Chapter 33 Chase
CHASE
The door to my mother’s room is open, and I hear my sister’s voice as I approach.
I knock softly, then walk in, unsure of the welcome I’ll receive. I haven’t been to visit my mother since the morning I scared her so badly. While I know that wasn’t her, just like Molly told me, the memory of her shrinking back from me still slices deep.
Understanding it’s the disease doesn’t stop the mountain of guilt crushing my shoulders. Guilt for being too much of a coward to return and face her. Guilt because I look like my dad. Most of all, guilt that I’m similar enough to a man who hurt us both that she’d mistake me for him.
“Chase is here,” Ada says brightly. “Your sweet son brought you flowers.”
“And chocolate.” I hold up the bar.
Mom offers me a rare wide smile. “Daffodils are my favorite.”
They aren’t as pretty as Molly’s, but those feel as far out of reach as she does. “I’ll put the vase on your dresser so you can see it from both the bed and your chair.”
My sister raises a brow. “You know her favorite flower?”
“It’s not a big deal.” Shit, am I blushing?
Ada inclines her head to study me. “Are you sure you’re my brother?”
“You’re so funny I forgot to laugh,” I answer, rolling my eyes.
I place the flowers on the dresser and approach the bed, hesitating a second longer than I mean. Last time I stood here, Mom begged me not to hurt her.
Ada watches me carefully. “What are you doing here?”
I glance between them, unable to tell if my mom is following our conversation. “I wanted to talk to her about our family land.”
“You’re not going to build on it,” Ada says like she knows exactly what I’m thinking.
I shake my head. “Holding onto the past isn’t going to give me the future I want.”
I’m not sure anything will when everything I want is tied to Molly, and I’ve solidly screwed that up.
“But you’re staying in Skylark?” Ada demands. “I thought you and Molly—”
“You thought wrong.”
“Did you mess it up?”
While I’m not surprised my sister makes that assumption, it still stings.
I sit down in the chair facing my mom’s recliner and cross my arms over my chest. “Everything I touch is bound to go to shit. I’m a chip off the old block, you know?”
Ada narrows her eyes. “You aren’t like him.”
I switch my attention to my mother. “Mom, I want to sell the land. Are you okay with that?”
Her eyes have drifted closed, and when she doesn’t answer, I realize she’s fallen asleep. I came here for her blessing, but I want my sister to understand my decision just as much.
“I’m going to the exhibition rodeo tomorrow to work with a team out of Wyoming.
Ray told me they’re looking for another coach, and he has a friend in that area who could use some help with his operation.
It’s about three hours north, so I can come down on the weekends or whenever you need an extra set of hands.
” I look up and meet my sister’s eyes. “You won’t have to take care of everything on your own. ”
Her smile is sad. Or maybe disappointed is a better word.
“Did you ever think I want you to stay in Skylark because I like you, not because I need your help or you owe me some phantom debt?”
I take off my hat and scrub a hand through my hair. “To be honest, that never crossed my mind.”
“You’re an idiot,” she says, like it’s a fact. “I saw how you were with Molly. You were lighter, Chase. You were different—happy.”
“I can’t be different than who I am on the inside,” I insist.
“No.”
We both startle as Mom leans forward, wide awake now. For a terrifying heartbeat, I think she’s mistaken me for my father again and is about to flip out like she did the last time. I don’t know if I can take seeing that fear in her eyes again.
But she holds out her hand, palm side up, and when I place my fingers in hers, she squeezes tight.
“I know what you did,” she accuses. Talk about some loaded words.
I shoot a help-me glance at my sister.
“Mom,” she says in her best kid-wrangling teacher voice. “This is—”
“Chase,” my mother whispers and I sigh, but the relief flooding through me turns to ice when she continues. “You acted out when he got mad.”
Blood roars in my head.
“I got in trouble because I was made for it.” I force a chuckle. “We all know that.”
She shakes her head, her lips rolling together in concentration, like she’s searching for a memory that’s just out of reach.
“Mom, it’s okay,” I tell her. “You don’t have to—”
“When he came home angry or had too much to drink, I knew what was coming.” Her features pinch as her hold on my hand loosens. “You’d spill a glass of milk or knock something off the shelf. You drew his attention to get it away from me.”
I hear my sister gasp.
“His moods made me nervous,” I say, and try to slip my hand from my mother’s grasp, but she tightens her hold again. “I got clumsy when I was nervous.”
“You were never clumsy.” Her lips curve up on one side, the barest wisp of a smile, but her gaze reflects decades of sadness as it meets mine. “You tried to save me.”
Shit. The giant ball of emotion lodged in my throat is suffocating. I can’t move or breathe. That has to be why my eyes are stinging with tears.
She releases my hand and pats my cheek, her paper-thin skin soft against mine. “You’re a good boy.”
“I love you, Mom,” I whisper as her praise washes over me.
Her smile turns gentle, then she yawns and sits back in the chair, her eyes closing once again.
When I finally glance at Ada, tears are streaming down her cheeks.
“It’s okay,” I say softly. “It wasn’t exactly like that.”
“Hallway. Now,” she says, jerking her thumb toward the door.
With a sigh, I stand and follow her out of the room.
“Ada, I swear I’m not going to leave you alone.”
“Do you love her?” she demands.
“You just heard me tell her I love her. I know Mom wasn’t perfect, but she did the best she could.”
“I don’t mean Mom, dummy. I’m talking about Molly.”
I force myself not to react, but Ada’s delivered a hit I didn’t see coming. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“It has everything to do with why you can’t leave.”
“She wants the McAllister property and thinks I bought it because I didn’t believe she could do it on her own.”
Surprise flashes in my sister’s gray eyes. “You bought it because you take care of people.”
Damn. It feels like that bull is on top of me again. Only this time it’s not the pain from the beast crushing me. The weight of the truth is draining the breath from my lungs.
“Molly wants to take care of herself.”
“Then honor that, but don’t walk away or give up on her. You heard Mom. You shouldn’t need either of us to convince you, but you aren’t like Dad.”
“I...” I want to deny it, but my throat locks around the words.
Ada grips my arm like I need her to ground me in this moment, and maybe I do. “You look like him, and I know you’ve got a temper. But the darkness that’s inside him.” She shakes her head. “It isn’t part of you.”
“How do you know?”
“You tried to save us.” She swipes the hand not holding mine across her cheeks. “Mom isn’t the only one who remembers.”
I wrap my arms around my sister and pull her into me. “I hate him for what he did to us.”
“Me, too,” she whispers and pulls back enough to look into my eyes. “Don’t give that kind of power anymore. You have to take your life back. Fight for Molly. Sell the property or keep it. That doesn’t matter. What matters is being happy. You deserve to be happy.”
I close my eyes as her words take hold deep inside me. I can’t imagine being happy without Molly or those kids or the damn flower farm that smells like sunshine and hope. And I want all of it.
Yeah, I’ve been thrown and ended up bruised and broken. But that didn’t stop me from climbing back on, and it won’t this time either. I’m done letting fear rule the day. Molly is worth every fight, and I’m going to hold tight and not let go.