Chapter 7
SEVEN
DECLAN
The next few days are torture.
I keep on avoiding Nikki’s calls and wallow in melancholy—not that I’m really sure why. I’ve ended my career on my terms. My life is going exactly how I want it to go.
Except for one thing.
Zoe’s on my mind.
I had fun with her that night. It was more than just the sex, although that was spectacular. And now she’s carrying my child—a child she’s happy to have with no ties to me.
That doesn’t sit well with me.
I still want her.
The one thing I’ve never had in all these years is family. Mom and Dad disowned me years ago for my bad behaviour, and my sister sided with them after I divorced my first wife. I can’t blame any of them for that, but being alone sent me into an even bigger spiral and a second misguided marriage .
I should be elated that Zoe wants to do this without me. Instead, I’m floating on a sea of uncertainty, unsure why I’m not relieved.
Despite my two marriages, I never wanted children. I’d discussed it with my first wife, but we’d both decided to wait until we were older with our careers more established. When my career took off, I quickly went off the rails, and we weren’t married much longer.
My second wife was a party girl who I married on a drunken whim. She would never have stood still long enough to have children, and I had no interest by then.
And now there’s Zoe. Zoe, who blew my mind with the one night we spent together. Zoe, who has the world at her feet.
Zoe, who didn’t even need to tell me she was pregnant.
The first thing I did when I came home from the coffee house was to search for Zoe on the Internet. It didn’t take long to find her.
She created a dating app with built-in safety check-ins. Women adored it, and it had taken off fast. So much so that a bidding war erupted before she settled for the company she felt was the best fit. It’s weird—I barely know her, but a sense of pride creeps over me as I read the stories about her.
She’s now working in San Francisco with the company that bought her app while they integrate it into their systems. Whatever that means.
Her app sold for so much that unless she eats Ferraris for breakfast, she’ll never have to worry about money ever again.
An ache sits in the pit of my stomach at the thought that she doesn’t need me. I’m used to being the breadwinner in the relationship, but compared to Zoe, I’m a pauper.
I have nothing to offer her.
For the first time in years I’m unsettled. I’ve always been so confident, but this has shaken me to the core.
If this had happened with nearly any other woman, I’d be able to offer to support her, but Zoe doesn’t need it. She’s made that very clear.
But I still want to.
I want to. I want this.
I want her.
It’s not just her, though. I’m going to be a father. She sounded like she was open to my involvement, but to what extent?
Maybe I start by reaching out to tell her I want to be involved. I want to see her belly grow with my baby, and be there to pamper her when she needs a pick-me-up.
I’ve made up my mind about my career—I could even move to be close to her.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I pick up the phone and click on her contact.
“Hello?” Her voice is thick with sleep, and I do a double take at the time. But it’s after ten in the morning—pretty early for me.
“Zoe, it’s Declan.”
She clears her throat. “I know. I have caller ID. Are you okay? Why are you calling?”
“Are you still in bed?” I don’t know why I ask—no, I do know. I want to be there with her .
“No, I made it as far as the couch this morning before feeling gross, and then I fell asleep.”
I swallow hard. There’s some vague memory from friends’ pregnancies that it’s not much fun in the early days. Probably not later on either.
Frowning, I scan my memory. Is pregnancy any fun at all?
“I’m sorry to hear that. I was wondering if I could come and see you. I’ll fly up. We need to talk.”
She sighs. “That sounds heavy.”
“Nothing too crazy, I promise.”
“Sure.” She sounds exhausted. “I’ll text you my address because I doubt I’m leaving this couch any time soon.”
I chuckle. “Sure. Do you need me to bring anything? I’ll get there later this afternoon.”
“No, thanks. I’ve got the couch and the TV, and that’s all I need for the moment.”
“I’ll see you soon. If I can get a flight.”
Her laughter warms my heart. “You haven’t even booked anything?”
“No, I wanted to make sure you were okay with me turning up first.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you.”
I grin. Anything I can do to get points with her is a bonus. “Send me that address and I’ll keep in touch.”
As soon as we’ve disconnected the call, I dial my assistant. Most of the time he gets paid for doing nothing—I’ve never really seen the need for him, but my manager insisted. But he is useful for when I need to sort things out at the last moment.
“Declan?” He crunches in my ear .
“You answered the phone while eating?” I roll my eyes.
Joel’s quiet for a moment. If I had to guess, I’d say he’s swallowing his food. “I knew it was you.”
“I love how you just don’t care.” I laugh.
“You’re the best boss I’ve ever had. You leave me alone.”
I shake my head. “I need you to get a flight for me. LA to San Fran.”
“What date?”
“Today.”
He sighs. “Let me see what I can do.”
