Chapter 23
23
Carter
D esperation.
The sensation was a constant companion that refused to leave Carter alone for the last couple of days. Dirk wasn’t going to accept anything less than full payment. He’d get what he wanted, whether he took it in the form of cash or a pound of flesh.
Carter had shoved the backpack under his bed in a huff when he’d gotten back from his shift at the ranch. Wade hadn’t been pleased about him being late, and they’d gotten into an argument. There was no way Wade would willingly give him a couple thousand dollars—especially after everything that had happened already.
Stealing from his family was also out of the question. While Wade had dropped the issue, Carter couldn’t shake the feeling that his brother knew what he’d done. Besides, Carter had worked so hard to prove to himself and Bailey that he could be a good man despite the trouble he’d gotten himself into. He wasn’t going to revert to that man again, even if it meant sacrificing his own life.
On top of the desperation, he felt like he was being suffocated by another realization. The whole reason he’d wanted to help Bailey hadn’t been just to keep her safe. He’d wanted to make Anya continue to believe in the spirit of Christmas. He’d been where she was, and if he could, he would have turned back time to when he was a child simply to make that magic last a little longer.
Carter settled on the edge of his bed. The door to his room was slightly ajar, but it might as well have been a steel wall that had been built simply to keep him disconnected from this little family he’d begun to care so deeply for.
Something was wrong with Bailey. He could feel it like when the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He got the distinct feeling that she had already started checking out of the relationship he’d worked so hard to build with her.
Carter wasn’t a fool. Somewhere deep inside himself, he knew there was a chance she’d realize who he really was. He’d only hoped that he would have enough time to make her fall so deeply in love with him that she wouldn’t be able to walk away.
Dragging a hand down his face, he let out a sigh. There was no changing the past. He’d racked his brain to come up with a solution to keep Dirk off his back and found nothing. There would be no Christmas miracles to solve this problem.
A black darkness seemed to churn from the corners of the room and move toward him like a mist of despair. It lapped at his soul, threatening to overtake him. Carter shut his eyes tight and breathed deeply once more.
There was one thing he could do before he completely failed Bailey. While the whole town looked like it had been designed by a Christmas elf, Bailey’s home didn’t show any signs of the holiday except for the few pictures that Anya had drawn—and the cards she’d put together when Bailey had gone to bed early.
If anyone stepped foot into this home, it would look like the Grinch had already paid them a visit. Not a single decoration was displayed. The most noticeable thing missing was the tree. Seeing as it was so close to the holiday, Carter was sure he could pick one up for half the price it would have been had he got one at the beginning of the month.
He could go to the thrift store to find some ornaments, and he’d use the rest of the scraps from their card-making adventure to decorate the tree.
His heart warmed as he thought about the look on Anya’s face when she saw the tree being dragged into the house. The dark shadows retreated back to the corners where they’d started. Carter got to his feet and paced the room, his plans starting to come together. If Dirk wouldn’t take his money, then he’d spend it. Then he’d go back to town and confront Dirk’s stooge. Would he get beaten? Likely. But he’d be far enough away from Bailey that he hoped they’d leave her alone.
Carter let the tailgate drop, then reached for the ropes that were tying the branches of the pine close to the tree trunk. It was one of the scrawnier specimens at the tree lot—mostly due to the sparse selection in the lot.
He’d managed to find a box of old glass ball ornaments at the Goodwill, along with a package of tinsel that had been opened but mostly left undisturbed.
Besides the tree, Carter had gone shopping for half a dozen gifts for Anya that would go with the skates he already had hidden in his closet. He’d gotten two stockings and the materials to fill them.
But the thing he was most excited about was the gift he’d gotten for Bailey. Carter had long since squashed the guilt that attempted to corrupt his joy over being able to get this family the Christmas they deserved.
He didn’t know how he knew that this would be the last evening he spent with the Nichols family, but he did. Much like he’d blocked out his fear and anguish over leaving his family a couple years ago, he chose to do the same thing now.
If Carter had to turn off that part of his humanity in order to deal with leaving Bailey and Anya, he would. It was for Bailey’s own good. At least that was what he’d tell himself until it no longer made his chest feel like it was about to explode.
The trunk of the tree thudded against the wooden steps leading to the front door. Lights shined from inside the house, giving it the appearance of glowing. The house was quiet, with not even Christmas music playing. Whenever he was home, he’d found any excuse to play it if only to make Anya feel that spirit.
He’d have to pull some up on his phone.
Turning so his back was against the door, Carter pushed it open and dragged the tree into the house. Bailey’s gaze immediately locked on him. He could feel it before he glanced in her direction. and he wasn’t willing to maintain her gaze.
It was Anya’s gasp of joy that made his reckless decisions worth it. She jumped up from where she knelt at the coffee table, coloring another picture. Her little footsteps padded quickly toward him, and she jumped up and down when she reached his side.
