Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Roni
Though I was adamant about coming to the wake, as we wait in the enormous line outside the funeral home, I’m less confident about it with every passing minute. It’s an unusually warm, sunny November day, and the gorgeous weather is making a mockery of this solemn occasion.
When Iris sees us coming, she gives me a “what the hell are you doing here?” look and a smile as she hugs me. “You didn’t have to.”
“Yes, I did.”
Christy’s Trey and Joy’s Bernie insisted on attending with them, which makes my heart happy for my friends.
This the first time we’ve met Bernie, so Iris suggests we grab dinner together after the wake so we can get to know him. That gives us something to look forward to as we make our way inside to sign the guest book and take a copy of the prayer card that bears Will’s handsome, smiling face.
My chest aches as we round the corner and see Taylor and the children standing in the receiving line with Will’s family next to his closed casket.
That’s a relief.
I’ll bet they made the decision to keep it closed out of concern for the kids, who might be more traumatized by seeing him than not.
Taylor looks beautiful in a black dress, with her hair falling in long curls around her pretty face, which is red and swollen from crying. She clutches a tissue in her left hand as she greets each person who’s come to offer their condolences.
Miles, wearing a gray suit, and Eliza, in a navy dress, stand by their mother’s side, also shaking hands with everyone who comes through. Their poise and strength are astonishing.
“The kids, though,” Derek whispers to me.
“God yes. I was just thinking the same thing.”
When we reach the front of the line, we stop as a group to say a prayer at the casket and to view the many floral arrangements and photos of Will and his loved ones.
This is absolutely brutal.
Christy goes first, introducing Trey to Taylor, who hasn’t met him yet, and the kids.
“Thank you so much for being here,” Taylor says. “It means the world to us.”
Joy and Bernie are next, followed by Iris and Gage.
Iris reintroduces us to Taylor, which I appreciate.
“It’s so good of you to come,” Taylor says when I hug her.
“We’ve been thinking of you all nonstop since we heard. We’re here for you.”
“That means a lot. I’ll probably need my Wild Widows again, not that I thought I’d ever say that.”
“What you all started has been a sanctuary for so many of us. We will be again for you when you’re ready.”
“Thank you.” She hugs Derek. “Thank you both for coming. Will and I enjoyed the time we spent together at Iris’s.”
“We did, too,” Derek says.
We move on to shake hands with the kids, who are so polite and composed, they take my breath away.
Then we meet Will’s heartbroken parents, siblings and their partners, expressing our condolences to each of them.
What a fucking tragedy.
I’m thankful that the others head straight for the exit after we’re through the receiving line. I take deep breaths of cool, fresh air once we’re outside, relieved to have shown up, expressed our condolences and gotten the heck out of there.
“I don’t know about anyone else,” Joy says, “but I need a big, fat drink, and I need it immediately.”
“Right there with you,” Gage says.
Iris
I’m so touched that Roni and Derek came to support those of us who were close to Taylor and Will. We end up at a pub that Bernie suggests that has great food and the big drinks we all need so badly.
Bernie knows the owner and tells him our group needs VIP treatment after attending the wake of someone who died far too young.
They have the promised drinks in front of us in no time at all.
I raise mine in a toast. “To Taylor, Will, Eliza, Miles, the baby and everyone who loves them.”
The others touch their glasses to mine.
“To life, love and friendship,” Joy says.
We’re happy to drink to that, too.
“What a nightmare.” Christy dabs at raw eyes with yet another tissue. “A fucking nightmare.”
We murmur our agreement.
“It’s really messed me up,” Christy says. “I keep waiting for Trey to tell me he didn’t sign on for this level of emotional despair.”
Trey puts his arm around her. “I’m here for all of it.”
She rests her head on his shoulder. “Feels wrong to make it about me.”
“Adrian said Wynter is feeling the same way, but she seems better since they got out of town for a few days.”
“It’s about all of us who understand better than anyone else ever could,” Gage says.
“Except we can’t quite understand having to do it a second time,” Derek reminds him. “And thank the good Lord for that.”
“You’re an inspiring group,” Bernie says. “I’ve heard so much about you that I feel like I already know you all.”
“This is a small fraction of the whole,” I tell him.
“I’m sorry there’s such a demand for what you offer and for the losses that brought you all together.”
I glance at Joy. “Someone has prepared you well for your first meeting with her widows.”
She’s been determined to keep their relationship casual until she was ready for more, which is why we haven’t met him yet.
“That’s all him,” Joy says, smiling. “He came preprogrammed.”
“Even better,” Gage says. “What teams do you follow?”
While the guys debate the Commanders’ chances this season, Joy says, “I can’t stop thinking about Eliza and Miles in that receiving line. Those poor, sweet babies.”
“I know,” Christy says. “Such courage.”
“Taylor told me she explained what a wake is and gave them the choice of whether they wanted to come,” I tell them.
“God bless them,” Joy says. “I’m not sure if I could’ve done that at their age.”
“No kidding,” Christy says. “I could barely handle it at my age.”
“It was good of you and Derek to come,” Joy says to Roni. “It meant a lot to Taylor.”
“And to me,” I add, knowing they did it for me.
