Chapter 8
EIGHT
ZOE
I’m not sure what to do.
I’d resigned myself to bringing up my baby alone, and now Declan has thrown a spanner in the works.
A very good-looking, sexy spanner, but a spanner nonetheless.
I don’t have an issue with him wanting to be a part of the baby’s life, but realistically, is this going to stick? Will we just be a novelty and disposable, or is he going to commit to eighteen years of co-parenting?
If only I knew him well enough to work that out.
I guess if this is a novelty to him, he’ll lose interest before the baby’s old enough to miss him.
Maybe.
It’s so hard to know what to do.
When he didn’t call me, and then when he was taken aback by my lack of demands, I’d thought that was the last I’d see of him .
His interest in the baby has caught me by surprise.
It scares me a little. He has the ability to really mess with me if things go bad. I might have the money for lawyers, but so does he. And the last thing I need is any kind of custody battle. It was hard enough thinking about what I needed to do when my contract finished, let alone the added complication of my baby-daddy wanting to be involved.
Although the thought of spending more time with Declan intrigues me.
When he didn’t contact me after Las Vegas, I’d thought it was pretty clear that he didn’t want anything more with me, and maybe he still doesn’t. But I’m still as drawn to him now as I was that night, and if the chemistry between us is still the same, who knows what will happen?
If things were different, then maybe I might think that we could form a relationship out of this—some kind of mutual understanding based on being parents. But I know his reputation and even though he talked about making a fresh start and retiring from acting, how easy would it be for him to slip back into old habits?
It’ll be hard to resist him if we see each other often.
I need to keep my wits about me. But I also can’t find a way to justify not including him when he wants to be involved in this pregnancy.
My phone buzzes.
Caitlin: Can I video call you? I feel like we need to catch up.
Me: I would love that. I need to talk.
I go to my desk and open my laptop. Within seconds, I’ve got a call request coming through, and I breathe a sigh of relief as Caitlin comes into focus. She’s my person.
“Hey,” she says. “Are you okay?”
“Declan’s here.”
Her mouth falls open. “Where? At your apartment?”
“Not now, but he was.”
Her brows knit. “What’s going on, Zoe? Do we need to find a lawyer? What does he want?”
“He wants to be a part of his child’s life. He’s suggesting we spend time together so he can share the pregnancy with me.”
“Oh my god.” She gapes at me.
“What’s going on?” Brandon’s voice echoes in the background. “Is that Zoe? Is she okay? Do I have to kick someone’s ass?”
I laugh. Even though they’re more than two thousand miles away, they’re still protective of me.
“She’s fine, but Declan wants to be there for her and the baby.” Caitlin claps her hands like a performing seal.
“Baby? What baby?”
I freeze. Caitlin’s so bad at keeping secrets when it comes to Brandon. I guess this one is no exception.
“Zoe’s pregnant,” she says.
Brandon sticks his face in front of the computer screen, and for a moment, all I can see is a stray nose hair. I laugh again and shake my head.
“Really? Do I say congrats?” A tentative smile is on his lips.
Caitlin shoves him out of the way. “Yes. Zoe’s happy. But she thought she was doing it alone. ”
His eyebrow twitches. “Alone? You’re never alone, babe. Play your cards right and you can move here. I can start a harem.”
Caitlin rolls her eyes. “I read a book last week that featured one. Now he won’t shut up about it.”
I blow her a kiss. “I miss you guys.”
“We miss you. What are you going to do about Declan?” She turns to Brandon. “Zoe told him she didn’t need him, but he wants to be involved.”
I shrug. “This isn’t what I expected, but I’m going to think about it. He’s staying nearby for a while, and I’ll give him the answer when I’m ready.”
Brandon strokes his beard. “I think you should give the guy a chance. You gave him an out, but he’s not taking it.”
“I just worry that he won’t stick to it. If it’s during the pregnancy it only affects me, but once the baby’s here …”
“Yeah, but how are you going to know if you don’t try? You know you’ve always got us. Even if you’ve got that weird accent.”
I laugh. Brandon always teases me about my New Zealand accent. “Thanks. I know I can always rely on you.”
Caitlin snuggles against him, and it hits me right in the gut. I want that. I want a love of my own. Have I screwed this up by getting pregnant to Declan?
