Chapter 4
Joel needed to find Fillis. She always knew what to say to make him feel better. They would sit and watch the tourist women walk by. They’d talk and laugh, and he would forget for a while. The memories would return, but he could shut them off when distracted by the living.
Still invisible for the moment, Joel walked—drifted, really—north. He headed toward the main part of the town of Gettysburg where there were likely to be lots of people walking around, shopping, grabbing lunch.
Joel’s emotions still churned within him, but he started to calm down as he floated around Cemetery Hill and looked out onto the expanse of the open field. Many people had died there, but no one Joel had known personally, and he had not been on this field during the battle. It was still a somber place to visit, but it didn’t wield the intense power over him that Devil’s Den did.
It was always interesting to watch tourists as they surveyed the battlefields. Joel had seen pretty much every kind of reaction possible from them over the last 150 years. He’d seen people crack jokes, break down sobbing, and fall asleep from boredom during the tours. He’d witnessed drunk teenagers daring each other to venture onto the fields after dark, hoping to catch a glimpse of a ghost. He understood their fascination with death, but Joel despised the idea of people being afraid of him. He’d never wanted to be the ghost of a Civil War soldier. He’d just wanted to be Joel Casey. Emma’s husband. David and Mathew’s daddy.
One of the rarest, most bizarre reactions he’d seen had happened only a few times over the years. Someone would actually feel the battle wounds of a soldier. It never caused any lasting physical damage, but the pain was quite real. It seemed to happen to people who were particularly sensitive, the ones who could sometimes sense Joel’s presence even when he was invisible. Joel remembered one young man who had cried out in agony and collapsed on Culp’s Hill, terrifying his poor family. Just a few minutes before, the family had been talking about how they had a relative who fought on Culp’s Hill and probably died somewhere close to where they were standing. They thought he was suffering some kind of life-threatening emergency, and Joel had wished like hell that he could comfort them and explain that everything was going to be fine.
Joel figured it was a combination of events that caused a person to experience the death wounds of a soldier. The victim had to be fairly sensitive to paranormal things, have some kind of connection to the person who died, and happen to be on the battlefield at the exact time of day the soldier had been killed.
It was a peaceful day on Cemetery Hill, and the tourists wandering around were mostly quiet and respectful. Joel was angry and depressed after spending the morning torturing himself with memories, and he needed a quiet walk to help him calm down and clear his head.
What he didn’t need was to run into Jesse Spenser.
* * *
It wasinevitable that Joel and Jesse saw each other often. After all, they were both eternally trapped in a small town they couldn’t escape. For the most part, they either ignored each other or fired off a few insults as they passed, but not today. “Son of a bitch…” Joel muttered as he saw Jesse walking toward him.
“The pleasure’s all mine, Yankee Doodle,” Jesse said, looking equally thrilled to see him. He was already in a foul mood because he”d gone to see Lucy only to find she”d switched shifts with someone and had the day off.
“Why the hell are you always in my face, you stupid hick?”
“Oh, you own this town now?” Jesse fired back.
“I got more right to be here than you do, Secesh. This is my country, not yours. You’re the one who hates America.”
“Oh shut up, you Yankee slime,” Jesse drawled. “You folks up North just don’t git it and you never will. All you care about up there is makin’ money.”
“You’re right. It’s much better to make poor black folks do all your precious farm work for you.”
“You know goddamn well I never fought against no black folk!” Jesse said, his voice rising. “You think I’d have made somebody like Fillis work for me? I never did nothing like that and never would!”
“You leave Fillis out of this!” Joel roared back.
“She’s the one I was looking for anyway. Not you. So get the hell out of my face, Bluebelly!” Jesse yelled.
“I’m looking for her, too, so why don’t you get the fuck out of my face!” Joel screamed back.
“It’s so quiet, so peaceful out here on the battlefield,” a tourist woman in her sixties remarked to her husband as they looked out over Cemetery Hill. They had no idea that two invisible Civil War soldiers were engaged in a shouting match right beside them. Those two tourists were clearly not the “sensitive to paranormal” types.
The soldiers stared at each other, seething. It was the ultimate in frustrating cruelty that they were unable to beat the shit out of each other. A conversation like this should have ended in an all-out brawl, with both boys landing punch after punch until only one of them was standing. It wasn’t physically possible, and it drove them both almost to the brink of madness.
“You ain’t nothin’ but a kid-glove boy,” Jesse said. They were so engrossed in dredging up the past that they lapsed back into 1860s language, forgoing modern speech in the heat of the moment.
