Chapter 24
It was a Friday night, and Jesse was wandering around the Gettysburg College campus. He had nothing better to do, and it was always entertaining to see what college kids got up to on the weekends.
As he drifted invisibly across the campus grounds, he caught sight of something that made his heart jump. He’d know that long, flowing brown hair anywhere. He’d spied Lucy on the front lawn of a fraternity house. There was a loud party going on, and Lucy was there with Theresa and her boyfriend, Steven.
Jesse paused a moment on the front lawn, watching her. Lucy looked somewhat uncomfortable. No doubt Theresa had talked her into going.
Lucy stood awkwardly on the lawn, a red Solo cup in her hand. Jesse looked longingly at her. His heart ached as he watched a good-looking college guy chat her up. To his delight, she smiled politely but appeared uninterested. She clearly planned to let the situation go no further than polite conversation.
Jesse was confident that Lucy could handle herself. She was shy, but she was no pushover. She didn’t need Jesse to come rescue her, but he still wished he could. For a second he contemplated becoming visible and walking right up to her. He could start talking to her, and college guy would get the hint and go away.
Jesse looked down at his ragged Confederate uniform. His clothing looked impressively “authentic” during the day when tourists were around, but he would look like a complete idiot at a college party. Worst of all, he would embarrass Lucy.
He wanted so desperately to be close to her. He thought about staying invisible and going to stand beside her at the party. Then he remembered his promise. He had solemnly sworn to her that he would not watch her without her knowing. He had no choice but to leave. With one last look at her, Jesse sadly turned and walked away.
Unaware of Jesse’s presence and departure, Lucy smiled wearily at the college guy prattling on and on about how wasted he’d been the previous weekend. She couldn’t even begin to fathom why he thought she would be impressed by such a feat.
Lucy spied Theresa sprinting across the lawn toward her. About time, Lucy thought with irritation. Theresa had talked her into coming to the party and then had abandoned her.
“Hey! Mind if I grab my friend for a minute, thanks!” Theresa said to college guy. She spoke so fast that the whole sentence sounded like one long word.
Theresa tugged on Lucy’s shoulder and pulled her away from the guy. Lucy glared at her.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry! I got cornered, too. Won’t happen again,” Theresa said, sounding appropriately guilty.
Lucy’s expression softened a bit. She never could stay mad for long, especially at Theresa.
“Want another drink?” Theresa asked.
“No, thanks. I’ve barely touched this one,” Lucy said, peering into her plastic cup of cheap beer. She wasn’t much of a drinker, and when she did imbibe, she preferred wine or a girly kind of fruit drink.
Lucy looked around at the guys at the party. It seemed like they were all trying to find a hookup, and most of the girls seemed more than willing to oblige. Some of these frat boys were really gorgeous, yet it was difficult for her to summon any attraction for them. This wasn’t her kind of scene, so she was unlikely to meet anyone she had anything in common with. Besides, she wasn’t the type of girl who always needed to have a boyfriend. She might be the quiet type, but Lucy prided herself on being a strong woman. She refused to buy into that garbage that you weren’t complete without being part of a couple, and she had every intention of being a strong role model for her future students. She especially wanted to encourage her female students, empower them to pursue their dreams first and worry less about having a boyfriend. She always thought the best relationships were the ones where you met someone naturally while you pursued other things in life.
Lucy glanced over to the corner of the lawn and saw the guy she’d been talking to puking in the bushes. She closed her eyes and let out a breath. She couldn’t help but think of Jesse. Now there was somebody wonderful who’d just happened to come along out of the blue. She opened her eyes and looked around at all the partying and drinking going on, and couldn’t help but think what Jesse would do if he were here. He’d probably be content to stand in the corner, talking quietly with her.
Steven jogged over to where they were standing. “So this is where you got to,” he said to Theresa, sounding a little irritated. He had longish brown hair, blue eyes, and was built like the linebacker he was. He played for the Gettysburg Bullets, the college football team.
Lucy narrowed her eyes as she watched Steven grab Theresa by the wrist. His possessiveness annoyed her. Theresa was such a strong woman, and Lucy didn’t understand why she put up with the guy. She was much better off alone than with a guy like Steven.
“I think I’m gonna head home,” Lucy said.
“No, don’t leave!” Theresa said. “I’m your ride anyway.”
“Come on, Theresa! Let’s go back inside. They’re playing my song. Let’s dance!” Steven said. Theresa was hot, and he loved showing her off to his frat brothers. Lucy always suspected that was the only reason he dated Theresa. Because she was pretty. Theresa”s outspokenness annoyed him, and he was always trying to suppress her personality. She was like a different person when she was with him.
Lucy winced at the thumping noise coming from inside the house. Steven’s “song” sounded like every other song they’d played that night.
“I’ll take a cab or something,” Lucy said, trying not to grimace at Steven.
