Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
Christy
I’m awake before dawn and on my second cup of coffee when Trey joins me in the kitchen.
“I woke up alone, and that never happens.”
My endless need for sleep is a source of constant amusement to him. I’m usually asleep before him and still asleep long after he gets up. Now that my kids can get themselves moving on school mornings, I get even more rest than I used to when they relied on me to get them up.
“First time for everything.”
He takes my hand and brings it to his lips. “What can I do?”
“Nothing specific, but thanks for asking.”
“What time do we have to leave for the funeral?”
I look over at him. “You don’t have to go to that. You have work.”
“I took the day off. I couldn’t let you go through it alone.”
His kindness brings tears to eyes that’re raw from days of them. “This is above and beyond.”
“Nah, it’s the bare minimum. I can do much better with the above-and-beyond category.”
Even when I’m filled with despair, he makes me smile. “Thank you for everything this week. I’ve seen you stepping up even more than usual for us, and it’s very much appreciated.”
“I wish there was more I could do.”
“You’ve done everything I needed—and then some.”
“So what time are we leaving?”
“A little before nine? The service is at ten.”
“I’ll be ready.”
“Thank you for coming.”
“No problem.”
“That’s hardly true.”
“Even though I hate what we have to do and why, I love that I get to spend a random Monday with you. That doesn’t happen very often.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Lean on me today, babe. I’ve got you.”
I nod because a huge lump has formed in my throat, and that’s the best I can do.
We meet up with Iris, Gage and Joy outside the church and go in together to find the church packed with mourners.
“Bernie wanted to come but couldn’t move his appointments around in time. He sends his best to everyone.”
“I like him,” Iris says. “He’s the real deal.”
“Yes, he is,” Joy says on a sigh as we settle in one of the wooden pews.
“Why do you not sound happy about that?” I ask her.
“I am happy, but you know… It’s always tinged with other shit now.”
“You said ‘shit’ in church,” Iris says with a scandalized whisper that nearly sets us off. At any other time, there would’ve been laughter.
“What’re we doing here?” Joy asks. “What in the heck are we doing here?”
“Is this seat taken?”
We gasp when we look up to see Aurora, who was a regular member of the group before she stopped coming to meetings. As always, every one of her blonde hairs is perfectly styled, and her makeup is artfully applied. But there’s a sadness about her that I can certainly understand.
“Oh my goodness, it’s so good to see you!
” I hug her and introduce her to Trey as one of the Wild Widows.
Her husband was arrested, charged with rape and convicted at trial.
When she asked to join our group, we agreed she was as much a “widow” as the rest of us since her life was changed irrevocably by her husband’s crime.
We’ve worried about her since she checked out of our group around the time of his trial.
“We’ve missed you,” Iris says.
“I’ve missed you, too.” After she hugs Gage and Joy, she takes a seat next to me. “I’m so, so sorry for Taylor. It’s such a tragedy.”
“It sure is.”
“Is she… How’s she doing?”
“As you might expect. Shocked but functioning somehow for her kids.”
“And a new one coming soon… It’s so sad.”
We lean on each other, heads on shoulders, hands clasped until the service begins with a soaring hymn sung by the church’s choir. The casket is rolled down the center aisle by the pallbearers, followed by Taylor, holding hands with her children.
It’s unbearable.
The Catholic mass is familiar to me from a childhood of Sundays spent going through the motions of stand, sit, kneel.
Will’s sister, Catherine, makes her way to the altar to read the twenty-third Psalm.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Memories of those words from Wes’s funeral come rushing back to me in a tsunami of emotions that take me right back to that dreadful day when I was the widow following the casket with two young kids clinging to my hands.
It’s all too much.
And then Taylor stands and heads to the altar to eulogize her husband.
My breath is caught in my throat as I try to brace myself for what she has to say.
“On behalf of myself and our children, Eliza and Miles, as well as Will’s family, I want to thank you all for being here today. Will would be so honored that you’re here and by the outpouring of love and support you’ve provided over this last surreal week.”
I wonder how she can do it.
I wanted to eulogize Wes when he died, but I couldn’t. So I wrote something that his brother read for me.
“I want to especially thank my parents and sisters, my amazing neighbor Kate and my widow friends, especially Iris and Gage, who’ve been by my side from the first minute I got the call that Will was in an accident at work all the way through to today.
Nothing like having widow friends, including Christy and Joy, on call who know what to say and do when you’re widowed a second time.
I never thought my life would unfold this way, but who could ever plan for such a thing?
I want you to know that in the deep fog of grief, there’s also tremendous gratitude for the joy Will brought to our lives.
“My sweet, wonderful, precious Will…” Her voice breaks before she recovers and presses on.
“I’ll miss watching Love Island with you and hearing your predictions, which were usually spot-on.
I’ll miss your unwavering love of all tacos, no matter what was in them.
I’ll miss your chronically inside-out socks and our arguments over whether silverware should be sorted going into the dishwasher or coming out.
For the record, the answer is coming out, and you were wrong the whole time, my love. ”
The congregation laughs at that.
“I’ll miss seeing you with our kids and how you all loved each other with your whole hearts.
Watching you become a dad, one careful moment at a time, never stepping on the toes of the man who gave them life as you helped to mold them into people we could be proud of, was one of the most wonderful things I’ve ever experienced.
Eliza and Miles want you to know how much they love you and miss you.
