14. Sadie
14
SADIE
“At no point did I have ‘sipping lavender lemonade while gazing out over the country club golf course’ on my summer bingo card.” I take another drink of the sweet and tangy beverage as Ian chuckles.
“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t have ‘holding a dog that looks like a chicken’ on mine.”
I return his smile, sinking back against the cushion of the Adirondack chair on the country club’s patio.
It’s just the two of us at this point. Halfway through the tour, Riva spotted the daughter of one of my clients, and Kaya invited her to join a group of girls at the pool. Riva wore her swimsuit under her T-shirt and cut off shorts, so she went along, much to Ian’s shock and my delight.
After the girls dashed away together, it took a few minutes to talk him down from the worried-dad ledge. His over-protectiveness when it came to his little girl heading off into the wilds of the country club pool deck without him was more than a little adorable.
When we finished with Heather Martin, the club’s membership director, she suggested we grab a drink and then take Beast to check out one of the nature trails that border Mountain View’s championship golf course. Although I offered to make myself scarce so he could meet the moms of Riva’s potential new girl squad, he and Heather rolled their eyes in unison.
“What do they put in this?” he asks, holding the clear glass to study it. “It’s ridiculously good.”
“It’s sweetened with honey. My mom used to make the same recipe during the summer. We’d sit out back with sweet toddler Piper and dunk our feet in the baby pool while she splashed. Mom told me it was just like being at the country club.”
He doesn’t laugh at my mother’s attempt to romanticize our circumstances, but I feel his gaze hold on me. “Was it?”
I roll my lips together as I think about how to answer. “Better,” I say finally, “because the three of us were together.”
He nods. “My mom worked a lot, too. My brother and I got into all kinds of trouble when she was gone. Our version of a country club was the local swimming hole.”
“Have you ever taken Riva to your hometown for a visit?”
He gives me an odd look. “No. She’d hate it.”
“Why?”
“I hated it.” His voice is solemn, like he’s admitting something he doesn’t want to say out loud. “Plus, they both moved after they divorced. Felix got Dad a boat in the Keys when he got his first big contract. I bought Mom a condo in Ft. Lauderdale with my money. Took Rivs to Disney World after my first Super Bowl win. We spent a few days with her grandma on that trip, and I fly my mom up when I have Riva for holidays. My dad is in his own world, and that’s best for all of us.”
“Are you close to your parents?”
He drains the last of his lemonade and places the empty glass between us. “I wouldn’t say that, but I do my duty.” He gestures at me. “You do more than yours by your sister.”
“I love her.” I offer those three words like they explain everything.
“I hope she appreciates how much.”
My stomach tightens, and I press a hand to it. Piper wouldn’t want me to pretend to have a boyfriend to make things easier for her at the wedding, but making things easier is my love language with my sister.
Okay, that’s a cop-out. I’ve used Piper as an excuse for not living my life to the fullest and playing small for too long. Being with Ian—even though it’s not real—makes me understand how much I want that to change.
Turns out, change is scary as hell.
I set my glass next to his on the teak table between us and stand. “Let’s take Beast for that walk. I need to snap a pic of him with the golf course as a background. Daniel loves to golf and won’t believe he spent the afternoon at the club.”
He makes a strange growling sound low in his throat but hands the dog to me.
Beast is more relaxed than usual and almost seems curious about the world around us instead of frightened. I like that for him. I also like the idea of it for me, even though it’s absurd to compare myself to a dog.
“Do you want to date this Daniel guy?” Even though Ian asks the question casually, there’s a thread of something in his tone that makes goosebumps erupt along my skin.
“We’re friends, and he’s a flirt. That’s all Riva saw.”
I walk down the patio’s wide stone steps toward the nature path a few feet away.
His long legs easily match my stride. “Why didn’t you ask him to go with you to the wedding?”
“He’s a client and a friend. It would have been weird and not served the purpose.”
“I serve the purpose?”
I bend down to place Beast on the ground without answering. When I straighten, Ian is so close my ass brushes the front of his cargo shorts. The touch is casual, inadvertent…and electric.
He makes me feel things I’ve cut myself off from the whole of my adult life. It’s easy for him—the physical part. He’s so in control of his body. Trusting what he’s doing comes without effort for him.
I trust his experience, but sadly, not myself. It’s frustrating, intoxicating, and confusing as hell.
“Remember it was Sally and Trina who put you up to this. Not me.”
I keep my gaze on Beast. He’s staring at the trail like he’s never seen dirt under his dainty paws.
“Are you saying our arrangement isn’t working for you?” He sounds amused, not irritated. He leans in and drops a featherlight kiss on the skin at the base of my neck, his lips grazing the collar of my thin tank top. “Because earlier you told me you liked what happened the other night.”
Keep it together, Sadie.
“I’m hoping you liked it enough for more.”
I laugh, and where did that husky note come from? “I imagine women fall at the feet of The Playmaker like dominoes. You can get more any time you want it.”
