15. Ian
15
IAN
Riva does most of the talking on the way home, and I let her joy wash over me. She’s happy with her new friends and over the moon that Beast made such great progress in his anxiety.
This is the daughter I remember from when she was little. Before she understood that her daddy isn’t half the man she believed him to be. Before I let my fear of disappointing her close me off and create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I glance over at the woman next to me. What is it about Sadie Hart blowing hot and cold that makes me want her all the more? I don’t think she’s playing games. She’s not trying to lead me on with that bottom lip between her teeth and the fire in her eyes when she doesn’t think to bank it before meeting my gaze.
And no one has to tell me where her reluctance originates. I understand all too well. Sadie isn’t a casual sex type of person, but that’s all I can give her.
She wants me, I don’t doubt that, but her desire can’t possibly match mine. I bet she’s got some three-date rule about hitting the sheets, too. And while it could be argued we’ve spent enough time together to take things to the next level, this isn’t a relationship.
Because although it sure as hell feels like one, I don’t do relationships. Not anymore. Not when my whole purpose is to give my daughter the stability she needs and convince her to trust me again.
To love me again.
I screw up relationships, and if I screw up with Sadie, it could affect Riva. Nothing is worth that.
Not even being on the receiving end of Sadie Hart’s sweet smiles.
And though she’s conflicted, she’s now flat-out told me I’m not the type of guy she wants to date. You can bet money on the fact that I’m going to be watching for Captain Dan-O to pick up his wimpy dog. To see the type of guy Sadie would date if given the chance.
I’m not giving her that chance until after the wedding. I may not be the brightest bulb, but I understand claiming. My body is damn sure she’s mine—at least for now.
Long enough to satisfy the need she’s stirred deep within me.
According to the armchair pundits and sportscasters, one of my football skills was patience. That’s why I was so good at finding opportunities to execute key plays. I didn’t rush the ball, get flustered, or make a stupid throw or a Superman pass into heavy coverage.
It wasn’t patience. My calm under pressure was a strategy, a hunger for victory that enabled me to see the whole field, analyze it, and then get the job done.
I can’t say I totally understand this new field and the workings of a small town, but I’m going to figure it out. And make Sadie beg for more in the process. Because while this isn’t a relationship, it’s still something, I want all the things that come with it.
She gives me an odd look and I realize I’m smiling to myself.
“Whose car is that, Dad?”
Riva’s question jolts me back to the present. I frown at the bright red Ferrari parked in our driveway. There’s only one person ballsy enough to show up unannounced in a car like that.
I assume it’s a rental. You don’t drive a Ferrari across the country on the two-day trek from Cincinnati—where Felix lives. Particularly not when you’re six-six like my brother and barely able to fold yourself into something so compact. But Felix is flashy enough to choose it over a nondescript SUV, the vehicle I’d prefer him to drive to my new hometown.
“Looks like your uncle’s come for a visit.”
“Yes!” Riva whisper-shouts in the back. “Uncle Felix told me he’d get me a dog the last time I saw him.”
“As I understand it from your mom,” I say, “she let Uncle Felix know that wasn’t his call to make.”
“But Mom’s not here. This isn’t her house. It's your house. She’s not the boss of you.”
Tense in the passenger seat beside me, Sadie manages a laugh. My daughter hasn’t violated our agreement by coming right out and asking for a dog, but baiting me with my brother is the next best thing.
“Uncle Felix isn’t the boss of me either.”
I’m trying not to display the same type of nerves Sadie is exhibiting. I love my brother. He’s one of the few people I told about my move to Colorado. But Felix is a big personality. He’s always been larger than life.
I like this little bubble I’ve created where I’m still The Playmaker, but adjacent to who I was when I was training, competing and making deals. I’m Riva’s dad in Skylark. I take the time to make pancakes for breakfast. Yeah, they’re from a box, but I put fresh blueberries in them that I bought at the local organic market. I shop for myself instead of having an assistant or somebody from the team do it. Those things mean something.
