39. Thirty-Nine
Thirty-Nine
Kyla
“Okay, so . . .” I looked at Ben, the small soon-to-be sixth grader who sat across the table from me. He hated reading. Absolutely hated it. The fact that he had to do summer tutoring just to catch up made him hate it even more. His previous tutor had quit because apparently, he was “unteachable.”
My first meeting with him, I sat and figured out what he wanted to read—what he was interested in—and now, here we were, reading Percy Jackson. “What happened? Tell me about what you just read to me.”
I finally convinced him to read out loud. He stammered and needed help with a few words, but overall, he did it, and he did it well .
“He won the game of capture the flag, and . . .” He inhaled, his brows knitting as he remembered the book. “Percy was claimed by that god.”
“What god?”
“Poseidon,” he answered, confidence boosting through his voice.
“Good, how?”
“The trident shown over his head?” he said, more of a question than fact, even though it was right. “They didn’t think it would be one of the . . . Big Three?”
“Yes, see, you understood that; you retained it.”
He closed the book and put it on the counter. “That didn’t happen in the movie.”
“No, the movie is different than the book. What was different about the book versus the movie?”
“In the movie they knew he was already that dude’s son. In the book it was a secret.”
“Which do you like better?”
“I like the book better, it’s more of a surprise?”
“So you’re liking the book?”
Ben looked at the green cover in front of him and rolled his lips. Then a corner tipped up and he smiled. “Yeah, I think I am.”
I grinned, remembering the joy that came from teaching. I loved seeing it click. “Do you think you could read three chapters before Friday? And write me a few paragraphs on what you read?”
Ben rolled his neck and looked at the book as if it would burst into flames and then slapped his hand on top of the cover. “You’re reading it too, right? ”
“You bet. I love Percy Jackson. ”
“Three chapters?”
I nodded. “Three chapters.”
He inhaled “Okay. I’ll read three chapters.”
“And . . .”
“And write you a paragraph.”
“In complete sentences, please,” I added.
“Before Friday.” He stood, sliding the book along the table.
“Perfect, see you in a few days, bud.”
“See ya Friday, Miss Richards.” Ben waved, and turned, taking off once he saw his mom.
Unteachable my ass.
After speaking to Ben’s mom and meeting with a few other students, I helped lock up for the day before pulling my phone out to text Grace. Rhett’s message still sat in my inbox even after three weeks. He hadn’t sent another one, and he hadn’t called. He was truly giving me the time I asked for. I had read his text several times over the past three weeks, but I could never get myself to respond. I had typed out so many things. I miss you too. I love you. This is only temporary. I want to come home. But nothing seemed to suffice.
My mother’s words rang through my ears since we talked, don’t avoid it—don’t avoid him. But there was still that looming fear that I wasn’t good enough. In order to be good enough for him, I had to figure out my life instead. And that required time.
As much as I wanted to respond to his text, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Ignoring his text thread, I clicked on Grace.
Me
Heading home. You free tonight for FaceTime after my appointment?
Grace
Of course, have a good appointment with Lauren.
I smiled, still astonished that I looked forward to therapy appointments. I reached out to my therapist in Arizona, happy to hear that she would still see me even from Washington—telehealth at its best. I filled her in on everything that had happened since our last visit months ago and we agreed on a focus.
Me.
I was always a focus, but now that the anxiety attacks weren’t as prominent, she helped me on my journey to find my true self. Where that Kyla was, I had no idea yet. I didn’t feel at home in Washington. I didn’t feel whole here. Things weren’t bad, per se. I loved the tutoring job and was in the process of getting certified to teach in Washington. I kept in contact with Grace so I didn’t feel alone. Hell, my relationship with my mother was even getting a little better. She was trying at least to hear me and talk to me.
But something was missing.
And I knew exactly what that something was.
A small cow I helped bring into the world.
A little boy who needed help reading.
A single mom who loved time alone, even though she loved her son .
The man who loved me.
The clarity I found being in his arms.
A large part of me knew that I wouldn’t be happy until I was back there with him, but I couldn’t be that burden on him. And that louder part drowned out all voices that told me to run to him.
I really wish I could figure out how to put that voice to bed.
I walked up to my apartment, fishing for my keys in my purse, yanking them from under my copy of Percy Jacson at the same time I flipped my hair off my face, bringing my attention to my front door.
Then . . . I froze.
What the hell ?
“Kyla, sweetheart.” David stood at my front door, holding a small bouquet of roses, his eyes wet with . . . tears? “You’re home.”
“David, what the hell are you doing here?”
“I found you.” He took a step forward, his voice heavy with dismay. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“Sorry for what?” I took a step back, wishing I had pepper spray or something to shove him away.
I knew this David. This was the David that figured out he upset me, the one who was going to offer gifts to make up for his manipulation. He would say he loved me repeatedly until I gave in and fell into his arms. The fake tears told me everything. I couldn’t help but wonder how long it took to prepare this particular speech.
“Everything, Kyla.” He took yet another step forward. “I miss you, sweetheart.”
“Stop calling me that,” I snapped. The first time Rhett had called me that I remembered the chill it sent down my spine. His nicknames had become a game, a sweet thing just between us until he settled on that final one: Mrs. Hartwell. But when a normal term of endearment came from David, I wanted to vomit.