“You don’t fall,” he points out.
“I’m no one.” As my words reverberate in the air around us, I realize how much I believe them.
“You’re someone to Riva.” His breath is warm against my skin, and I want to lean into him. To beg for more. To be the type of woman confident enough to beg. “And to me.”
Because of how I help the relationship with his daughter, I remind myself and step away.
The pathetic pity party that starts every time I think about the terms of our arrangement needs to end. I have a good life and great friends. Even if people around town make jokes about me being covered in dog hair and needing to get a life, my mom would be proud that I took care of my sister.
Would she be proud of me outside my role as Piper’s guardian? Hard to say. I’ve never let myself consider becoming more than that.
Losing my virginity is supposed to be the first step in reclaiming my power. Now it feels convoluted in my head and heart thanks to this fake relationship. Beast trots forward a few feet and continues along the path as we follow.
“If we have sex,” I announce, rounding on him, “I understand it doesn’t mean anything.”
Oh, dang. Listen to the verbal diarrhea spewing once again. It’s almost as bad as Max’s first Halloween, when he pilfered a bag of chocolate, and it came torpedoing out his back end the next day. Is there no limit to the ways I’ll embarrass myself in front of Ian?
“Are you trying to convince me or you?” He’s so close that I’m captured in his magnetic orbit.
His gaze is intense as he watches me, and I bite my lower lip. His step falters, which makes me feel strangely powerful. Like I know what I’m doing and can handle whatever comes next, when, in fact, I have no idea what comes next.
Beast moves to the edge of the path and stops. He hates walking on grass.
I can tell Ian realizes this moment is a big one, and not just for the two of us. He focuses his attention on the dog. All that gentle consideration from such a big guy for a dog that weighs less than most cats melts my heart. Everything about him affects me at this point.
“You’ve got this, buddy,” I tell the dog, half expecting Ian to repeat his question of who exactly I’m trying to convince, but he remains silent and watchful.
After a long moment. Beast places a tentative paw on the grass, lifting and lowering it twice before stepping down with his full weight. A moment later, he has all four paws on the grass and lifts a leg like he hasn’t been using pee pads his whole life.
“Good go potty,” I praise. “Well done, Beast. Good boy.”
Ian chuckles and takes my hand, linking our fingers like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “You have a way with animals. He looks like a normal dog. Sort of.”
Beast finishes his business and then ventures off to explore. I’m not worried about him running off. Beast is about as adventurous as me.
“It’s all I know,” I answer, although I don’t expect him to understand what I mean.
“You know how to make people feel comfortable,” he tells me. As we follow Beast off the path and through the trees, he tugs on my hand and spins me around. “You also know how to kiss.”
He presses his mouth to mine, and it’s easy to lose myself in the feel of him once again. Before Ian, I’m not sure any of the few guys I’ve kissed would compliment my skill, so maybe things could be different with him.
Maybe I can be different.
He draws back to look into my eyes. “It can mean nothing if that’s what you want. Either way, we’ll keep it simple and stay friends after this ends.”
I don’t react to the reminder that our arrangement is temporary. I need to be reminded.
“You understand I can’t commit to anything serious in my personal life other than Riva?” he continues.
I want him to stop talking and keep the excuses vague—the kind I can ignore in my secret daydreams—but I’m the one who started this conversation. I need to see it through.
“I understand.” I offer a placating smile. Sadie Hart, master placater. “Your daughter is your priority. I respect that. And let’s face it, in the real world of dating, we aren’t exactly each other’s type.”
He blinks. “Is Daniel the pilot your type?”
“I suppose he could be,” I say, which is true, although Daniel the pilot doesn’t come close to making my body tingle like Ian the Playmaker. “But this is about you and me. It’s smart for us to define what this is and isn’t before we move forward.”
When his mouth is on mine, it’s too easy to forget. He doesn’t answer with words, but claims my lips again. The spell is broken minutes later when Beast lets out a string of high-pitched barks. Ian and I break apart as two women power walk in our direction.
We’re far enough off the path that they might have walked on by if it wasn’t for the dog. Instead, their attention is drawn to us.
Because my luck is shit, one of them is Amanda Sinton. The other is Casey Chambers, one of the teachers at the elementary school, and my sister’s best friend and maid of honor.
Casey waves. “Hey, Sadie,” she calls. “I haven’t gotten your RSVP for the bridesmaids’ spa day in Vail before the rehearsal dinner. Piper says there’s no way you’ll miss it.”
I hold up a hand in a stiff wave. “Yep, I’ll be there.”
They look like they’re veering off the path toward us, but Ian tugs on my hand. “We should find Riva,” he tells me.
“Need to get going, ladies,” I call as he scoops up the dog, and I follow him without hesitation.