I’m not the version of me Felix knows. What will he think of who I’m trying to become when he’s still in his prime?
I don’t even let myself consider what he’ll think of Sadie. She’s different than any woman I’ve dated or shown the slightest bit of interest in, all the way back to elementary school.
“Does he know about our deal?” she asks quietly.
“Dad, you can’t tell Uncle Felix about you and Sadie.” Riva meets my gaze in the rearview mirror, her eyes filled with alarm. “Uncle Felix has the biggest mouth on the planet. That’s what Mom always says.”
Monika isn’t wrong, and I understand where her comments came from. Felix found the pregnancy stick in the bathroom when he visited me in LA.
I don’t know why Monika took the pregnancy test at my condo instead of hers, or left it clearly visible in the trash can, if she didn’t want somebody to find it. She claimed she hadn’t decided what to do or whether she’d intended to tell me, but Felix made the decision for her.
“He’s never going to believe we’re dating,” Sadie says.
“Of course he will. Why wouldn’t he?”
She shoots me a look, and I give her one right back. Enough of this ‘we’re not each other’s type’ bullshit. I’m sick of it.
“I’m not going to tell Felix about the fake dating deal,” I reassure my daughter.
I reach across and squeeze Sadie’s bare leg, gratified at the now-familiar goosebumps along her thigh. “And he will believe it.”
My brother will believe it because we might be fake dating, but the attraction between us is damn real.
As I pull into the driveway, Felix straightens from where he’s sitting on the porch swing. I installed that thing myself and am impressed with how well it holds my brother’s considerable weight.
Riva is bouncing in her seat, her excitement at a visit from her adored uncle—or f-uncle, fun uncle, as Felix likes to call himself—clear now that she’s not worried about me messing things up with her and Sadie.
No doubt that was the cause of her alarm. If our true relationship status is made public, it could jeopardize her work with the Hart House of Dog, and neither of us are ready for this to end.
“Can I leave Beast in the backseat?” she asks. “I don’t want Uncle Felix to scare him.”
“Of course,” Sadie answers.
“You’re a good boy,” Riva assures the dog before she bounds out of the car.
My brother scoops her into a bear hug, then quickly flips her upside down with Riva shrieking a gleeful protest. Sadie exits the car more slowly and leans into the backseat to pick up the dog. I’m still sitting in the driver’s seat, letting the jumble of emotions I feel at Felix’s arrival flow through me.
Happy because he’s my brother and I love him, mixed with a healthy dose of trepidation because he’s my brother and he knows me better than anyone.
“I should go home.” Sadie’s voice is nearly a whisper.
“You need to meet him first,” I tell her. “If he’s going to believe this, we both need to sell it. There’s no chance I wouldn’t introduce him to my girlfriend right away.”
“Okay then.” She nods and climbs out of the SUV with Beast in her arms.
“I found this kid trespassing in your yard,” Felix calls as he dangles Riva high with one hand.
“Uncle Felix, all the blood is rushing to my head!”
He flips her onto his shoulder like he’s going to carry her across the lawn firefighter style.
“Pipe down there, cutie,” Felix tells a still squirming and shrieking Riva. He winks at Sadie, no reaction to her at my side other than his propensity for flirting. “You’re going to scare this nice lady and her—” I try not to grin as he studies Beast. “Is that a chicken?”
“Beast’s a dog.” Riva twists around my brother’s shoulder, patting his cheek. “And Sadie is Dad’s girlfriend.”
“I’m sorry, what now?” He swings my daughter up and then plants her on two feet in front of him. “You’re not going to convince me the chicken dog lady is your father’s girlfriend.”
“Told you so,” Sadie says to me under her breath.
I shift closer, snaking an arm around her waist before she can pull away.
