20. Chapter 20
Chapter twenty
Parker
“I’m trying to run a restaurant, and you call an emergency meeting?” Dallas walks into the back room of Catch & Release, hands on his hips. Penn and Grady are already seated, waiting for me expectantly.
“You know I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important. Cashlynn has enough to deal with right now and Seth’s my mess to clean up.”
My oldest brother sighs and sits on the edge of a table, crossing his arms over his chest. “All right. What’s going on?”
The second I left work, I texted my brothers and Grady, knowing I needed some advice before I went home to Cashlynn. I let her know I was going to be late, and then headed to the restaurant, hoping that hearing some different perspectives on the matter would help me decide what to do because I’m fucking torn.
“Seth knows that Cashlynn quit her job,” I say, getting straight to the point. “He’s threatening me with the information, basically saying he’s going to tell Dr. O’Neil and use it as a way to get the practice.”
Penn growls. “Do we know his address? I have quite a few power tools on me that could do a lot of structural damage.”
“ Fucking up his house isn’t going to solve anything,” Grady says. “But I could have Chase throw a baseball through his window accidentally.”
“Focus, please,” I say.
“So, what if he does tell Robert?” Dallas asks. “Do you think it’d be enough reason not to give you the practice?”
“I don’t give a fuck about the animal hospital anymore. I’m worried about Cashlynn.”
My oldest brother smiles proudly at me. “Looks like you’ve finally figured some shit out.”
I stare down at my hands clasped between my legs. “Yeah, therapy will do that to you.”
Penn slaps me on the shoulder. “Proud of you, little brother.”
“It was time,” I say, not wanting to focus on that revelation right now. “Back to the problem, please.”
“What if you told Dr. O’Neil first?” Grady asks.
“That’s my dilemma. I feel like if I do, I can give him the real story, not the one that Seth is going to fabricate. But Cashlynn wanted me to wait. She’s been adamant that her dad was not to know anything until the gallery is open.”
Grady shrugs. “That’s this Saturday though, right? What’s a couple of days?”
Dallas clears his throat. “Sorry to say this, but you have to look out for everyone’s best interest here, Parker, and I think telling him before the opening could be the best option.”
“Even if it means breaking Cashlynn’s trust?”
“She might thank you in the long run,” Penn says.
I bury my head in my hands. “I just don’t want to fuck this up. Do you know what it feels like to fail at love?”
Dal las’s brows pinch together. “A failure in love? Is that what you think you are?”
I peer back up at my oldest brother. “It’s the one thing I’ve never been able to get right. Everything else in my life is a piece of cake, but loving Sasha was the one thing I failed at. I don’t want to fail Cashlynn too.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Penn chimes in. “God, you’re na?ve if you think that one failed relationship means you are a failure, Parker, let alone that one.”
“Two relationships, actually,” I correct him. “Don’t forget about Ashley in high school.”
“Okay, two relationships. You’ve only had two and you think that makes you a failure because neither of them worked out? Do you realize how many times people start dating someone only for it to end up…ending?” Penn scoffs.
“Well, it’s not like you two have failed at it. And Mom and Dad…”
“Do you know how badly I messed up with Willow in the beginning?” My older brother asks me.
“Yeah, but that was just because you were mad about the house.”
He points a finger at his chest. “It wasn’t just the house. It was my fucking feelings that I didn’t know how to manage, especially when I found out how we were connected. I fucked up royally, and I still do shit wrong sometimes, but loving someone isn’t about being perfect, and it isn’t about saving them.”
Penn shoves my shoulder. “Look at me and Astrid. We tiptoed around each other for years because we were afraid of getting things wrong, and as a result, we lost time together, but transitioning from friends to lovers was still difficult. And we still argue. It’s never going to be perfect, but it’s worth it with the right person.”
Gra dy clears his throat. “Need I remind you that I was too chickenshit to tell Scottie that I liked her back in high school, and it took seventeen years and a surprise pregnancy for us to get it right?”
“Well, I mean—”
“You are not a fucking failure, Parker,” Dallas adds, cutting me off as I focus back on him. “You loved Sasha and did everything you could to help her, but she was never yours to save. You two were not meant to be, that’s the truth of it all. And it’s time you let that relationship go.” He stands from his seat and walks over to me, placing his hand on my shoulder.