“At least I’m not a cold-blooded murderer!” Joel said, getting right in Jesse’s face.
“What was your part of the war effort? Sewin” dresses and writin’ poems? You killed plenty of folks!”
“Not while they were surrendering, you heartless bastard!”
“He was not surrendering!” Jesse hollered. They’d had this damned conversation hundreds of times since they’d died. Joel swore that Charles had his hands up in surrender when Jesse had killed him, and Jesse swore that he hadn’t. It was possible that Charles had tried to surrender and Jesse couldn’t tell due to the thick cannon smoke and the deafening roar of battle. Jesse did not enjoy killing people and would never have hurt anyone unless he felt he absolutely had to, but Joel would never see him as anyone but the monster who killed his best friend.
“Screw you. I’m going to find Second Mama,” Joel said.
“So am I!”
And that was how they found themselves both stalking toward the main street of Gettysburg where they were sure to find their adopted mother. She tended to stay around that same area, so her boys would always know where to find her.
“Oh, lord…” Fillis muttered as she saw Joel and Jesse storming toward her.
“Hey, Fillis,” Joel said, ignoring Jesse.
Fillis studied the look on Joel’s face. “You been to the Den again, haven’t you? Baby, why you do that to yourself?” she asked gently.
Joel shrugged. “What else is there to do around here?”
“Here. Come sit next to me,” she said, as she gestured to the sidewalk next to her. The three were invisible, and since they didn’t feel anything physical, sitting down was more a habit than a necessity. If you wanted to blend in among the living, you had to learn to act the part, and it was just easier to be consistent even when people couldn’t see you.
Joel took a seat next to Fillis while Jesse just stood there, glaring.
“Come on, now. You, too,” Fillis said, gesturing to the other side of her. “Joel won’t bite. Well, mebbe he would, but he can’t. So sit.”
Still glaring at Joel, Jesse took a seat on the other side of Fillis. He crossed his arms, looking like a toddler in the midst of a tantrum. Fillis chuckled softly, and then turned to Joel.
“You all right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Let’s see what the view is like today!” she said brightly. “Slim pickins so far, let me tell you.”
That wasn’t surprising. It was afternoon on a weekday, which meant most of the people on the streets were retired folks out touring the battlefields or people who worked at local businesses. If you wanted to see more interesting people, specifically attractive women, your best bet was Friday and Saturday night. If the weather was nice, there were lots of people at the taverns and walking out on the streets.
“Bo-ring,” Fillis sang as they watched the thin crowd of mostly men.
All three heads turned when a tall, leggy woman in shiny black pumps and a short skirt walked briskly by before disappearing into an attorney’s office.
“Mmmm, that’s a little better,” Joel said, making Fillis smile.
“Yeah, like you’d ever be able to get a woman like that,” Jesse said.
“And you could, Romeo of the backwoods? Doubt you saw much action from the ladies back in the day,” Joel said.
Jesse couldn’t imagine how merciless Joel would be if he knew Jesse was a virgin. He figured Joel had quite a history with women. Bastard.
“Oh, and you did?” Jesse said, hating that he couldn’t think of anything more clever to say.
“Well, my wife was beautiful, that’s for sure.”
“Yeah, right. I bet she was a troll,” Jesse shot back.
Joel’s eyes grew stormy, but Fillis beat him to the punch.
“Jesse!” she said sharply. “You leave Emma out of this.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Jesse said, suitably chastened. It was unlike him to say something nasty, especially about a woman, but Joel brought out the worst in him. He was a gentleman, and he knew better than to say something insulting about another man’s wife. Even if that man was Joel.
“I’m sure she was lovely,” Jesse said, offering an olive branch. “Far too good for you, I’m sure.”
Joel’s expression softened. “Well, that’s something we can agree on.” There was an intense sorrow about him when he spoke of Emma, and Jesse felt his anger ease a bit. As much as he despised Joel, Jesse knew precious little about him. He did know that Joel was fiercely devoted to his wife. Everybody around here knew that.
“Well, you just got lucky then. No way could you get a hot girl like that one,” Jesse said, jerking his head toward where the sexy lady had been. Though he felt bad about what he had said about Emma, he felt defensive about his own inexperience and, as usual, was spoiling for a fight with Joel.
“Oh yeah? Care to put a wager on that, cowboy?” Joel said, eyes narrowing.
“Sure, let’s make a bet,” Jesse scoffed. “I bet you can’t possibly get a woman to have sex with you. Because it’s not humanly possible, you dumbass!”