Felix looks between us, his eyes wide. “There’s no chance on the green earth of this planet that such a lovely woman, choice of pet notwithstanding, would choose to date my brother.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief and feel Sadie relax slightly. Felix is a lot of things, but an asshole has never been one of them.
“Back me up here, Rivs,” I tell my kid.
“It’s true, Uncle Felix. They’re dating, and I work for Sadie. I have an official job. It’s important, and we need to check in with our clients right now.”
“What kind of business?” Felix asks, one thick brow lifting.
“Pet sitting. You can talk to her later.” Riva grabs Sadie’s arm and starts toward her house.
I don’t want to let her go, but I do. Sadie waves goodbye, looking relieved she hasn’t had to utter a word.
“I’m not a little kid anymore, Uncle Felix,” Riva calls over her shoulder. “You can’t hold me upside down like that. Sadie’s going to take me shopping for a training bra.”
Sadie and I speak at the same time.
“She is?”
“I am?”
Riva ignores us as well. Pretty sure she inherited the selective hearing from her mother.
“Monika will love that.” Felix grins at me then calls out, “Just remember, cutie-pie, if you need help chasing off the boys, your funcle is ready for action.”
“She doesn’t need help chasing off the boys,” I grumble when the two of us are standing alone in the driveway.
I catch a flash of something in my peripheral vision. Across the street, one of the neighborhood moms stands at her front window with her phone raised in our direction, no doubt taking a picture to spread around town. Why not document two sports stars hanging in the ’hood?
“Come on.” I chuck Felix on the arm. “Let’s get in the house before your damn car alerts the whole damn neighborhood to your arrival.”
“Right,” my brother answers. “I’m sure you blend in like an average mountain-loving Joe around here.”
I’ve already opened the garage door, but can’t pull in because of Felix’s damn Ferrari blocking my way.
“Is Monika aware your new lady love is taking on some mommy roles?” he asks as he follows me through the garage.
“She isn’t taking on mommy roles. Monika met Sadie when she dropped Riva off at the house.” Not an outright lie. “She’s got no problem with this.” That I haven’t verified.
Felix is practically treading on my heels. He’s always had a terrible concept of personal space. He might be revered for his size now, but in first grade, he was the tallest boy in the entire elementary school, and gangly as a baby giraffe.
Any time a kid doesn’t fit the expected mold, it makes them a target for bullies, which is why I got suspended for the first time in third grade. No one messed with my little bro. Felix eventually learned to throw a punch, but wasn’t born a fighter like me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands. “I mean, for God’s sake, if Monika knows…”
“Because I didn’t want to hear your opinion on my life,” I say, more put out than I should be. “You made your thoughts clear about me moving here.”
“I don’t understand why Colorado,” he repeats, “when you’d have so many more opportunities in LA.”
“I have more money than I know what to do with. Just like you. I already told you, I don’t want to raise my daughter anywhere near Hollywood. Not with the built-in attention she gets from her mom.”
He inclines his head and glances out the window toward Sadie’s backyard. Riva’s head is just visible above the privacy fence as she supervises the dogs.
“She seems less pissed in general. But what does she think about you picking a home town based on an online article?”
“As you're well aware, she doesn’t know why I picked Skylark. And she is happy. Sadie has a lot to do with it.”
“Tell me again about this business that’s run out of her home. Is pet sitting a G-rated way of talking about Only Fa?—”
“Are you trying to get punched in the face?” I hand him a beer from the refrigerator. “Retirement doesn’t change the fact that I can kick your ass anytime I want. I should, just on principle, for even hinting I might have a girlfriend who’d engage in a less than above-board business. Or that I’d allow my daughter anywhere near that kind of a woman.”
“I was joking, and you know it.” Felix pops the cap on his beer and takes a long drink. “We’ve both dated some real winners, and I don’t think you’d let Rivs spend time with any of them.”
“Sadie is not that kind of woman.” My tone conveys how serious I am about that fact.
Felix takes a moment before responding. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me.”
“Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you,” I counter. “She’s different.” Also not a lie.
