21. Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
Cashlynn
“I already have wine and ice cream on standby, but if you need something else for wallowing, let me know and I’ll order it.”
As soon as Hazel opens the door to her apartment, I feel like I can breathe. But then I process what she just said and instantly become irritated again.
“Did your brother call you?” I ask as I walk through her door and drop my bag on the floor before heading to her couch and throwing myself on it, burying my face in a pillow.
“He did.”
I lift my head just long enough to speak. “I know he’s your brother, but I really hate his guts right now.”
Hazel tilts her head at me. “No you don’t. You love him. But he hurt you, betrayed your trust, and you have every right to feel the way you do.”
“But…”
“ No buts. I’d be pissed too if the man I was seeing did something like that to me.”
I lean back and stare at the floor. “I just can’t believe that he did exactly what I made him promise me he wouldn’t.”
“Usually, it’s the people we care about the most who hurt us the worst. Because we let them in—we show them our weaknesses, what we value most. It’s like handing them the bullets to load the gun.”
“You sound like you’re speaking from personal experience.”
She shrugs. “I think we’ve all had jackass ex-boyfriends we’ve contemplated making Voodoo dolls for.”
I chuckle. “You’re not wrong about that.”
“But Parker isn’t a jackass.”
“Then what would you call him?”
“And idiot. But probably an idiot in love.”
I focus back on the floor. “He told me where he’s been going during his late-night appointments.”
That has Hazel perking up. “He did?”
“Yeah. He’s been seeing a therapist.”
Her eyes widen. “No shit.”
“Yeah. Can you believe he was hiding something like that from me?”
“Why does that surprise you?”
I contemplate her question for a moment. “I guess it doesn’t, but still…that’s not some life-altering secret. If he would have just been honest with me about it, I would have told him how much I supported that.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong, Cashlynn. Going to therapy is life-altering for Parker. My mom, my brothers, and I have all tried to convince him for years.” I start picking at my nails as she continues. “The fa ct that he’s finally going tells me that he’s serious about your relationship. It sure as hell wasn’t me who pushed him to go this time.”
“Oh.”
“And I’m not trying to point any fingers or place blame here,” she says, “but you’re the one who started all of these lies, and he went along with it. The fact that he ended them before you did might be a good thing.”
“Why?”
“Because then he looked like the bad guy to your father, not you.”
My eyes fill with fresh tears as I stare across the room at her. “He said he stood up to my father, told him that he didn’t care if it meant losing the practice.”
Hazel raises her eyebrows. “I think that’s pretty amazing, but again, I might be biased because it’s my brother we’re talking about.”
I shove my face back into the pillow and let my emotions wash over me.
All the work, all the time I’ve put in over the past three months feels like it was for nothing because I wasn’t the one to reveal it to my father. I’d been imagining that moment, hoping his reaction would be one of awe and understanding, but after hearing Parker defend me and challenge my father, it just reminds me that I was probably living in a fantasy.
Was Parker right to tell him? Will he hopefully be less angry by the time the opening comes in a few days? Will he even show up?
And what about me and Parker?
“My chest fucking hurts,” I say through my tears.
“That’s understandable.”
Sniffling, I continue. “I gave Parker back his ring before I left.”
She closes her eyes, exhales loudly, and then stands heading to the kitchen. “Yeah, I’m busting open the wine. No way are we getting through this without some alcohol.”
***
An hour later, I’m three glasses in and my brain is feeling quite fuzzy.
“I fucked up,” I blurt, hiccupping as the words leave my mouth.
“Pobody is nerfect, Cashlynn.”
I lean forward to focus on Hazel as wine sloshes around in my glass. “Are you drunker than me?”
She shakes her head. “Girl, I’m still on my first glass.”
“Then am I that drunk that I heard you say pobody is nerfect?”
“No, you heard that correctly.”
I can literally feel the wheels in my brain turning. “Care to explain?”
A soft smile spreads across her lips. “My father used to say that to me when I was growing up. He learned it from a Vet that he worked with at the Carrington Cove Veteran’s Center, but he said it was a great reminder that nobody is perfect.” I still stare at her, trying to process. “It’s a play on words, Cashlynn. You just switch the beginning letters, and…”
I hold up my hand and nod. “I get it now.”
“So, the point is, you and Parker both made some mistakes here, but now you need to decide what you want to do about it.”
Staring down into my wine glass, I feel my eyes sting with tears again. “I really love him, Hazel. I fell in love with your stupid brother and I don’t want to live without him.”
She laughs. “Then tell him that. Just…not tonight.”
I shake my head. “No. I’m way too intoxicated to apologize.”
“ I don’t know. I always believed that alcohol is like a truth serum. It gives you the courage to say things that you wouldn’t normally.”
“I don’t need it to help me. I know what I need to do. I need to apologize, kiss him with my tongue, and then suck his dick.”
Hazel spits wine all over the floor. “Jesus, girl. Warn a person before you start talking about sucking their brother’s dick to them, all right?”
I laugh so hard I snort, but then my laugher turns into tears. Hazel leaps from her spot on the couch and rushes over to me, taking my wine glass from my hand and pulling me into her chest. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.”
“I really messed this up, Hazel—with my dad and Parker. I’m almost thirty. Shouldn’t I know better than this?”
“Hey. We all learn at our own pace, right? Some of us take longer to learn important lessons, some of us need experience to gain that knowledge, and some of us get really lucky and find someone who wants to learn right alongside you.”
I peer up at her, trying to see her through my tears. “I wanna learn everything with Parker.”
“Then tell him that, and promise to never lie about anything, especially to each other, ever again.”