10. Wolf
10
WOLF
W olf tried to focus all his attention on the impossibly tiny snaps of the baby’s onesie. But it was tough when Ezra was wiggling and practically dancing on the changing pad.
“ Ahh,” Ezra squeaked excitedly, his feet kicking out and causing Wolf to lose hold on the soft cotton fabric again.
Even with lights on, it was dim in the kitchen now that the sun was down. The whole day seemed to have melted away. At this rate, by the time he got Ezra into a fresh onesie he was going to have to change it for a sleeper.
We’re in no hurry, Wolf reminded himself. We have no place to be.
“That was a good bath, huh?” Wolf asked him, chuckling.
Of course he knew that Ezra didn’t know what he was asking and couldn’t answer anyway. But somehow, it sort of felt like they understood each other.
Ezra gave him a spluttering sound that made Wolf think of a pretend laugh, and then squeaked at him again, thrusting his arms out straight as if for emphasis.
“Definitely a good bath,” Wolf agreed, smiling down at Ezra, who clearly felt good now, and smelled really nice too.
Wolf had been afraid to give the boy a bath in the morning. Ezra couldn’t hold himself up, and Wolf couldn’t shake the fear that he would somehow slip under the water.
But then he’d unpacked a few more boxes while Ezra was napping, and found the plastic baby-bather. He’d read the chapter in the book about baths, but he was still feeling nervous. After a couple of videos online, he’d decided he was ready to tackle it.
When it came down to it, they had done just fine. He’d put that plastic tub right in the kitchen sink and gotten to work, telling himself that if he could fly an airplane, he could wash a baby.
It took a little while to get Ezra cleaned up since Wolf was being extra careful about soap getting in his eyes. But Ezra seemed to enjoy the warm water, and by the end of it, Wolf was having fun too.
Being able to give the boy a bath was a good skill. It was true that even the good diapers weren’t completely foolproof. Between the occasional leak, and the little guy spitting up no matter how many breaks they took for burping, Wolf figured they’d be lucky to find a way to keep it to one bath a day. Samantha had been spot on about that.
Samantha…
He had thought about her a thousand times in the last twenty-four hours, but what Aunt Alice said about her earlier today stuck with him.
Kind and capable, with a big heart.
It was all true, and it gave him a little burst of pride every time he thought about it, though he wasn’t sure why.
You know why, a little voice in the back of his head whispered.
He scowled and applied himself to the tiny snaps with renewed focus. The girl was too young for him. And she was definitely too sweet to be part of the chaos that his life had become.
He didn’t have to worry much right now, since he had planned this time off. But he didn’t want to live on savings after that—especially now that he had a child and might need that safety net for whatever expensive things his friends with children were always needing.
Why wasn’t I a better listener? he wondered, thinking about all of the new-baby conversations he’d ignored over the years.
He’d had a baby for a day and a half, and he already understood how new parents didn’t want to talk about much else. He could only imagine how much he would want to tell the world about Ezra when the little one was able to talk and walk around.
“ Ahhhh,” Ezra said, leaving his little mouth open when he was finished.
“I know,” Wolf said. “You’re already trying to talk. Soon you’ll be able to tell me everything you’re thinking about.”
He made it to the last snap and then realized he’d done something wrong. They weren’t matching up.
“Sorry, bud,” Wolf said. “Let me try one more time.”
He found the mistake and then began snapping the onesie up again. Ezra was less pleased now, but Wolf forced himself to go slowly and carefully.
“We did it,” he told the boy triumphantly as he lifted him up.
Ezra let loose a string of bright syllables in reply, clearly very happy to be back in Wolf’s arms.
He hadn’t really planned much beyond the bath, and before he could decide their next move, the doorbell rang.
“ Ohhh,uhhh,” Ezra said, the chime-sound getting his interest.
“Who in the world?” Wolf wondered out loud as they headed to the front of the house.
He’d been talking out loud almost constantly since bringing Ezra home. Voicing his thoughts was a good form of self-assurance, and the baby didn’t seem to mind. Plus, one of the books he was reading last night suggested that you should talk to your baby a lot, to stimulate them and encourage their interest in language.
