14. Wolf
14
WOLF
W olf sat at the local pub they all called the Barrel later that evening beside Axel, feeling almost like he had stepped into a time machine.
As always, some of the older guys from town were gathered at the table by the jukebox, taking turns putting in quarters to play Beatles songs while they ate burgers and argued about the high school football team’s prospects. The place was hung with the same old-fashioned big-bulb Christmas lights as it had been forever. Even Laura and Bill, the owners who also waited tables and tended the bar, looked the same as before.
Wolf and Axel’s buddy, Beau Wilson, sat across the wooden table from them. Beau was far enough behind them all in school that they hadn’t played together, but he was a football guy too, and had just come home from his own Army service. The men all knew each other from summers exploring the creeks and forests of Trinity Falls as kids.
Wolf remembered Beau for his boyish smile and chubby cheeks. Beau’s eyes still twinkled, and he smiled often. But the younger man was taller and stronger now, with a chiseled jawline in place of the rounded cheeks Wolf remembered. Tonight, Beau wore a serious expression on his face between jokes.
Grayson Ward, who had graduated with Axel and Wolf, played pool at the old table in the center of the tavern with Dalton Tyler, who was new to town. The two laughed and joked around while they played, as a group of women at the bar openly ogled them.
They might as well all be at a party after a championship football game, or sitting on plastic chairs in the Trinity Falls High cafeteria.
“It’s weird, right?” Beau asked thoughtfully.
“What’s weird?” Axel growled.
“Being back here together,” Beau said, tilting his chin to their surroundings.
The simple movement meant so much more. Their experiences in the military had been as different as the men themselves. But none of them had come back here the same as when they left.
Wolf had thought it was a little weird when Erik Anderson suggested that vets who were newly back home should socialize—in a town as small as Trinity Falls, they were sure to be socializing whether they did it on purpose or not.
But observations like the one Beau just made were making him feel more comfortable in his own skin. And they hadn’t been here an hour yet.
“You probably don’t have time to notice the difference,” Beau said. “With the baby and all.”
Wolf felt his jaw tense. The truth was that he’d had trouble sleeping alone in a room at Aunt Alice’s when he first came home. And he’d kept to the rigid schedule he’d had over the last twelve years too, his heart pounding in panic anytime he managed to sleep a few minutes past five. The guys he’d served with felt more like family to him now than his own parents. And he didn’t know if or when they’d ever be together again.
Wolf had looked forward to freedom and starting a life with Angela. But freedom left him feeling unmoored and the life he’d pictured had evaporated in an instant.
Thank God for Ezra…
“I’ve noticed,” Wolf said. “But the baby helps.”
The other two men nodded without making eye contact.
For some reason that made him think of Samantha, and the way she always looked right into his eyes no matter how hard the conversation. If she was the one sitting across the table, he might have said some of the things he’d kept silent. And he definitely would have told her that Ezra brought meaning and purpose to his life—that he wasn’t sure what would have happened to him if it weren’t for the chubby-cheeked angel that providence had placed in his arms.
Axel and Beau didn’t need the details though. They had been through much the same themselves, and it was clear they all felt a little out of their element.
“It’s good of Dalton to be here,” Axel said suddenly. “Seems like a decent guy.”
None of them said Andy’s name. They didn’t have to. Andrew Bennett had graduated and joined the service along with Wolf, Axel, and Grayson. He’d given his life while serving, and each of them had been forced to come to terms with it in his own way.
Dalton had served with Andy. When he showed up in town, he told them that he’d promised that if anything happened to Andy, he would come back to Trinity Falls to make sure his family was okay. And now that he was out, Dalton was here to do just that. Wolf knew he’d been helping out on the Bennetts’ farm, postponing whatever his own plans were to be there for his buddy’s family.
Trinity Falls took care of its own. It hurt Wolf’s heart to think that the Bennetts might have needed help and not asked. But they had managed during all the years Andy was gone. So it was a bit of a mystery why they needed Dalton enough now that he was putting his own life on hold for it.
“So, you and Miss Green are a thing now, huh?” Beau asked Wolf, his eyes twinkling.
Axel scowled at Wolf, though that was his normal expression, so it was hard to tell if he was annoyed or not.
“Nah,” Wolf said. “We’re just friends. She helped me out with Ezra the first few days.”
“Let me guess,” Axel said suddenly. “She told you it was her job, didn’t she?”
“As a matter of fact, she did,” Wolf said.
“That’s what she always says before she meddles,” Axel grumbled.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Wolf demanded.
But Axel just shook his head, eyes on his hands.
“She’s a selfless person,” Wolf heard himself say sharply to his old friend. “Call it what you want, but she cares about all of us.”
“Yeah, but it’s clear from the way she looks at you that she thinks you’re more than friends,” Axel said, his piercing eyes suddenly meeting Wolf’s. “She’s a sweet girl, and she’s doing a lot of good here. You’d better not think about hurting her.”
