22. Chapter 22
Chapter twenty-two
Parker
I squat down one more time then re-rack the bar, stepping away as I try to get my heart rate under control.
But even lifting weights can’t burn off the nerves racing through my body after Cashlynn left my house last night. My sister texted me as soon as she arrived, and about two hours later after Cashlynn fell asleep, letting me know that she was all right and they had a good talk.
My heart tells me that sounds promising, but my head is still reeling with everything that could go wrong.
“Not what if, even if, Parker,” I say out loud to myself, practicing the tip Dr. Jensen gave me.
Even if Cashlynn decides she can’t get past my betrayal, at least I feel in my heart that I did the right thing. I told the truth, stood up for the woman I love, and finally realized what was truly important to me in all of this.
That’s not something I could have said three months ago.
Fuck. I’ve done a lot of growing lately, and there’s only one person I can give credit to.
As I hang my head in my hands, hoping that this wasn’t all for nothing, that Cashlynn can see past my imperfections and understand that all I wanted was what’s best for her, the sound of a car pulling into the driveway pulls me from my thoughts.
I called out sick today, something I haven’t done in almost a year, and I took tomorrow off as well, giving me through the weekend to hopefully get my life on track.
At least, I hope.
A car door slams and then I hear footsteps on the other side of the garage door, so I head inside. When Cashlynn walks through the front door, my heart tries to leap out of my chest.
“Hey,” she says, setting her duffle bag on the floor by the door as we stare at each other.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
She licks her lips, takes a couple of hesitant steps toward me, but then runs at me, jumping up into my arms as I open them to catch her. “I’m so sorry, Parker,” she cries into my neck as I hold her against me, breathing her in, hearing my heartbeat in my ears.
“Fuck, I’m sorry too, Cashlynn.” Needing to take a moment to believe this, I stand there holding her in my arms, rocking her from side to side as she falls apart. When I finally feel her sobs start to subside, I head over to the couch and sit down with her still wrapped around me. “Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s going through your head.”
She lifts her tear-streaked face, her skin blotchy and red, yet she’s never looked more beautiful. She’s never looked more like mine .
“I shouldn’t have left last night, but I’m glad I did. I needed a chance to wrap my brain around everything and for your sister to smack some sense into me.”
“Yeah, she’s pretty good at that.”
She laughs, wiping under her eyes. “Yes, and the wine helped. Until this morning, that is, when I woke up with a splitting headache.” Then something dawns on her. “Wait, what are you doing home right now?”
“I called in sick. The last thing I wanted was to be at work when you decided to come home.” Stroking the side of her face, I continue. “Because this is your home, Cashlynn…at least, if you still want it to be.”
She nods. “I do, but first, there’s something I need to say.”
“Okay.”
I rub my hands up and down her back, as she glances up at the ceiling, gathering her thoughts. “I know you thought telling my father was the right thing to do, but next time, I would appreciate you coming to talk to me about it first.”
I nod. “I promise. But I want you to know, the only reason I didn’t is because Seth forced my hand, which made it feel like my mess to clean up. And time was of the essence.”
“I understand, and I would have fought you on it, but I still would have liked to be given the choice and the chance to say no.”
“Okay. You got it. I will give you all the chances to say no in the future.”
Her smile helps the fist wrapped around my heart loosen slightly. “Second, I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did about you going to therapy. That was insensitive of me.”
“I swear, Cashlynn, I was going to tell you everything, but—”
She holds up a hand to stop me. “I get it. Talking about your feelings is not something that comes easy to you, but know that if you had told me, I would have respected that and not pushed you to talk about things until you were ready, like I said in the beginning.”
My head bobs up and down. “That’s fair. I assumed how you would have reacte d again.”
“Yes, you did. I’ve been doing the same thing with my dad for years,” she says, tears filling her eyes. “It’s a bad habit to break, but I’d like to work on it with you, if you’re still interested.”
Her bottom lip trembles as I reach up and cup her jaw. “I want nothing more than that, Cashlynn.”
“Good. But before we have life-changing make up sex, I think you need to tell me about Sasha.”
The sigh that escapes me feels like dropping a brick I’ve carried the weight of for the past four years.
“Okay, but I’m going to start at the beginning so you know everything.”
“Okay.”
Her hands rest on my shoulders as I prepare to share the long-buried story with the woman I hope to write a new one with. My palms grow sweaty and my mind races, but I know this is what I need to do to truly move forward.
“Sasha and I met my senior year at UC Davis. I was twenty, ahead on credits, and she was two years older. I fell hard and fast for her. I was studying to be a veterinarian, and she wanted to be a pharmacist—it felt like a perfect match. But by the time I started the DVM program, Sasha wasn’t sure she wanted to pursue pharmacy anymore. She got a job in a medical office while I focused on school.” Cashlynn keeps her eyes locked on mine as I speak.
“I was honest with her that I planned to move back to Carrington Cove to practice. I wanted to give back to the community that I was raised in, and I had been in contact with your grandfather before I left for college. We had even discussed me returning to work for him. But you know how that turned out.”
She nods. “Yeah… So my father hired you?”
“ Yes, and Sasha moved back with me because I proposed to her before I finished the veterinary program. She was leaving her life in California, but we were in love, and she seemed excited about small-town life. But that changed the longer she lived here.”
Cashlynn’s brows knit together, concern in her eyes.
“It started small, now that I think back on it. She got a job at a medical office here and made friends, and started going to happy hour with them after work. And I thought it was great. She was building a life in a new place, and I was focused on proving myself at work. Honestly, it made me feel less guilty for being gone all the time. But I was so focused on work, I didn’t even realize we were drifting apart until it was too late.” I swallow roughly before I continue.