“You got us a tree?” Anya jumped again and her head swiveled toward her mother. “Mom! Carter got us a tree. Can we decorate it?”
Bailey was quiet, but he’d expected that. He hadn’t told her he was getting the darn thing. He hadn’t told her his plans at all. And he refused to say a single word until she asked. She held a rag in her hands, drying them after doing something at the sink. Her movements were slow and calculated. Her eyes had narrowed just enough for him to notice but not enough for Anya to pick up on her displeasure. Finally, she nodded. “Of course, sweetie. We have lots of white paper. How about you draw some things, or we can make a long chain.”
Anya squealed with delight and scurried back to her seat at the coffee table while Carter set to work propping the tree up in the stand he’d found in a clearance bin. Bailey’s irritation was palpable. He could feel her sending it in his direction in waves, and yet he still couldn’t bring himself to look at her.
Once the tree was up, he headed back to his truck to gather the other items he’d purchased. Thankfully Anya was too distracted to notice the bags he carried into the house. But Bailey wasn’t. Her sharp gaze followed him like the laser of a missile.
She was going to be the end of him, and the worst part was he completely understood. He didn’t want to drag her down or hold her back.
He set to work wrapping the presents, then left them on the bed before returning to the living room. Anya was digging through the only bag he’d left behind, her enchanting sounds of joy the only thing filling an otherwise silent room.
“Mom! There’s ornaments in here. And… what’s this?” She held up the tinsel. “It’s really sparkly.”
“That,” Carter tapped her nose, “is called tinsel. We drape each strand on the branches to make the whole thing shine—just like your beautiful eyes.”
Anya beamed at him, then stepped around the bag and threw her arms around his waist.
Carter froze. Anya wasn’t normally a touchy-feely kid. She’d hold his hand occasionally when they were out doing something. But hugs were a rare occurrence. He couldn’t help looking up at Bailey then, and what he saw only made his heart shatter more.
She looked broken. He didn’t know what she was upset about—other than the fact that her kid had just given him the best gift he’d received since returning to Copper Creek.
Complete, unabashed acceptance.
What was left of his heart swelled, and he slowly brought his arms around to pat her back. She didn’t release him when she lifted her face so he could see her eyes. “Thank you, Carter,” she whispered.
The rest of the evening, Carter did his best to ignore the cold he felt from Bailey. He focused all his energy on Anya. When he did accidentally send a glance in Bailey’s direction, he’d wince inwardly. She wasn’t pleased, but that was all he could recognize.
Carter ducked his head once again, his shoulders slumped. No matter how hard he tried to smile to assure Anya he was okay, he knew he was failing. Spending nearly all his money today might have been the biggest mistake of his life, but he would never regret it.
Anya got her Christmas, and Bailey would soon have all her dreams come true. Today would still be a good day, no matter how heartbreaking it was to come to an end.
When Bailey gathered Anya to put her to bed, Carter busied himself gathering the gifts from his room. He placed them beneath the tree. Then he cleaned up the mess they’d created in the living room. By the time the bedroom door clicked shut, he’d tossed the final scrap of paper into the garbage bin.
“What on earth do you think you’re doing?” Bailey seethed from behind him.
He jumped even though he knew this moment had been long coming. Then he turned to face her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She huffed and her arm flew out to gesture to the tree. “What’s that?” Then her eyes narrowed upon seeing the wrapped gifts. “And presents? Carter! It’s too much.”
“I told you I was going to make Christmas happen.”
Bailey shook her head in disbelief. “And I thought you’d realized your mistake.” She dragged a hand down her face and sighed. “You made excuse after excuse on the last few days of the toy drive. You haven’t been going to your meetings. Don’t tell me you have, because I looked into it.”
He stiffened, the violation of his privacy only one of the many problems with this conversation. He frowned but didn’t deny it.
“Now you’re spending money you probably don’t have.”
It took a great deal of self-control not to grind his teeth. “Clearly, I had the money. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to bring any of this home.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you.”
“Me? What about you? One day we’re having a frank conversation, and the next you’re giving me the cold shoulder. No word as to why. Nothing.” His defensive tone was sharp, cutting through the quiet evening with a vengeance.
Bailey flinched, stirring additional guilt in his chest.
They continued to stare each other down until she let out a frustrated sigh. This was it. This was the moment he’d been anticipating, and suddenly it felt like the world had slowed its spinning. His lungs were closing up, and he didn’t know if he was going to be brave enough to walk away from her. He wanted to take a step toward her, to pull her close and comfort her. He wanted to tell her everything, to finally clear the air so that they could find a solution together—one he had been too blind to see.
But none of that would happen. It wasn’t possible.
So he remained where he stood, arms folded, his expression just as cold as hers had been all night long. He flexed his jaw and turned his focus to the tree. All the evidence of their dream of an evening together quickly faded away.
It was time to make the biggest sacrifice of his life.
He needed to make her hate him.