Wolf was so surprised that he just blinked at Axel for a moment.
“We’re friends,” he repeated at last. “I don’t know what else to say. We both have too much going on for anything more anyway.”
He tried not to picture her pulling away from him again. He already felt bad enough about trying to kiss her when she didn’t want to be kissed.
“Just because you have a lot going on doesn’t mean you don’t want something more,” Axel said. “Same for her.”
For just a second, Wolf pictured what it would be like if Samantha really wanted something more.
But of course, even if that were possible, he would have been a fool to kiss her when he couldn’t stay.
Axel and a couple of the others had invested their pay while serving. They were each sitting on a small fortune—and money bought choices. Axel could decide to change his life if he wanted.
“I have to head to the city for work after the holidays,” Wolf said, shrugging.
“You’re really set on that?” Beau asked, frowning.
“It’s not the city,” Wolf said. “I’d rather be here, especially with Ezra. But I’m a pilot. There’s no work for me out this way.”
“Things are heating up in Trinity Falls with the highway coming,” Beau said. “You never know.”
“We’ll be lucky if we get an exit from the highway,” Axel scoffed. “That’s a long way from an airport.”
“So, you’re just going ?” Beau asked Wolf.
“Don’t know what else to do,” Wolf said, shrugging. “I have to provide for my boy now.”
“There’s other kinds of work around here,” Beau said.
Wolf frowned. He had to tread carefully. After all, Beau was a farmer. But he owned his farm. That put him in a very different position from Wolf, who couldn’t imagine trying to pay for childcare and housing while working as a hand on someone else’s land.
“True,” he said, instead of getting into it.
“I’m sorry about Angela, man,” Beau said softly.
“It’s for the best,” Wolf said, meaning it. “Not just because of the baby.”
He’d had plenty of time to think about it recently, and he’d come to the conclusion that it really was a blessing.
“You’ll find someone,” Beau said.
That might have seemed farfetched coming from anyone else. But here was Beau Wilson, who had come home from the service to a kid he was raising alone, and all of a sudden he was engaged now.
“You’re a single parent,” Wolf heard himself say. “What was it like to date someone?”
Axel looked up with interest, his normally faraway gaze fixed on Beau as if he couldn’t wait for the answer. It was almost like he wanted the answer for himself. But that made no sense, since Axel didn’t have kids.
“Oh,” Beau said, seeming sort of uncomfortable. “It’s fine, I guess… Quinn is great with Zandy…”
“ Who’s going to challenge the winner? ” Grayson demanded with a triumphant expression as he and Dalton approached the table.
Wolf couldn’t help noticing the relief on Beau’s face at the interruption. Which was odd, because Beau was normally an open book. If anything, it was usually hard to shut him up once he got going.
Maybe he just doesn’t like to kiss and tell.
“Wolf?” Grayson said, turning to him, eyes flashing.
“Nah,” Wolf said. “I’ve actually got to get back. Ezra hasn’t been sleeping much.”
The others made various sounds of protest and understanding as he threw down a couple of bills.
“Good seeing you guys,” Wolf said, giving a wave as he made his way through the wooden tables and chairs to the door.
He felt relief as soon as he stepped outside. The night was cold and the air tasted like snow again. Stars peeked out from behind a thin veil of clouds, winking down at Wolf as if laughing at the coiled energy in his limbs.
I’m fine, I’m okay.
But as he got into his car, he couldn’t help thinking about all the things that weighed on him whenever Ezra was sleeping and he was left to his own devices.
He mourned his friend, Barry, whose laughter used to be part of every high school gathering. He should have stayed in touch. Now his only connection to Barry would be through Ezra.
Thoughts of Ezra led to worries about providing for the boy, and finding someone to take care of him while Wolf inevitably worked long hours.
He worried about the boy’s safety and happiness under someone else’s care, as any parent would.
He wasn’t proud that he also worried about himself, and the buzzing under his skin that came back every time he was away from Ezra, and he was forced to think about anything beyond the next bottle and the next diaper change.
Everyone feels this way when they come home, he told himself, starting the car. It’s a big change.
As he drove back toward the little house in the village, he tried to center himself. After all, he’d managed to get a college degree and he had a marketable skill. It might be a challenge with a child, but work as a commercial pilot was well-paid. He would build a decent life for the two of them.
At last, he turned onto Oberlin Avenue and the house came into view. Soft light glowed from the windows, and he could just see Samantha and Amelia silhouetted through the sheer curtains. Amelia’s head leaned on her big sister’s shoulder.
The sight was so comforting. It felt for a moment like he was coming home , not to Barry and Lynne’s place where they were staying temporarily, but to the place where he and Ezra belonged, where their new lives were beginning.
What if we really could stay? Would she want me then?
He thought back to the soft, hazy look in her eyes again and knew that some part of her wanted him, even if she didn’t want what he had to offer at the moment.
She needs a friend right now, he reminded himself firmly. And I want to be what she needs.