15. Chapter 15
Chapter fifteen
Parker
I prop myself up on my elbow, staring down at Cashlynn snuggled into her pillow. She’s in my bed, and after yesterday, I have a lot of feelings about it.
Mostly good ones, some I’m avoiding altogether.
It’s been years since I’ve woken up with a woman in my bed. Hookups have been quick, convenient, and forgettable—at their place or a hotel, much like that night with Cashlynn.
But this? Watching her sleeping peacefully next to me, thinking back to our conversation and how she gave me total control of her body last night?
This is making me wonder if I can have this again—a relationship, a person to devote myself to, but this time doing it right. The fact that I’m even thinking that way tells me that Cashlynn is different, even though deep down I already knew that.
Cashlynn stirs next to me, her eyelashes fluttering as she wakes. When her eyes meet mine, a smile appears instantly, and my chest tightens.
“Good morning,” she says quietly.
I l ean down and press my lips to hers. “Good morning, sweetheart. How’d you sleep?”
“That was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while. You wore me out.”
I brush her hair away from her face, focusing on those amber eyes that never fail to draw me in. “Pretty sure it was you doing the wearing.”
Cashlynn rode me three times last night—once as I leaned up against the headboard, another time while I was flat on my back, and then the last time she rode my cock in the reverse cowgirl position, and I swear, I saw fucking stars when I came.
She giggles, and the sound makes my already hard dick twitch in interest. Now that she’s awake, my cock knows he can get his fix and is ready to go.
“You have a nice cock, Parker. What can I say?” she teases.
I arch a brow. “Just nice?”
“Fine.” She rolls her eyes and sits up to mimic my position, her head propped up on her hand. “It’s amazing—a unicorn cock, if you will.”
“A unicorn cock?”
“The mythical being that you want to believe exists, but you’re not sure if it’s actually real. A unicorn cock, the ultimate cock of all cocks.”
With a laugh, I roll on top of her, pinning her to the mattress. Her smile is blinding, her eyes so full of joy that my heart kicks into overdrive. Fuck, I had no chance of resisting this woman. Her sense of humor makes me want to keep her talking for hours, just to see what she’ll say next. Her mind is incredible, a perfect blend of creativity and intelligence. And her body? Fucking irresistible. Well, I think we all know how I feel about that now, don’t we?
“Did my cock make you believe in magic, Cashlynn?”
She nods slowly, biting her bottom lip. “I’m a true believer now.”
Lau ghing, I pepper her neck with kisses. “Good answer.”
She lets out a breathy moan as I rub my cock on her hip.
“But it’s mostly your mouth I’m enamored with,” she murmurs.
I lift my head. “My mouth?”
“Oh yeah. The filthy things you say to me…” She bites her bottom lip. “It’s so fucking hot.”
I thrust my hips harder into her side. “Fuck, Cashlynn. You have to be sore, and I don’t want to hurt you, but when you say shit like that, I want to see if there are new words to add to my dirty vocabulary.”
Her laughter reverberates against my skin. “Tonight. Give me a chance to recover and then it’s on.”
Reluctantly, I roll off her, giving my dick a chance to calm down. “So what’s on the agenda for today?”
“I don’t know. It’s Sunday. You usually work out and then there’s dinner with your family, right?”
I nod. “And you’re coming with me.”
She bites her bottom lip again. “What are we going to tell your siblings?”
I blow out a breath, not having thought that far ahead. “We don’t have to tell them shit. But you know they’re going to ask questions.”
She nods. “Hazel is going to drill me the second she sees me. In fact, I’d be surprised if she hasn’t already sent me several text messages.”
Leaning back against the headboard, I stare at the blank TV screen across the room. “Sometimes I hate how involved my siblings are in my life.”
She stares up at me, searching my face. “They just care about you, Parker. Especially Hazel. Do you know what she told me when she was pushing me to keep pushing you?”
“What?”
“That she just wanted her brother back.”
I p eer down at her as my heart twists. “Fuck, she said that?”
