Chapter 15
15
Carter
C arter marched through the snow in the front yard. Back and forth, back and forth. It was below freezing out there. Snow crunched beneath his boots. Even without a coat, he was warm.
Heck, he was burning up.
His self-control had never been tested this hard.
Carter gnashed his teeth and clenched his hands hard as he went over the few moments he’d had with Bailey right before she’d taken off and escaped into her bedroom. It had taken every ounce of strength he had not to chase her down and pull her into an embrace that would send them both down a path that they couldn’t take.
He flexed his hands and shook them out to ease the cramps he’d created all on his own as he did his best to burn off this steam. He didn’t even come close to being on the same level as Bailey. That was why he’d saved them both the trouble and refused her kiss.
His stomach roiling, he stopped and stared at the darkened window to her room. If she only knew the trouble he was in, she wouldn’t be trying to kiss him. She wouldn’t look at him with those eyes that practically begged him to kiss her.
Carter released a groan and continued his pacing. He’d been a fool to believe that staying under the same roof as Bailey would end well. He’d done it to keep her safe, and all he was doing was putting her in the path of a different kind of danger.
Himself.
What was he going to do now? Now that he knew she was interested in him.
That was a dumb question. He already knew what he needed to do. He needed to leave and let her be. He needed to scrounge up just a little more money and give it to Dirk. Maybe he could convince the man to leave Bailey alone.
Who was he kidding? He’d been caught spending time with her. No one would believe that Bailey and her daughter didn’t mean something to him.
The worst part was just how much they did mean to him.
He’d never thought he wanted kids—especially while he was living in the city and living it up. Kids were a distraction and an inconvenience. But not Anya. There was something about that kid that just did something to him. He wanted to be there for her in ways that simply didn’t make sense.
But even those feelings didn’t hold a candle to the developing feelings he had for Bailey. She had to be the strongest, most stubborn, most infuriating woman he knew. One second he was admiring her for how hard she worked to provide for her family, and the next he wanted to pull his own hair out of his head because she wasn’t listening to him.
Carter trudged toward the porch and settled on the bottom step, not caring that the bits of snow there melted into his jeans. He knew he couldn’t stay away, as much as he knew he should. Being around Bailey had sparked new life into him. He wanted her in his life in whatever capacity he could get away with.
He shut his eyes tight and pushed out the pounding, critical thoughts in his head.
Wasn’t he trying to be better? Hadn’t he stopped stealing money from his family? He hadn’t taken a penny more than he had earned since Bailey came into his life.
Was it enough?
Digging his hands into his hair, he groaned. If he’d had a chance before, it might be gone now.
Carter pushed off the porch and headed inside. He wasn’t na?ve enough to think he’d get a lick of sleep tonight. But he wasn’t going to lose any appendages to frostbite, either. It wasn’t like she’d told him to leave. He had time.
At least he hoped so.
“Carter!”
He stiffened and glanced over his shoulder to see Wade several yards away. His older brother waved him over. There was something about the way he was holding himself that set Carter’s teeth on edge. He knew that look. Wade wanted to talk to him about something important.
Something bad.
Carter couldn’t breathe right. He tossed the shovel he had in his hand to the ground, then headed in his brother’s direction. Wade didn’t know anything. If he had, he would have cornered Carter so he couldn’t escape. As it stood, Carter knew of at least three ways he could get out of there if he needed to. It was a skill he’d perfected when he’d been away from home.
Wade didn’t wait for him to come to a complete stop before he shoved some paperwork into Carter’s hands. “We’re missing money.”
Carter scowled, his defenses rising immediately, while under the surface everything was in shambles. He could imagine a bull running through a China shop, leaving shattered pieces in his wake. He pushed the paperwork back into Wade’s chest. “Let me guess, you think I took it because?—”
“I’m asking everyone , Carter. We’re getting our finances in order for tax time, and both Elijah and Annabel noticed that we’re short. There’s money that’s not accounted for.”
“Maybe they’re wrong,” Carter snapped. “None of us got to go to college. They’re not accountants.” Carter grimaced inwardly. He shouldn’t be causing a scene. If no one else was, then he’d look the guiltiest. He calmed his breathing and, in turn, his racing heart. “I don’t know what to tell you.” With that, he turned around and stalked back to his chore.
