Chapter 4 #3
Derek strolls into the room, shirtless, unshaven, hair standing on end, and my heart gives a happy lift at the sight of him.
I love what he calls his weekend slob look, which is a huge departure from his polished weekday appearance as deputy chief of staff to President Cappuano.
As one of Nick’s top advisers, he works a lot of weekends, so I’m always thankful for the ones we get to spend together.
He plops down on the sofa next to me. “Good morning. Kiss me.”
“You’re bossy today,” I say, smiling as I press my lips to his.
“Thanks for letting me sleep in. I can’t remember the last time I did that.”
“It’s been a minute.”
“Your turn tomorrow.”
“I won’t say no to that.”
Maeve rolls onto her back. “Daddy, Dylan and I are having a staring contest, and he keeps winning.”
“His eyes are younger than yours. That’s why you always beat me.”
“So he’ll always win?”
“Possibly, but you’ll be better than him at other things, and he’ll be your best buddy.”
“He already is.” Maeve turns back to Dylan, pushing his toys into his reach. She’s such a helper, and we love to say we couldn’t handle Dylan without her.
I put my hand on my chest. “My heart.”
Derek smiles a lot these days, a vast difference from when I first met him.
Then he was overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for Maeve as a single dad while holding down a huge job and managing the lingering grief of losing his wife to murder.
After she died, he learned that his marriage had started as a scheme to get a plant close to then-President Nelson’s team.
Thank God for the letter Victoria left for him, professing her love and devotion, despite how things had begun.
She was murdered because she refused to cooperate with the men who forced her to deceive him.
Her murderers, including former presidential candidate Arnie Patterson and his sons, Christian and Colton, will finally stand trial in the new year.
I’m dreading that and hoping it doesn’t cause a huge setback for Derek.
I’ll be right there with him through it all as he fights for justice for his late wife, but I hate that he has to reopen that wound once again.
Eventually, I’ll do the same when the man who accidentally shot Patrick goes to trial.
Like Derek, I’ve attended every pretrial hearing and will continue to show up for as long as it takes to make sure the man who took my precious husband from me pays for his crime.
As hard as it was, I’ve forgiven him, though.
His life was also destroyed by the events of that day.
A while ago, he wrote me a letter expressing his profound sorrow over Patrick’s senseless death, a gesture I truly appreciated.
He’s been held without bail and is separated from his girlfriend and young children while he awaits trial.
I don’t want to feel for him, but I do. One moment of madness ruined a lot of lives.
Derek is down on the floor with the kids, and I’m filled with contentment in this new family we’ve built for ourselves out of the ashes of our former lives.
I was “lucky.” I found my chapter two soon after Patrick died, not that I was looking for it.
But there he was at my favorite coffee shop—and then at my workplace after I started as the first lady’s communications director.
He understood what I was going through in a way no one else I knew ever could’ve.
In many ways, his friendship—and that of our Wild Widows friends—helped me to survive losing Patrick.
My phone rings with a call from Iris, which has me smiling as I answer. She’s one of the best things to come out of my widowhood. I love her like a sister. “Hey, how’s it going over there?”
“I’ve had better days.”
The way she says that sends a shaft of fear through me. “What’s wrong?”
“Taylor lost her husband, Will, in an accident at work last night.”
“No.” I’ve met Taylor and Will twice at Iris’s home, and I’m immediately heartbroken for them and their children. Oh God, she’s due soon with the baby…
Derek looks up at me, his brows furrowed, tuned in to unfolding disaster.
“Wh-what does she need?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“If there’s anything we can do…”
“I’ll keep you posted.”
“What do you need?”
“Could you take my kids for the night? My parents have a wedding tonight for their close friends, and I—”
“Of course we can take them. Do you want me to come get them?”
“I’ll drop them on the way back to Taylor’s, if that’s okay.”
“We’ll be here all day.”
“Thanks, Roni. I really appreciate it.”
“I want you to tell me what you need because I know you’ll go all out to support her. Let me take care of you.”
“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too. I’ll text when we’re on the way.”
“Sounds good.”
I press the red button to end the call.
“What happened?” Derek asks, his expression guarded.
“Taylor’s husband, Will, was killed in an accident at work last night.”
“Oh no. The thing we saw on the news last night… That was him.”
We saw coverage of an unnamed construction company owner falling more than fifty feet to his death.
“Isn’t she having a baby soon?”
“She’s due next month.”
“My God.”
Maeve tugs at Derek’s arm. “Daddy, keep playing.”
“In a minute, pumpkin.”
When she goes back to her toys, Derek reaches up for my hand.
This news has landed like a punch to the gut.
Even though I don’t know Taylor very well, I sure as hell understand what it’s like to suddenly lose a husband.
Widowed a second time. Most of us in the group live under the assumption that we’ve had our great heartbreak, paid our debt to the Grim Reaper and can relax going forward, confident in the universe’s unspoken assurances that we’re safe from here on out.
This news is proof that it’s simply not true. None of us are immune from anything, especially tragedy.
“Roni.”
I realize Derek has been talking to me. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“Are you all right? You kind of checked out on me for a second there.”
“I can’t believe this. Like, how is it possible?”
He moves from the floor to the sofa and puts his arms around me.
I breathe in the scent that’s become synonymous with home and family and love and safety… The idea that he, too, could be ripped out of my life… He works for the president, for God’s sake… A random shot could take him out any time.
“Roni.”
I’m so deep in the rabbit hole of doom that it takes a shake from Derek to rouse me out of the spiral.
And then I’m crying in deep, gut-wrenching sobs that scare the kids.
Derek retrieves Dylan, and Maeve climbs into my lab, wrapping her pudgy arms around my neck and whispering to me the way I do to her when she’s upset.
“It’s okay, Mommy,” she whispers. “Everything will be okay.”
She’s only recently started calling me that, and it tugs at my heart every time she does. I cling to her and the assurances I need so badly right now. “Thank you, baby. I’m okay.”
It’s a huge shock to learn that this new life I’ve carefully built for myself could easily become another house of cards.
Dylan is crying, so I exchange children with Derek, my partner in all things in this new life, and cuddle my son. Tears roll silently down my face as I gaze down at him, my late husband’s twin.
It’s all so fucking unfair.
I want to scream on Taylor’s behalf. How in the world could this have happened?
That she has to undertake another journey as a widow—and with three children this time?
She was so happy with Will. I saw that for myself, and it gave me hope when I was first understanding that my friendship with Derek could turn into something more, something like what Taylor had with Will.
Her kids adored him, too. Those poor babies, losing two daddies in one childhood, and the baby who’ll never know his father.
Dylan falls asleep in my arms.
Derek takes him from me and puts him down for his nap and gets Maeve settled for “quiet time” in her room. That often leads to a nap, but we can’t count on that anymore.
Then he comes back to help me up.
I let him lead the way to our room, where he settles me in our bed and then crawls in next to me, wrapping his arms around me.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. Just stop. I’m fine, you’re fine, the kids are fine, and we’re going to stay that way.”
“What she must be going through…”
“We’ll be there for her. Every step of the way.”
I nod because that’s all I’m capable of right now. I ache for Taylor, knowing all too well what’s ahead in the days, weeks, months and years to come.