Wolf glanced out the front window and his heart began to pound.
“It’s Samantha and Amelia,” he told Ezra.
He ran a hand through his hair, wondered why he was doing that, and then pulled open the door.
“Hey,” he said. “What are you two doing here?”
Samantha’s cheeks were pink like maybe she was embarrassed. But Amelia beamed at him from behind a stack of books.
“We came to see if you wanted some dinner,” Amelia said excitedly. “And I can read to Ezra again while you eat.”
“Wow,” Wolf said. “That would be amazing. Thanks so much.”
He stepped back to allow them in, catching a relieved-looking smile on Samantha’s face as she stepped inside with Amelia on her heels.
Samantha was carrying a crock of something that smelled unbelievable as she passed, and she had a canvas bag from the Co-op Grocer’s over her shoulder.
His stomach growled and he realized that he’d had eggs and toast at his aunt and uncle’s place this morning, but he’d been feeding Ezra while everyone else had lunch.
Aunt Alice had completely spoiled him—sending him home with a foil-wrapped plate of lunch plus a casserole for him to heat up for dinner. Naturally, both items sat forgotten in the fridge while he lost himself in Ezra’s needs for the rest of the day.
Ezra himself was wiggling and squeaking with excitement. Wolf wasn’t sure if he remembered Amelia, but he seemed to sense something exciting was about to happen.
“Why don’t I put him in his little bouncy seat?” Wolf asked Amelia when they reached the kitchen. “You’ll have to sit on the floor, but this way I can help your sister get dinner unpacked and set the table.”
The little seat had turned out to be a lifesaver while he was getting the bath ready. Now he was glad he’d left it downstairs.
“Can I put it in the dining room, so I can spread out all the books?” Amelia asked.
“Sure,” Wolf told her, smiling at her enthusiasm. He would still be able to keep an eye on the two through the wide opening between rooms.
Amelia industriously set everything up just the way she wanted it.
“Shall we go see Amelia?” Wolf asked Ezra. “She wants to read to you again.”
Ezra’s little feet started hopping in place before Wolf even had him all the way in the seat. He squeaked happily and panted at Amelia while he got strapped in.
“I’m really happy to see you too,” Amelia told him. “I brought a lot of books for you.”
Wolf smiled as the sweet little girl opened up a big book with colorful pictures of a caterpillar.
“She was so excited to do this,” Samantha said quietly when he returned to the kitchen. “I hope it doesn’t feel like too much of an intrusion.”
“Are you kidding?” Wolf asked. “I’m really grateful for a home-cooked meal and some company. And Ezra is in heaven right now.”
He glanced back over to see that Amelia had put the book down and was just talking to the baby, who was chattering right back to her.
“She’s been talking about him a lot,” Samantha said with a fond smile.
“I think he’s been talking about her a lot too,” Wolf said. “He’s just a little harder to understand.”
“I believe you,” Samantha laughed as they watched Ezra waving his arms and babbling at Amelia.
Wolf grabbed what they needed to set the table, saying a silent prayer of thanks that he had managed to keep the house organized and that the baby was bathed and dressed in clean clothes.
Samantha wouldn’t have judged him, since she knew he was learning the ropes. But it felt really good to be able to show her he was capable in his new role.
“The house looks so nice,” she told him as she came out to the dining room, carrying the crock and a folded towel to place it on. “I don’t know how you found time to get the plastic off the furniture.”
“I tried to get a little more organized while he was napping,” Wolf said, shrugging and trying not to show how much pleasure her remark had given him.
A few minutes later, everything was laid out and they were all gathered around the table. Wolf sat at the head with Samantha and Amelia facing each other on either side of him. Ezra was still on the floor in his bouncy seat, but Wolf had pulled it up next to his own chair.
So far, the baby was content with the sounds around him, but Wolf knew it was only a matter of time before he would be scooping him up again.
“Doesn’t he have a highchair?” Amelia asked.
“He can’t quite hold his head up enough yet for that,” Wolf told her. “But at some point in the next few months he’ll get to sit in one.”
Amelia nodded, then looked worriedly to her sister.
“We like to say grace before meals, if that’s okay?” Samantha said quietly.
