Chapter 20
20
Bailey
S now fell outside the coffee shop window. Bailey watched the flurries fall and dance to the ground. Inside the small coffee shop, Christmas music played on a loop. The smells of all the popular seasonal drinks filled the air. Pumpkin, peppermint, even nutmeg, and they all drew people inside the moment the door opened and the scents escaped.
Bailey took in the smells, not having enough money to buy a cup of coffee as she waited for Emma to show up. It was a little more than strange to be meeting with a past client. Even more strange that Carter had asked her to babysit.
Anya had talked non-stop about the whole experience until she had to go to school that morning. No doubt, she was in class spreading the news that Emma Hart, country music star, had spent the entire Saturday evening at her house.
But it wasn’t the fact that Emma had babysat Anya; it was the possibility of a future with Carter that brought a smile to Bailey’s lips. He never ceased to amaze her. From his generosity to how he treated her daughter, he was a perfect option for a second chance at love.
There was only one issue.
She couldn’t shake the gut feeling that another shoe would be dropping from the sky at any given moment. If Jack had taught her anything, it was that this happy cloud-like feeling could always be ripped away by someone who didn’t have control over their vices.
No, she refused to let herself think about that. Today was a good day. The last few weeks had been good days. And the next several would be as well.
The door to the shop opened. Several people gasped or spoke in quiet tones. That was the first indication that Emma had arrived. It had only been a few months since Emma had moved to town officially, and she was still getting the same reactions most fans gave her when she went to a new place.
She handled it all with grace, of course. That was just who Emma Hart was. That was also the reason Bailey couldn’t hold it against Emma that she’d bought her grandparents’ home. If anyone had to live in the home where Bailey’s mother grew up, Bailey was happy to know it was someone as kind as Emma.
The country star settled into the seat across from Bailey and gave her a wide smile, her apology breathless. “Sorry I’m late. I got caught up.”
“By fans? Traffic? Or something else?” Bailey joked.
Emma laughed. “Door number three. Caleb needed me to help him with something and…” She shrugged. “You know how guys can be.”
Thoughts immediately drifted to Carter. “Yeah. I guess so,” she said absentmindedly. Then she leaned forward and lowered her voice in case anyone was close enough to overhear. “Thanks for coming. I wanted to tell you in person how much I appreciated your willingness to watch Anya. I had no idea that Carter would enlist?—”
Emma waved a hand through the air with a dismissive flick of her wrist. “Don’t mention it. Honestly, Caleb is just glad that Carter found someone to lo—” She cut herself off and let out an unsure laugh when she caught sight of Bailey’s raised brows. “Shoot.”
“Love?” Bailey asked, her heart racing. She’d thought it was bad when she’d confessed to wanting to marry him. Then she’d nearly had a heart attack when Anya had let it slip that Emma had bought their house—thankfully, Carter hadn’t put that together. Now, she had to figure out what it meant to her that Carter had stronger feelings for her. He hadn’t told her he loved her yet. It was a little too soon, right?
“Based on that goofy grin you’re wearing, I take it that you don’t mind?” Emma asked, her voice hopeful.
Bailey let out a quiet laugh. “I don’t mind,” she said, but then a frown touched her lips.
“Uh-oh,” Emma pointed. “That look says otherwise.”
Bailey shook her head. “I really don’t mind. I just… sometimes it’s hard …” How was she supposed to explain that while she cared for Carter and wanted to marry him even, there was still a healthy amount of fear for the future? As much as she wanted to believe that she was over the betrayals that Jack had been a part of, she couldn’t. Not only had he made it hard to trust him, but he’d made it hard to trust herself—her own judgment.
The lines between Emma’s brows deepened slightly. “He’s not hurting you, is he?”
Bailey jumped, her eyes growing wide. “What? Of course not! He’s the perfect gentleman. This is all on me. It’s everything that I had to deal with when I was with Jack. The lies, the sneaking around, the stealing… everything he did that ultimately put Anya and me where we are right now.”
This time Emma looked more thoughtful than concerned. She worried her lower lip, then settled back as if to appraise Bailey before giving her the information she was sitting on. “I can’t say I know Carter very well. He’s Caleb’s twin, but he was gone the whole time I was getting to know Caleb. He’d run off to the city because he didn’t want to be part of their family or something.”
“Yeah, he mentioned something like that.”
Emma leaned forward and placed her hand on Bailey’s. “I don’t know what he’s told you, but he’s got a lot of baggage. Some of it sounds an awful lot like what you hated so much in dealing with your husband.”