Felix looks like he wants to argue but asks, “Why does Riva say she’s working for her?”
“Sadie runs a dog boarding and training business out of her home. Riva's nuts about dogs, so Sadie’s letting her be the assistant trainer a few mornings a week.”
“And afternoons,” Felix points out, tapping the ostentatious gold Rolex encircling his wrist.
My brother loves flash, which had been his nickname in high school because none of the coaches could believe how fast he ran given his size. Now that moniker has come to mean something different in Felix’s world.
“So it’s more a nanny-core situation with some benefits?” He tips his beer in my direction. “I respect that.”
I cut him off with a forearm to his throat, pinning him against the refrigerator. “I swear to God, Felix, if you don’t stop running your mouth, I’m going to make sure the next word comes out of it through a fat lip. I’m not using Sadie for child care.”
Not precisely true, but only because Riva loves being over there and I’m giving Sadie something in return. Even if I still think she could find a date the regular way.
Even Felix understood within seconds of meeting her how special she is, and my brother has worse taste in women than me.
“I got it,” he says, toasting me with his bottle.
I might be the older brother, but Felix can hold his own.
“I didn’t plan this.” I stalk to where I left my beer on the counter and drain it in one pull. “Sadie and I aren’t serious. She knows my daughter is my priority.”
“The daughter who obviously adores her.” Felix crosses his arms over his massive chest. In his sleeveless athletic top and basketball shorts, the guy dresses more like a teenager than a thirty-two-year-old who earned his first Super Bowl ring last season. “I don’t see why there’s an issue with the two of you getting serious.”
“How about the fact that Riva adores her?”
I grab another beer from the fridge. I haven’t had more than a sip since my daughter got here, and this will be my last one for the night. I need something to take the edge off these feelings, and well…I don’t even want to call them feelings because I don’t want to admit to Felix that I feel anything for Sadie Hart beyond this situation-ship we’re in.
“You know I screw up relationships. I’ve tried. I’ve tried multiple times, and I’ve screwed up multiple times, just like Dad did, just like Uncle Charlie did, just like you do. It’s?—”
“The Barlowe curse.” Felix finishes my sentence for me.
I shake my head because I’ve never been superstitious like a lot of athletes who rely on rituals and lucky routines. Blaming my failures with women on a curse is a weak excuse. We’re all inherently dicks when it comes to relationships.
“It’s who we are, but I don’t want to hurt Sadie. I don’t want to hurt any woman, and I sure as hell don’t want my daughter to realize that’s all her dad does. What if she thinks that’s what all men do?”
“Dang, bro. You sound like Adam Sandler.” Felix shakes his head as he stares at me dumbfounded.
“I do not sound like Adam Sandler. What does that even mean? Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer ? Or Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore ?”
“Adam Sandler in his recent movies where he’s a dad.” Felix is pacing now, jabbing his beer bottle in the air for emphasis. “He’s kind of still a doofus. Then toward the end, at the critical part, he gets it together and says something brilliant. That’s what you just did. You said something that made you sound like a father.”
“I am a father.”
“A good father.” Felix clasps me on the shoulder. “Dad never once sounded like a good father.”
“Thanks, bro. You want to order wings?” I ask before we crack open a bottle of brown liquor and end up blubbering like babies.
“Hell, yeah.” Felix loves wings almost as much as he loves women. “All drummies, extra wet.”
He does a ridiculous dance, shimmying his hips as he grabs another beer. “Is this how you and Sadie get?—”
“Don’t say it, Felix. For the love of God, don’t say it.”
“Chill, dude. It’s all good. Sadie is a huge step up for you, and what a bonus Riva likes her. My niece is a great judge of character. Clearly, since she adores me. Order a few dozen extra and let’s invite your lady love for dinner.”
I can’t help but grin. “You think Sadie’s going to eat a few dozen wings.”
Another patented Felix wink. “One of us will.”
