Chapter 14
14
Bailey
T his was not the struggle Bailey had envisioned herself dealing with during the month of December. The more time she spent with Carter, the more she started to forget why she was trying to keep him at arm’s length.
Carter had been a dream with Anya. Every moment she’d spent with him had made her believe that he was a decent man—someone she could allow to get closer to her.
There was only one problem with that.
While Carter was sweet with Anya, respectful and thoughtful in general, he was completely closed off. He didn’t talk about his past. He refused to acknowledge the group meetings he still took at the club. Getting closer to him was an impossibility when he wouldn’t talk to her other than to discuss how he could help financially.
The whole situation really put her at odds with herself.
Did she want more with this man? She found herself asking that question frequently as of late.
Bailey heaved a sigh as she finished sorting some of the donations they’d gotten for the toy drive. Shane had extended his plans, which allowed her to get more hours, but it also put her in a position where she couldn’t help letting her thoughts wander.
She was probably just going crazy. Jack was gone, and Carter had some similar tendencies. Both men could be closed off and quiet. Both had a history with drinking, from what she could tell—maybe more. Why did she constantly go for the men who weren’t emotionally available?
The country club was quieter than usual on this particular Friday. There weren’t as many meetings in the main area. She kept expecting Carter to show up for one, but apparently his group wasn’t meeting that day. He’d gone back to his usual work schedule, but he made sure to come home for dinner each night right after.
Her whole body warmed. There were moments like last night when it felt like they were actually a real family. Anya had given them a sneak peek of the music she’d be singing for the concert, and Carter was so patient with her. Apparently, he didn’t really have a niece her age, but that little white lie was easy to forgive when it had helped her figure out whether her daughter still wanted those skates.
Another sigh burst from her chest. She needed to stop thinking about the man as if he was a viable option. Hadn’t she told him she wasn’t interested in anything serious? She still had so much on her plate.
Most of the day continued with more of the same. Thinking about Carter was followed by telling herself to let it go.
By the time she’d gotten home, she’d resolved herself not to let him get to her. He was a guest—paying rent. He didn’t want to saddle himself with the likes of her.
Bailey watched his truck pull up, and immediately a flush of warmth washed over her skin. The contrast to the colder temperature inside the house made the hairs on her arms stand on end. This wasn’t fair. She wasn’t supposed to react this way to anyone—especially not Carter.
She grumbled to herself as she turned away from the window and did her best to pretend that she had zero interest in entertaining something more with the handsome, brooding cowboy who was currently staying in Anya’s room.
The door opened and the sound of boots hitting the wood floor echoed through the house.
Bailey glanced over her shoulder toward Carter, noting his usual stoic demeanor. His eyes swept over her for a moment, and then he nodded to her and headed toward his room. He wasn’t usually chatty right after he got home from working at his family’s ranch. He’d probably warm up more at dinnertime—not that it should matter. Sheesh, he wasn’t supposed to mean anything to her.
She nodded sharply to herself. Keep it together , a voice in her head seemed to say. Bailey got to work putting the dishes away so she could start cooking supper, but then Carter’s low, soft voice from right behind her left ear startled her.
“Bailey?”
She spun around, her yelp likely more comical than it should have been. He was close, but not unreasonably so. Seeing as he was a good several inches taller than she was, he had a way of making the room feel ten times smaller. “Yes?” she stammered, her hand hovering over her thundering heart.
He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and his brows drew together. “I want to ask you something.” Carter’s voice was low and gruff, as if he wasn’t sure he was ready to say whatever it was he needed to. “Before Anya gets home.”
Without warning, her heart sped up again. “Okay.” The single whispered word was all she could muster. Anya would be coming home any second. Whatever it was had to be important. There was a pull to him as she stood there, and she found herself leaning slightly forward in anticipation. This could be it. He wanted to ask her out.
“Would it be alright if I take you and Anya out ice skating?”
She blinked several times and a whoosh of air escaped her lungs.
“Seeing as she really wants those ice skates, I thought I could ask her more about them. Maybe we could figure out what kind she wants.” His eyes flickered away, and she could have sworn some color crawled up his neck. “Unless you don’t want me to?—”
“Why would you say that?” she blurted.
He swung his eyes back to meet hers, unreadable.
“I guess we can take her skating if you’d like. I’m sure she’d love it.”
Carter’s eyes never left her face as he studied her. They narrowed slightly, but that was about it. “You’re okay with us going.”
“Of course.” She did her best to make sure her voice wasn’t disappointed. This was about Anya. He wasn’t interested in spending time with Bailey. He had a soft spot for her daughter; it had been that way from the beginning.
Bailey berated herself over those ridiculous thoughts. The only thing Carter had been consistent in was his concern for Anya. It wouldn’t matter how much time they spent together; eventually he would make good with his brothers and return home. She couldn’t believe she was actually disappointed by that.
His expression didn’t change except for that adorable hint of a smile that made her legs weak. “Great. I thought we might go tonight.”
Bailey held onto Anya’s hand tighter when a group of teenagers skated past them, their skates loud and harsh against the ice at their feet.
“Whoa!” Anya exclaimed. “They’re so fast.”
“You can be fast too, with practice. Lots and lots of practice.” Carter’s low voice reminded Bailey that they weren’t alone.
Anya turned her small face toward him, but she didn’t smile. “Violet says that ice skating is lots of money.”
Bailey was the one to pull them to a stop, and she ducked down in front of her daughter. “Why did she say that?”
Anya shrugged. “Maybe cuz her big sister takes lessons.”
