42. Brad
42
brAD
T he beginning of a new year was always the busiest. There was rush to deal with, so all the freshmen were trying their best to impress Lambda and get picked, then the team was busy with training, classes were kicking off. I hardly had time to breathe, but when we all met up at the diner, it felt like a breath of fresh air, like coming back home.
The four of us crowded around our usual cracked teal booth, with Jen there in her tidy bun, grabbing us our milkshakes and fries. Dylan and I were on one side, with Theo and Shane on the other. It was like we’d never left.
“This year is stressing me out already,” Shane complained, resting his chin in his hand.
“Why?” Theo asked with a smile.
“Because it’s stupid. Applying to law school, taking the tests…the fact that this is the last year. It’s a weird year.” He glanced at each of us, like he was trying to convey something.
I shrugged. “Yeah, but it could be exciting, too. I mean, we all have…like possibilities, right? That’s kind of cool. We get to graduate.”
“Yeah, but we have to get there first.” Theo took a sip of his soda. “There’s no guarantee on that one for you, big guy.”
I laughed and tossed a napkin at him. “Fuck off.”
Dylan remained quiet, not saying much or looking my direction. My stomach clenched with guilt. I hadn’t reached out to him as much as I could have, as I usually did, over the summer. In summers past, we’d spend hours on the phone some nights, or I’d text him about random things throughout the day. Not this time.
I’d only responded to his messages and focused on training. Now things were crazy. He understood that, didn’t he? So why did I feel bad? Why did I feel like this tension was my fault?
“Are you and Alex applying to the same schools?” I asked instead, focusing on someone else’s relationship for a while.
It was weird without Dylan’s usual commentary. He was always quiet, but he’d usually say something about the food or an offhanded joke about something or another. Now he was just silent, drinking his milkshake solemnly. Maybe he was tired.
“Mm, yeah, pretty much. The best of the best, naturally. So hopefully we both get into the same one. I guess time will tell.”
“As long as it isn’t Dallas, right?” Theo joked.
Shane laughed. “There is no good law school in Dallas.”
We all laughed. Well, I think Dylan just smiled a little. Something was really bothering him. This was ridiculous. We had never been this way. We could ask each other anything. Talk to each other about anything. Why was it so different now? Maybe because the issue had never been us before. In our years of friendship, we’d never really fought. It was just tiny disagreements that blew over in a couple of hours or the next day, not like this. This was like a deep freeze.
Maybe I was just being presumptuous, thinking it was about me. Maybe it was something at home or with classes, maybe it was any number of things that were making him feel that way. All the questions felt hard to ask.
So I pretended like nothing was wrong. Like this was just like every other time we hung out at the diner, like I didn’t feel the strangeness building. Theo and Shane kept glancing at him, but they said nothing, either.
Sooner than usual, we ended up getting up from the table to leave. “I have so much studying to do,” Shane grumbled. “There’s a party next weekend, but I don’t even know if I’m going.”
“What? You? Then we can’t have a party, man,” I joked.
He rolled his eyes playfully. “As much as I love flattery…fuck off.”
We all laughed. Well, pretty sure Dylan just smiled again.
Theo glanced between me and Dylan. “Hey, Dyl, I forgot to show you something. Got a minute?” he said, gesturing toward the skate park again.
Dylan blinked, like he was coming out of a fog. “Oh, sure, yeah.”
I noticed I didn’t get an invitation. “See you guys, I need to head to the house.”
Dylan didn’t look at me, and Theo gave a half-hearted wave.
Had Dylan said something? Or was this not related to that? Was I paranoid? It was becoming more and more obvious, at least that Dylan was ignoring me, or at least not reaching out, but I was still just determined to pretend that I didn’t notice.
We’d agreed to keep things quiet, right? Agreed that nothing changed? So what the hell was going on?