Cashlynn nods. “She hates how much your relationship with Sasha changed you. You can’t be mad at her for that.”
“I can be mad at her all I want,” I retort, but I know that Hazel’s heart was in the right place. That girl has a way of driving all of us boys nuts, but our lives would be dull without her.
She gives me a knowing look. “Parker…”
I sigh, rolling my head on my neck. “I know she means well —they all do. But when you’re drowning in anger and resentment, it’s hard to appreciate that kind of attention.”
“You have no idea how lucky you are to have them, and your entire family for that matter. It’s only been me and my dad for so long, and I’ve barely seen him since I moved up north for school then settled in Philly.” Her eyes start to fill with tears. “Everything between us changed when my mom died, and I’d give anything for him to support me and encourage me the way your family does for you.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Come here.” I pull her into my chest.
“The longer I keep this from my dad, all of this, the more afraid I am to tell him the truth. He’s going to blow up either way, and I—”
I place my finger over her lips, silencing her. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay? That’s all we can do since we’ve already committed to this plan.” She nods but doesn’t speak. “For now, let’s just enjoy this little shift in our relationship.”
“Oh believe me, I am enjoying it,” she mumbles against my finger, making me smile.
“Me too.” I bury my face in her neck again as I roll over on top of her. “Fuck, I can’t get enough of you.”
“I feel the same way.” I lift my head and look down into her eyes as her hand comes up to stroke the side of my face, a look of hesitation in her eyes. “Can I ask you a question?”
“ Yes, we can fuck now if you’ve changed your mind.”
She tries to shove me away, but I’m immovable. “Jesus. It wasn’t that!”
“Sorry. My mistake.” She rolls her eyes. “What do you want to know?”
Her thumb rubs over the scar above my eyebrow. “How did you get this scar?”
I know exactly which one she’s talking about because I look at it every day in the mirror, remembering the moment I thought my life might have turned out very differently if it weren’t for my two older brothers.
“I took a steel pole to my face.”
Her eyes widen. “Oh my God! How? Why?”
Sighing, I prop my head on my hand. “My brothers and I were playing on our jungle gym in the backyard. Me being the youngest, they always tried to get me to do stupid shit. That day, we were pretending to be firefighters, sliding down a metal pole we’d leaned against the side of the monkey bars. It wasn’t secured, obviously.”
“So how did it end up hitting you in the face?”
“Dallas was arguing with Penn about moving the pole, and I was standing too close to him at the top of the equipment while Penn was down on the ground. Dallas yanked the pole to his side and the top of it hit me right above the eye.” The memory floods my mind. “I just remember seeing red and then screaming. When my mother came outside, she thought my eye was gone. It wasn’t until I took my hand off of my face that she realized the cut was on my eyebrow, but it was deep and needed stitches.” Chuckling, I continue, “My brothers were in so much trouble after that day. I think that was the first time I realized that I really shouldn’t listen to anything that they tell me to do.”
Cas hlynn shakes her head. “Stories like that make me think maybe it was better that I was an only child.”
“The two of them were always ganging up on me, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that life would be boring without them. However, I have this nice scar to remind me that I should always look out for myself.”
“Do you still exercise caution around them?”
“Uh, hell yes,” I say with a laugh.
She giggles. “Can’t trust them, can you?”
Her words slam into me. “I would trust them with my life.”
Her smile softens “You’re lucky to have them.”
It’s in that moment I realize that I don’t appreciate my family enough. Instead of leaning on them, their involvement in my life has made me irritated and jaded. I’ve let my anger build walls between us, but she’s right—I’m lucky to have those stories to tell. She’ll never have that privilege.
“What about you? Any scars I should know about?”
Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “None you can see,” she whispers, and fuck if I don’t understand that.
I trail my finger down her arm, watching her skin pebble. “I grasp that all too well, sweetheart.”
When she reaches for me and pulls my lips to hers, I fight with myself to open up my mouth and bury myself in her, to smother the bad memories with everything good that this woman represents.
“You know, I read a quote once that reminds me a lot of you and me.” I lift my head so I can see her face again.