“Of course it’s not. We can still talk to girls, you know. I bet you I can get any random woman to say she’d choose me over you.”
“Bet what? What could you possibly have to give me when you lose?”
Joel fell silent for a moment. Jesse had a point. They were spirits. What could they possibly bet? “There must be something we could do. I know damn well I’d win. No question.”
“Fine. We will make a wager then!” Jesse said, his voice rising. He would give anything to win a bet like that with Joel, but he wasn’t at all sure he could do it. What girl would prefer a raggedly old farmhand to a dashing Union soldier? Everybody around here thought the blue men were the good guys. Oh, but if he did win…he’d make sure Joel never heard the end of it. Jesse’s eyes lit up. “I know exactly what we can bet!”
“What?” Joel asked, eager to hear the challenge.
“If I get a girl to say that she would pick me over you, you have to stand in the middle of Lincoln Square—fully visible—and sing ‘Dixie.’”
Fillis chuckled. “That’s a great idea.”
“And when I win, which I will, then you have to sing ‘The Battle Hymn of the Republic,’” Joel said, jabbing a finger at Jesse.
“Fine. But only if I can sing it like Elvis,” Jesse said.
Fillis laughed again. “I believe I’d like to see that.”
“Too bad, Second Mama. You won’t get to hear it because I’m gonna win!” Jesse said, suddenly filled with determination. He would beat Joel if it killed him, never mind the fact he was already dead. “And I get to pick the girl.”
“The hell you do! You’ll pick some woman in a rebel flag bikini.”
“Damn, that would be pretty hot…” Jesse said. “Well, I’m not letting you pick!”
Jesse and Joel turned to Fillis.
“Oh hell, no. I’m not gettin’ involved in this.”
“Now what? We flip a coin?” Joel said.
A coin toss was pretty much impossible. One of them might be able to summon the strength to momentarily pick up a coin, but having the coordination to be able to hold it and flip it was highly unlikely.
“We don’t have to flip it,” Jesse said. “All’s we gotta do is find a coin on the ground. Won’t be hard around here.”
Joel nodded. With people traipsing up and down the streets day and night, there were bound to be coins on the ground. “Heads I win, tails you lose.”
It took Jesse a moment to process Joel’s statement. Then he said, “Nice try. If it’s heads, I pick the girl. Tails you do.”
“Fine!”
Fillis shook her head as the boys walked away, searching the ground for coins like little kids looking for treasure.
“Hey, no fair goin’ so far ahead!” Jesse called out to Joel.
“What do you care where I am?” Joel asked.
“Cause the deal is we go with the first coin we find. If you find one heads up, you ain’t gonna say nuthin’. Git back here!”
Grumbling, Joel floated back to where Jesse was and came to a halt right in front of him. “Happy now?”
“Delighted,” Jesse said. They walked together, practically shoulder-to-shoulder to ensure no cheating. “There! Heads up! Hah!”
Joel groaned as he looked at the shiny coin, heads up, on the ground. “Oh, and look who it is!” he taunted. It was a penny, so it was Lincoln’s face looking up at them. Jesse stomped his foot down on the former president’s face. Of course, the penny was no worse for the wear as Jesse’s ghostly shoe went right through it.
“So go pick somebody already!” Joel said irritably.
Jesse was elated to finally beat Joel at something, even if it was just a silly coin toss. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to hear a woman say I choose Jesse right in front of Joel’s damned, smug face.
“Gimme time. I got to think about it!” Jesse said. He did have some serious thinking to do. The question before him was obvious—Lucy or not Lucy? Joel didn’t have any idea who she was, so he wouldn’t argue if Jesse “randomly” chose her for their bet.
However, if they did involve Lucy in their bet, he would get a chance to talk to her. He felt like a schoolboy with a crush. What he wouldn’t give for her to look him in the eye and say his name just once! Jesse was so much in love with her. Was it too much to ask for her to know who he was?
But what if she picked Joel?
Jesse couldn’t imagine how crushed he would be if she chose his most hated enemy over him. Joel would never let Jesse hear the end of it. He’d taunt him endlessly even though he didn’t know that Jesse loved her. Jesse would never be able to look at her again without remembering that she had rejected him. One of the only things that made his current “life” bearable was his fantasy. The one where he was her hero. The place in his vivid imagination where he held her and kissed her and made passionate love to her. If she chose Joel, he would have nothing to get him through his otherwise meaningless existence.
“I’ll pick somebody tomorrow,” Jesse said in true, Scarlett O’Hara fashion.