I’ve just logged on to the local wing shop app when Riva comes in through the back door.
“Riva!” Felix hollers, twisting her off her feet like he hasn’t seen her in years. My brother’s enthusiasm is contagious, and Riva’s laughter makes my heart pinch.
I need to try harder to be fun, which doesn’t come naturally to me. But the intense hyper-driven football star mask doesn’t fit either. I need to channel my inner Felix. He brings all the fun.
“You finished early today.” I start to pull my daughter into a hug but stop when she gives me a quelling look. A look that says it’s okay for Uncle Felix to love on her, but not me. “We’re ordering wings for dinner. Do you want to…Felix said we should invite Sadie?”
“She can’t. She’s dropping off the day school dogs now because she has an emergency book club meeting later.”
Riva grabs a soda from the fridge while my brother and I both mull that over for a minute.
“On the plus side, your dad’s new girlfriend is literate,” Felix remarks. “That can’t be said about every woman he’s spent time with since your mom.”
Riva giggles.
“Rude, Felix,” I mutter, although I’m not sure he’s wrong.
I finish up our order, still trying to figure out if I should be concerned about Sadie’s last-minute plans. “Hey, Rivs, did Sadie happen to mention what constitutes a book club emergency?”
She shrugs and swipes a hand over her mouth. “Not really.”
“Maybe there was a big plot twist or some character they didn’t expect got murdered,” I suggest, wondering why I care so much.
Felix nods. “Since I’ve never belonged to a book club, I can’t begin to guess.” His thick brows draw together. “Could book club be some sort of code word for hitting the bars or something?”
“Sadie doesn’t hit the bars.” Riva looks offended on our neighbor’s behalf. “All she does is work.”
“And go out with your dad,” Felix adds.
“Yeah, they went on a date the other night,” she confirms. “Her friends Sally and Trina babysat, even though I don’t need a babysitter because I’m almost thirteen years old.”
“You’ll be thirteen in nine months,” I remind her.
“You got a babysitter?” Felix gives me a strange look. “We spent entire summers as latchkey kids.”
I bark out a laugh. “Look how we turned out. Do you remember the trouble we got into?”
Riva inches closer to me, and I reach a hand to ruffle her hair, which sticks out a million different ways. It makes me think of her as a toddler just up from a nap, and reminds me how much of her life I’ve missed. Will I ever be able to make it up to her?
“Your dad’s right for once,” Felix agrees.
Riva rolls her eyes like it’s her job. “I’m going to go take a shower. All the sunscreen he made me wear is sticky and gross now.” She walks out of the kitchen and we hear her bounding up the staircase.
“You even do sunscreen.” Felix whistles. “You are a good dad. Maybe better than Adam Sandler.”
I didn’t realize before now that my brother was such an Adam Sandler aficionado, but I appreciate the vote of confidence. I can use all of them right now.
“A book club emergency isn’t a thing, is it?” I wonder for a moment if she’s actually going out on the town, or maybe even to Denver with her girlfriends, and she doesn’t want me to find out.
But why? She doesn’t owe me anything. I’ve been crystal clear on that fact.
“Maybe they found out one of their members folds the pages down instead of using a bookmark. That’s a no-no with books.” He stares at me stone-faced for a few seconds before a shit-eating grin splits his face. “I’m messing with you, bro. I’m sure you’ll hear all about it at some point, but this just means more wings for us. You got extra ranch, right?”
“Yep. Let’s watch TV until it arrives.”
It’s good to have Felix here to give me a break from my thoughts about Sadie.
“There’s a great local ice cream shop in town,” I tell him as we settle into the family room’s extra deep sectional. “After dinner, we’ll show you the Skylark sights.”
“Big time,” Felix says. Anyone else would think he was being sarcastic, but my brother loves ice cream. Felix loves all foods other than green vegetables.
“It’s going to be wild,” I confirm, reminding myself that Sadie’s book club business is not mine.