“Really? What did it say?”
“It said, ‘You can’t force chemistry to exist where it doesn’t, the same way you can’t deny it when it does.’”
She sucks in a breath . “I love that.”
Something shifts inside of me in that moment, something that urges me to be honest with her. “When I’m with you, Cashlynn… I feel like I can breathe for the first time in years. I want to know everything about you—what you think, what you feel. And then I want to fuck you in every position imaginable.”
Okay, there were some feelings in there, Parker. That was a good start.
She laughs. “I’m not opposed to that.”
“Thank you for pushing me,” I say sincerely, trying to show her that even though I’m a surly grump most of the time, I do appreciate her. I don’t deserve her and I’m afraid she’s going to fucking realize that before I can get my shit together.
I put my palm on my chest. “Fighting with you—fighting against you—was making my chest ache.”
She cups the side of my face. “I know you’ve been hurt, Parker, but the last thing I want to do is hurt you again. And one day, I hope that you’ll feel ready to share your past with me, your whole past.”
My pulse spikes just thinking about it, but deep down, I want that too. I’m finally ready to try to let go, to move forward, and to open my heart again. Maybe Cashlynn can help me see that it’s okay to have scars, as long as I can learn to live with them.
***
“There you two are! I was beginning to wonder if you were coming at all.” My mother greets us as we step through the front door, pausing just long enough to hug us before returning to the kitchen.
I lean down and whisper in Cashlynn’s ear. “Someone was coming, all right.”
Cashlynn swats at my chest as I laugh out loud.
“ Did I just hear Parker laugh?” Hazel appears from around the corner, wine glass in hand, and eyes us both suspiciously.
We’re late because when Cashlynn came out of her room in tight jeans and a black sweater hugging her curves in all the best ways, I knew I wouldn’t make it through dinner if I didn’t fuck her one more time before we left.
I feel like a sex-crazed teenager right now, but neither one of us is complaining about it.
I narrow my eyes at my sister. “Yes, I laughed. Is that such a shock to you?”
Hazel looks at Cashlynn. “Did you two finally figure your shit out?”
“We did,” I say before Cashlynn can respond, wrapping my arms around her shoulders to keep her close to me. “And no thanks to you. Thanks for conspiring to drive me insane, by the way. I’ll be sure to repay the favor tenfold.”
My sister rolls her eyes, waving me off. “Look, it was for your own good.”
Cashlynn places a hand on my chest. “Don’t be mad. I’m the one that chose to go along with it, remember?”
I look down at Cashlynn with an arch in my brow. “Oh, I remember. And I’m still not done punishing you for that.”
Hazel gags dramatically. “Yuck. Okay, you two. I get it. You’ve bumped uglies, but spare me the details.”
I lean closer to my sister, lowering my voice. “Look, Mom still doesn’t know that this was all fake to begin with, all right? So keep your voice down.”
She mimics zipping her lips. “Got it. Your secrets are safe with me.”
Penn steps into the room. “What secrets?”
“Who has secrets?” Astrid echoes, trailing behind my brother. “Hi, Cashlynn.” She leans in to hug my fake fianc ée.
Is she still a fake fiancée? Now that we’re sleeping together and seeing where things are going, are we technically dating? Engaged? What the hell are we?
Fuck. I don’t even know how to answer that.
Penn stares at me. “You look like you’re trying to do calculus.”
“I’m fine,” I mutter, turning to Cashlynn and pressing a kiss her temple. “I’m gonna head outside and catch up with my brothers. Will you be okay?”
“Of course.” She presses her lips to mine. “Have fun.”
I grab beers from the kitchen and step out onto the deck, where Dallas leans on the railing. Handing beers to both him and Penn, I pop the cap off my own.
“So,” Penn says, taking a sip. “What secrets was Hazel talking about in there?”
I sigh, unsure where to start. As solid as I feel about my decisions over the past twenty-four hours, I do need to process everything out loud. “Cashlynn and I are…seeing where things could go between us, but Mom thinks we’ve been together this whole time, so I told our sister to keep her mouth shut until we figure it out.”