Even if he wanted to tell the truth, he’d already given a large portion of what he’d taken to Bailey. It was for a good purpose. Wade wouldn’t be able to fault him for that, but Carter wasn’t about to give him the chance to do so.
The rest of the afternoon, Carter’s blood simmered with frustration. He longed to go back to a time when he didn’t have to immediately wonder if he was being targeted by his brothers. He wanted to go back to a time when he could stand in front of a woman like Bailey and tell her exactly how he felt without worrying that he was dragging her down into the pits where he’d lived his life for the past couple of years.
He wanted to return to a time when a kid like Anya could look up to him.
The irony of his situation wasn’t lost on him. His brothers had warned him that his decisions would have consequences and that he should turn back. Why hadn’t he just listened to them?
By the time he got back to Bailey’s house, he had worked himself into a frenzy. But he couldn’t show that side of himself, not when Anya was home.
Carter strode up the steps and placed a hand on the brick exterior as if doing so would allow him to release all the pent-up emotions that were bound to erupt if he wasn’t careful. Then he took a deep breath and pushed open the door.
“Carter! You’re home!”
Home . The word felt different here. Funny enough, it felt right somehow.
Anya scurried over to him from the table. She grabbed ahold of his hand and tugged him in that direction. “Come see my picture I drew for you.”
For a moment he completely forgot his interaction with his brother—the excuses that Wade had brushed off. Anya pulled him into the kitchen. He could feel Bailey’s eyes on him as he took a seat beside Anya and stared at the crayon drawing.
The people were misshapen blobs with heads, hands, and feet. They were in an outdoor scene surrounded by snow. Upon closer inspection, he noticed they were all wearing ice skates.
Anya beamed up at him. “Do you like it?”
Carter glanced over to the small girl. “You made this for me?”
She nodded, her head bobbing and the whisps of her blonde hair fluttering around her face.
He picked up the picture reverently. “It’s really good,” Carter murmured. “I love it.” Carter didn’t think it was possible, but the girl’s smile grew even larger. He didn’t know what else to say. For the first time in his life, he had no words.
“Anya, honey, how about you go wash up?” Bailey’s voice pierced the quiet, and her daughter complied. The second Anya was out of the room, he heard Bailey moving closer to him. She stood behind Anya’s chair and placed her hands on the back of it. “I think we need to talk.”
Just like that, his defenses shot up. The walls were constructed from the pain and guilt that were so intertwined in his heart. He frowned, still staring at the picture. Carter had a pretty good idea of what she wanted to talk about.
His thoughts shifted to last night when he’d nearly lost control and kissed her. It would have been so much easier just to give in and capture her lips with his own. He could have stolen that kiss just like he’d stolen everything else.
The wooden chair legs screeched against the linoleum flooring and Bailey took a seat. Her stare set him on edge, sending his legs into bouncing movements. At any given second his legs could betray him, and he might bolt. It was one thing to argue with his brother and something entirely different to show his true colors to Bailey.
“I think…” Her voice trailed off and she shifted in her seat. “Carter, are you okay? You look almost sick.”
He stiffened, his tone curt. “I’m fine.”
When she didn’t respond right away, he lifted his eyes. One of her brows was arched, and her lips were pressed into a thin line. It was similar to looks he’d gotten in the beginning when they were put on the toy drive together. “Doesn’t sound like it,” she finally said.
“What would you know?” Carter muttered. His resolve was unraveling the longer she stared at him with eyes that seemed capable of delving into the depths of his soul. He dropped his gaze to the picture again, and his heart ached. Anya had the ability to throw him off balance in ways he hadn’t thought possible. She didn’t care about who he was or what he’d done in the past. Heck, she wouldn’t understand even if he told her. There was something so freeing about being around that kid.
Deep down, he knew it was more than that. It wasn’t just being around Anya that made him feel like he could be a better person. It was the woman seated beside him.
“Is it your brothers?”
His head snapped up, and then he scowled. “You need to mind your own business.”
This time her face contorted with fury. “Will you knock it off?” Bailey’s voice was sharper than the steak knives in the kitchen, even with how quietly she’d said it. “I don’t get it,” she hissed. “You’re sweet and attentive one second, then you close yourself off the next. Anyone with eyes can see that you’re still struggling with whatever it is you refuse to share. You’ve been staying with us for a couple weeks, and it’s all just… a lot. Maybe you should just accept that even you might need help once in a while.”
His brows shot up. “Help?”