“Of course,” he told her, surprised and charmed that the young woman and her sister kept with the kind of tradition he had learned at his grandparents’ house as a boy.
“Amelia, it’s your turn,” Samantha told her sister with an encouraging smile.
He lowered his head and closed his eyes and added his own thanks to Amelia’s sweet prayer of gratitude. When it was done, he looked up in time to see Samantha wink at her sister and Amelia beam back at her.
“Pulled pork is Amelia’s favorite,” Samantha said. “And since she started her big project at school today, I thought we would celebrate with a special meal.”
“That’s great,” Wolf said, taking a roll from the basket Samantha passed him. “It smells incredible. What’s your project about, Amelia?”
Amelia shrugged, her eyes on her plate.
“You guys are just researching project ideas now, right?” Samantha encouraged her. “You spent the afternoon in the school library?”
Amelia nodded, still looking glum.
“But soon you’ll be writing up your ideas and getting your presentations ready,” Samantha said, scooping pulled pork onto a roll for her sister.
“Presentations?” Wolf asked.
“We have to go up in front of the whole class,” Amelia said flatly.
“And you’re going to do such a great job,” Samantha told her. “Miss Sullivan will be so happy to see what a good researcher you are. Especially since she’s just getting to know you.”
“My aunt said Miss Caroline told her you were a really good reader,” Wolf said to Amelia, hoping to cheer her up a little. “I guess you’re already better at using a library than most kids.”
“I love the library,” Amelia said, brightening up. “But I don’t want to go this weekend.”
“You don’t?” Samantha asked, sounding stunned.
“Nope,” Amelia said. “Justin said at the farm you can go on a hayride. And you can feed real animals .”
“Justin Cassidy?” Wolf asked.
“Yes,” Amelia said, looking a little surprised.
“That’s my cousin Cal’s son,” Wolf said.
“Your cousin is the sheriff ?” Amelia asked, looking super impressed.
“He sure is,” Wolf said, wondering what she was picturing when she thought of a sheriff. “And the place Justin told you about is Cassidy Farm. I was there earlier today to see my aunt and uncle. It’s super fun. They have pony rides and everything.”
“Pony rides?” Amelia echoed dreamily.
“We can go over there whenever you want,” he told her. “That’s where I was staying until I got this little guy. I’d be happy to take you two over anytime.”
“Can we go tomorrow?” Amelia asked excitedly, half out of her seat like she was ready to head out now. “Tomorrow is the weekend, and I have to go to school when it’s not the weekend, but tomorrow is good.”
He was so tickled by her excitement that he almost said yes. But at the last moment he remembered what he had stupidly overlooked.
“Sorry, Amelia,” he said. “I should have asked your sister first. I’m sure you guys have other plans for the weekend since she had to work all week.”
He stole a glance at Samantha, hoping he hadn’t messed things up by overstepping his bounds.
“Well, we do have to be at the market for the day tomorrow, Amelia,” she said gently. “Remember? I volunteered to help out with the Craft Fair and the Christmas Campfire.”
“What about Sunday?” Amelia asked immediately.
Samantha turned to Wolf, and he nodded, pressing his lips together to stop himself from pressuring her.
“We’re free Sunday,” she told him with a gentle smile, setting his heart at ease. “But we don’t want to burden you when you have a new baby at home. Maybe another weekend would be better for you?”
“He’s got to get out of the house sometime,” Wolf told her. “I think he was bored today—too much unpacking and hanging out indoors.”
Samantha’s eyes lit up, and he could tell that she really wanted to go too. His heart throbbed with helpless happiness and he swallowed hard, wondering again what was coming over him.
“Awesome,” Amelia sang out. “We’re going to do so much stuff. We’re going to go on a hayride and drink apple cider and feed the animals and ride a pony…”
The happy little girl continued to list off many more things than they could really do in a day.
Wolf met Samantha’s eyes across the table and his breath caught in his throat at the softness in her hazel eyes. She smiled and he felt it in his chest again, like wings beating.
She’s just happy because her sister is happy, he tried to tell himself.
But deep down, he knew that wasn’t the reason for the softness in her eyes, or the ache in his heart.