Dallas’s brows draw together. “When you say seeing where things could go, you mean…”
“You guys were right.” I take another sip of my beer. “Cashlynn was doing shit to try to get me to snap and sleep with her. And it worked.”
Dallas and Penn both shake their heads, then Dallas speaks first. “These women, I swear they will be the death of us.”
“You’re telling me,” I mutter, taking a long pull from my beer. “But honestly, it needed to happen. After we…you know….”
Dallas nods. “After you had sex. You can say the word, Parker. You are a doctor, after all.”
I f lip him the bird as Penn stifles his laughter. “After the sex, we had a good talk and…” I blow out a breath and shove my hand through my hair. “I can’t deny what’s between us anymore. And even though I’m scared shitless, I want to see what can happen between us.”
Penn wraps his arm around Dallas’s shoulder, resting his head against our brother’s. “Oh my gosh, Dallas. Our baby brother is growing up.”
“All right. I’m going inside,” I say, taking a few steps toward the door, but Dallas pulls me back by the collar of my shirt.
“Relax, Parker.” He elbows Penn in the ribs and then turns back to me. “I think what Penn is trying to say is that we’re proud of you.”
“Yeah, well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay?” I take another swig of my beer. “There’s still a lot of shit I need to work through.”
“Have you considered therapy?” Dallas asks.
“I did a few sessions a couple of years ago, but I don’t think I was ready to let go of shit then. I might be more open to it now…”
Penn nods. “I think it could help you a lot, Parker. Honestly.”
I turn and face the two of them. “I’m fucking scared, you guys. I never imagined wanting another woman again, and now the stakes are even higher because I’m already pretending to be engaged to her and she’s my boss’s daughter.”
“That feeling is valid.” Penn props a hand on my shoulder. “I was fucking terrified when I decided to pursue Astrid. But I promise you, it was worth it. From everything you’ve said, it sounds like Cashlynn is worth it to you.”
“I wouldn’t be willing to work through my shit if she weren’t, dumbass.”
“I’m just making sure your head is in the right place,” Penn replies. “Well then, where do you go from here?”
I e xhale deeply, running a hand through my hair. “I just want to get to know her better,” I answer honestly. “I know we have a connection, and it’s time to explore that.”
Dallas nods. “I think that’s a good plan. Take things slow.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Um, did you forget we’re already engaged?”
“ Fake engaged. Just because your feelings are real, doesn’t mean that the engagement has to be.”
An ounce of relief courses through me. My brother is right. This only has a label if we put one on it. And Cashlynn assured me that she’d be patient. I’m almost positive she’s not expecting an actual wedding when this is all said and done—at least not right away.
Fuck. Could I imagine marrying Cashlynn? Her walking toward me in a white dress, her hair down in waves around her face, me peeling back a veil to kiss her and promise to love her for all eternity.
“Yoo-hoo,” Dallas says. “Earth to Parker. Where’d you go just now?”
I shake off the mental images flooding my mind right now and remind myself to breathe. “Sorry. My thoughts are fucking racing.”
“You’re so up in your head, man,” Penn says. “I know it might seem impossible, but stop overthinking, and instead, just do what feels right. The other shit will work itself out in due time.”
Dallas’s face lights up as Willow steps outside with Cashlynn trailing closely behind her, effectively ending our conversation. “Hey, Goose,” he says.
“Hi, boys. Whatcha doing?” she asks, walking over to Dallas. He pulls her in as close as her growing stomach will allow.
“Just guy talk,” Dallas says before he leans down and kisses his wife.
“Hey, you.” Cashlynn comes up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist, and fuck, the way she fits against me feels so right .
I tip her chin up, looking her in the eyes for a moment before pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “Hey, sweetheart.”
“Oh my God, you guys are too cute!” Willow coos. Then she leans forward and says, “Don’t be mad at Cashlynn, but she told me about you two.” She waves her hand between us.
Dallas chuckles. “Yeah, we were getting the guy version of what happened.”