“You’re right, and I’m starting to understand that,” I say as the ground below starts to grow blurry. “But I just want to get this right with her, do this relationship differently. Three months ago, I was hell-bent on keeping this platonic, but this woman…she’s this light I didn’t know I needed, and now I want her .” I lick my bottom lip. “I don’t want to live without her and it’s killing me that I could potentially fuck it all up with one wrong choice.” Burying my hands in my hair, I groan. “I should have never agreed to this. I should have just pushed her to be honest from the beginning and then I wouldn’t be in this predicament.”
“Do you love her?” Penn asks, and I pop my head back up.
“What?”
“You heard me.” His jaw is tight as his eyes remain locked on mine. “Do you love her?”
But I don’t get the chance to respond because shouting from the other side of the room startles us all.
“Parker Eric Sheppard!”
All four of us spin toward the entrance of the back room to find my mother standing there with her hands on her hips, her face contorted in tha t look she gave my brothers more than me growing up because I was the good one—but it seems it’s my turn now.
“Mom?”
She waves her phone in the air as she walks into the room.
“Hi, Mom.” Dallas kisses her on the cheek, but she waves him off and comes to stand right in front of me.
Fuck. This can’t be good .
“Do you think I’m stupid, Parker?”
“Absolutely not,” I answer quickly.
She smacks me upside the head. “Did you forget that your mother also has a phone and social media?”
“Uh, no,” I say, rubbing my head in the spot where she just smacked me. “But I guess you’re about to remind me?”
“Then why did it take me this long to figure out that my son is a liar and Cashlynn O’Neil was just a cover to get these crazy stalker women away from you?”
Dallas leans in toward us both. “Uh, Mom. You might want to lower your voice a bit.”
She spins around and points a finger at him. “Did you know about this?”
“We all did,” Grady says just as Penn shoves him. “What?”
“Not fucking cool, man.”
Needing to put an end to this madness, I stand from my chair and spin my mother back to face me. “Mom, it’s not exactly what you think.”
“You lied to me.”
“I did, but Cashlynn was the one who came to me about being her fake fiancé, not the other way around. The arrangement just gave me the added bonus of getting my admirers to back off.”
She sighs, seeming to calm down slightly from that information. “I had to find out during my gardening club that my son was an internet sensation. And then to discover that it was Willow that was posting these videos…” She glances back at Dallas.
He holds his hands up in the air. “Hey, I had nothing to do with this.”
“You’re gonna tell me that you had no idea what your wife was up to?”
“Mom.” I reach for her hand and motion for her to sit. Dallas grabs her a glass of water and then urges Penn and Grady to leave the room with him, leaving me and my mom alone.
“Yes, the engagement was fake, but my feelings are real.”
Her eyes start to soften. “Really?”
“Yeah, Mom. Cashlynn is it for me, and it’s taken me a year and three months and lots of therapy to realize it, but our situation is a lot more complicated than you think.”
Her bottom lip trembles. “You’ve been going to therapy?”
I huff out a laugh. “Yeah, and it fucking sucks, but it’s time to let go of Sasha.”
Her hand molds around the side of my face, sending her warmth and understanding through me. I know that deep down I never wanted to let my father down, but on some level, I think this woman is the one who always let me fall so I knew that I could and things would still be okay.
“Someday you learn that it’s not the wrong person who makes you question what you want in life. It’s the right one, Parker.” Goosebumps break out on my arms from her words. “I’m glad that you finally figured it out.”
My vision gets cloudy again, but I blink away the moisture building in my eyes. “I’m working on it, but I’m still scared, Mom. I don’t want to fuc k this up. I really thought after Sasha that my chance was gone. I felt like I let her down, and…
“I wish I understood where you got this idea that you only got once chance at love.”
