelia and I just made it a little easier, that’s all. You’re going to have your hands full, though.”
“I guess I’m probably not going to have time for volunteering after all,” he said, shaking his head with a wry smile. “I’ll have to rethink my other plans, too.”
“What were your other plans?” she asked, rummaging around in her bag, which she had placed on the counter earlier.
Oddly, he found it easier to answer while she wasn’t looking at him.
“To be a commercial pilot,” he told her. “I love to fly. And I have a job lined up already. My girlfriend and I were going to buy an apartment in New York.”
“Here we go,” she said triumphantly, pulling a box of granola bars from her purse and setting them on the counter.
“Oh man,” he said, his stomach rumbling. “I haven’t eaten since…”
He honestly couldn’t remember when.
“I wish I had something better,” she said, pushing it toward him.
He pulled out a bar and opened it, closing his eyes with happiness as he took his first bite of chocolate and granola goodness.
“I don’t think one of these has tasted this good since elementary school,” he told her.
She laughed and the sound made the kitchen feel cozy and warm to him. He took another bite, letting himself relax just a little bit.
“So, yes,” Samantha said. “I guess your plans don’t work as well, now that you have a baby.”
“I’m going to have to find a job that works around Ezra,” he said, nodding and willing himself not to spiral into panic. The baby was so tiny, and he needed so much. “Or maybe I need serious childcare…”
“My sister can find you a job,” Amelia said, slipping into the kitchen with them. “She’s really good at finding people good jobs.”
Samantha smiled at her sister as she walked over to wrap an arm around her thin shoulders and give her a squeeze. Something about their easy affection tugged at his heart and he tore his eyes away from them, grabbing the wrapper from his granola bar and putting it in the trash.
“We should head out and let you get settled,” Samantha said. “But text me anytime if you two need help, no matter how late or early. And if you want, I can stop by tomorrow afternoon to see how you’re doing, and we can talk more about what you might like to do from here.”
“That would be great,” he told her, turning back to them.
She grinned up at him, like she knew she had finally broken down his defenses and made him happy to accept her help. And he couldn’t help giving her a half-smile back. He had to hand it to her, she must have realized he would need a push to accept help and she wasn’t afraid to administer it.
“See you later,” Amelia said to him. “Let me know which of the baby books is the best one.”
“Will do,” he told her. “Can I call you guys a cab?”
“We only live a few blocks from here,” Samantha told him. “But thanks.”
“It’s dark out,” he said, frowning.
“This is Trinity Falls,” Sam told him gently. “We’re just fine.”
“There are streetlamps,” Amelia said with a bright smile. “So we definitely won’t fall down or anything.”
“Okay,” he said, chuckling. “But just drop me a text anyway when you get home?”
“Will do,” Samantha promised.
They all walked to the front door together, and he waited out on the porch, watching the two of them head down the front path and up Oberlin until they turned onto Columbia and disappeared.
Realizing suddenly that he had left the baby upstairs and wasn’t sure if he could hear him, he hurried back into the warmth of the house.
But the entry was silent, and he sighed with relief.
He tiptoed back to the kitchen, figuring he ought to turn out the lights downstairs and head up to bed.
It was hard to believe the only thing on his agenda today had been to stop by the Homecoming Heroes Center and talk about some volunteer work. And now he suddenly had a child and a house, and there was no one but Wolf to unpack the stacks of boxes that held the contents of someone else’s life.
I’m sorry, buddy, he told Barry inwardly as he climbed the stairs. I’m sorry you two can’t be here instead of me.
He headed into the big bedroom opposite Ezra’s, leaving the door open. There was a pretty view over the backyard from the big windows in the bedroom, just like in the den below. And the way the room was set up, he would be able to see Ezra’s crib from the bed.
It hit him that he didn’t have any clothes for tomorrow, or even so much as a toothbrush. Everything that was actually his was over at Aunt Alice’s place.
He sent a quick text to his cousin just to let the family know he wouldn’t be back at the farm tonight. Then he cleaned up as best he could in the attached bathroom, keeping an ear out for Ezra the whole time.
Exhaustion pulled his shoulders down as he came back out into the room. The bed looked incredibly inviting, but he was pretty sure he was just going to toss and turn no matter how tired he was.
When he glanced back at the crib in the next room, it just felt too far away.
Wolf pulled the comforter off of his bed and carried it into Ezra’s room, easing himself into the rocking chair as slowly as possible, so as not to make a noise and wake the baby.
There was no way the setup should have worked. His big frame barely fit in the wooden rocker, and he certainly had a lot on his mind. But he felt himself relax into the chair almost immediately. And even though he had a million thoughts swirling around in his head, he found himself thinking more and more about Samantha’s easy smile and the quiet confidence in her hazel eyes as he finally drifted off.