Willow rolls her eyes. “Sounds riveting. Well, we came out here to tell you guys that dinner’s almost ready and… Cashlynn has set the opening date for her gallery!”
I turn to look at the woman in my arms, surprised. “You have?”
She nods, her eyes sparkling. “Willow and I were talking, and given how things are progressing, it looks like everything will be ready by the first week of May!”
Fuck. So that means I have even less time to get my shit together now .
“And as long as I’m not in labor, Dallas and I will be there.”
“I’m ready to put in the shelves and cabinetry this week too,” Penn says.
“I can’t wait to see it all come together. The tables and chairs are getting delivered this week too.” Cashlynn squeezes my waist tighter.
“Have you started reaching out to artists yet?” Willow asks.
“Yes, and the flyers you suggested printing will be here tomorrow. Astrid said I can give her some to put in the bakery, and several other businesses also agreed to hand them out too.”
I look down at Cashlynn, in awe of her, memorizing the look on her face—the pure joy, pride, and excitement. Her dream is becoming a reality, and I’m proud that I played even a small part in that. Even though I wasn’t exactly thrilled about this arrangement at first, the closer we get to the opening of her gallery, I realize it’s been worth every minute.
Fuc k. I think I’m in deeper than I realized.
***
My knees bounce uncontrollably as I sit on the couch in the waiting room. It’s been years since I’ve sought out therapy, but after the talk with my brothers yesterday, I know this is what I need. Cashlynn deserves a man that doesn’t have baggage, a man that can learn from his mistakes and do his best not to repeat them.
But waiting for the door to that office to open is making me more anxious by the second.
I left work and came straight to my appointment, grateful the doctor had a last-minute cancellation. But now that means it’s truly time for me to face the music.
“Parker?” A woman’s voice breaks through my spiraling thoughts. I look up to see a woman in her late fifties with short, gray hair and glasses standing in the doorway.
I stand from the couch and nod, adjusting my glasses. “Yeah, that’s me.”
She smiles warmly and gestures for me to follow her inside, shutting the door softly behind her. “Welcome. I’m Dr. Jensen, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.” I stand awkwardly, not sure what I’m supposed to do. I see a brown leather couch along the far wall, a matching chair to the right, and a few potted plants beside the large, mahogany desk that fills the corner to my left.
I gesture toward the couch. “Do you want me to lie down on the couch, or…”
She smiles. “Whatever makes you comfortable. Some people like to lie down, some prefer to sit—it’s up to you.” She waves her hand toward the furniture.
Nodding, I head for the couch and opt to just sit on it, clasping my hands between my knees as I lean forward.
“You seem nervous,” Dr. Jensen says as she settles into her chair, a clipboard poised on her lap, legs crossed.
I slowly release a breath. “I am. I’ve been to therapy in the past, but I wasn’t really open to it. But now, some things in my life have changed, and I—I’m ready to move forward.”
“Okay. I appreciate your honesty. What brought you in before?”
“I was engaged, and it…ended badly.”
She jots down a few notes. “Okay. What brings you in now?”
“There’s a woman…” The corner of her mouth lifts as she waits for me to continue. “After my failed engagement, I said I would never get involved with anyone again—swore off relationships completely. But then Cashlynn came into my life, and now…”
“Now what?” she prompts gently.
“Now I want to get over this fear of it ending badly too.”
She places her pen down on her pad and looks directly at me. “What is it that you’re afraid of, Parker? What happened that had you swearing off relationships?”
I shift uncomfortably on the couch, my hands clasped so tightly that my knuckles ache. “I’m afraid I’ll fail again,” I finally admit, my voice low. “That I don’t know how to be the kind of man who can really… be there for someone.”
Dr. Jensen nods slightly, her pen poised but not moving. She waits, and the silence stretches long enough for my heart to start pounding.
I take a deep breath and push through the lump in my throat. “Because Sasha…” My voice falters, and I look down at my hands, forcing the words out. “I failed her as a partner. And because of me… she died.”