“Years passed and we both just slipped into a routine. I got up and went to work, and she did the same, but didn’t come home until late most nights. It wasn’t until I smelled alcohol on her breath one morning that I started to become concerned. Then I was watching her more closely, looking for signs that it was a real problem. She was an adult, right? If she wanted a few drinks after work, who was I to stop her? Then one night, I got a call from the police. She’d run her car into a telephone pole—while intoxicated.”
“Oh my God,” Cashlynn whispers, her hand covering her mouth.
“Yeah. So that was my wake-up call. I sat down with her and told her I was concerned, all the while wondering how this got so out of control. But I wasn’t focused on her, I was focused on myself and my career, so she found another form of attention and entertainment. I asked her if she’d get help, and she told me she didn’t have a problem. I let things go on for a few more weeks until I had to pick her up from Ricky’s one night and take her to the E.R. for alcohol poisoning.”
“Jesus,” Cashlynn whispers.
“ The next morning, I packed her a suitcase and told her I was taking her to rehab, or we were done. She was scared, but I honestly believed that she just needed help. If she got clean, we could start over and I would do better—give her more attention, watch over her, make sure she was healthy.”
“Oh, Parker…”
“She only lasted a week in rehab before she checked herself out,” I say, my voice cracking now. “When she called me from a payphone, I was shocked, and even more by what she said.”
“What did she say to you?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to keep my composure as all the memories and emotions flood my body, most of all the rage I feel reliving this moment. “She told me that she hated me, that she never should have moved across the country with me. She admitted to being unfaithful to me multiple times. And then she told me she wasn’t coming back.” I lift my head and look Cashlynn in the eyes as I say the last part. “Two days later, she died in a car accident. She was under the influence and swerved into oncoming traffic. They say she died on impact.”
Cashlynn’s eyes well with tears, her hand trembling as it moves to cover her mouth. “Oh, Parker.”
“I have carried around the guilt of what happened to her for years,” I say hoarsely. “Convinced myself it was my fault. That I should’ve done more, been better. That if I hadn’t dragged her here, she’d still be alive. But then I met you,” I say, brushing her hair from her face as she drops her hand from her mouth.
“And you made me feel shit I’d been avoiding. But honestly, I don’t think I would have been willing to face my past if it weren’t you that I wanted in my future.” Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “I love you,” I say simply, watching as a smile breaks through her tears. “I love you so much. You brought me back to life, and I want to get this right with you. That doesn’t mean we won’t make mistakes, as we’ve already learned. But God, I want to make them with you… If you’ll give me that chance.”
She leans forward, pressing her lips to mine, and whispers, “I love you too, Parker Sheppard.”
“Fuck, baby.” Relief washes over me as her words sink in.
“Thank you for telling me everything. I understand you so much better now. You are such a strong man for having gone through something like that and still striving to be the best version of yourself that you can be.”
“You coming back into my life showed me what I would lose if I wasn’t willing to let go of my failures.”
She cups the side of my face. “You are not a failure. You’re human. And I love you for every scar you carry, on the inside and out.” She reaches up and strokes the scar above my eyebrow.
“I love you too, and I know that your relationship with your father is complicated, and I may have made it even more difficult, but I promise, I won’t let him treat you like anything less than the incredible woman you are.”
“As much as I don’t want to admit it, I think you were right to tell him.”
“Can I get that in writing to have on record for the future?” I tease.
She narrows her eyes at me. “Watch it. I just got over being mad at you.”
“Yeah, but anger leads to some pretty incredible makeup sex, so I think I’ll take my chances.” She shakes her head at me. “But I think you need to give us a chance to get this right.”
“Oh really?”
“Yup. But to make it fair, I say we play for it.”
“ And what shall we play?”
“Oh, I think you know.”
Her laughter coats my soul, easing some of the remorse I feel every day, but then she grows serious again. “When you left my dad’s house, how did he seem?”
“Well, he’d stopped yelling at me, so that was a plus.”
Her jaw clenches. “God, his temper…”
“Honestly, I think it was what Beth said to him that really got through to him.”
She tilts her head in confusion. “Beth was there?”
“Yeah. Your dad and Beth…they uh…” I scratch the back of my head.
“What aren’t you telling me, Parker? I thought we said no more lies.”
I sigh. “Your dad and Beth have been dating for six months.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“Yeah. You’re not the only one who’s been keeping secrets.” She barely blinks while she processes this information. “But just know, he’s been struggling with how to tell you about it. Seems we all need to work on our communication skills.”
“Does he know that you planned to tell me?”
I nod. “I told him that giving you time to process this would be just as important as the time I gave him.”
“Oh my God…all this time.”
I stroke her arms gently. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just…”
“The past twenty-four hours have been a lot to take in.”
She lets out a sigh. “Yeah, they have.”
“But I know that I feel better .”
Her smile instantly makes me feel more at ease. “Me too. There’s one more thing I didn’t get a chance to say to you, though.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m sorry for giving you the ring back,” she whispers. “I shouldn’t have, but I was so angry and—”
I press a finger to her lips. “Don’t apologize. You had every right to feel that way. But if it’s okay with you, I’d like to give it back to you when our engagement is real. How does that sound?”
Her lips spread under my finger. “I like that idea a lot.”
“Me too, sweetheart. Now kiss me, please. I need to taste you because I feel like it’s been way too fucking long.”
She doesn’t hesitate, leaning in to press her lips to mine. When our lips meet, I feel like a piece of me snaps back into place.
It took a lot of strength and work to get here, but I wouldn’t trade a second of it—not when the woman I’m holding is the one who taught me how to love again.
The stranger from the airplane who turned out to be the one person I’d realize I couldn’t live without.