Steven grabbed Theresa harder. “Okay, okay. I’m coming.” Then, to Lucy, she said, “Wait for me here. Please?”
Lucy nodded wearily. She watched Theresa and Steven as they went back into the house. Jesse would never, ever grab a woman by the wrist like that, she thought. He’d take hold of her hand gently and probably kiss it. That thought made Lucy smile. Joel would never treat a woman like Steven did either. She could picture Joel grabbing Emma’s hand and pulling her to the dance floor, but in a playful, spirited way. Lucy had a fairly clear picture of what Emma looked like from Joel’s description, and she could imagine the two of them dancing together. Joel twirling her, Emma’s long, honey-blonde hair flying. Joel would probably dip her, then pull her up into his strong arms. They’d look so happy, so much in love.
Theresa was every bit as full of color and life as Emma was. Lucy couldn’t figure out why she was with a guy like Steven. Shaking her head, Lucy looked around for a quiet place to go where she could get away from all the noise. She walked around the back of the house and spied a porch swing. There were only a few people hanging around out back, so she sat down.
Lucy’s thoughts drifted back to Jesse, as they did more and more often these days. She looked out into the night and wondered where he was, what he was doing. Was he lonely? It must be awful, drifting aimlessly all night with nowhere to go.
More than a half hour later, Theresa found Lucy out back.
“There you are! I was worried that you left without me.”
“I’m here,” Lucy said, sounding tired.
“You okay? You looked lost in thought out here.”
Lucy smiled self-consciously. “I guess I was.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Jesse,” Lucy answered honestly.
“Why does that not surprise me?” Theresa asked wryly. “You’re making yourself crazy, you know. Thinking about him like that.”
“I know,” Lucy said softly.
“All the best men are either gay or dead,” Theresa said. Lucy laughed.
“That’s the truth,” Lucy said. “There’s something I’ve been dying to tell you about Jesse, but I’m not sure if I should.”
“Ooh! Of course you should!”
“It’s really personal, though. I don’t think he’d want me telling anyone.”
“Did you he swear you to secrecy?”
“Well, no,” Lucy said.
“Then it’s fair game. Spill it!”
“I guess. Well…he’s never… He’s a virgin. He’d never been with a woman before he went off to war, so…”
“Oh, wow!” Theresa said, her eyes lighting up with interest at good gossip. “He’s so cute, that’s hard to imagine. Well, I guess it’s really not all that unusual, considering the time period he’s from.”
“True. But there’s actually a reason he’s never done it.”
“What? His junk not work or something?”
“No!” Lucy said, then burst out laughing. “No. Nothing like that. Don’t ask me how, but we got on the topic of prostitutes in the war, and he said he could never be with one. He said he didn’t want to have sex with someone he didn’t love. And oh, my God, Theresa, I felt so bad afterwards, but I asked him if he’d ever been in love. He hasn’t, so I pretty much forced him to say he was still a virgin right in front of Joel.”
Theresa winced. “Oh, man. I bet that didn’t go over too well.”
“No. He looked so embarrassed. I felt awful, but I told him I thought it was romantic that he felt that way. And I do, Theresa, I really do. I mean, guys never say stuff like that. You feel like most guys just want sex however they can get it, and they’ll say whatever they have to to get you in bed.”
“I know,” Theresa said gently. Lucy had been reluctant to sleep with Eric at first, but he kept insisting he was in love with her. He’d lied, pure and simple, and had hurt Lucy to the core. A man like Jesse, who was genuine and honest, would never do such a horrible thing. “That is sweet. But sad. He died before he ever found love.”
“Exactly.” Lucy fell silent for a moment.
“Boy, you know how to pick ’em, you know that?” Theresa said, shaking her head.
“I know, right?” Lucy said, laughing. “I finally find the perfect guy and he’s a ghost. That could only happen to me.”
“That’s the truth. I don’t blame you, Luce. Jesse’s wonderful. They both are, really.”
“Yeah, they are.” Lucy knew Theresa was right when she said she was making herself crazy by thinking about Jesse all the time. She needed to stop torturing herself. Being with him wasn’t humanly possible, and he probably wouldn’t be interested in her anyway. She was the only woman, besides Fillis, that he could talk to. That was the only reason he flirted with her and called her his lovely rose.
Instead of fantasizing about Jesse, she needed to concentrate on helping both Joel and Jesse cross over. Nothing would make her happier than to help Joel return to his beloved wife and precious children, and she wanted to help Jesse reunite with his parents. Still, she would miss Jesse terribly when he was gone. She’d only known him a short while, but it was hard to imagine what life would be like without that impish smile and the sexy accent that drove her crazy.
Lucy couldn’t help but worry that for the rest of her life she would compare every man she met to Jesse. She couldn’t imagine ever finding anyone as sweet and charming as he was. No one had ever made her feel he way he did, and she wondered if anyone ever would again.