Bailey couldn’t bring herself to look Emma in the eye. They weren’t really friends. They were… she wasn’t sure exactly what they were. Seemed like they’d crossed the line into something more than just acquaintances or a professional relationship. The only reason Bailey seemed comfortable about sharing anything with her was because she supposedly knew more about Carter than Bailey did.
Then again, maybe she didn’t.
Bailey sighed. Jack had preferred keeping their life private. He’d been easily angered when Bailey found an outlet to vent about the struggles they were going through. Carter would probably feel the same if he knew that Bailey was speaking to his future sister-in-law.
“Can I make a suggestion?” Emma urged.
Bailey met Emma’s gaze expectantly, not accepting the offer nor turning it down.
“You should have a good talk with him. Sit down and set some boundaries. Cite what you had to deal with when it came to your husband and what’s important about your relationship. If you start with that, then there won’t be any excuses if he crosses a line.” She gave a wan smile. “Sometimes I wish I would have done something like that with Caleb—not for me, but for him.” She released a sad little laugh. “He had severe trust issues, and it didn’t help that I kept my identity a secret from him.” Then she shrugged. “Maybe it would have been easier to work things out if I had been more upfront about our expectations from the beginning.”
Bailey nodded. All of that made sense. She could talk to Carter—though it wouldn’t be easy. She’d left behind a lot of the pain and trauma from her past that she simply didn’t want to dig up again. But if it meant she could move forward without second-guessing anything, then that would help, wouldn’t it?
Bailey’s hands shook as she placed a pitcher of lemonade on the table. Carter had to work late today, running some errands that couldn’t wait. He’d told her not to wait up, but she’d insisted she wanted to have dinner with him. That was what couples did, and she wasn’t going to let him slip from her fingers because they couldn’t find time to set some ground rules.
All the topics that she’d discussed with Emma flooded her mind as she continued to set the table. He was going to be home any moment, and she’d have to figure out the best way to broach the subject. Jack had hated feeling ambushed. Was that what she was doing? Ambushing him?
Her eyes darted to the hallway where Anya was already asleep. Bailey didn’t think they would argue. Otherwise, she would have planned for this conversation at another time. Still, she couldn’t help but recall the last time she’d set an ultimatum for Jack and how he’d been so quick to be defensive.
The fight or flight response immediately went into overdrive the second she saw the flash of headlights in front of her home. She dragged her hands down her clothes several times, then shifted to wringing her hands tightly. She could do this.
Bootsteps thunked up the wooden steps at the front of the house. The doorknob rattled, and then the large wooden door squeaked open. Carter emerged and her heart tightened. He wore a sheepskin coat, leather gloves, and worn Wrangler jeans. His weathered hat looked like it had been through a lifetime of hard work out beneath the sun, but it suited him. He glanced up at her and a slow smile spread across his face.
“Hey, beautiful,” he murmured, pulling off one boot and then the other. Bits of snow fell to the rug with the movements. “Something sure smells good.”
Warmth spread through her body, and she took a step toward him. “Meatloaf and roasted potatoes.”
He met her halfway, slipping off his gloves and shoving them in his pockets before he pulled her into his body. His eyes scanned her face, and then he brushed a kiss to her lips. “I’ve missed you today.”
“You saw me this morning,” she whispered.
“And it feels like an eternity.”
Bailey placed a hand to his cheek, then kissed him again. She moved around him and pulled the coat from his shoulders. “Go. Sit. I’ll serve you a plate.” So far, so good. She didn’t know why she’d been so nervous in the first place.
Once he was dished up and she was seated across from him at her small table, her nerves returned with a vengeance. Her hands were tight in her lap, skin turning white as she squeezed and fidgeted.
His eyes captured hers, and immediately she could tell he’d noticed something was wrong.
Shoot! Why couldn’t she control herself?
“What’s wrong?” he demanded, putting his fork down on the table.
She shook her head. “Nothing is wrong .”
“Bailey,” he warned quietly. “You can’t lie to me. It’s written all over your face. Did something happen?” His eyes darted around the room as if he expected to see evidence of something. If she wasn’t mistaken, she almost thought he looked worried. His features were stricken, his back straight as a board. When he brought his gaze back to her, they were filled with a sort of cloudiness that sent her heart racing for different reasons.
“Nothing happened ,” she insisted, though her curiosity was piqued. “I just wanted to take a moment to discuss where we go from here.”