“I’ve rarely felt sadder for anyone than I do for them,” Roni says. “It’s really hit me hard, which makes me feel guilty to even say.”
“We’ve been where she is and can’t imagine being there a second time, which makes it about all of us.”
Roni shudders. “That. Exactly that.”
“I’m glad to hear Wynter is rebounding,” Joy says. “I’ve been worried about her.”
“I know,” I say with a sigh. “I hate to see her so undone. She’s come so far from where she was when we first knew her.”
“She’ll be okay,” Joy says. “She needs a minute to process it all. She’ll bounce back.”
“I hope so.” Wynter is one of my proudest accomplishments with the Wild Widows, and I’m deeply invested in her successful chapter two with Adrian.
“It’s a very strange thing,” Christy says, “for someone else’s tragedy to become so personal to the rest of us. I’ve been a disaster all week. Poor Trey is going to run for his life.”
Trey leans back toward her. “No, he isn’t.”
Christy smiles at him, but her eyes are so sad.
I hand her a tissue across the table, hating to see her so undone, too. “Can I ask you guys something?”
“Of course,” Joy says.
I glance at Gage, who’s engaged with Derek, Bernie and Trey. They’ve moved on to the Capitals hockey team. “Are we being selfish having the wedding next weekend?”
“What?” Roni says, her face flat with shock. “No. No way.”
“It feels… weird to be marching forward with my happily ever after when my close friend’s life has been shattered.”
“She wouldn’t want you to cancel, Iris,” Christy says. “She’d hate to be the cause of that.”
“It wouldn’t be her fault. It’s just the circumstances and the timing… I don’t know what to do.”
Joy reaches across the table for my hand.
“I’m fairly certain I speak for all of us when I say no one on the planet deserves their happily ever after more than you and Gage do.
I can’t wait to dance at your wedding next weekend and to celebrate two people who deserve every good thing life has to offer.
Please don’t cancel or postpone. We all need this celebration right now more than ever. ”
“Mama Joy is right as always,” Roni says. “Your happy day is just what we need.”
“What do I say to Taylor?”
“I’ll talk to her,” Christy says. “I’ll tell her you’d love to have her there if she’s comfortable but totally understand if it’s too soon for her to attend.”
“Will you let me know if you pick up on a vibe that she thinks I shouldn’t do it?”
“There’ll be no vibe, Iris. She loves you. She’s happy for you, Gage and the kids. She’d never want you to postpose the wedding because of her.”
“We’ll be there for Taylor forever,” Joy says. “She’ll be begging us to leave her alone. In the meantime, the rest of us have to stay the course and live our lives. It’s all we can do.”
Even though I still don’t know if going ahead with the wedding is the right thing to do, I’ve heard what my closest advisers had to say and will go ahead as planned.
After a fun but subdued dinner with our friends, we part with hugs in the parking lot and orders to Roni and Derek not to worry about coming to the funeral. They have more than stepped up for us by attending the wake.
“We’ll be thinking of you all,” Roni says when she hugs me. “Call me after?”
“I will. I promise.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too. I’ll never forget what you did today, and I know Taylor won’t either.”
“Nowhere else I wanted to be.”
We tell Joy and Christy we’ll see them in the morning and head home.
“What did the girls have to say about the wedding?” Gage asks when we’re on the road.
“I wondered if you heard that.”
“I was trying not to eavesdrop, but my curiosity was piqued.”
“They said to go ahead, that it’s what Taylor would want and that we shouldn’t feel anything but joyful about it.”
“I like that advice. Do you?”
“I’m coming around to it.”
When we get home and send my mom home with hugs and thanks for watching the kids, Gage takes me by the hand and leads me to the sofa.
“What’s up?” I ask him when he’s got me seated on his lap.
“I want to say one thing about the wedding before we decide for sure to go ahead with it.”
“What’s that?”
“I want our wedding to be one of the best days of our lives. I want it to be a day in which we celebrate surviving something that should’ve broken us but didn’t.
I want to celebrate with the people we’ve helped to move forward and the ones who’ve made it possible for us to do that.
More than anything, I want you, the center of our universe, to have a wonderful, carefree, beautiful day.
If you can’t do that so close to Taylor’s loss, then we’ll postpone until you can, and I’d be totally fine with that. ”
This man… This beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful man… “I love you so much. More than you’ll ever know.”
“I love you just as much, and I want your happiness—and the kids’ happiness—more than I want my own. Sleep on it tonight. See how you feel after the funeral, and we’ll meet right back here tomorrow night to make a final decision, okay?”
“Sounds like a plan. Thank you for understanding that I’m conflicted. It means so much to me.”
“I love how much you care about everyone in your life. I can’t just love that when it’s convenient for me.”
“The kids would be so disappointed if we postponed, so that’s weighing heavily on me, too. They’re already sad about Eliza and Miles losing their new daddy.”
“Of course they are, but they know better than most kids that death is part of life.”
“Yes, they do.”
“Now let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a rough one.”
As we head upstairs to check on the kids and go to bed, my heart is heavy for my dear friend and her sweet kids as they prepare to say a final farewell to their beloved Will.