We don’t speak until we’re lounging poolside, watching as Riva splashes in the water with her new friends. The moms throwing us curious glances aren’t familiar, but Ian has been holding my hand since the first woman lowered her sunglasses to get a better look at him. He’s also cradling Beast like a canine football as the dog drools on his forearm.
“Why did you pull me away from Amanda and Casey?” I ask when I can’t hold my serene smile any longer. “Casey is Piper’s maid of honor. I need to make an effort.”
He turns to stare at me. “That principal looks at me the way my brother looks at a box of a dozen donuts. Felix inhales donuts. Not that I won’t have your back if you and Principal Sinton throw hands, but I prefer to avoid that if I could.”
“You think I’m going to fight for you?” I choke out a laugh. “Do I look like the type to engage in a physical altercation?”
He presses the hand holding mine to his rock-hard chest. “You wound me, sweetheart. Are you saying you wouldn’t defend my honor and your claim on me?”
“I hope you’re joking because this isn’t the Regency Era. No one in Skylark is going twenty paces with dueling pistols. Besides, I’m certain you can handle Amanda Sinton.”
He shrugs. “It would be kind of hot to see you do it though.”
I laugh again and suck in a breath when he lifts our joined hands to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. “Why is that Casey chick your sister’s maid of honor? Why aren’t you her maid of honor? You’re her sister.”
“It’s how Piper wanted it,” I reply quietly. “She asked me to walk her down the aisle because she doesn’t have parents to do it. The bridal party is made up of people her age.”
“You’re not exactly a senior citizen. You also aren’t her parent. You’re her sister.”
“I know that,” I mutter.
“Does she?”
“It’s not a big deal. Party planning isn’t exactly my area of expertise. I’m happy Casey is taking care of things. Piper’s friends can be high maintenance. It’s a relief not to have the pressure to ensure they have a good time.”
At least that’s what I’ve convinced myself at this point. When Piper first told me about her plan for the wedding party and who would play what role, my reaction might have been similar to Ian’s.
I don’t love that he can read me so easily, especially when not many people in my life bother to try.
“If our mother hadn’t died, maybe we’d have more of a sisterly relationship, but there’s no chance of that.”
“There’s always a chance to change things.” His eyes are solemn as they track from me to his daughter in the pool. He’s speaking as much to himself as me. I’m glad I’m not the only one finding hidden messages in casual conversation. “If you’re willing to try,” he adds.
What am I supposed to say to that? Most days I have more in common with the water aerobics set than people my own age. This man has lived a big life and shares a child with one of the planet’s biggest movie stars.
Big, bigger, and biggest. A common theme with Ian Barlowe. The Playmaker. Yes, he’s in my little town playing house in my modest neighborhood when he could afford to buy the whole block. But for all I know—for all he knows—this is temporary. He’s talked about looking at his next business venture, and as solid as his intentions are for raising Riva in Happy Valley, there’s no guarantee that won’t change.
I'm way too aware that life can change in an instant. And maybe my life is smaller than it needs to be, but I can handle this size. It means I don’t get hurt. It’s not my problem if people want more than I can give. I like expectations that I can manage without risk.
Didn’t I take a risk loving Bradley for so long? Or at least pining after him? Look where that got me.
“I need to go home.” I yank my hand from his. “The dog-school clients I have today need some socialization in the backyard before pickup.” I stand and take Beast from him, trying to ignore the emotions choking me. “If you and Riva want to stay, I can ask Heather to give me a ride home. She won’t mind.”
“We can take you.” He looks confused by my sudden insistence on ending a lovely afternoon, but doesn’t argue.
He stands, again crowding my space. When I take an instinctive step back, my ankle catches on the corner of the lounge chair. Ian steadies me with his big hands and traces his thumb along the inside crease of my elbow.
Has my skin there always been so sensitive? Do I have any ability to control my reaction to him? Once again, he uses that patented X-ray vision to see right into me.
“We’re not done, Sadie. Not by a long shot. And I don’t care how other people see you. I don’t care what you think this does or doesn’t mean. I’m a simple man, and I want you,” he says.
I suck in a breath and turn my head because if I meet his gaze right now, I might spontaneously combust.
“You’ve said you want me too, and I’m taking you at your word, sweetheart. If that changes, I’ll respect your decision, but until then, this…” He draws his hand down until his thumb is resting over the pulse in my wrist, which is leaping at an alarming rate like I’ve just run a marathon. “… We are going to happen.”
“Okay,” I agree in a voice that sounds nothing like my own. I sound like I’ve been nursing a two-pack-a-day Marlboro habit for the past twenty years. “But I think I’ll wait for the two of you out front.”
He chuckles and releases me. “We’ll be there in a few minutes.”
I walk away, ignoring the stares of the other sun worshippers. Or trying to. But it feels like these people—mostly mom-age women—are staring at me like they can’t figure out how I snagged a man like Ian.
If only they knew. No matter how much Ian is acting like it is–like it could be everything I want, this isn’t real. And remembering that is what will keep my heart safe.