“Where we go…” he said with a measured tone. “You mean with you and me.”
She nodded, smiling, though that smile was likely showing just how nervous she was. She nibbled on the inside of her cheek and looked down at her hands. “It’s nothing bad,” she promised. “It’s just that I wanted to clear the air. I wanted to tell you exactly how I feel…”
He didn’t respond. The air had practically been sucked from the room, leaving her lungs aching. Or maybe she was simply not allowing herself to get the oxygen she needed. Why was she so scared? Carter wasn’t Jack. The only angry side she’d ever seen from him was when he was worried for her or Anya. Even then, it wasn’t exactly anger—more of a frustration or a desperation to do something about it. Except for when he got into that fight, but that wasn’t directed toward them.
Bailey lifted her gaze to meet his. “I told you about Jack—my late husband.”
Slowly, he nodded, not taking his eyes off her, not relaxing even a tiny bit.
“I told you he had issues with drinking, gambling… basically he had a lot of habits that weren’t the best for our family.” Bailey shut her eyes tight, her nerves getting the better of her. She didn’t owe him any of this information. She could have just told him her expectations, but she wanted to make sure he knew where she was coming from.
“Yes, I remember,” Carter said quietly.
Opening her eyes, she stared at him, beseeching him, but for what she couldn’t figure out. “When he died in that car accident, I wasn’t prepared for what came next. He’d hidden so many things from me. He’d lied about the life insurance policy he’d taken out on himself. He put a second and a third mortgage on our house.” She shut her eyes tight, reliving the desperation she’d felt when she realized what that meant for her family. Tears slipped down her cheeks. “It was the house my grandparents left me.”
If possible, Carter seemed to stiffen further. His jaw was tight—like carved stone. His eyes were hardened, and she could almost imagine he wanted to rip Jack to shreds for what he’d done.
“It’s all handled now, of course,” she continued.
“No, it’s not,” he said. Carter shook his head, then dragged a hand down his face. “Your husband put you into debt so he could feed his habit.” The way he said it made it perfectly clear he was disgusted.
“Yes, he did.” She did everything she could to keep her voice level. Watching Carter closely, she tried to decipher what this knowledge was doing to him, but she couldn’t. He looked more upset than she’d expected, which was strange because it wasn’t like she could do anything about the situation. “I sold the house. We moved here, and now we’re getting back on our feet.”
His eyes cut to meet hers, but still, he didn’t speak.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this,” she whispered. “I wanted you to know what we’ve already dealt with so you’ll understand when I tell you what I’m going to say next.”
Carter remained as stoic as a gargoyle. The food was getting cold, but it wasn’t as cold as the air that drifted between them. He was shutting her out. That was the only way to describe what was happening.
Bailey swallowed hard. “You said you dealt with similar issues.”
He shot out of his seat so suddenly that she gasped. “I would have never put you in that kind of financial distress,” he snapped.
“I didn’t say you would,” she said just above a whisper. “I was only trying to…” She shut her eyes again and took several deep breaths. “I love you, Carter.” Her stomach swirled. “I love you so much that it hurts, and I don’t know what to do.”
Even with her eyes closed, she could tell he’d settled back into his seat. The chair creaked, and the tension in the room shifted to something more manageable.
“Both of us come with our own kind of baggage.” She opened her eyes and stared at him with all the love she had. “I want you to succeed. I want us to succeed. So that’s why I needed to have this talk with you. I needed you to understand when I tell you that you can’t go back to that life. You just… can’t .”
“I wasn’t planning on it.” The way he said it made her question how sincere he was. There was an underlying tone of his voice that seemed to suggest he was keeping something from her.
“I didn’t say you were,” she hedged. “But under no circumstances are you permitted to interact with the people who would drag you back into that lifestyle. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t… have me and Anya and those vices. Does that make sense?”
Carter dipped his head. “It makes perfect sense,” he said quietly.
“So, you’re done? You’ll keep getting help? And if you feel tempted?—”
His head snapped up. “I won’t be tempted. I’m not going back to that life, Bailey.” Still the underlying tone in his voice set her teeth on edge. While his promise seemed to be sincere, he was still keeping something from her—but how was she supposed to ask about it when she had no clue where to start? Carter reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. “I don’t ever want to hurt you. You’re everything to me.”
Her stomach swirled. He could be so sweet. He was sweet. Carter was everything she wanted and then some. Bailey offered him a smile. “Same.”