“I always call you ‘sweetheart.’” He tried to form a smile, a single tear falling down his cheek. “I saw . . .” He cleared his throat and swallowed, locking his gaze with mine. “I saw Rhett a few weeks ago at the bar. He said . . .” He inhaled a shaky breath. I shook my head and slightly rolled my eyes. How did I ever fall for this? He exhaled through his lips. “He said you left him and my heart, it burst. I knew then that I could get you back.”
“What makes you think I’d go back to you?”
“We’re engaged. We love each other. Kyla, I’m so sorry.”
“Again, I would love to know what you’re sorry for?”
He blinked, a tear falling on his cheek. “Everything.”
“Do you have a list of what everything includes? Or is it just in general? And why the hell are you crying?”
“I’m crying because I thought I’d never see you again.”
“Oh bull!” I shouted, a chuckle escaping me.
“Kyla, you left my heart to burn, only you can bring it back from the pile of ash that’s left.” He put his palm on his chest, pounding where his heart would be.
“The . . . pile . . . of ash that is your heart? You realize that makes no sense, right.”
“I’ve missed you.”
“Really? That’s the dumbest thing I think I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. A pile of ash . . . ” I repeated, ignoring him completely.
“I love you,” he cried, holding the flowers in front of him.
“Again. Bull.”
“Kyla.” He tilted his head, the flowers lowering down to his waist.
“No. No, I’m done with this. I’ve been done with this.” I pointed at him and walked forward. There was no way I was going to crumble, not after I felt what true love felt like. What it meant to mean something to someone. David’s love was always fake, it never had meaning with it. I was his trophy. I was his way of proving his status, and the minute I began to fight my way out of the darkness, it had to become all about him. It was always about him.
“You never loved me. You never cared for me. You never ever listened to me. You made me feel like I was the problem. You made me believe I was the problem. You made me feel like I didn’t matter to anyone—ever. Not even my own parents. Since you’ve been out of my life, I’ve come to life. I’ve found someone who loves me—who truly loves me. I’ve been fixing my relationship with my mother. Haven’t you noticed she’s stopped calling you? That’s because she finally believes me.” I took a single step towards him, courage flowing through my body. I felt my hand form a fist, and I let it clench. “How did you find me anyway? I mean, I can only assume you were stalking me.”
“I hired someone, but you made it harder than I thought. The first bit you were just with Grace, that made his life easy, but then you really left.”
“You hired someone? I wasn’t imagining that? I didn’t even mean that much to you to come to Grace’s to try to work it out? I mean, not that it would work out, but you couldn’t even try to find me yourself? You had to hire someone? You really only do the bare minimum don’t you? ”
David furrowed his brow as I spoke, taking a step backwards, faltering.
“You, David, are nothing more than a gaslighting, manipulating, arrogant asshole who will say whatever it takes to get whatever it is you want. You wanted the ranch—supposedly—so you said all the right things to twist Leo into selling. You want me back to be your arm candy, so of course you’re going to say you love me, that you miss me, that you’re ‘sorry.’ But David . . .” My cheeks flushed and the fire rose in my belly. This was what I needed. This was everything and I was relishing it. “This is me figuring out what I need and what I want. This is me stepping on the pile of ash you claim is your heart. Go find someone else to manipulate. I am done with you.”
His eyes went wide as I pushed passed him, my shoulder bumping into his as he stood his ground. I inserted the key into the lock and turned.
David gave a loud huff from behind me, sniffing once before the act was over. “Do you really think he’s going to want you after you left him? He knows you came running back to me. He knows it was all a game to you. Do you really think he loves you? Well, let me tell you something Kyla—”
“No.” I spun back around. “You can shut the fuck up. Your words mean absolutely nothing to me. He means everything, and yes, he does love me. He will love me no matter how long we are apart for. He’s given me more in the three months I’ve known him than you’ve given me in the two years we were together. I love him. You, David, can go to hell.”
I wanted to punch him. I wanted to see him fly to the ground .
But instead, I held my ground and turned back around, opening my apartment door only to slam it in his face.
My apartment was dark and cold, and I leaned against the door to take it all in.
My heart was pounding. My breathing was fast.
I felt like Rapunzel the moment she stepped out of the tower. I can’t believe I did that .
And it felt good.
Not only had I stood my ground and told him off, but I finally figured it all out. I finally accepted what I wanted and what I needed. Saying it out loud made it true, made it real.
Taking a deep breath, my exhale shook, and tears began to flow from my eyes. I was shocked to discover they weren’t tears of sadness or heartache. They were tears of joy. Of victory.
What I needed—what I truly wanted—was Rhett.
My head rested against the door and I smiled, letting the tears fall down my cheeks and everything became clear. I could hear shuffling outside, the start of a car engine . . . tires whizzing away. David was gone, and I was finally . . . me.
Lifting myself up off the door, I dug in my bag for my phone. Rhett’s text was still sitting there, but I reached for Grace instead.
Me
I have the best story to tell you, and Grace . . . I’m going home.
Her response was instant—those three dots only dancing for a moment.
Grace
THANK THE LORD!!
My smile and tears only grew when a FaceTime came in before I could even respond. My heart jumped. I was going home.