“I know it’s last minute, but I really need to get there this afternoon. Organise a rental car while you’re at it.”
“Sure thing, boss. I’ll call you back.”
Lord knows Joel doesn’t have a lot to do, but I can trust him to step up when I need him to. Within thirty minutes, he has a plane ticket and rental car details in my inbox, and I order a taxi to get me to the airport.
When I need to be driven around, I hire someone but usually, I chauffeur myself. I’ve never been freer.
And with my retirement, this is just the start. I’ve been in the public eye since I was fifteen years old, so the idea of having no attention on me appeals more than it maybe should.
It’s not a long flight, and Joel’s managed to get me an economy seat, but I’m grateful that he got me any seat at all, so I don’t complain. But I am glad when I can get off the plane and stretch my legs.
I bring up the address Zoe sent me on Google Maps and use the GPS to get there in the rental car .
After finding a place to park, I head straight up to her apartment, and ring the doorbell.
The door opens, and my breath hitches.
Even dressed down in sweats with her hair piled up into a messy bun, Zoe is breathtakingly beautiful.
“Declan. Come in.” She turns and I follow her into the apartment, closing the door behind me.
Her apartment is spacious. The living room is big and laid out for comfort. There’s a couch and two recliners, and she has a few beanbags scattered around.
When we reach the couch, she drops down onto it with a sigh, and I take a seat beside her.
“How are you feeling?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Better than earlier. I need to get a handle on this whole morning sickness, but whoever named it is a liar. It lasted nearly all day.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Her lips twitch. “You should be. It’s your fault I’m in this situation.”
My mouth falls open, my palm to my chest. “Me? It takes two to tango, lady.”
Zoe laughs, and it’s almost musical. “You got me there. I’m still blaming you, though.”
“I’m glad we can talk like this.”
Her cheeks dimple when she smiles. “Me too.” She draws in a deep breath. “I was a little scared about telling you. But my conscience wouldn’t let me not do it. You should know if there’s a mini you out there.”
A mini me. My chest tightens.
“I … I’m glad you called me. I’m in this weird place in my li fe right now, and I realised that maybe this is something I need.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. I’m fumbling this all of a sudden.
“I mean, yes it’s unexpected, but I don’t know if it’s a bad thing. And clearly you want to go through with it.”
She nods. “Why are you here, Declan? What do you want?”
“I want in.”
Her eyes search mine. “What do you mean?”
“I want to be a part of my kid’s life. Whatever you’ll give me.”
Zoe frowns. “I have to say I’m surprised.”
“You’re not the only one.”
She runs her gaze over my face before she meets mine again. “What does that mean?”
Reaching for her hand, I run my fingers down hers before I give them a squeeze. “I can’t stop thinking about us raising our child together. I want to try.”
Her rapid blinking tells me I’ve really caught her unawares. This isn’t what she was expecting. But am I really surprised? I’ve reacted to this in a way I never saw coming either.
“I was thinking maybe we could spend time together?”
One of her eyebrows arches and she pulls her hand back.
Holding up my palms, I lean back. “Platonically. I’m not expecting us to just jump into a relationship—we don’t really know each other. But …”
“I don’t know.”
I blow out a long breath. “It’s just … all these years, I never thought I’d be a father. When I wasn’t working, I was pa rtying. And now I’m at the end of my career, and this is my chance.”
She chews on her bottom lip.
“There’s so much I want to experience, and I didn’t realise how much I wanted this until you … until you told me you were pregnant.” I lean forward. “I want to be there for you through this pregnancy. I want to be there for the scans. Maybe even be there when the baby’s born? But clearly I can’t do it without your agreement.”
Setting her jaw, she crosses her arms and seems to consider me. “I guess you could push the issue legally.”
“Maybe. I haven’t looked into it. I’d rather keep this amicable and work with you on it. I know—I know you said you don’t need anything from me, but I want to offer you my full support through this. No one should go through it alone.”
She hesitates. “I’ll consider it.”
“That’s all I’ll ask.”
She’s a smart woman. She knows that I could work through my lawyer, but I don’t want that. I don’t want this to turn into some kind of legal transaction. I’ve had paternity claims before, but this is different. She literally wants nothing from me.
I’m not sure I have much to offer.
I’m a hollow wreck of a man who has been on a slide for a very long time.
Maybe it’s selfish, but I think this could make me feel whole again.
“I’ll go and find a hotel room nearby, and give you some time to think about it.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not sure how long I’ll need. Maybe it’d be better for you to go home.”
“I’ve got nothing but time right now, sweetheart. I’ll stay close if that’s okay.”
She nods, and I cheer inside.
I’d much rather be near for her, and even this concession feels like a win.