Shaking my head, I glance around the empty room. “I’ve been thinking about that the past few weeks and I guess I never really struggled or failed at things in my life until that moment. Like, school was easy for me, and I stayed out of trouble unlike my brothers.” My mother rolls her eyes at that comment. “And I guess I just wanted a love like you had with Dad. I wanted to make you two proud of me. I loved Sasha, Mom, but the more I process everything, the more I realize I was young and na?ve, and she was responsible for her choices. That relationship was a stepping stone for me to figure out how to be a better partner. I just wish I could have helped her more.”
“I know you do, but it wasn’t your job to fix her, Parker. She pulled away from you just as much as you did to her. She needed help, and you gave her that chance when you encouraged her to go to rehab. But she made the choice to leave, to drink, to drive. None of that was on you. You loved her enough to let her go, Parker, and that love gave her a second chance at a better life—for her and for you. She’s the one who chose not to take it.”
I pull my mother into my chest, inhaling deeply and exhaling guilt and lies as I breathe out. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, son. I’m so proud of the young man you are and that you’re dealing with your past to have a chance at a better future.”
“Thank you.” When my mom releases me, a pinch in her brow develops. “What?”
“If this whole engagement was Cashlynn’s idea, what was in it for her?”
“ Let’s just say that not everyone’s parents are as understanding as you,” I reply. “But make sure you don’t have any plans on Saturday. We have a gallery opening to attend.”
And then I tell my mother everything, and she helps me figure out exactly what I need to do next.
***
“Parker?” Cashlynn sits up on the couch as soon as I walk in the house later that evening. She rubs the tiredness from her eyes and blinks, focusing on me as I make my way over to her.
“Hey, sweetheart.” I take a seat next to her on the couch, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Sorry I kept you waiting tonight.”
She sits up, covering her mouth as she yawns. “It’s okay. I can’t believe I fell asleep out here.”
“Well, you’ve been working yourself hard these past few weeks getting ready for the opening on Saturday.”
“I know, but I barely closed my eyes and the next thing I knew you were walking through the door.” She glances at the clock on the wall. “It’s after eight already?”
“Yeah.” Pushing a hand through my hair, I take my glasses off and set them on the coffee table, preparing to tell her everything I’ve been holding back.
“Uh oh. The glasses are coming off,” she teases. “Is everything okay?”
I look her straight in her amber eyes, hoping like hell that what I’m about to say doesn’t destroy us. “I just came from your dad’s house.”
Her spine straightens. “What? Why?”
“I told him everything, Cashlynn.”
She leaps from the couch and clutches her hands to her chest. “Are you serious? Please tell me you’re joking!”
Looking up at her, I say, “No, sweetheart. I’m being completely honest with you.”
Her hands cover her mouth, and her eyes are wide as she stares down at me. “Why on earth would you do that without even talking to me about it, Parker?”
“Because if I didn’t, Seth was going to.”
She squints at me now, her expression hardening in an instant. “So to save yourself, you jeopardized everything that I’ve been working toward for the past three months?”
I stand now, not wanting her to run from what I’m going to say. Reaching out to her, I place my hand on her upper arm, but she swats me away. “Cashlynn…”
“No, Parker.” Her voice cracks as tears fill her eyes. “How could you?”
“I know you can’t see it right now, but this was the best thing to do. Your father deserved the truth, not the half-assed version that Seth was likely to give him, and now he won’t make a scene on Saturday if he shows up.”
A tear slides down her cheek. “I thought…”
I reach out to her again, hating to see the pain and betrayal filling her eyes, but she steps away from me this time, putting even more space between us. “I’m sorry. I know you asked me not to, but I did what I thought was best.”
“Yeah, what was best for you.”
“No, for us . He knows everything, and now he can decide if he will support you in this decision. In the real decision. I couldn’t stand by while he kept hurting you, Cashlynn. I told him because I refuse to watch you crumble under fear of his judgment any longer. I’m asking you to trust me, sweetheart. Please…”
“You’re asking me to trust you, but you won’t even trust me enough to tell me what the hell happened in your last relationship!” Her words sting, but they’re true.“Telling my dad was not your choice to make, Parker.” She starts to walk away from me, down the hall to her room, but I follow her because we are not done talking. I’m not done convincing her that this was the right choice, that I only had her best interests at heart.