Bailey’s chest constricted so tightly she couldn’t breathe. She knew Anya was attentive, but she would have never thought that her daughter had paid attention to their financial struggles. Had Bailey really been that transparent around her daughter? She looked up, finding Carter’s eyes on her. An embarrassed flush crept into her face. This was just one more thing for Carter to judge her on. Next thing she knew, he’d be telling her that he wanted to pay for lessons.
She squeezed her daughter’s hands. “Anya, honey,” she murmured as she waited for their eyes to meet. “I don’t want you to ever worry about that sort of thing. If you want to learn something new or if you need something, I want you to come to me. And if we can’t fit it into our budget, I’ll let you know. Okay?”
Anya’s beautiful cherubic face didn’t shift at all. It remained skeptical, and that was putting it nicely.
Carter tapped Anya on the shoulder. “What do you say we all go get some hot chocolate. Then we can skate a little longer before we head home.”
Anya’s eyes brightened, officially distracted. Bailey didn’t know whether to be annoyed or grateful that he was able to turn things around. She knew Anya wasn’t going to pick Carter over her, but with each one of these moments he created for them, she was getting attached.
Bailey opted for the latter. She straightened and mouthed the words “thank you” to Carter as they headed toward the hot cocoa stand.
While they sat on the bench enjoying their drinks, Carter pointed to the sky. “Look at that. The sky is clear tonight. Do you see those stars?”
Bailey watched with fascination as Carter named off all the constellations they could see. He even knew some of the stories related to them. This grumpy cowboy was a little bit of a nerd, and Bailey adored it. This wasn’t the kind of man she needed to be worried about. It was easy to forget that he carried some baggage when, without fail, he’d continued to show them this side of himself.
Her stomach knotted when he met her gaze over Anya’s head. Maybe she’d been wrong about him. More flutters erupted. She could see herself with this man. The way he was with her daughter was only the tip of the iceberg for which she knew he had depths worth exploring.
She offered him a smile, and for a split second he smiled back at her. Then someone yelled across the courtyard where the outdoor ice rink was located, and the spell was broken—except for the swirling sensations in her stomach. Those were here to stay.
Bailey pulled the bedroom door shut and headed out to the living room, hands shoved deep into her pockets. “Well… she’s officially asleep. I don’t think I’ve seen her this tired in a long time.” She smiled in Carter’s direction.
He stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a cup in his hand. His features were softer somehow as she approached. “She’s a great kid.”
“Yeah, I know. I still can’t believe I got so lucky.” Bailey heaved a sigh and shook her head, a frown forming on her lips. “I just wish she wasn’t so observant. She shouldn’t be worried about… money.” Already she could feel the warmth spreading into her face. “I feel like such a terrible parent.” She took her place beside him, leaning against the counter just like he was.
Carter stiffened at her side. “Don’t.”
Bailey stilled and glanced at him, then scooted an inch away. “I’m sorry, was I too close?”
Turning to face her, he placed his cup in the sink. “No. Don’t put yourself down like that. Anya is a great kid because she has a great mother.”
Bailey snorted and rolled her eyes. “I’m not doing such a great job at the moment.”
“You’re doing the best you can.” His eyes darkened considerably. “My mother just up and left when she decided that she wasn’t cut out to be a mother. As far as I’m concerned, you’re heads over her.”
She glanced at him with surprise. It wasn’t that she didn’t know about his upbringing—because nearly everyone in town knew. Word had a way of getting around. It was his strange compliment that had her staring at him like he’d grown another head.
“I might not know you two very well, but I’ve been around enough to see the kind of person you are and how you’re doing everything you can to provide for her. She couldn’t have asked for a better mother. So don’t you dare talk about yourself like you’re anything less than perfect for her.”
Tears stung her eyes, and she looked away. It had been so long since she’d been told that she was enough, and to have it come from Carter—the man who scowled at her more than he smiled—it was almost more than she could bear. She attempted to clear her throat, but it came out as a strangled sound.
“Hey,” he murmured, reaching out toward her, his fingers brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. The velvet-soft tone of his voice was also unexpected, and she lifted her eyes to meet his. “Don’t cry,” he rasped.
She could drown in those dark eyes. It wasn’t fair. She’d been in a place of desperation, and no matter how much she tried to push him away… he stayed. What more could she ask for? Bailey shuddered a breath. “Why are you being so nice to me?” The question slipped from her lips before she had a chance to rein it in, and she immediately regretted it.
His jaw flexed, and the clouds in his eyes deepened. “Do I need a reason to be a good person?” There was a slight bite to his tone, but she ignored it.
“No,” Bailey whispered. “I just thought…” She inched a little closer, her emotions completely gone haywire. No longer did she hold herself back with ropes of uncertainty. He’d done so much for her. He’d been there for her when no one else had. That had to mean something. “It’s just that…” It felt like she’d walked into a forest where mist stretched everywhere. She didn’t know why she needed this—needed him—other than the fact that he made her feel… safe .
She searched his eyes for any clue that she was right, but she couldn’t get a read on him. So instead of making a fool of herself by talking about it, she just went for it. She leaned even closer and closed her eyes.
Two hands gripped her upper arms firmly, and her eyes flew wide. Carter’s hard expression had returned; gone were the soft, kind, and worried eyes of the man who had pleaded with her not to cry. They were replaced by the cold-hearted individual who had been caught trying to sleep in her shed.
Searing heat splattered beneath the skin of her face, and she pulled away from him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” she mumbled as she escaped to her room. She was never going to live this one down.