They want you to know they’ll never forget you.
“I’ll miss the way you loved me with everything you had and then some.
You took on a widow and her heartbroken children and somehow made us whole again while making that look easy when it wasn’t.
And more than almost anything, I’ll miss getting to see you with our son, who’ll never get to meet his wonderful daddy.
” She takes a moment to recover her composure.
“We’ll do everything we can to keep you alive for him, so he’ll know how lucky he was to have you as his father.
“Before this awful thing happened, I already knew that life wasn’t fair.
Now I know it can be downright cruel. Despite that reality, my children and I will carry on.
We’ll endeavor to make Will proud of us as we surround his son with all our love and continue to survive and thrive as we have for seven long years since we lost Greg.
“Will was the brightest light in our world. We’ll miss him always and love him forever. Rest in peace, my love.”
We’re wrecked by Taylor’s heartfelt words, delivered with such courage and fortitude. Tissues are passed between the five of us as we mop up a flood of tears.
When the service concludes, we’re invited to lunch at a nearby restaurant.
“Can you join us for lunch, Aurora?” Iris asks.
“I wish I could, but I’ve got to get back to work.” She hugs us all. “It was so, so good to see you guys.”
“We’d love to have you back in the group,” Iris says.
“I might get there one of these days. I appreciate you keeping me in the group text. It’s nice to hear what everyone is up to. Congratulations on your engagement, you two. When’s the big day?”
“This weekend,” Iris says with a grimace. “Timing is everything.”
“I hope you have the wonderful celebration you both deserve.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll be in touch. Please give Taylor all my love.”
“We will,” Joy says. “It’ll mean a lot to her that you came.”
She blows us a kiss as she heads for her car.
“Well,” Iris says, “that was a lovely surprise.”
I wave to her as she drives off. “It’s nice to see her looking well.”
“I hope she comes back,” Joy says. “She looks great as always, but her eyes are sad.”
Nodding, I say, “I saw that, too. I’d love to have her back with us.”
Gage offers to drive to the restaurant, where parking is at a premium, and we pile into his SUV.
Not a single word is spoken on the short ride as we reflect on the service and all the emotions it aroused.
Other than Trey, we’ve all been where Taylor was just now, with all eyes on her as she led their family and friends through a ritual as old as time.
Again.
A subdued group gathers at the restaurant for the buffet lunch.
We pick at our food, none of us really interested, but trying to be polite.
Taylor comes around to each table with Eliza and Miles to hug us all, to thank us for coming and for the support over the last week.
“Iris, could I have a minute?” she asks.
“Absolutely.” Iris gets up to talk to Taylor while Eliza and Miles return to their grandparents.
Iris
Taylor leads me to an outdoor patio off the main room where the guests are gathered. It’s another warmer-than-average sunny November day, which feels almost unkind in light of the occasion.
“Your eulogy was magnificent. Will would’ve been so proud.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure until the last minute if I would do it myself. My sister was on standby, just in case.”
“It was beautiful.”
“I still can’t believe I had to write another eulogy for a husband,” she says with a grim chuckle.
“It’s surreal.”
“It really is.”
“Did you see that Aurora was there?”
“No! Really? How is she?”
“She seems good. She wanted us to give you all her love.”
“It was so nice of her to come. So listen, I want to talk about your wedding.”
“Oh, Tay… Not today. It’s fine.”
“No time like the present,” she says with a crooked grin, “and I can’t help but assume you’re struggling with the timing and whether to go ahead, and I just want to say please, please go forward with great joy and excitement and all the things you and Gage so richly deserve.”
I give her a side-eyed look. “Have one of our mutual friends been telling tales out of school?”
“No one has said a word to me, but I know you and how I’d feel if I were you in this situation. I’m not sure yet if I’ll be there, but please don’t change your plans because of what’s happened. Please.”
I hug her tightly. “Thank you for saying that. I have been struggling with it.”
“I had no doubt. We need some joy around here, and who better to provide it than you two?”
“Thank you for taking the time today, of all days, to think of me.”
“Iris… You really have no idea what you mean to all of us, do you?”
“Oh, well…”
“Our Wild Widows have been amazing. I’ve heard from so many of them, people I barely know who’ve vowed to be by my side every step of the way. They need your celebration of joy, especially now.”
“That you’re thinking of others at such a time…”
“It’s a tough thing for widows to learn it can happen again. I can only imagine how rough it’s been for them.”
“Bless you for caring, and our group is waiting to welcome you back with open arms as soon as you feel up to it.”
“We’ll see how it goes but thank you for saying that. I wouldn’t blame them for shunning me after I went skipping off into my chapter two without so much as a single glance back.”
“Oh please. You’re as welcome with us as you always were.”
“I really hope to be there to celebrate you and Gage on Saturday.”
“Only if you feel up to it. Don’t feel obligated.”
“I don’t. I’ve been very much looking forward to it.”
She hugs me again, and we hold on tightly to each other for a long time, the way we have for years now.
“Thank you for being there for me, for coming to the hospital, for handling the funeral home… All of it. You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had.”
“Likewise, my love.”
“Hardly, but if you say so…”
“I say so.”
She hooks her arm through mine as we go back inside to rejoin the others. “Iris and Gage will be getting married as scheduled on Saturday with my full blessing and all my love.”
“Thank you, Taylor,” Gage says softly. “That means everything to us.”