“Anyway, I’m going to get going. I have a lot of thinking to do, and I’m ready to get some sleep. Love you guys.” I blow them more kisses before we disconnect the video call.
Can I do this? Can I trust him to stay involved?
My biggest fear would be that he just up and leaves one day when my child is old enough to know who he is. I could deal with any financial fallout—it’s the emotional fallout I’m worried about.
On the other hand, Brandon is right. Declan had an out. I told him I wanted nothing. And yet he wants to be involved.
Maybe I need to take a leap of faith.
After sleeping on it, I send a text to Declan in the morning.
Me: Can you come over? We need to talk.
Declan: Be there in ten.
Twenty minutes later, a knock on the door breaks me out of my thoughts.
He hustles in the door, coffee cups in one hand, paper bags in the other.
“Sorry I’m a little late. I stopped to get some breakfast, and I thought you might like something too.”
My stomach grumbles. “That sounds great. My morning sickness is so up and down. One minute I want to hurl, the next I’m ravenous.”
He leans over and pecks me on the cheek. His kiss burns on my skin. “I didn’t know what you’d feel like, so there’s a selection.”
I follow him to the coffee table where he places everything, and join him on the couch.
“I wasn’t sure if you were drinking coffee still, so I got you a coffee and a hot chocolate. Hope that’s okay.”
My stomach makes a gurgling sound, and I laugh. “That’s more than okay. ”
Leaning over, he tears open the bags to reveal different pastries before holding out his palm and pointing toward them. “Lady’s choice.”
Grinning, I reach for a big, fat pastry stuffed with chocolate. I close my eyes and bite into the sweet treat. The chocolate inside explodes in my mouth, and I let out a moan.
“Jesus, Zoe. What are you trying to do to me?”
I open my eyes. Declan’s gaze is firmly fixed on my lips.
“I’m sorry?”
“I still have a lot of thoughts about our night together. I’m not going to pretend that you moaning doesn’t … do things to me.”
“Me?” I place a hand on my heart. “Little old me who you didn’t call after our Vegas sex-a-thon.”
He drops his gaze to the floor. “We need to talk about that.”
“Maybe. But what we really need to talk about is your involvement with our baby.”
His eyes flicker up to meet mine. “Our baby.”
“We did make it together.” I smile. “I thought about what you asked, and I’m happy for you to be included.”
He presses his palms together. “Thank you.”
I bite my lip. “But if you’re going to be involved, then I don’t want any fly-by-night. I’m not looking for you to commit to me, but you do have to commit to this baby.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “I understand, and I’m ready for this. I’m so ready. I’ll move closer to you. I’m retiring from acting, and I’d rather be close so I can be there for appointments and when the baby arrives.”
My throat tightens. “Really? ”
He chuckles. “Yes, Zoe. I want to be there for you and this baby. I’ll find an apartment down the road.”
“Why don’t you stay with me?” The words are out before I can stop them. What am I doing?
We fall into an uneasy silence. But really, it does make sense. I have plenty of room and he wants to be involved in both the pregnancy and the baby’s life.
“I mean, if you want to.” I fumble the words but get them out. “We can revisit it after the baby’s born. I was already planning on making a decision about whether to stay here or go home to New Zealand about then anyway.”
“You … you’re thinking about leaving?”
I close my eyes. “I was. My visa won’t last forever, and there’s nothing left for me here … was nothing left for me here.”
“You don’t have to make a decision yet.”
“I sigh. “Everything feels so complicated.”
He pauses. “Maybe. But it’s only as complicated as we make it. It’ll be easier when I’m there and we can talk it out. Make plans.”
I nod. “That sounds okay.”
“Are you really alright with me moving in?”
Pausing, I nod again. “It makes sense. My friend Caitlin used to live across the hall and I had her nearby to help, but now she’s moved away and it’s just me.”
“There’s no time like the present.”
“So soon? You don’t have to rush.”
His warm hand covers mine. “You’re not alone. I’ll be here for you. Give me a few days to go home and sort some things and then I’ll be back. ”
My heart thuds—I’m not sure it’s safe while he’s around. My attraction to him is there and as strong as it was that first night.
And from the look in his eyes, I don’t think it’s one-sided.