“I’m involved in these lies too, Cashlynn.” She steps inside her room, and I trail her closely. Reaching inside the closet, she grabs a duffle bag and starts stuffing it with clothes. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know. I just…I can’t be around you right now.”
I grab her arm and turn her to face me. “Look at me, Cashlynn.”
Her eyes are brimming with tears and her face is starting to turn red. Fuck, I hate seeing her like this, so hurt, so torn up because I wanted to prevent her from hurting further.
After I talked to my mom, I decided to tell Robert immediately, to give him time to process everything before the gallery opening on Saturday. That way, if he does show up, he’ll have had time to cool down so maybe he can be open to what she’s created for herself. Hopefully Beth, who was at his house when I showed up, can smack some sense into him. The two of them have some things to admit to Cashlynn themselves, but now’s not the time to bring that up.
“I heard your father on the phone with you earlier today.” That gets her attention. “I heard him telling you that he was disappointed that you lied to him, so I ambushed him when he ended the call and sort of went off on him without knowing exactly what he was talking about.” I smooth my hand down the side of her face.
“ He found out I never talked to Timothy McDonald about a job like I said I would…”
I nod, also knowing the truth about that now. “Regardless of what you were talking about, the fact that you can’t tell him anything without fear of his reaction is bullshit, Cashlynn. I told him that he should be supporting you, not tearing you down. He didn’t like it, of course, but I told him that if standing up for you meant losing the practice, so be it. I don’t want it if it comes at your expense.”
Her lips part, stunned. “You said that to him?”
“Yes.” My voice is steady, though my heart is pounding. “I don’t give a shit about the practice anymore, Cashlynn. Truth be told, I’ve been questioning it for a while.”
“What made you come to that conclusion?”
I swallow roughly and say, “My therapist.”
She takes a step closer to me. “You’ve been seeing a therapist?”
“Yeah. Those Monday night appointments? I was seeing her.” I release her as she steps back from me again, her eyes bouncing all over my face.
“Why couldn’t you have just told me that?” she asks as more tears build in her eyes. “I’ve been wondering for weeks what you’ve been keeping from me, convincing myself that you wouldn’t cheat on me, or…”
Cupping the side of her face, I say adamantly, “I would never be unfaithful to you. I didn’t want to tell you until I could work through some shit. Because I knew you’d have questions that I wouldn’t have answers to yet. But I do now. I’ve realized a lot…”
“But you lied to me, and then you betrayed me by going to my dad when I asked you not to!” Turning her back to me again, she grabs a few more pieces of clothing from the closet and then moves to go around me, but I block the door, holding my hands out to cross the door jamb. “Move, Parker.”
“Don’t leave. We need to talk about this.”
Her lips are trembling. “I’m leaving because I trusted you. I was patient these past three months, and I told myself that your actions spoke louder than words—that you’d open up to me when you were ready. But now?” She shakes her head. “Your actions are making me question everything.” When I still don’t budge, my heart thrashing in my chest as I stare at her, she clears her throat. “Please move, Parker.”
“This can’t be over, Cashlynn.”
She takes her ring off of her finger and holds it out to me. “It was over the moment you betrayed my trust.”
I swear I can feel my heart crack as I stare down at the ring I knew belonged on her finger the moment I saw it.
When I don’t reach out to take it, she puts it in the pocket of my shirt and ducks under my outstretched arms, marching down the hall to grab her purse.
And I should go after her. I could try to plead my case some more. But maybe she just needs some space and time to see that my heart was in the right place. My mother warned me that this might be her reaction, but I just hate feeling like history is repeating itself.
When I hear the door shut, I heave out a sigh. “Fuck!”
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dial my sister. Luckily, she answers on the first ring.
“Hello?”
“I think Cashlynn might be coming to you,” I say as I head back to the living room, trying to rewind the last twenty-four hours and decide if any decision I’ve made was the right one.
“And why would she be doing that?”
“I told her dad everything tonight.”
“ Oh, Parker,” she sighs. “Why the hell would you do that?”
“I was trying to help, Hazel.” I plop down onto the couch and feel a sense of déjà vu come over me as I explain the day to my sister.
This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to help a woman I love. And last time it didn’t end well.
Let’s just hope this time is different. It has to be.